December 31, 2014

"Today I Learned Something about My Boyfriend That No Girl Should Ever Have to Discover."

"Mark was the stuff of dreams. Kind, caring, attentive. Enough to make all of my friends jealous. But today something horrible happened…"

(Via Metafilter.)

59 comments:

walter said...

There's the problem: unrealistic expectations. All men are dogs. Accept him for who he is...and don't grill him.

AustinRoth said...

What passes for feminist humor in NY these days...

Hagar said...

Things look a little bleak and cold in Madison, WI this morning?

Kyzer SoSay said...

I hope every writer on that website drops dead. Today. They're horrible.

Wilbur said...

This reminds of that insurance commercial where the girl, excuse me, woman whines for too long about her car, "Brad".

Beldar said...

"Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails."

Or roughly that illuminating and funny.

Drago said...

What's most amusing is that in just a few months Garry Trudeau will produce a comic strip lamenting the ongoing scourge of hot dog/sweater republican college students who are sexually assaulting liberal women on college campuses across the country.

When confronted with the lunacy of such thought, Trudeau will fall back on the "It's the larger narrative that's important!" defense.

Bob Boyd said...

What's really changed? She was happy with him before, right? If its all good when the sweater comes off, who cares what her friends think?

Brando said...

Just like women--always trying to make men into something they're not!

The Drill SGT said...

Who knew Andrew Costa was a Trans-womyn?

NotWhoIUsedtoBe said...

She only sees him as a piece of meat. Two pieces.

Rob said...

Two hot dogs was keeping her satisfied? What was she doing with the second one?

Michael K said...

One of those hot dogs got real big if you massaged it. Sort of like the briefcase made of foreskins that became a suitcase when you rubbed it.

rspung said...

Not feeling it.

TCR James said...

Is it possible that Lena Dunham was actually writing about an Oscar Meyer Wiener that jilted her?

Jonathan Card said...

I ... didn't get it.

HoodlumDoodlum said...

I understand your Earthling humor-jokes and am one of the gang; fear me not.

Also clickbait headline is clickbait-y.

virgil xenophon said...

The big tip-off would be if he had picked her up for a date driving the Oscar Meyer Wiener Car..

MikeR said...

Where's Laslo when we need him?
Probably writing that article.

Skeptical Voter said...

Well sometimes the hot dog slips out. See Anthony Wiener.

My name goes here. said...

"Is it possible that Lena Dunham was actually writing about an Oscar Meyer Wiener that jilted her?"

Oh, c'mon! I've seen Lena Durham. I don't think she would turn down a hot dog.

JAORE said...

Blogger TCR James said...

Is it possible that Lena Dunham was actually writing about an Oscar Meyer Wiener that jilted her?

It was really a vegan named Sky Dancer. But she hates meat eaters so she changed a few details.

Known Unknown said...

Hell, we've written funnier stuff on our fake news blog for years, but never got a link from the fair Professor.

Gahrie said...

Girls in my day dated cucumbers.....

Fritz said...

"MikeR said...
Where's Laslo when we need him?
Probably writing that article."

He's not that bad.

Fred Drinkwater said...

Leaden. Flat.
To quote Calvin: "Be funnier!"

Paco Wové said...

"an attempt at humor by someone who has seen a lot of it but doesn't understand it"

OMG! Finally a Metafilter commenter I agree with!

Henry said...

The original joke is a New Yorker cartoon:

Now that we've fallen in love I have a confession...

mikee said...

The author just needs to meet a real man, like Vercingetorix the Fire Chief from Richard Brautigan's Trout Fishing in America.

Oh, wait, that was an absurdist novel from 40+ years ago.

Better dance with the hot dogs what brung ya, hon.

tim in vermont said...

Against my better judgement, I clicked on it. Now I know why I call it my better judgement.

chillblaine said...

"I’d heard of this happening to other girls..."

This post was written by a fella named Andrew Costa. He doesn't feel a 'responsibility to produce a punch line,' apparently, just puzzlement. I think I found Garry Trudeau's ghost writer.

Eric said...

I'm holding a grudge against you Althouse for tricking me into clicking on that.

Anonymous said...

"Two hotdogs in a sweater" has forever ruined for me the term "sweaterpuppies".

mccullough said...

Sometimes a hot dog is just a hot dog.

Steve said...

I once confessed to a friend, "All men are dogs." She replied, "But not all dogs are bad."

retired said...

Mark's the lucky one.

retired said...

Mark's the lucky one

Paco Wové said...

Not a cure for clickbait, but a sort of palliative:

http://unvis.it

You can visit all those nasty sites without giving them the benefit of your pageviews.

Anonymous said...

Rip off of the "My GF is prego" meme.

Anthony said...

I thought it was funny. . . ..

lemondog said...

Jonathan Card said...
I ... didn't get it.


Neither do I. I think they are cute

wildswan said...

I thought it was pretty funny - every cliche in the sob story set of cliches wrapped around a failure to notice the obvious. It could happen

JCCamp said...

That was a waste of several minutes, compounded by commenting on same here. Was it supposed to be humorous? Ironic, perhaps? Commentary on bland boyfriends or unperceptive girlfriends?
10th grade Intro to creative writing B+

I did enjoy many of the comments, including one mentioning the Oscar Weiner Weinermobile. Tricky stuff, that, finding a way to cite the Weinermobile in an intelligent fashion.

MathMom said...

Wow. That was a real side-splitter. Really.

Big Mike said...

Yeah, everybody knows you don't want hot dogs. Every woman wants a knockwurst.

Bob Ellison said...

I L'DMAO. That punchline hit me like an RPG.

Dr.D said...

That was the dumbest thing I have read in all 2014! What a fitting climax for the year.

Anonymous said...

I surely hope that is the last nonsensical thing I read in 2014.

Trashhauler said...

Perhaps it is true: women have no concept of comedy.

Herp McDerp said...

Animaniacs did it better a couple of decades ago:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH9lk22EBtE

sdharms said...

Why would you link to this drivel? Have you no standards?

Unknown said...

https://medium.com/@songlight2/you-may-end-up-married-to-a-package-of-hot-dogs-c17984023200

Bryan C said...

I thought it was funny. The checkbox thingy should include "I'm not a hotdog."

MadisonMan said...

Just because other people are talking about it, via metafilter, is not a good reason to talk about it.

dreams said...

And those years she still thought he had potential.

Freeman Hunt said...

I like it. It's better than any true story that would fall under that headline and no more of a time waster.

Unknown said...

wait...what? Nevermind

Anonymous said...

Huh?? He's a hotdog? Obviously, I'm not understanding this. What am missing?

Unknown said...

I think what this article meant about "Old hotdogs" are people who's not who you think they are He appears as a handsome man but turned out to be a man with a stinky attitude.. Maybe in the text messages he won't reply or just ignore her... Or in that besketball team he just sit around the corner and do nothing but wins with the team... I dunno.. Just how I understood it.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯