December 31, 2014

Celebrating the absence of a wedding.



"After Her Fiancé Left Her At The Altar, This Bride Took The World’s Best Photo Shoot/'The moment the first bit of paint hit my dress I was free.'"

ADDED: Not to be confused with "solo weddings."
The telling thing about the Japanese ceremonies is that they show that the single person would still like to marry someone, even if that someone is themselves. It makes their singledom look ludicrous. Marriage is a bond and a commitment—marrying yourself is ridiculous because you are already married to yourself....

Writing in The Guardian in October, Grace Gelder said when she had married herself—in quite a fun-looking ceremony attended by her sister (her family were wholly supportive, she says) and many friends—the act was one of “self-love,” though not narcissistic.

“I’d been essentially single for almost six years and built up this brilliant relationship with myself,” Gelder wrote. “Nevertheless, I was aware of getting into a rut, where a relationship with someone else seemed like too much hard work. So I really wanted to pay tribute to this adventurous period of self-discovery but, at the same time, look forward to a new phase... I seem to sense much more clearly than before if something is worth pursuing or best left alone. And just because I married myself, it doesn’t mean that I’m not open to the idea of sharing a wedding with someone else one day.”

In Gelder’s reading, then, a self-marriage isn’t for life, it is a statement of single wellness, a sign to loved ones and society that she is on her own and doing OK. She will not be committing adultery on herself if she meets someone else, because her self-marriage was really a statement that she was, at this time of her life, doing just fine.... [I]magine divorcing yourself. How do you throw yourself out of your own home? Singles marriage therapy would be a (disturbing) riot....

23 comments:

tim maguire said...

When I first saw this, I was fully prepared to congratulate the groom for dodging a bullet, but it's actually a nice idea and shows some real spirit on her part.

Tom said...

If she's this excited to not be married, he did her a favor by leaving.

Big Mike said...

I think every woman in the United States who has ever had to buy a hideous bridesmaid dress is appreciative of what these four bridesmaids did with theirs.

Ralph Hyatt said...

There was something about the tall, blonde bridesmaid's hair-doo that screamed southern at me.

Henry said...

My reaction was similar to tim maguire's: skepticism (stupid spam headline) followed by a thumbs up.

Ms. Swink appears to have some pretty great parents and good friends.

Henry said...

Regarding the stupid spam headline, it's doubly annoying when you read the article and realize it's factually incorrect. The fiancé backed out a week before the date.

rhhardin said...

Modern wedding rituals satisfy the woman's need to show off the deal she made for herself to her friends, something of no interest to the guy.

He might have stuck around if he'd known it was going to be fun.

St. George said...

Irish singer songwriter Lisa Hannigan did the same in a 2012 video.

Ain't that much that is new under this world's sun.

BDNYC said...

I was with her until the last two pictures with the middle fingers. It would have been much cooler if she'd just stuck with the celebration theme and not expressed anger or defiance or whatever it was. The hurt is shining through.

CatherineM said...

I don't know how you reach that interpretation Tom. What was she supposed to do? Cry all day to prove he was wrong?

I would not have ruined the dresses. At least not the bridesmaids.

CStanley said...

But when the week of the wedding arrived, Swink’s then-fiancé told her that he was not in love with her and didn’t want to get married.

She could have said, "I'm not buying it. What can I do to give you the space you need to think this through."

Be said...

I'm sorry for what happened. The paint job, though, is lovely.

***

Somewhat related:

http://myexwifesweddingdress.com/

Some really creative ideas there.

jimbino said...

I naturally celebrate divorce, not marriage, even though it, as in this aborted marriage case, only serves to put religious, superstitious and damaged people back on the playing field, polluting it for those of us who value friendship, partnership and companionship, and who eschew ceremonies that have no basis in either common sense or the Bible.

Shanna said...

I was with her until the last two pictures with the middle fingers. It would have been much cooler if she'd just stuck with the celebration theme and not expressed anger or defiance or whatever it was. The hurt is shining through.

Of course it is, how could it not? This is how she's coping.

Virgil Hilts said...

Going to weddings is the most boring thing imaginable (and they are often scheduled to conflict with interesting football games). The only excitement is the possibility that one will back out/not show up or that Ben Braddock will start pounding on the windows. I end up hoping for something like that to happen and it never does.

FullMoon said...

Some years ago, a guy in the neighborhood left his wedding reception and came home and blew his brains out. Didn't even change his clothes.

They had been living together for 10 years and had two kids.

Never found out why.

Alex said...

Just another typical fattie! Go to Brazil young men, the women there are hot and thin.

mikee said...

Look at the solo Japanese weddings as a commitment to remain with one's self alive, rather than separating from one''s living self via suicide, and it makes more sense.

walter said...

"“I poured my heart and soul into the wedding plans, because I wanted the day that would celebrate our love and commitment for each other to be absolutely amazing,”

I wonder if in the time between engagement and bailing , he saw things about her or himself that gave him pause. Just saying I would like to hear his side of all this.

walter said...

Maybe he decided it was safer to marry himself. Oh, right..women are the ones doing that..hint.

MathMom said...

I was ditched a few weeks before a planned wedding. I should have done this with the dress.

That said, when one person decides they don't want to get married, I think you should take them at their word and move on. Worked for me. 39 years on it is really funny that I thought I could make a good marriage with that guy. Glad he dumped me.

mrs.e said...

When life gives you lemons...

LordSomber said...

She's making quite the effort to show that she's "over it."

An aside: Do brides intentionally choose obese bridesmaids to make themselves look better or is it perhaps an unconscious decision?