A man named John said, “I didn’t know there was a plethora of bath entry methods. I put my feet in, swoosh the water around a bit so it’s not too hot in one spot, and then plonk my butt down on the tub.” Has he ever heard of the hands and knees method? “No.”
A man named Eric said, “I like to shower first then after a few mins plug the drain so it starts to fill up that way the water does not get gross and filled with pee. Once the water is at a good level sliding down the back wall in to the tub like I just got shot in a movie is the best way to get in to the actual tub, it’s fun....”
When asked if he’s ever heard of the hands and knees method, Eric offered a bit of startling insight. “Not that I recall. Some sort of crab-like walk from gym class is the only other method of entry I ever remember using but I have only ever had shower/bathtub combos as an adult so hard to say if a full-sized free-standing bath would change my approach.”
Some sort of crab-like walk from gym class? Some sort of crab-like walk from gym class??! Like this? [Drawing omitted.]
August 21, 2018
"Do Men Enter Bathtubs on Hands and Knees So Their Balls Hit the Water Last?"
That is the question of the day, I'm telling you. And the discussion — of how the question came up and how to answer it — is thoroughly delightful. With stick-figure drawings. Text and drawings by Kelly Conaboy (in New York Magazine). Excerpt:
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64 comments:
There is some method other than bottom-first?
Crawling in seems odd and uncomfortable.
(Looks at calendar...)
Yep, it's TMI Tuesday.
I use the John method. I was unaware of the hands and knees method that apparently is all the rage among my gender-identity group. Did anyone bring up Eric's strange and icky habit of peeing in the shower?
"I like to shower first then after a few mins plug the drain so it starts to fill up that way the water does not get gross and filled with pee."
Um, what?
Who comes up with these ideas? It reminds me of when I was first married and, as I stepped out of the bathroom 1st thing in the morning, my new bride apologized because she'd used the last of the toilet paper in the middle of the night and hadn't replaced the roll. I told her not to worry, I hadn't needed any toilet paper. She was shocked that I didn't wipe myself after I urinated. Nope. And, I don't enter a bathtub on my hands and knees, either.
Hey, Althouse, it's OK by me if you go back to critiquing the NYT if this kind of stuff is the alternative.
p.s. I shower.
Walk in. Sit down.
If you want to see how a man enters the tub, I believe you have one available to observe.
Barring that, IIRC, Bugs Bunny did about as standard a tub entry as anyone and I could relate to exactly what he was doing.
Hands and knees were not involved at all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU-g1_V7X44
Here. Can't say all men do it this way, because, you know, I don't swing that way. But I certainly relate to this method
A bath is a disgusting endeavor. I would say I've taken less than 5 baths in my adult life. And always i'll shower first, even though that doesn't take away all of the filth involved in bathing. I mean, you usually use hot water, so your body is sweating the whole time, putting your sweaty filth right back into the water. I'd have to have a tub the size of a jacuzzi to feel like it's diffused enough.
Is "testicle" politically correct? Holes and balls... not whores, not black.
Also, why don't artsy movies use stick figure representations of adolescent and prepubescent children?
When I used to take baths as a kid I'd:
1.) Cup my balls in my in one hand as I squatted down.
2.) Pull them forward and upward above the surface level of the water line to avoid them tea bagging the hot water below by buttocks.
3.) Then, still covering my junk with my hand, I'd slowly descend into the water until I acclimated to the temperature.
Kind of a reverse of the ball tuck by Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs.
Do feminists remove their hats before entering a bathtub?
By the way, when we re-modeled the master bath a few years ago, we got rid of the 'garden tub' and replaced it with a much larger walk-in shower. If ever needed, it's wheelchair accessible. We don't miss the tub (there's one upstairs if we ever need one).
No.
Do Grown Women Put Glitter On Their Front Holes?
This kind of question sort of highlights exactly how little women know (or care to know) about men.
Some of them can see a woman from across the room and know exactly who designed the other woman's shoes.
How many women who have lived for DECADES with a man also couldn't answer this question?
Real men don't take baths.
Real men don't take baths.
Granted. But not all men had that option.
My grandparents ONLY had a bath...and that was, once I was no longer in 3rd grade, was the only place I ever took a bath again till they died.
Then again, I can't see my grandparents using that rather small tub as a 'group activity', and to be fair to women, a man entering a hot tub is a very narrow window of opportunity, so some slack should be cut.
"I like to shower first then after a few mins plug the drain so it starts to fill up that way the water does not get gross and filled with pee."
Um, what?
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Opposition research. You'll have to ask Christopher Steele.
On the very few occasions that I've taken a bath since I was a child, I first step into the tub, then lower myself slowly such that my front hole enters the water slightly before my rear hole.
Well, now you know.
The real question is what does a man do with his balls when he enters 58 degree ocean water?
I half fill the tub with cold water, then dip my massive balls into it for about 30 seconds to heat the water. Once it's steaming, I lower myself into the water and take a hot bath.
If my tub was full of pee; I wouldn't be entering, much less entering with my hands first. I'd suggest, if a person is giving you advice on taking a bath, and he mentions a tub full of pee; you are getting advice from the wrong person.
Um no... The only time I am really aware of my balls while getting into water is when wading into cold water, like a lake, because there is some job to be done with a mooring or a dock or whatever.
The real question is what does a man do with his balls when he enters 58 degree ocean water?
Global warming started when my massive balls and I waded into the water at the La Jolla beach in 1980.
If a man enters a bath on hand and knee, then his balls are going to be the first thing that hits the water. Amirite guys?
"Do Men Enter Bathtubs on Hands and Knees So Their Balls Hit the Water Last?"
I haven't asked around.
It . . . it would be physically impossible for me to enter my bath on hands and knees. The rim of the bath is too high for that. I do sort of clamber in, but that's just because I don't want to slip.
The drawings make this post - I am crying with laughter!
If in doubt, I insert my hand first to test the temperature of the water. My shoulders are last in line to hit the water. Sometimes I do a handstand and my toes are last to hit the water, in a pool, not a bathtub.
Some people are just really dumb.
"Do Men Enter Bathtubs on Hands and Knees So Their Balls Hit the Water Last?"
1) I have never heard of anyone getting into a bath using that process
2) Who came up with that question? The balls would still get wet before the stomach and butt.
Real men go balls first.
I haven't taken a bath since I was 8 or 9.
You can shower in a tub. Real men sort out plumbing issues.
I've got a waterproof Kindle and like to soak and read. I finish by standing up and showering.
Who in the hell would shower first and then take a bath?
To soak in hot water.
I think someone might be confusing what goes on in bathtubs with what goes on in bathhouses
From Maugham's Ashenden short stories
"Ashenden sighed, for the water was no longer quite so hot; he could not reach the tap with his hand nor could he turn it with his toes (as every properly regulated tap should turn) and if he got up enough to add more hot water he might just as well get out altogether. On the other hand he could not pull out the plug with his foot in order to empty the bath and so force himself to get out, nor could he find in himself the will power to step out of it like a man. He had often heard people tell him that he possessed character and he reflected that people judge hastily in the affairs of life because they judge on insufficient evidence: they had never seen him in a hot, but diminishingly hot, bath."
isnt this question the second verse in
"Does Your Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost At Night?'
Last time I was in a bathtub my Mom was washing me. My brother wised me to showers.
I had always assumed this was a strictly theoretical question until now. I stand corrected.
MEN TAKE BATHS?????????
Who in the hell would shower first and then take a bath?
Virtually the entire Japanese nation. Their custom is to shower with soap and water to get clean, and then step into a deep soaking tub to relax. The tub is NOT for washing in.
Men don't take baths.
Also, there is no possible way to enter the water so your balls hit last.
Do people not understand male anatomy or are we being trolled?
eric’s right.
When bathing, the true gentleman leaves his balls in a glass by the sink.
If the water's not too high, you could climb in on your knees, tuck your feet in and lean back on them. But then you'd have to call for help to get out and then die of embarrassment while bare-assed.
So this guy had a temp job taking a door to door poll. He would knock on a door, ask the resident, "When you take a bath, do you sit facing the faucet or facing away from the faucet?" Then he would record the answer and go to the next door.
He did this for several weeks. One day he knocked on a door and a man answered. He asked the man, "When you take a bath, do you sit facing the faucet or facing away from the faucet?"
The man said, " I sit facing away from the faucet."
So he recorded the answer then he said, "I don't mean to pry, but I have asked hundreds and hundreds of people which way they sit in the tub and you are the first person to tell me you sit facing away from the faucet. Why?"
The man said, "I have no plug."
As for me, I throw my balls in then jump in after them.
Bob Boyd,
I get the idea you like toys to entertain yourself while in the tub, but when do your testicles hit the water?
Tomorrow at six.
But you're not invited.
Also, there is no possible way to enter the water so your balls hit last.
You could limbo into the tub. Although, that's probably more compatible with female physiology. Perhaps a male gymnast, maybe.
Shower. In, wash, out, and on with your life.
“Who in the hell would shower first and then take a bath?”
Someone who needs to pee.
eric said...
"Also, there is no possible way to enter the water so your balls hit last."
You could lower yourself in like this.
https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1nb4xm/old_man_hanging_by_his_testicles/
“Who in the hell would shower first and then take a bath?”
Someone who needs to pee.
I've never been known as a clean freak or prissy in any particular way. But don't people know they can urinate BEFORE bathing, and NOT in the shower.
The best way to go balls (close to) last would seem to be an old fashioned CANNON BALL(!) into the tub.
Splashes a bit, but your balls will thank you.
OK, click on the link. LOL.
Well played.
Two different topics under discussion. The original, very weird and probably fake story concerned a young boy (baby?). Assuming for the sake of argument that the LR is real, this poor kid with undescended testicles, is being held over a body of water face up. I'd scream too, FCS, balls out or in. So this is total BS.
Then it becomes a deep dive into "men's" behavior in the bath/shower. Holy cow, do the turds ever float in this discussion! This is some weak tea(bagging) trolling to elicit comments about balls.
Also, who doesn't pee in the shower? More BS from the commentariat.
You got me; you won.
@Althouse, I do not understand your comment at 6:02. You pee in the bathtub? Yuck!
no.
Bathtubs are used by people who like wallowing in their own filth.
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