From "Coffee With the Man Who Used to Be My Wife" by Dan Higgins (NYT).
A comment over there that got some highly rated replies: "The analogy of the transition as a death is problematic and a cis person's grief isn't one of the more important aspects of these transitions." Here's the highest rated response:
... I’d ask you to consider that the death analogy that you find “problematic” is not a new one, nor one that most trans people I know dismiss. If to call a trans person by their birth name is termed “dead naming” in the LGBTQ+ community, why should not a spouse (or former spouse) of a trans person be permitted to share their own experience of their partner’s figurative “death”... [W]hen anyone transitions, there is a constellation of loved ones that are impacted, in one way or another. I am the cis-het former wife of a trans woman, assigned male at birth. We are no longer married, but are very close and share two children. I am a staunch and vocal LGBTQ+ ally. However, please do not for one moment dismiss the pain of my OWN transition as my then husband pursued her own quest for self — after 12 years of marriage and two children. I too urge you to keep an open mind and consider that gender transitions/affirmations do not happen in a vacuum.
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73 comments:
How do we not know that this isn't a send up? A joke? Fake news? A New Age Penthouse Forum?
If it is true, it is very weird and creeps me out. (Am I allowed to say that?)
Saying that the death analogy is “problematic” MEANS the right image is of an ugly, crawling cis-het worm transforming into a beautiful butterfly.
If a true story, why would this guy write it? Was he paid?
And how does this deserve space in The Paper of Record?
Dave Begley
Why would xe write it? Mega wokeness points. Most Accepting Award. Prestige in xis milieu.
However, please do not for one moment dismiss the pain of my OWN transition as my then husband pursued her own quest for self
The standard jab to a guy, back in the '90's was that: After Dating YOU, she turned Lesbian
{the slur being, that you were SO BAD, that she gave up Men, entirely}
Can we jab people now, saying you were SO BAD, that she gave up being a woman?
This is an extreme manifestation of a mental illness. What's astonishing is that the mentally ill person is able to seduce the people around them into joining into and taking part in their delusion. Fascinating, and yet another symptom of the rot that permeates the underpinnings of our society.
I've gamed this out. If one of these mentally ill people comes to work in my office, I'll call them by their preferred name for the sake of civility. But if they press me, I'm not going to be buying into their fantasy of being the wrong sex. I have already decided that that hill is worthy dying on. I will not be manipulated.
Truly
Don’t
Give
A
Shit
Honestly professor, I think you’re obsessed with patting on the head all these tortured people with mental illness. Or reading about them...
It's the same old story: "I have an affliction. Accordingly, the Rest of the World needs treatment.
This is an extreme manifestation of a mental illness. What's astonishing is that the mentally ill person is able to seduce the people around them into joining into and taking part in their delusion. Fascinating, and yet another symptom of the rot that permeates the underpinnings of our society.
Just to review:
IF people are So Mental/Psychologically ill/disturbed; that they hate their bodies,
and they start starving themselves, we try to stop them: FOR THEIR OWN GOOD
IF people are So Mental/Psychologically ill/disturbed; that they hate their bodies,
and start mutilating themselves, we try to stop them: FOR THEIR OWN GOOD
IF people are So Mental/Psychologically ill/disturbed; that they hate their bodies,
and start castrating themselves, we Celebrate their new found self: FOR THEIR OWN GOOD
one of these things, is not like the other
Agree with a lot of other posters here. This is an idiotic wasted of space. No one really cares, except for the editors who have to prove their wokeness. There just aren’t that many trannies out there, and a lot of them probably need psychiatric help, and not celebration.
Oh, I think Althouse is just feeding her blog from the usual garbage pit.
They can dress up this stuff in a nice slick article but it is still just as Roadgeek said...
It's BAD to be anorexic, It's BAD to cut your forearm;
IT'S FINDING your true self, to cut your dick off
How do we not know that this isn't a send up? A joke? Fake news? A New Age Penthouse Forum?
Of course it's fake. Almost all tranny stories are fake because people can't change their sex.
I tried online dating briefly after my wife died. What a disaster!
One of my dates was a seemingly nice Jewish woman who had stated in her profile that she was fit and trim, and that she worked out regularly.
Of course, that turned out to not be true. She was obese and her body had turned into that odd mush characteristic of lifelong alcoholics. She was also an emotional mess.
And, Lo! Her husband had left her to become a tranny. No wonder she was a psychological mess and alcoholic.
Needless to say, that was our only meeting and it was a short one at that.
What's the BIG difference between cutting your forearm, and castration?
Cutting your forearm probably won't even leave a scar
Why can’t someone mourn the end of significant relationship? Why does it have to be about the transition?
How are we going to talk about me if we have to talk about you?
Roe -a death that is not a death. We should be used to it by now.
This probably screws up any twin experiment.
This is very nice to know. Thanks for sharing.
Amazing Omnipotech Cloud Computing
I've found it increasingly difficult, indeed impossible, to NOT feel these gender-change stories are simply stories of massively warped and needy super-egos....Look at me! Aren't I fascinating? Don't I merit examination, wonder,empathy and Deep Thought?...All of which leads me to the same conclusion as ALBERT ANON, above: I simply don't GAS.
Transsocial and transgender/neosexual. She started with transsocial constructs, then progressed, perhaps through affirmative indoctrination under progressive policy, to corrupt her body with masculine physiological attributes in order to conform.
My understanding of our divorce was that we started too young, and the differences that seemed small at the time widened, as our childhoods ended and our adulthoods began...
So, went through the divorce as "the woman"?
Smart.
I too urge you to keep an open mind and consider that gender transitions/affirmations do not happen in a vacuum
This is true and there are more people involved in this type of situation than just the person who is making a change from one identity to another.
However, why the f*ck to we ALL have to be sucked into the vortex of your personal issues? I don't care to be involved. I would rather remain in my own state of vacuum.
You do you ....and leave the rest of us alone and I will do you the same favor. Thanks.
I dated a woman fir a while whose husband had divorced her. She subsequently found out (i.e., confirmed) that he was gay. The sex was great because she was trying to prove to herself that it was not her fault. We parted friends after a year.
A betrayal is what it is, to the spouse, the children, the clan and larger society.
A man, at any rate, I will not speak for women, is the sum of his obligations.
Nothing more than that.
That is why it is right and proper for any of those to require his life, if necessary.
And it goes without saying that they also have a call on his convenience and happiness, if that’s what it is.
a special set of odd problems brought on by a special set of odd actions
Of course it’s a loss to the partner and family and mourning the old person is completely normal. It would take a very strong person to accept and even celebrate the new person. It’s a huge life change for everyone and I don’t think anyone who does it didn’t for many years struggle with their old identity. These people don’t need derision, they need love and acceptance from people who have it within themselves to try to understand the issue. The family and loved ones should be to be able to feel sadness and loss, totally understandable.
the vortex of your personal issues? I don't care to be involved. I would rather remain in my own state of vacuum.
They are not seeking tolerance, but rather normalization, which as a matter of practice will necessarily involve you, thus the progressive policies that orient our popular and political cultures. Abortion chambers, transgender states and transitions, are all quite normal now.
Simple tradition has the answer. Life is not a costume party. It is protecting, feeding and raising children. That’s all it is. The GLBTQ are having a totally escapist costume party.
A lot of things happen in a vacuum that are not discussed in polite society.
"I too urge you to keep an open mind and consider that gender transitions/affirmations do not happen in a vacuum."
But progs like a vacuum--human nature is a blank slate, every day we can start the world over again, and too bad for you if you are not enlightened enough to enjoy it.
Meanwhile, the Powers That BE want us (DEMAND US) to Ban All Red Caps
Everyone is Entitled to wear/BE ANYTHING THEY WANT, but!
NO ONE should be allowed to express Red Cappedness
Newsflash: She's still not a man.
"They are not seeking tolerance, but rather normalization"
Yup. The very appearance of this crazy shit in a once-respected newspaper is part of a larger effort to define deviancy downward, so that saying "A woman can't become a man" will be (if it isn't already) strictly out of bounds (and makes the speaker a transphobe, a nifty job of shifting the mental illness from the sufferer to the observer).
And once the speaking of a simple and incontrovertible truth becomes verboten, God only knows where it goes from there.
Some days I'm glad I won't be alive forever.
"Prestige in xis milieu."
And just imagine the milieu where this would bring you prestige. Layers of delusion, a Black Death of social contagion.
Some days I'm glad I won't be alive forever.
Exactly Mattman26
I look at the insanity that is happening and the crazy destruction that is being proposed and tell my husband....
"The good news is: that when all this comes to fruition, we will be dead". (Sorry about the Grandkids though)
Living in California (which sees itself as the future of the U.S) it is amusing to see how mexican and central american folks view sexual deviancy. I don't think the democrats are thinking this through on their quest of allowing open borders. Many of the cultures coming in don't have any attachment to this lunacy and will/are pushing back. Many of the young men wanting to use women's dressing rooms in the hinterlands are being told to "fuck off"in not so many words.
There must be 50...err...51 ways to leave your lover
Deranged Leftist's are dangerously funny.
"I am the cis-het former wife of a trans woman, assigned male at birth. [With the FORMER part emphasized] We are no longer married [PTL], but are very close and share two children [those poor kids]. I am a staunch and vocal LGBTQ+ ally [see, even I haven't learned the necessary lessons]. However, please do not for one moment dismiss the pain of my OWN transition [no, it seems you haven't transitioned enough as you continue to think like a loony liberal] as my then husband pursued her [wrong; he's still a he, and always will be a he] own quest for self — after 12 years of marriage and two children."
The story reads like some sort of reverse Pina Colada song.
Living in California (which sees itself as the future of the U.S) it is amusing to see how mexican and central american folks view sexual deviancy. I don't think the democrats are thinking this through on their quest of allowing open borders.
That's NOTHING!
Think of The FUN the democrats will have when (thanx to them) we become a Wahhabi Islam nation
Think they'll be thinking of The Handmaid's Tale then?
Tom T. ftw
Newsflash: She's still not a man.
She is female (sex) forevermore, with a masculine (gender) facade, and transsocial (e.g. clothing) aspirations.
..and more shoes.
Surgeons and endocrinologists can do marvelous things. But they cannot turn a woman into a man, although they can horribly mutilate a woman and pump her full of drugs to fool the casual observer.
Why isn't there a tag for shit-that-never-happened?
Perversion. Mental illness. Twisted, screwed-up people.
Back in Dickensian times, these folks would have been voiceless street sweepers or stable hands sodomizing their goats out of sight. Now, any of them with a cellphone has a national audience. I'm missing the part where any of this is an improvement.
- Krumhorn
"Trans women" are men with a mental disorder and "Trans men" are women with a mental disorder. That is all. Carry on.
Except the familiar wardrobe was draped over a man’s body now.
Except that the man's body was really a mutilated women's body.
I don't think the democrats are thinking this through on their quest of allowing open borders. Many of the cultures coming in don't have any attachment to this lunacy and will/are pushing back.
For push back, no need to go any further than LGB, many of whom have quite a few conflicts with the T being appended on to them.
Tranny death porn is a thing now? Gotta be a better way to build blog hits. Up your game.
What's astonishing is that the mentally ill person is able to seduce the people around them into joining into and taking part in their delusion.
Not that astonishing. Delusionary people often go to great lengths to convince others that their delusions are real. There are great numbers of people, mostly women, who have convinced themselves that they have one or another rare disease or condition. Gluten intolerance by people who don't have celiac disease is just one example. Multiple chemical sensitivity is another. I've read estimates that up to 40 percent of primary care doctor visits are for psychosomatic complaints.
If you have good insurance, it's not too hard to find an unscrupulous doctor who will go along with the fantasy. Besides driving up health insurance costs, some of these people are getting disability checks, so you're paying for their delusions.
He mentions two children.
Any word on/from them?
What amazes me is how people who base their identity on assuming their opposite sex's stereotypes are considerered "woke" by the same people who argue that gender stereotypes are merely oppressive social constructs. Make up your fucking minds.
No one really cares, except for the editors who have to prove their wokeness.
And Althouse.
Cotard delusion by proxy.
Two consecutive posts indicate that Althouse believes these BS stories are real, and dares her readers NOT to believe them.
Professor, you may want to refer back to my earlier suggestion about broadening your apparently very diligent reading beyond the NYT, The New Yorker, and the other usual suspects.
There's a whole undiscovered world of normal people out there, living interesting, sometimes surprising lives, often with great creativity, selflessness, courage, and self-reliance that you never hear about in those publications.
But perhaps you just have an inexplicable, somewhat detached if intense interest in these tortured, overly introspective, sexually confused people that leaves little time for much else. If so, bon appetit.
But perhaps you just have an inexplicable, somewhat detached if intense interest in these tortured, overly introspective, sexually confused people that leaves little time for much else. If so, bon appetit.
Oh, it's explicable, alright, and not at all detached. Her son.
If a penis falls off in the woods, does it create a woman?
On the positive side,my former wife, new male buddy, finally offered me that blow job I was denied for 12 years. Turns out he is gay.
JAORE is hereby nominated as the thread winner.
So same sex marriage is out of vogue now. Trannies and lefties ruin everything!
I think this is related:
It is said that Freddie Mercury wrote “Bohemian Rhapsody” to describe his coming out as a bisexual (or gay, can’t remember exactly).
Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
The man he killed was his former self.
First thing we do is kill all the sociologists...
(Apologies to Shakespeare, who called for the lawyers to go first. Metaphorically of course.)
What in the hell is a cis? Have I missed something?
I was passing out programs at a Bar Mitzvah in our synogogue a couple months ago, and a trans person accompanied by a non-trans walked by. I'm going to use the pronoun he and say he was a young adult, maybe 20 years old, and while we just said hello to each other, he was clearly examining my reaction. Neediness, confusion, and raw nerves. In any other era, he would have been dressed as a man, and would have been working out his young adulthood issues in a completely different manner.
Only a tiny number of current "trans" people are really trans. This is a wave of fashion that probably won't cause much harm - except for those who go under the knife.
Robyn Wright doesn't even know his name: Sgt. 1st Class Elis Barreto Ortiz, 34, from Morovis, Puerto Rico.
Althouse: :"You're wrong. The name is in the article. Why make assertions without checking?"
I did check. My mistake was when I got to the bottom of the page where it says:
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I thought that was the end. Although now I see the article continues beyond that. Thank you so much for taking the time to point out my mistake.
Althouse: Really, Fen, your commenting needs improvement.
No, it really doesn't. It's been very sharp lately, more than usual. You are just saying that because I challenged you yesterday on another topic and you are holding a grudge. You sure you want to play that game? Because I am more stubborn than you.
Althouse: I'm going to start deleting you a lot more, beginning with this comment in half an hour. You may copy what you've written and attempt to rewrite it. If you don't want to go to the link and read or you need and don't want to get a subscription, you need to be circumspect about what you say is in the article.
OH. GO. FUCK. YOURSELF.
I will now happily copy everything I post here to repost 10 times over every time you delete it. And if you manage to ban this profile I will make several more and do it all over again.
OR
You can front page a public apology to me for being a vindictive bitch and singling me out because I had the audacity to challenge you on something stupid. What was it again? Oh right, I said I was "skeptical" that you were aware of the NPC meme. LOL.
(lets see now... New desktop folder: Althouse, new txt doc: Althouse1, copy and paste and save. Ready to launch upon deletion. Your turn....)
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