August 11, 2024

"The concern of gay men with how our bodies look often gets labeled a fixation, an obsession or, most glibly, an expression of narcissism."

"What’s less frequently acknowledged are the forces of insecurity and anxiety driving that obsession. For gay men of all ages, types, statuses and lifestyles, body image remains such a fraught, weird, private, painful subject that, even among friends who talk about everything, it’s often off limits for discussion. Officially, we’re all supposed to look fantastic while not caring. Get caught peering in the mirror too closely and you’ll be called vain; fail to look closely enough and you risk an even harsher judgment.... For decades, the body image that gay men craved, although it morphed as tastes evolved, was predicated on monitoring straight male culture, identifying whatever the heterosexual world had decided was masculine or sexy at that moment and then tailoring, editing and selectively italicizing it.... Turning your appearance into a calculatedly self-aware physical performance of straight masculinity, with a flourish or two of ironic detailing, gave gay men some autonomy and subverted straight culture by reinventing it as something gay, a look one could wear as a costume that might be visible only to the like-minded...."

Writes Mark Harris, in "Gay Men Have Long Been Obsessed With Their Muscles. Now Everyone Is. In Hollywood, on Instagram and beyond, the male-on-male gaze still decides what’s hot and what’s not" (NYT)(full access link, because this is a long and surprisingly substantial article (with a nice "a collection of gay-coded photographs of male physiques over the years")).

47 comments:

rhhardin said...

Never ever looking in the mirror means that you're not gay, possibly. Even though it's right there when you brush your teeth every day.

Peachy said...

Welcome to being a female.

Sydney said...

“Welcome to being female.” My thoughts exactly.

Bill, Republic of Texas said...

Straight guys are attracted to physically fit woman. Intelligent woman make themselves attractive to attract high status males. Gays are attracted to physically fit males. Intelligent gays make themselves attractive to attract high status males.

Of course straight males make themselves attractive to attract high status females. None of this is complicated.

n.n said...

Feminine eye for the transgender male. Nature has a binary fetish.

gilbar said...

isn't The NEW Requirement for gay guys, that they pump themselves full of estrogen, and chop off their dicks??
Aren't we NOW in the era of gay conversion (sorry, i mean: gender affirmation)??

Mike (MJB Wolf) said...

Not an original thought. Assumes we were all born yesterday. Outright untrue for the gay friends I was close enough to to understand their thinking. They were not more or less body obsessed than straight guys. And please, as long as there have been cameras men have been flexing and sucking in their hut to look good in photos.

Get over yourself Dude. Were you born yesterday?

Kevin said...

Officially, we’re all supposed to look fantastic while not caring.

Officially our species survives by competing for the best genes possible ("natural beauty"), which come from being born lucky and not doing anything.

We're also programmed to know the difference from someone who appears to have those qualities, but instead has ego, insecurity, and vanity leading to massive investment of time and energy, obsessive discipline, and plastic surgery.

Kevin said...

and sucking in their hut to look good in photos

Nice Star Wars reference!

Mike (MJB Wolf) said...

I’d say if you believe that literally everything about you physically mentally emotionally and spiritually is driven by what kind of person you have sex with then you have more psychological problems than you can handle alone. Seek help.

Mike (MJB Wolf) said...

“Hut”? Damn. It should read “gut.” Effin’ autoincorrect.

Sally327 said...

I always thought that gays worked out a lot becuase it was one way that they could be barely clothed, around other men, in the locker room, shower, sauna, etc.

Just kidding, I didn't really think that, but I did think that gay men were probably not any more vain or conscious of their appearance than straight men, they just had greater freedom to acknowledge it more openly. For a straight man, being too stylish, too much mirror gazing, that would invite gibes and teasing about being gay. For a gay man, it's not a problem.

Oso Negro said...

Can someone please offer up an example of “ironic detail” in gay men’s styling?

Yancey Ward said...

Almost no one in the entertainment business ever shows the fat and ugly gay guys on television or film. I seriously doubt the average gay guy is any more attractive than the average straight guy. It is much the same for lesbians on television, too- none of the ones I have known in real life looked like Portia DeRossi.

rehajm said...

Yah, appearance is only an obsession if you’re obsessed with it. It’s not special just because you’re gay, even if you try to make it special. There’s plenty of happy gay schlubs in Boston if you’re suck of poseurs..

Sally327 said...

I'm not a gay man but I think of that scene in the movie "The Birdcage" where Nathan Lane's character, a gay man, has dressed up in a suit and is going to try and pass himself off as the straight uncle and he sits down, crosses his legs and the Robin Williams character, also a gay man and the actor playing their son, who is straight, sees that he has pink socks on. Nathan Lane, seeing their reaction, says "whaattt? One does want a hint of color!"

wild chicken said...

I laugh at gym bro culture. Muh lifts and muh leg day lol
"You just gotta hit the gym, dude!" Answer to everything. And yeah it was so gay when I was young.

Imo the best guys are lean and fit from actually working.

Wince said...

Gay-mansplaining?

rehajm said...

sick…(sigh)…

gspencer said...

Eat well
Stay fit
Die anyway

Temujin said...

Enough about Gay men. Let's talk about senior men. We flex, too, you know. It makes my wife laugh.

Levi Starks said...

So, with men it’s the actual body, and with women it’s what’s on the body.

mezzrow said...

"Omahaaaaa! Hut! Hut! (grunts, collisions)

JK Brown said...

As commented above, welcome to womanhood. Only with gay men, they are both looking and watching themselves being looked at. Most heterosexual men are surprised to learn they are even seen, much less looked at.

Men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves  being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and  women but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of  woman in herself is male: the surveyed is female. Thus she turns herself  into an object of vision: a sight.
• John Berger, Ways of Seeing

West TX Intermediate Crude said...

I'll be in my hut, sucking.

Gunner said...

At least with straight women, a guy who is ugly but interesting to talk to stands a chance of getting somewhere.

West TX Intermediate Crude said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Old and slow said...

Go to a gay pride parade sometime. The women are fat and dumpy, the men are mostly very fit and showing it off. At least that was the case when I lived in London.

West TX Intermediate Crude said...

I'm getting more confused by the day.
All my life I have been told that there are no differences between homo- and hetero-sexuals other than their particular sexual attraction to one or the other sex.
Similarly, black and white American are no different other than their skin color; black underperformance being explained 100% by white racism.
Men and women? The same other than women being able to bear children; when not pregnant or delivering a baby they can do anything a man can do. Any discrepancy in earning money, power, or status is due to toxic masculinity (the only kind, of course).
Now it turns out that the New York Times thinks it's ok to see essential, intrinsic differences in actual behavior between men of different sexual orientations.
Next they will reveal that studies have shown that men are physically stronger than women, and that there are significant differences in attitudes toward education and family between different ethnic groups.
One thing they will never acknowledge is that these differences might in some way lead to different results in various social outcomes.
Baby steps.

GrapeApe said...

Mark, please don’t think I am fraught with anything. I’m an older man packing some extra pounds. As is my husband. Those younger folks want to spend all that time in the gym, then do it. I’d rather stay home and read.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

I clicked on the link because I was curious to learn what exactly is a "gay-coded photograph." I thought maybe there'd be some sort of a quiz.

Well, it turns out the photos are what used to be called "homoerotic" in polite company. Not my cup of tea.

While I was there I was subjected to an ad for the Maserati Grancabrio Folgore. "It Turns You On."

The car was painted some sort of splashy rose gold color. Totally gay.

Jersey Fled said...

“isn't The NEW Requirement for gay guys, that they pump themselves full of estrogen, and chop off their dicks??”

Only when they’re too young to know any better.

GingerBeer said...

I blame the "Ken" doll for setting impossible standards of masculine beauty.

Howard said...

Keep laughing Wild Chick, all the way to Alzheimer's disease. Weightlifting is the best cure for the obesity cancer diabetes dementia pandemic. It's even triply more important for women to lift weights especially for older women who want to avoid becoming dried up prunish cat ladies.

Patentlee said...

Lol, no, GI Joe could kick Ken’s ass. Everyone knows that! Lol, sorry, couldn’t resist.

hombre said...

"... long been obsessed ...." Back in the days when I was an elected prosecutor trying to navigate gay whinging, probably justified, about criminal statutes gay men struck me as obsessed with certain body parts, but not muscles. I don't know what the author means by "long been." Just more media fiction.

hombre said...

Temujin: "Let's talk about senior men." Please, no. What has happened to my muscles? 🤔

MikeD said...

Having known, worked with and worked for gays in early 60's San Francisco I can tell you the only ones concerned with their body's appearance were the prostitutes and boy toys lookin' for a sugar daddy/.

Ralph L said...

We can't all be as sexy as Mayor Pete. Someone has to be merely average for the truly hot to shine.

Ralph L said...

There have been an awful lot of pretty boys who turned out to be gay. I'm not saying it's required. It does make you wonder if the proportions are also high at the other end of the appearance bell curve--or were before everyone got fat.

Old and slow said...

Howard? Are you in there? It's okay, you can come out of the closet!

imTay said...

This has been my experience. The gay men I know could easily pass for straight, if they felt like it, or thought it was important. But then again, they have no interest in gaining media coverage.

imTay said...

True. Harry Connick Jr stars in romantic comedies, so there's your proof.

typingtalker said...

"Gay Men Have Long Been Obsessed With Their Muscles." As have straight men. And women.

What is missing is the qualifier, "some" and data.

Lazarus said...

Charles Atlas was not gay, and Jack LaLanne was not gay (in spite of having Greek and French names). It wasn't about homosexuality. It was about being physically fit and living longer. That and not getting sand kicked in your face at the beach anymore.

Marc in Eugene said...

There’s plenty of happy gay schlubs in Boston if you’re suck of poseurs. This made me wonder whatever happened to the commenter with the dog who lived in fabulous? Cambridge? Or the dog was fabulous; something was 'fabulous' about the entire persona. As I recall.

Zach said...

A very interesting essay.

Straight men feel some pressure to look good as well, but the complication of being sexually attracted to your own body changes things a lot. He uses Burt Reynolds as an example of a movie star from the Body Thing took over; Burt always had a playful unconsciousness his appearance despite (let's be honest) what had to be some hard work to look that good:

"Oh, this body? This old thing? Well, I'm glad you like it, Missy, but to tell you the truth, I'm more interested in you!"

Another interesting angle -- the article talks about muscle magazines being gay erotica, but in Pumping Iron, Arnold Schwartzenegger and Lou Ferrigno talk about how that was their entry into body building. They were so naive they thought the magazines were about the muscles!