May 30, 2024

"[P]erhaps one-third of today’s young Americans will never marry, with couples living together not replacing marriages."

"More people, [says sociologist Brad Wilcox], are simply detached and on their own. Some women in America have publicly proclaimed that they are distancing themselves from men, abstaining from sex or going 'boy sober.'... One window into gender tensions is a viral meme on TikTok in which women discuss whether they would rather encounter a bear in the woods or a man. Many go with the bear. Young people are not only marrying less and partnering less; they’re also having less sex.... To me, the fundamental problem is the struggle of men to adapt to a world in which brawn matters less than brains, education and emotional intelligence.... I fear that I’m a romantic in a world that is becoming less romantic."

Writes Nicholas Kristof, in "Less Marriage, Less Sex, Less Agreement" (NYT).

Excerpting that quote, I was stunned by the last sentence — where the word "romantic" appears twice — because my post from an hour ago — the one about gendered architecture — features a quote with a distinctive use of that word from an essay called "The Gender of Genius," by Hilde Heynen. I'll re-excerpt from Heynen's essay:
According to Christine Battersby, the way we understand the term genius is rooted in 19th-century Romanticism, which admired originality and creativity in the individual. The Romantic notion of genius referred to men of great intellectual and artistic capacities, who were in touch with their feminine side – for great art requires sensitivity, emotionality and love. The great artist, for the Romantics, was thus a feminine male.... The gradual disappearance of women during the long march towards the top is in part explained by our romantic notion of the architect as artist and genius. As Naomi Stead has noticed, the figure of Ayn Rand’s Howard Roark in The Fountainhead, the ‘arrogant and virile hero architect, casts a long shadow over any discussion of authorship in the discipline’, infusing it with a mystique heralding the creativity of the individual artist-designer
Kristof's usage of "romantic" is so different, but it's an intriguing difference. Kristof is worried that men and women won't enter into romance with each other, and he associates maleness with "brawn" and seems to think men are impaired when it comes to the life of the mind. Heynen is talking about 19th-century Romanticism and an idea that the greatest minds are male.

Would you rather encounter a bear in the woods or 19th-century Romantic genius?

@susankehoe1 This bear likes my company. So he climbs on the deck and sits nearby. I truly believe he likes my company. Please don’t say otherwise🙏 #foryou #bear #love #wildlife #viral #woods #funny #laugh #smile #spirituality #bear #animals #enjoy #hangout #mountains #camp #country ♬ original sound - Susan Kehoe

75 comments:

Tina Trent said...

A bear over the Romantc poets or Nicholas Kristof. A man over bears, Nicholas Kristof, or Romantic poets.

Mason G said...

"One window into gender tensions is a viral meme on TikTok in which women discuss whether they would rather encounter a bear in the woods or a man. Many go with the bear."

In other words, how to tell you're dealing with an irrational, emotional individual.

RideSpaceMountain said...

I foresee a lot of women marrying bears in the future, so I'm not worried. According to ursid custom, you're not divorced if you don't get eaten.

Surely, some lucky ladies will beat the odds.

mezzrow said...

"Byron, Shelley, and a bear walk into a bar..."

n.n said...

genius (n.)

late 14c., "tutelary or moral spirit" who guides and governs an individual through life, from Latin genius "guardian deity or spirit which watches over each person from birth; spirit, incarnation; wit, talent;" also "prophetic skill; the male spirit of a gens," originally "generative power" (or "inborn nature"), from PIE *gen(e)-yo-, from root *gene- "give birth, beget," with derivatives referring to procreation and familial and tribal groups.

Equal and complementary. The dearth of couples in matrimony is an indication of dysfunctional progress.

Dave Begley said...

"To me, the fundamental problem is the struggle of men to adapt to a world in which brawn matters less than brains, education and emotional intelligence..."

I was very unhappy to learn that Kristof spoke at this year's Creighton commencement. What a poor choice!

When Fr. Morrison was President, there was no commencement speaker. He didn't want to spend the money.

Dave Begley said...

I'll pre-empt Shooting Thomas. Feminism gave us this.

Marriage has been devalued by the Leftist culture. And the Black culture.

hombre said...

Ultimately, Satan can't win, but Althouse's posts today provide strong evidence that he is turning the US aided and abetted by Democrats in and out of the media. The only plus is that we won't have to watch women's sports much longer. Even Kaitlin Clark cannot prevent the trannies from taking over although they won't outplay her.

I will miss women's beach volleyball, Abby Steiner and Sydney McLaughlin though.

Dude1394 said...

Tales from overcrowded liberal enclaves.’

MadisonMan said...

Kristof has a New York State of mind.

Also, hombre, I think women's sports will collapse because money to athletes will cause a collapse of college sports in general.

mccullough said...

I prefer Attic to Romantic.

hombre said...

We have given women a shot at running many things. How's it going so far, particularly at the universities?

tim maguire said...

To me, the fundamental problem is the struggle of men to adapt to a world in which brawn matters less than brains, education and emotional intelligence

Remember the old Althouse rule? It's ok to talk about the difference between men and women only so long as the women are held to be superior.

Mr Wibble said...

The problem is that marriage and adulthood used to be intertwined- you weren't fully part of the community until you married and had children- so the dominant culture was a married culture. Children and young single adults were immersed into that culture and their behaviors were an attempt to fit into it. If you search, say, house parties from the 1950s, you'll see pictures of teenagers dressed in suits and dresses, looking very much like adults of that period. Young men worked alongside older men, young women often babysat. Marriage and family were a natural next step once you'd entered into adulthood. That's changed. Now there are two separate cultures, married versus single, and they are so far apart that transitioning from one to another is often traumatic. You get married and you lose all your friends, your social life, your activities. Adulthood is too often nothing but a college degree, and a job, and partying into your late-twenties or early-thirties, while spending free cash on luxury goods and "experiences" (read, overseas travel).

Mason G said...

"How's it going so far, particularly at the universities?"

Those women seem to think they're doing a good job.

n.n said...

n.n said...

So, a feminist, a masculinist, and a Uranusist meet a black whore h/t NAACP. Eggcelsior!

Heartless Aztec said...

This post reminded me that it's time to chainsaw a fallen limb, finish studying that Bach piece for guitar, repair an errant irrigation sprinkler, find time this afternoon to work on a commissioned illustration of the USS Ohio 1836, and then take a nap. At 71 my day is full. Unless the sig other starts screaming that there is a actual bear in the yard - a real and distinct possibility - I'm going to pass on make believe bears, men and a woman's arc of response to either or.

Enigma said...

Female anxiety disorders are through the roof with the rise of social media and smart phones. Take those away and women would rapidly return to mating and making babies. We've raised a generation of fearful nuns (disguised as lesbians and transgendered).

Many males seem to have found happiness with video games and p0rn, as young (poor) males have always struggled to find and keep mates. Today they seem stuck with poor loser thinking forever.

Mason G said...

Many go with the bear.

New candidates for the Darwin Awards are needed every year.

n.n said...

Friendship with "benefits" is a class c incorporation of the sexes, but it's not marriage-marriage with subsidiaries in a growth industry.

n.n said...

Less sex... uh, sex-sex h/t Whoopi!, but more sexual relations without forward-looking "burdens". The plan is to make up the difference through outsourcing. Eggcellent.

Deep State Reformer said...

Screw Nicholas Kristoff. The way things are headed socially, politically, and demographically, it won't be too much longer until having some "brawn" in your life (ie, a smart, physically fit, and dependable male) that can assist you, protect you, and take care of you will a be a good thing for ladies to have again.

Anthony said...

"Many go with the bear"

Useless sentence. How 'many'? 5%? 10%? 80%?

imTay said...

You know what is a very effective, fast-acting anti anxiety drug? Nicotine. It also helps keep one slim. Just sayin'

Rocco said...

hombre said...
“We have given women a shot at running many things. How's it going so far, particularly at the universities?”

I’m sure they have very nice curtains.


Although increasingly, the furniture does not match the curtains.

n.n said...

Toxic masculinity, frittered femininity, in a trail littered with irreconcilable gender differences.

Yancey Ward said...

There are few people in the world more full of shit than Kristof. He is definitely a genius in that field.

Yancey Ward said...

Bears gotta eat, too.

Achilles said...

Modern society affords the ability for women to live in comfort without protection that was was previously required. There is enough wealth available to where a woman can live on her own without producing anything useful like a house or food.

Now a woman can get a make work job as a public school teacher, professor, HR manager, or government bureaucrat and make more money than the electricians and plumbers and builders that actually make the wealth she takes for granted exist.

Additionally marriage is set up so that no sane man would rationally make the decision to get married. You are literally asking to have your life ruined by getting married in modern times.

Soft times. Soft people.

n.n said...

a very effective, fast-acting anti anxiety drug? Nicotine. It also helps keep one slim.

Also, THC... just imagine.

Sebastian said...

"a world in which brawn matters less than brains, education and emotional intelligence"

So, it's OK now to say that IQ differences make a difference?

"he associates maleness with "brawn" and seems to think men are impaired when it comes to the life of the mind"

Not sure he does, just that for most men for most of history, social worth derived from the application of brawn, broadly conceived. Big change is hard, even without "impairment."

"Heynen is talking about 19th-century Romanticism and an idea that the greatest minds are male."

They were, weren't they?

NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...

To me, the fundamental problem is the struggle of men to adapt to a world in which brawn matters less than brains, education and emotional intelligence....

If history has taught us anything it is that:

1) Give it enough time and the brainy, well educated, emotionally intelligent women will get us into a situation where brawn becomes indispensable.

2) People like Kristof and Francis Fukuyama who seem to want to believe that history is over are the worst kind of overeducated shithead fucking idiots.

Ann Althouse said...

"Ultimately, Satan can't win, but Althouse's posts today provide strong evidence that..."

The Joe Rogan/Duncan Trussell podcast, discussed in another post this morning, addressed the question of the devil:

Russell: "Did God make the devil?"

Rogan: "What a mean trick? Imagine? Imagine. Do you need the devil? Do you need, is it symbolic of what we need in this life? Like? Do we need to see what's happening in Palestine in order to reassess the way we behave as a civilization? Do we need crime to get out of hand before we realize that law and order is important and that we really need to like figure out a way to stop crime at its root source, which is disenfranchised people. Do. We really need something? Like maybe that's the only way we learn. That's maybe there's like, you know, like lottery winners, they don't do well, dude, they don't do well because they didn't learn. They just got all this money like, wow, now they're doing blow and they're on a fucking y and it's gone, it's gone and then you're mad and everybody's mad at you and you didn't invest in the business with your uncle and everybody's pissed at you."

Trussell: "So you're asking, do we need the devil?"

Rogan: "I wonder if you need a bad and a good, I wonder if you need something. I wonder if you need to see 200 plus 1000 dead people and just have that number in your head and just try to picture what that looks like. I wonder if we need that in order to real. Yes. Yes. That there's like that you don't grow without resistance. Like this is, we're thinking of it as just playing, this is life. But we're in the middle of a process, we're in the middle of a process. Everyone understands this and no one thinks about it. We are in the middle of this intellectually evolutionary process and there's, there's something ha that's funny that I said those two words in such a goofy way, intellectual evolution. But it's, there's a thing going on where we're assuming that civilization is going to be better all the time and we're always gonna get better all the time, which is really interesting because no other animal does that. There's not another animal alive that says we only killed, you know, 47 zebras this year, next year, we're fucking cranking it up. We're gonna be better and more efficient. We wanna be better at everything. We want to be better at our industry. We want to be better at fixing our infrastructure...."

https://podcasts.musixmatch.com/podcast/the-joe-rogan-experience-01hp4c6gdxz064yk1cyc1qym1k/episode/2157-duncan-trussell-01hz3kwk70qj2hgbbsex2jcdh2

Aggie said...

"The second most recommended reader comment came from a woman who said that when she and her women friends get together, “We all say, ‘Never again.’ Men require a lot of care. They can be such babies.”

The stats on divorce settlements would tend to reinforce similar sentiments among men, I think. How much of this is due to the indifference, and the outright hostility that our modern society bears toward marriage and long-term commitment? Our society is not better off because of it, and our birth rate presages a clear and uncompromising, and eminently-predictable future disaster if the trend continues.

Although I still hold hope, I have to say that modern feminism has not brought any joy to the modern woman - mostly due to its poor leadership and inability to stake coherent and consistent positions on important issues, the ones that underpin the support of women. Like celebrating boys beating the sh*t out of girls in sports and wagging their boners at them, in the locker room - while pretending to be girls.

n.n said...

Why pay for the room, when you can rent-a-womb. Keep women affordable, available, reusable, and taxable.

Achilles said...

Ann Althouse said...

"Ultimately, Satan can't win, but Althouse's posts today provide strong evidence that..."

The Joe Rogan/Duncan Trussell podcast:


Good convo.

Ultimately what our country lacks right now are the people who have gone through the formative events in their lives that allow them to grow into functional capable adults.

Most of those opportunities are provided by the devil.

n.n said...

the outright hostility that our modern society bears toward marriage and long-term commitment

Genius. Eggcelsior!

mikeski said...

It's like a freakin' country bear jamberoo around here.

We're here, we're clear, we don't want anymore bears.

Ann Althouse said...

"How much of this is due to the indifference, and the outright hostility that our modern society bears toward marriage and long-term commitment?"

I love modern society bears. They're so suave and well-dressed!

Yancey Ward said...

Modern society bears go where the food is.

Aggie said...

The one in the video is even wearing a cravat !

Joe Smith said...

So AA, what are the law implications if any?

Who gets the stuff upon a split or a death?

mezzrow said...

re: Rogan/Trussell - did you get a look at the outfits, or just listen?

I watched the first couple minutes or so and haven't gotten back to it. With the future bot outfits on, this narrative reaches some sort of aesthetically surreal dimension.

Iman said...

Look for the bear necessities, the simple bear necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bear necessities, old mother nature's recipes
That bring the bear necessities of life
Wherever I wander, wherever I roam
I couldn't be fonder of my big home
The bees are buzzin' in the tree
Don’t need no birds, cuz I got me
When you look under the nooks and crannies
And realize you ain’t fit to be a granny
And come to understand it’s ALL on you


h/t Phil Harris

Humperdink said...

Timothy Treadwell chose bears also. Unfortunately for Treadwell, the bears chose Treadwell as their menu choice. And his girlfriend for dessert.

PM said...

Women/w/women will trend until a few women/w/women start to sneak off for some manlove and then that'll trend until the remaining women/w/women will look like 'so last year'.

Tom T. said...

"How Ya Gonna Keep 'em Down on the Farm (After They've Seen Paree?)"

Offer women more options, and marriage becomes less attractive. Modern man can up his game or sit home alone complaining.

Quaestor said...

"Would you rather encounter a bear in the woods or 19th-century Romantic genius?"

Depends. Was Horace Walpole a cannibal, and could he be dissuaded with marshmallows?

Joe Smith said...

Liberals hate bear arms, but he was born that way.

They're his right.

Mason G said...

"Modern man can up his game or sit home alone complaining."

Marriage is a bad bet for modern man. Many are opting out.

Joe Smith said...

Now I'm even getting my jokes deleted : )

rehajm said...

To me, the fundamental problem is the struggle of men to adapt to a world in which brawn matters less than brains, education and emotional intelligence...

This is the kind of horse shit we heard about women back in the Mad Men days. it is to important to call it out for what6 it is- horse shit...

rehajm said...

An educated and intelligent woman would ask 'What kind of bear?"

Big Mike said...

Back in August 2011 a Russian teenager was attacked by a mother bear. The girl survived the initial mauling, and she was able to call her mother using a cell phone. But before the mother could alert authorities for a rescue the bear came back with her cubs and proceeded to eat the unfortunate young woman while she was still alive and the connection was still open. So the mother got to hear her daughter devoured alive.

By all means, ladies, choose the bear. We need to cull “stupid” out of the human gene pool.

Black Bellamy said...

Susan Kehoe lives a couple of miles from me. She is a notorious bear lover, even having been convicted for interfering with wildlife officials in an action the local prosecutor called “moronic and unintelligent and quite frankly, an extremely dangerous course of conduct.”
That bear sure does enjoy her company because she probably feeds it. It's not some random bear that is looking to hang with humans on their decks; she has habituated it to do so.

Biff said...

I took a look at the bear lady's TikTok channel. There's a very high chance that she will meet the wrong bear someday. It seems that most of the comments on her posts are women cooing about how cute and friendly the bears are. Bears can be very cute, but not so much when they are digging around inside your rib cage.

stlcdr said...

So what is the cause of this 'indifference' to marry? It's clear there are going to be many long-term effects of this.

I know who/what I'd blame, rightly or wrongly. The Freakonomics discussions have led me to see a lot clearer the unintended consequences of political and ideological shifts.

Perhaps the idea that men and women are equal (on every level) has driven women to find an 'equal' when that measurement - whatever it may be - doesn't apply to both sexes?

JK Brown said...

Welcome to modernity. It's spread like wildfire in the post WWII world after a bit of pushback during the 1950s.


The ‘modern’ pattern is one where it is lowered fertility which keeps population in check, rather than high mortality. Different mechanisms are used, late marriage and high rates of non-marriage, various forms of controls on the numbers born alive through infanticide and abortion, and nowadays high levels of contraception. These are what Wrigley calls ‘low pressure’ regimes. Until quite recently it was widely believed that this ‘low pressure’ regime is the product of some ‘demographic revolution’, perhaps caused by improvements in contraceptive technology in the nineteenth century.

It is now quite clear from the work of Tony Wrigley and other that in England a combination of late age at first marriage (often over twenty-five for women), plus selective marriage (with up to a quarter of women never marrying) was enough to keep population more or less static for some centuries.

--Chapter 8 of The Invention of the Modern World by Alan Macfarlane.

Late marriage and never marrying are common in a modern society which only England really achieved in the 18th and 19th centuries.

And her is a short of a brawny man in Alaska running off the competition

https://youtu.be/kGDQRX4W4VI

Achilles said...

Tom T. said...

"How Ya Gonna Keep 'em Down on the Farm (After They've Seen Paree?)"

Offer women more options, and marriage becomes less attractive. Modern man can up his game or sit home alone complaining.

The problem now with this is that women have opted for hypergamy. With modern dating options, read dating apps, women are selecting for 6-6-6-6 options. If you aren't 6 feet tall or making 6 figures have a 6 pack or at least 6 inches women do not even look at you twice in this sphere.

It is true that men need to make something of themselves, but the current situation precludes many from participating thus the success of video games.

tommyesq said...

Women get all of the societal and workplace changes they demand, women and children hardest hit, men still at fault. Yawn.

Mason G said...

"It is true that men need to make something of themselves..."

Many rich/famous/successful men end up divorced, so it's not just "making something of themselves". In fact, when their exes are able to walk away with a boatload of the guy's money, making something of yourself is kind of like painting a target on your back for a man.

You could ask Trevor Bauer.

RideSpaceMountain said...

"Many rich/famous/successful men end up divorced, so it's not just "making something of themselves". In fact, when their exes are able to walk away with a boatload of the guy's money, making something of yourself is kind of like painting a target on your back for a man."

Or just look at Jeff Bezo's girlthing. At least he played it smart and waited until she paid for all her own botox. If it had been on his dime he'd be a millionaire instead of a billionaire.

RideSpaceMountain said...

Marriage is absolutely still an option for young men, just not to anyone living in the developed world, and certainly not an American woman of any ethnicity. You can be a "passport bro", but I will always highly recommend finding someone that wasn't raised in the US but already has permanent residency status (either through work or study).

I lucked out before it was cool, but it's good to see more men realizing there are better prospects elswhere.

Yancey Ward said...

"Bears can be very cute, but not so much when they are digging around inside your rib cage."

Yeah, but when that happens you just blame it on men- problem solved.

Yancey Ward said...

"Now I'm even getting my jokes deleted : )"

There are some weird things happening with comments publishing, vanishing, and reappearing on Blogger.

RideSpaceMountain said...

"Bears can be very cute, but not so much when they are digging around inside your rib cage."

Or your kayak. This will never not be funny. Ever.

Joe Smith said...

'There are some weird things happening with comments publishing, vanishing, and reappearing on Blogger.'

Assuming AA isn't going on a delete spree then I agree.

Some on-point and less mean than usual stuff from me keeps disappearing : )

Saint Croix said...

"Did God make the devil?"

God blessed humanity with free will. That's why evil is allowed to exist, because we are free spirits.

And it makes no sense that God would strip us of our freedom in the afterlife. That's why there is evil in the afterlife, too.

Oligonicella said...

Mason G:
"How's it going so far, particularly at the universities?"

Those women seem to think they're doing a good job.


They're just copy/pasting what others have said of them.

The Vault Dweller said...

While I think a lot of this is due to social media use and people no longer meeting in-person as much as in the past, I think more of the decline in pair-bonding is due to Feminism and it's unintended side-effects making women and men less attractive to one another. As women achieve more educationally and professionally fewer and fewer men feel like good possible partners for them. The problem is women achieving more educationally and professionally does little or nothing to make them more appealing to men so there is no extra impetus for men to achieve more to win over a partner. Also relaxation of societal rules on sex has created a dating environment where men are happy to engage in sexual flings but then never really commit. What's left is a smaller pool of men having short sexual relationship with large numbers of women but then never committing to a long-term relationship and moving on to the next woman leaving the previous woman feeling used and jaded about men. Which I believe has led rise to the use of he moderately new pejorative fuckboy for these types of men.

Mason G said...

"Also relaxation of societal rules on sex has created a dating environment where men are happy to engage in sexual flings but then never really commit."

A large majority of women are pursuing the top 5-10% of men, so those men have no good reason to commit. As well, there are lots of negatives to commitment for the men.

"What's left is a smaller pool of men having short sexual relationship with large numbers of women but then never committing to a long-term relationship and moving on to the next woman leaving the previous woman feeling used and jaded about men."

These women are deluding themselves about their value in the sexual marketplace. They think since a "10" will fuck them, that they must also be "10s". What they are not understanding is that "fucking" and "committing" are not the same thing and are rejecting men on their level in a search for that unicorn "10" that will commit (until the divorce that she will initiate, at least).

charis said...

I'll choose the Romantic in the woods. The bear might eat me.

It's stunning how quickly women vaulted from being the second sex to being the superior sex, with men now routinely portrayed in the media as the problem (which I doubt they are).

iowan2 said...

The social contract has been broken.

Despite what the "experts" say rearing children without a father ends in utter failure, we are experiencing that failure in real time.

It takes the ying and the yang of male and female to model for developing little humans. Even the most benign of divorce/separations, leave emotionally crippled little humans that grow up not knowing how man and women abide by a social contract.

Bunkypotatohead said...

I don't think even the bear would want that tatted up lizard tongued freak in the earlier post.