"An online debate has been simmering for years over what constitutes an acceptable date, especially if it’s your first as two singles."

"Some people embrace the idea of a cheap date, like a walk in the park or a chat over coffee, to build connection. For others, it’s dinner or nothing — preferably with a $200 minimum spend.... Riding bikes side by side through the city, [said Chester Martin, a 33-year-old musician in Brooklyn], is a 'slightly more elevated version' of going on a walk. And in case his date isn’t in the mood to ride her own bike, he doesn’t mind putting in extra work. 'The person I’m dating now is of the size where she can comfortably sit in the Citi Bike basket,' he said. 'I’ll just grab a bike, she’ll sit in the basket and we’ll go literally from, like, Brooklyn to Manhattan and just talk the whole way.'"

From "Would You Go on a Bike Date? Celebrities have recently been hitting the bike lane with their beaus, but the 'Bicycle Boy' was once branded a type to be avoided" (NYT). 

1. The Citi Bike rental agreement says "You may not exceed the maximum weight limit for the Bicycle (260 pounds) or the basket (17 pounds), and You may not otherwise use the basket improperly.... You understand the basket is not a child seat." But do you understand that it's not a woman seat? And how much does this teeny tiny woman weigh? More than 17 pounds I bet, but who knows?

2. "Once upon a time there was a woman who very much wanted to have a little tiny child.... so she went to an old witch.... 'Oh, we can manage that," said the witch, "there's a barleycorn for you!...'... [T]he woman... went home and planted the barleycorn; and very soon a fine large flower came up.... 'That's a charming flower,' said the woman, and gave it a kiss on its pretty red and yellow petals. But just as she kissed it the flower gave a loud crack and opened. You could see it was a real tulip, only right in the middle of it, on the green stool that is there, sat a tiny little girl, as delicate and pretty as could be. She was only a thumb-joint long, so she was called Thumbelina...."

3. Now, I don't know how well Thumbelina would do in Chester Martin's Citi Bike basket:

4. Be careful, Thumbelina! Shouldn't the musician take better care of you? Is this merely a "slightly more elevated version" of something else you shouldn't be doing? Don't you deserve a bigger "spend"?

5. Do you like "spend" as a noun? "Spend" meaning "The action of spending money; the amount spent" — according to the OED — has been around since the days of John Bunyan. In the late 1600s, he wrote: "What if I cannot but live upon the spend all my days, yet, if my friend will always supply my need, is it not well for me?"

6. It is also obsolete slang meaning "Semen, vaginal secretion; ejaculation." The OED gives this as its oldest example, from 1879-1880: "I felt her crack deluged with a warm, creamy spend whilst my own juice spurted... in loving sympathy." That's from a magazine called "The Pearl: A Magazine of Facetiae and Voluptuous Reading." The story title is "Sub-Umbra, or Sport among the She-Noodles."

7. Now, you have links to the full text of 2 famous and delightful stories. But perhaps you'd prefer to watch Paul Newman demonstrate all the many tricks you can do on a bicycle that are easier than balancing a woman on the handlebars: