My son is 3. He negotiates over everything. Aggressively.— Ady Barkan🔥🌹 (@AdyBarkan) January 26, 2020
He makes outrageous opening offers.
He reopens settled topics.
He walks away from the bargaining table.
I am so proud.
AdyBarkan's bio reads: "Fighting for social justice + America's democracy. Living with @rachael_scar, Carl, and Willow, in Santa Barbara. Dying of ALS. Author of 'Eyes to the Wind.'"
This is a parent who is no Trump fan, but he's so proud of "Art of the Deal" talent in his own toddler.
And it makes me wonder, what qualities do you love to see developing in your young child that you loathe when you encounter them fully developed in adults?
IN THE COMMENTS: rehajm detects "Sarcasm." And Fernandistein says:
Um (don't you hate it when people write that?), I think he's actually trying to say that Trump acts like a 3-year old because they share some characteristics; they both walk and eat, etc. It's a very clever idea, especially when you consider that it was co-opted by this progressive activist.I admit I didn't read it as an intentional slap at Trump, but I do think rehajm and Fernandistein are right. I attribute my insensitivity to sarcasm to my recent exposure to TikTok videos featuring toddlers arguing in the manner of an asshole adult. These videos are received as delightful and celebrated on TikTok, and I'm always thinking: You are really making a horrible mistake here.
Note that Ady Barkan does not mention Trump. He's trusting his readers to make the connection. My mistake was to make the connection without giving him credit for expecting me to do that. So let me make up for that by linking to his book, "Eyes to the Wind," about which Booklist wrote, "The book’s primary question is existential: how to live when you are dying? Barkan’s answer is to share, open up, act, and capital-R Resist, and his memoir, clearly and candidly written, establishes a legacy."
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55 comments:
Never give kids choice control if you want to avoid creating snowflakes
The absolute ego of a three year old in a millennial
I always have believed "You reap what you sow." If I didn't want my children to exhibit behaviors in their teen years or as adults, then I didn't encourage them as babies and toddlers. Most parents get the teenagers they deserve. It's not fair to the rest of us when they turn them out of the house as adults.
Kids who burp up their lunch find less patience from others when they do the same thing as adults.
How did this guy feel about Trump’s call with the kid about Santa Claus? I thought it was hilarious. But then my parents made it clear they were providing the presents, and they hoped we learned something from their selfless, loving, and generous attention to us. Ideally, we would do the same to others naturally and without calculation.
Happy times.
My son never put up with any shit from other kids on the playground. Example incident - when he was in 2nd grade, a 4th grader was taunting him on the swing set they were both enjoying. He got out of his swing, and clotheslined the 4th grader on the downswing. He grew up to be a United States Marine and just finished law school at a major public university, where he was tormented for being a conservative. When I say "tormented" I mean outrageous and prejudicial acts were committed against him by some fellow students and "woke" administrators. He has filled his magazine with information he got under FOIA (the university fought it to the State Attorney General's office and lost)and he is now about to unload on his tormentors. It was his dream to go to that law school, and he got it good and hard. He is, however, a fighter, and his tormentors will likely regret their choice of victim.
Sarcasm.
He's no Trump fan, though he's so proud of "Art of the Deal" talent in his own toddler.
Um (don't you hate it when people write that?), I think he's actually trying to say that Trump acts like a 3-year old because they share some characteristics; they both walk and eat, etc. It's a very clever idea, especially when you consider that it was co-opted by this progressive activist.
I like to see a good deal of epigenetic ingenuity. I remember my dad feeling proud when I created a functional ballista out of legos at the age of 6. I would like to see the same level of creativity in my children. The kind that makes anthrax from a mail order chemistry set. I would beam with pride
And it makes me wonder, what qualities do you love to see developing in your young child that you loathe when you encounter them fully developed in adults?
Ability to change own diaper.
Eleanor declares: I always have believed "You reap what you sow." If I didn't want my children to exhibit behaviors in their teen years or as adults, then I didn't encourage them as babies and toddlers. Most parents get the teenagers they deserve. It's not fair to the rest of us when they turn them out of the house as adults.
Both the toddler and the teen are pushing the envelope. These are developmental stages important to growth. It is a wise parent who can encourage independence while demanding acceptable behavior.
If Ady Barkan only has one child, he and his family are most definitely not the future. His little brat is not the future.
Even two children means extinction. The fact is that all White populations (which includes Iranians, Jews, most North Africans, Arabs, and Hindus) have below replacement level fertility. So do almost all East Asians, Han, Korean, Japanese, and others. All these populations are going extinct. In Darwinian terms, North America, Europe, China, et al., are failed societies.
The cause of the collapse is almost certainly the mass education of women, which keeps fertile women out of marriage and child bearing throughout most of their fertile years. They are also indoctrinated in anti-fertility superstitions. Toss in abortion as the cherry on the sundae.
The ongoing collapse of White societies means, of course, that their values, equality, democracy, rule of law, will die with them. All progressive dreams and hopes will die. From suicide. Evolution does not care. It only cares about fertility.
Blogger Oso Negro said...
"It was his dream to go to that law school, and he got it good and hard. He is, however, a fighter, and his tormentors will likely regret their choice of victim."
Adversity builds character, ingenuity and determination. In the real world your son will prosper from his experiences. The snowflakes, on the other hand, will melt in the heat. It was no accident that America's greatest generation grew up in the Great Depression. Similarly, the decline of the Roman Empire was no accident.
He's proud when his kid makes outrageous demands and walks away?
At frickin' 3 years old?
Hoo boy, that one will be a charming adult.
Dear parents, be a parent. Your kids are NOT a preshrunk adult you.
I have two kids who are lawyers. I don't know where I went wrong.
He makes outrageous opening offers.
I want to eat a box of sugar bombs
He reopens settled topics.
If I can't have sugar bombs I want that pony we talked about
He walks away from the bargaining table.
I'm going to live with Mom, her new boyfriend owns a ranch
You don't negotiate with a three year old. Nothing wrong with a feisty three-year old. Good on a kid with spirit. But it's your job as a parent to channel that feistiness in a positive direction. The technical term for this process is "anti-asshole training".
I don't know what "parenting" "expert" they all got it from, but many of the swpl parents in my child-rearing days in Ultra-Progville had "negotiating" protocols for their small children. Their toddlers were assholes, who grew into asshole kids, who grew into asshole adolescents.
We moved before they got any older, but I wouldn't bet against their having become asshole adults.
“nd it makes me wonder, what qualities do you love to see developing in your young child that you loathe when you encounter them fully developed in adults?”
Breastfeeding.
"He's trusting his readers to make the connection."
Until "bargaining table" I thought maybe he was talking about poker.
Wow, how depressing. This man is dying and he is obsessed with resisting Trump. Sad that the left can not see how sick their hate makes them.
Yeah, rehajm and Fern are right.
Now I feel like a right thicko.
I agree with Angle-Dyne. Young children (actually all children) need and want limits. If you don't provide them, they'll keep pushing until they find them.
I remember once when my daughter, about 3, didn't want to go to bed. I said to her, I'll give you a choice: You can go to bed, or you can get a smack and go to bed.
She complained that that wasn't fair, but she went to bed. And didn't need the smack.
We never had fights or scenes in our house until she hit puberty. That was 27 years ago. It hasn't gotten any better, but she's her husband's problem now, God help him.
All we can do is our best, but their temperaments come pre-made from the factory to a very great extent.
He walks away from the bargaining table.
I'm going to live with Mom, her new boyfriend owns a ranch
Sounds good.
Is 3yrold toddler winning?
I rest my case.
The traditionalists are back. They bring law and order with them. And they seek Christianity.
Parenting is clearly a lost art form among the current thought leaders.
It must really suck to be dying at 36.
Our son was a great little kid but curdled a lot in high school (so did I, I guess, but there it is). He was like me (high test scores/crummy grades) but had artistic talent I lack and
got into a good architecture program where he excelled and got awards-- for about half a semester.
"Temperament" is a very useful concept. Do modern scientific psychologists (hahahaHA!) know about it?
Narr
"I'm going to live with Mom, her new girlfriend owns a ranch" -- keep up with the times ;-)
I wanted to criticize him for using his kid like that, but then I saw “dying of ALS” in his bio and decided to let him off the hook.
How odd that those who deplore behavior ascribed to a toddler adore it when it is displayed by an adult in a position of authority.
The real Trump Derangement Syndrome.
One of the most interesting and revealing things about people like Barkan is how profoundly they are in denial about Donald Trump. Before he ever ran for President, Trump was...
A billionaire.
World famous.
Married to successively more beautiful women.
An 80s pop culture icon who refashioned himself 20 years later as a culturally relevant reality TV star when most of his 80s contemporaries were hasbeen jokes or desperately clinging to the bottom run of the fame ladder.
Then he went out and overcame the venomous opposition of the mainstream media and the political establishment of BOTH major political parties to become President. And as President he has achieved significant policy successes while almost entirely avoiding the disasters all the critics promised would happen.
Yet despite being massively more successful than them in virtually every way, people like Barkan STILL consider Trump to be inferior. I mean, you don't have to like the man but it's like kindergarten fingerpainters talking trash about Picasso.
Mike
"How odd that those who deplore behavior ascribed to a toddler adore it when it is displayed by an adult in a position of authority."
See what I mean?
Mike
I don't know who this guy is, and it sounds like he's in a pretty tough situation health-wise. His parenting choices are none of my business. But I am curious about the icons next to his name- what do they indicate? (I know the blue checkmark)
"Ady Barkan is an American hero. His selfless activism fighting to make health care a right should be an inspiration to us all." — Senator Bernie Sanders
"From the halls of Congress to street corners across the country, Ady Barkan has become an American hero – placing his ailing body on the line for basic human rights." — Senator Elizabeth Warren
“Never give kids choice control if you want to avoid creating snowflakes”
We made exceptions for birthdays, and some on Christmas.
My partner tells the story about a stranger picking up her daughter, who practiced crying, etc, before a mirror, at a young age. Raised the youngest of four, she was always manipulative. Still is, but we now have it under control, because her mother reminds me that her daughter is a master at getting the two of us squabbling, which she won’t tolerate. In any case, she had an aunt who would pick her up and carry her wherever she wanted when she was one and maybe two, already able to walk just fine. The day that the stranger picked her up, she had been making a scene, starting with pleas of “upsie” and a lot of crying. So mother tells her to quit blubbering, stand up and walk, as she fullly knew how to do, and would be left behind. And was, which, of course, increased the cries. Stranger picks of the girl, and my partner goes ballistic. Told the medley that if she doesn’t put her daughter down immediately, she would call 911, and report a kidnapping. The woman tried to explain how the little girl was crying. Duh. It was none of this woman’s business, and walking away was the only way to extinguish that behavior. She had to be left behind a couple other times before she finally realized that that tactic didn’t work with her mother. Twice, she was given the choice of getting in the car or getting left. The other 5 got in the car and did leave her (but stopped close enough that they could spy on her). Never happened again, after having been left behind twice. Raising four kids, my partner has stories like that for each of them, but being the youngest, this one was the worst, because she was the most manipulative.
My partner has always been one for consequences for kids. As she explained to a grandson last weekend, she says what she is going to do, and does what she said. We were going to give him a car if he got his grades up to an acceptable level. He came close, but then backslid. So instead of a real car for Christmas we gave him a small model of the car he wanted. So sorry. We had a deal. You didn’t hold up your end of it. You don’t need a car anyway, because that girlfriend who has been distracting you from getting decent grades has a car of her own, and can drive you around.
Funny thing is that my ex wife, mother of my kid, agrees 100% with those parenting rules. On more than one occasions, I would get calls from her, telling me that our kid had been given choices and did not choose wisely, preparing me for when the kid came to me with their version of the story. It worked, and the kid very quickly learned not to go to someone else and try to play them off against their mother. The kid turned out decently, able to control their anger, doesn’t act entitled, works hard, got their STEM PhD last year, and started work with a six figure starting salary. I can’t ask for more, except, of course for marriage and grandkids. Oh, and throwing off 5 years of progressive indoctrination from living in Boulder for graduate school.
"Married to successively more beautiful women."
That's a matter of taste. To my own taste, only Marla Maples is attractive. Beautiful? She was "beautiful" only in the artificial, superficial manner of her grooming, (hair and makeup). The sleek, dime-a-dozen bleached-blonde look that Americans are (bafflingly) suckers for. (She is, no doubt, much prettier au naturel.)
“I have two kids who are lawyers. I don't know where I went wrong.”
Kinda tried to get my kid to follow us into the practice of law. No way. They grew up with their grandfather, father, and uncle sliding off into legal discussions at family gatherings. Usually there were six of us, half attorneys at some time in their lives. And I point out that with that STEM PhD, they could make far more money in patent law that where they are now. No chance of that. Growing up with constant legal discussions at every family event bored them so much that going to law school is at the bottom of their wish list. I explained that subconsciously, listening to all of those legal discussions taught them to think like a lawyer, which is typically one of the hardest thing to learn in law school.
There are other reasons why they might be reluctant. For example, I would be late picking them up from school. I would get a phone call. It would typically go like this:
Kid: Where are you?
Me: In the car.
Kid: Where is the car?
Me: On the highway.
Kid: Which highway?
Me: C470
Kid: Where on C470?
Me: By Hampton (285)
Kid: When will you be here? (The question they really wanted answered)
Me: Maybe 10 minutes (by then I wasn’t longer on C470, but on 285 nearing their exit)
Did this to them over Christmas again, going up to my brother’s house to exchange presents, and I was, of course running late. They had to explain the joke to their SO who was also in the car. And occasionally, I do this to my partner, who is not the least built amused. For both of them, I explain that if you don’t want to be run around in circles, when querying an attorney, ask precise questions.
It's possible he was talking about Trump, but honestly that description sounded exactly what I picture someone describing himself as a social justice warrior wanting to see in his kids if he was thinking in the context of fighting for justice against the power of the state.
Serious question: why don't these activists start their own nonprofit or charitable health insurance companies instead of political action committees?
Those icons seem to be 'flaming asshole' and 'opium poppy.'
Not that I know or care anything about the guy--as a famous Chinese person said, "People die every day," and if he thinks he can inspire others with his . . . what? revolutionary fervor, well, dying people do and say some crazy things.
Narr
No need for his own tag I suppose
How to live when you are dying?
Hard to determine the lessons based on the article. Skeptical the “resist” is a good one.
I was moved by “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch.
Wence: serious question. Where do you get off telling someone else how to spend their free time?
Howard said...
Wence: serious question. Where do you get off telling someone else how to spend their free time?
He was asking a question. Try to stay alert, Howard,.
Bruce, we took our kids on long forced marches every weekend. I told them they had to keep up or the Banshees would swoop down and eat them. Every noise in the forest was, according to Dad, a Banshee. Worked with the grandkids as well.
Blogger is such a piece of shit.
Just ate a comment.
ady barkan, is that some creature on mongo,
“I have two kids who are lawyers. I don't know where I went wrong.”
My first wife did nothing but complain about being married to a doctor so there was no chance the kids would be interested.
More Blogger shit.
that seems an odd complaint,
https://www.redstate.com/elizabeth-vaughn/2020/01/26/shes-disgusting-tom-homan-berates-aoc-after-she-smears-ice-again-at-sanders-rally/
“My first wife did nothing but complain about being married to a doctor so there was no chance the kids would be interested.”
My guess is there was a bit of that with my kid’s mother, my ex. We were fine when were were both working in software together. But then I went to law school and I don’t think that she really liked the result. And, yes, some of the problem was financial. I screwed up in the divorce, because I mentioned to her that one of my LS profs was one of the top divorce attys in the city, so of course, she hired him. But after that, coparenting with an attorney ex husband took a downturn from that for her. For example, she tried, at one point, to cut me back from talking to my kid every night. Nope. Wasn’t going to happen. A week later she was served by a deputy, and called into court to explain why she shouldn’t be held in contempt of court for violating our divorce decree. No doubt she called up her lawyer, and was told that it would cost several thousand dollars to defend, etc. Something about the folly of suing lawyers. Don’t do it, if you have the choice. In any case, I expect that my kid received a decade and a half of their mother complains about attorneys.
"Ady Barkan is an American hero. His selfless activism fighting to make health care a right should be an inspiration to us all." — Senator Bernie Sanders
"From the halls of Congress to street corners across the country, Ady Barkan has become an American hero – placing his ailing body on the line for basic human rights." — Senator Elizabeth Warren
How courageous. Asking for free healthcare.
But then I went to law school and I don’t think that she really liked the result. And, yes, some of the problem was financial.
Mine was a sorority girl and her friends kept asking her, as I worked through a 5 year surgical residency, You mean your husband is still a student ?"
No financial troubles. In 1971, my $17,000 salary was about the equivalent of $170,000.
Blogger is relentless.
If something - anything - has nothing to do with Trump? The left will insist on making it about Trump.
It's just so tedious.
He walks away from the bargaining table.
I'm going to live with Mom, her new boyfriend owns a ranch
My granddaughter(5 1/2) yrs was visiting with her Mom (my daughter) and her brother (9 yrs) and threw a fit because she didn't want to take a shower. Hadn't taken one in two days.
I looked her in the eye and said: Well, then. I guess we have to hose you off in the back yard with the sprayer that I use for the buzzards (We had a buzzard infestation at that time, summer. Dozens of them trying to roost in the trees by our house. NOPE..I used the hose sprayer to stream water on the birds and make them get off of the trees. It would spray at least 50 feet at full blast Great fun. The kids thought it was funny). When she thought I was serious (sort of.. You have to keep a straight face with these kids)....she debated briefly on how much fun that would be versus...it is cold in the morning and decided to take the shower after all.
My daughter thought it hilarious. Pretty cool though that GD had to think about it for a few minutes, and weigh the options. I admire her spunk and determination. Just like her mother!! Hah! Karma.
"How courageous. Asking for free healthcare."
No, not free. A public service commonly paid for, as with our fire and police departments, military forces, our public schools, our highway system, bridges, dams, reservoirs, etc. But then, the idea of public services paid for by the public in common is being dismantled by the profit-seeking vultures who want to monetize everything.
More Blogger shit.
This is the only place or happens.
Though unz.com was weird this morning.
IT happens...
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