November 7, 2014

How to buy a robot.

Via Metafilter:
A woman was the clerk at an electronics store, and two guys in her line were obviously a couple, the two of them holding hands and occasionally smooching. Behind them was a sour-faced woman, and behind them, another woman with a little girl. When the two guys got up to the clerk, they asked if the store had a wedding registry. "Oh, congratulations!" the clerk said. "We don't, but what my wife and I did was just write down all the product numbers and give them out..."

And the sour-faced woman interrupted them to say that she didn't have time for their "gay-pride parade," and they should hurry up and get out of her way.

And then the little girl stamped her foot and shouted at the woman - "That's not nice! You should apologize right now!"

And everyone stared at her open-mouthed - the clerk, the men, the woman, and her mother. The woman sputtered out something about being gay being against the Bible and that it was disgusting, and the girl said, "No, God loves everybody! A girl can like a girl, and a boy can like a boy! And God doesn't care - maybe He just made a boy like a boy, and God still loves them!"

And the woman just glared at everyone a moment, then threw her things down on the ground and left. And while everyone was just blinking, the little girl primly picked up the robot toy she'd selected and walked up to the register and asked, "Can I get this, please?"

At which point, the two men said they would pay for it, and the clerk said the store just so happened to give 50% discounts to awesome little girls.

128 comments:

madAsHell said...

My bullshit meter just pegged.

Meade said...

"...meter just pegged."

madAsHell, I don't have time for your meter-pegging-pride parade.

Ann Althouse said...

"My bullshit meter just pegged."

Oh! Second time today doubt has been cast on something I've linked to.

What I want to know then is whether this seems more or less authentic than the brothel menu in the first post.

SteveBrooklineMA said...

"My bullshit meter just pegged."
Indeed, a little girl... buying a robot?

mikee said...

There will always be people hopelessly behind the curve on what is currently considered socially acceptable behavior, and there will always be children around to correct them. Gleefully. Because how often do kids get to be little totalitarian autocrats to strange adults? Not very, where I'm from.

Because while adults may have opinions that differ from the opinions of others, other adults recognize and are tolerant of others' rights to speak foolishly about their beliefs, and only children get away with telling adults to shut the hell up, without danger of being punched.

I recall the movie The Killing Fields, and the scene with the 12 year old little girl whose job it was to put the plastic bags over the heads of the tightly bound convicts of the people's court, holding the bags tightly until the convicts were suffocated to death for the crimes of wearing glasses, being able to read, and not being politically correct. Good times, good times.

Henry said...

stamped her foot sounds like poetic license. Take that out and I'm good with the whole thing.

There's always a sour-faced woman, right? I remember a sour-faced woman getting cross because I was trying to buy a single pair of shoelaces in the grocery store and it wouldn't ring up. She didn't have time for my 'shoelace parade'.

MnMark said...

Aw, what a cute little progressive commissar! For one so young, she has drunk the equalist kool-aide deeply!

In a few years, she will be one of those young people who are very dedicated to the cause...I'm sure we count on her to turn in those with incorrect thoughts to the re-education police, now that we've rewarded her with praise, toys, and publicity for being such a devoted truth-speaker.

I hear there were plenty of kids like her devoted to the Khmer Rouge cause, too. And the Hitler Youth! Kids make good fanatics when you raise them right!

Kevin said...

The brothel menu was at least aged to look the part. This story isn't even trying. Even true believers would spot this as being "fake but accurate."

Moose said...

I've never - traveling all around the country - encountered this kind of overt hostility even in "backward" areas of the country. So it while it might not "peg my meter" it does make me want to look at shoes and see if stepped in something.

MadisonMan said...

I am also skeptical that this happened.

MadisonMan said...

To begin with -- the little girl is there with her mother, but ends up picking up the robot that the sour-faced women throws down on the ground?

MnMark said...

...other adults recognize and are tolerant of others' rights to speak foolishly about their beliefs...

There wasn't anything 'foolish' about her speaking up. Sexual perverts were parading their perversion in front of everyone, rubbing their faces in it, and daring them to say anything about it. And someone did. Good for her.

Someone has to be willing to stand up for basic public decency. We now have music videos with naked women dancing around. I guess the next thing will be the gays will need to give each other blow jobs in public (like they do in San Francisco during that pride event, I've forgotten what it's called) to prove how they now dictate public norms to the rest of us.

Next the gays will be saying that any man who is afraid to get it on with another man is a homophobe, the way that some black men will accuse white women who don't want to date them of being racists.

The reality of course is that the progressive moral fundamentalism about equality is the defacto law of the land now, so we will have to pursue "equality" right down into the depths of depravity before it gets so bad that people with common sense say "enough". And along the way we will have this spectacle of brainwashed children being praised for confronting and outing "counter-revolutionaries" like that woman.

Dave Schumann said...

The kind of people who believe this happened also believe that Cory Gardner will take away your condoms in the night in order to build the latex foundations of his militarized megachurch from which he will rain hellfire down upon tampon factories.

Bob Ellison said...

Just last Halloween, I was at a 7-11 in blackface, because I was going to a party as Al Jolson. I was buying some Tastykakes, and the cost was $4.02. I didn't have any coins, so I suggested to the clerk that we might take a couple of pennies from the little penny cup.

An old, white, obviously Republican guy behind me shouted, "Don't take those pennies! He's stealing from us white people!"

A little dog, probably a Chihuahua, barked at that man.

The crowd erupted in applause, and the clerk gave me the Tastykakes for free. I shook the paw of the little dog and walked away happy.

Dave Schumann said...

@Bob perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Paco Wové said...

I didn't even finish reading the excerpt and the BS meter went off.

n.n said...

MnMark:

Not equal. Selective. If they believed in equality, then there would be a lot more "sour-faced" women and little, crying girls. The buffet is served with a diverse offering of evolutionary and moral hazards.

Diamondhead said...

These are the kinds of stories that frustratingly don't ever really seem to happen but you just know they're happening all the time, somewhere.

So here we have a friendly cashier, an adorable engaged couple, a wise mother, a precocious truth-teller, and the rude and sour-faced lady who will give each of them the opportunity to be seen in the best possible light. Too perfect, too convenient, didn't happen.

It's in the same category as the Christian person who wouldn't tip because of the server's "lifestyle."

Deirdre Mundy said...

Right.... because couples always register at RADIO SHACK. (Which, at least, does seem to lack a wedding registry, so at least that's legit.)

What, they want their friends and family to buy them diodes and over-priced weather radios? They wouldn't just create an Amazon registry?

This strikes me as a fake viral story cooked up by marketers in another soon-to-fail attempt to make Radio Shack seem 'modern and cool'. Since "The 80s called", while hilarious, didn't actually get us into the stores.

Anglelyne said...

"I never even saw who her parents were or where she was from. She just sort of showed up and then ran off again."

Uh huh.

A woman was the clerk at an electronics store...

"Shit that never happened" comments on MetaFilter? Well, I never!

AA: What I want to know then is whether this seems more or less authentic than the brothel menu in the first post.

The brothel menu was authentically a lame joke, while the MF items were authentically meant to deceive the faithful.

kfb said...

madAsHell said...
My bullshit meter just pegged.

I, myself, use the phrase..."my bullshit meter hit the red zone"... :-D

Fernandinande said...

madAsHell said...
My bullshit meter just pegged.


Mine went to eleven.

Revenant said...

Yeah, I'm with "madAsHell" on this one. As much as I'd like the story to be true, I don't buy it for a second. Pics or it didn't happen, man.

Drago said...

Why didn't they include the part about the muslim men who were there and came rapidly to the defense of the gay men and the little girl?

It would have been nice if the hugs the muslim men gave to the gay couple would have been included in the story as well.

The nicest touch was the "COEXIST" sticker the muslim men had on their Prius.

Amichel said...

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists? A student bravely replied, "Yes, he did!"

"God created everything? The professor asked.

"Yes sir", the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil". The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name — Albert Einstein.

Deirdre Mundy said...

Also, clerks don't have the authority to offer mysterious 50% discounts.

Otherwise, they could just give 'good child discounts' to all their buddies buying TVs.

And why would the Clerk have registered at the store where she worked? That also seems... unlikely. You usually want things that you wouldn't already be getting an employee discount on.

So many layers of 'never happened.'

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of a speech I was watching Ben Carson give. I don't know when he gave the speech, it was in Spokane to a Pro-Life group and posted to YouTube last month. I watched it last night, it was a good speech.

In it, he says several times that he isn't politically correct. He talks about being a child and being afraid of dogs. So afraid that sometimes he would be really late to school as he would see dogs and have to navigate around them. Until one day an older man told him, dog won't bother you if you show them you're not afraid. Then he tries this out and learns that a dogs bark is worse than it's bite.

Which leads him to tell us that he will not be intimidated into silence.

This is one of those stories meant to intimidate us into silence.

If you want to speak with body language and smooth your same sex partner in public? Yay!

If you want to speak with words and say how disgusted you are? Boo!

This story pushes me to want to start acting like the "sour faced lady" while I'm in public.

Only, I'm not going to run away like she did.

Freder Frederson said...

The part that I find hard to believe is that the were five people besides the employees in a Radio Shack at the same time.

RecChief said...

What I want to know then is whether this seems more or less authentic than the brothel menu in the first post.

I think it's possible. I've known a number of people who have no filter. However, it's a neatly packaged story. Kind of like the commenter's (Inga) steady troop of family that always had a life experience that reinforced a leftist spin on any issue. While it's possible, it's also highly convnenient.

But one thing is true, God doesn't make mistakes, and Jesus admonished us to love one another and not judge one another on our sins. That is, we all sin, and no one is more holy than another.

Anonymous said...

Bah.

"Smooch your same sex partner."

Drago said...

Freder Frederson said...
The part that I find hard to believe is that the were five people besides the employees in a Radio Shack at the same time.

Ok, now see? That's funny.

Achilles said...

The title of the post is wrong. It should be "How to program little fascist robots."

Drago said...

RecChief: "But one thing is true, God doesn't make mistakes, and Jesus admonished us to love one another and not judge one another on our sins. That is, we all sin, and no one is more holy than another."

I would criticize this speck of a comment you've made, but I've got this log in my eye that I have to deal with first.

Anglelyne said...

The robot story would have been much better if Sour Face Lady had just scored the last-in-stock of a hot toy that the little girl really really wanted (i.e., not a robot), and the wily little girl saw her opening and pro-gayed Sour-Face into a spiral of rage, 'til she threw the toy down and huffed off, leaving the plum for Our Heroine.

David53 said...

"...the clerk said the store just so happened to give 50% discounts to awesome little girls."

What store was that? I can make an ID card that states I'm an Awesome Little Girl. I want me some 50% discounts too.

Sertorius said...

I also found the story a little hard to believe, and did some googling. This appears to be the original source:

http://notalwaysright.com/?s=You+should+apologize+right+now

It adds some more details, like it occurred in Denver, and the "clerk" was actually the store manager. Personally, I'm still skeptical, but maybe....

Bob Ellison said...

Yeah, Drago, I LOL'd at Freder's comment.

Farmer said...

Good Lord, Althouse. How to get sucked into propagating an Internet myth.

Bryan C said...

This reads exactly like those little inspirational stories you find tucked inside church bulletins.

Of course, churchgoers usually regard these stories as modern parables of a sort, rather than insisting that they're literal eyewitness reports. The secular true-believers doesn't seem to be quite as sophisticated.

tim maguire said...

So I had to go find the brothel menu just so I could say this tale is fetid bilgewater and someone's bullshit meter could be far less sensitive than madasHell's and still peg on this obviously made up story long before the little girl so much as stamped her foot, but the IT bastards in my office blocked the brothel menu so I can't see what 50 cents got you in 1910 until I get home, by which time I will almost certainly have forgotten and will go to my grave without knowing because I couldn't find out RIGHT NOW!

Dave Schumann said...

This is supposed to have happened in DENVER? aaaahahahahahahahahahaha

rhhardin said...

The stupid story is that people against gay marriage are unpleasant people.

It's a hate transfer invitation.

What about people in line who are for civil unions and against gay marriage and who are pleasant people?

The little girl wouldn't fit. She wouldn't know about marriage, for instance.

rhhardin said...

Little boys mostly wish for interesting disasters, like school bus crashes.

Scott M said...

Video or it didn't happen. Any fiction writer worth his or her salt could whip this up in minutes.

David said...

Let me see if I get this.

The little girl is actually the robot, right?

RazorSharpSundries said...

Bullshit detector on high fuckin' alert. Yeah, those zen-like cashiers are always givin' out 50% discounts to high-spirited angels voicing their pc-acceptance of two dudes engaging in lewd behavior.

Dave Schumann said...

Kudos to Sertorious for finding the original myth. It looks obvious what did happen.

There really was an electronics store (maybe a Best Buy, where one might POSSIBLY want to register but which, bafflingly, has no registry) in Denver with a lesbian manager. She was working the counter and a cutesy kissing gay couple was in line. Also in line was a woman visibly annoyed by being in line behind such PDA (as I would be), and a little girl.

And that's what happened. The rest of it was a revenge fantasy.

David said...

Did the Little Girl Robot tramp her foot or stamp her foot? Maybe a Little Girl Robot with a tramp stamp?

(I'll leave the rest of the robot stuff to Betamax but really, the robot in this story is the little girl.)

traditionalguy said...

War on Women is fading fast and War on gay Marriage is going into the lead around the final turn into he 2016 straight away. War on black men is a distant third.

I love political races.

Mark O said...

Bad manners are a 21st Century phenomenon.

Unknown said...

"What do we do with our brightest minds? How do we educate them? We polish them up, teach them to write prettily, and indoctrinate them into the idea that the highest form of wisdom is total ignorance.
What I mean by that is that we teach them to value non-discrimination above all else. Total refusal to discriminate between ideas on their merits is now the mark of the sage. Any civilization is just one of many. Any idea is just one of many. Any religion is just one of many. Any philosophy is just one of many. Everything is relative and everything is deserving of respect. (Unless, of course, it is successful like Christianity or capitalism.)" -- Freeman Hunt

MadisonMan said...

Where's it say this was at Radio Shack?

(Not to take away from Freder's joke, of course).

Amichel: Nope.

Anonymous said...

If it were me making up this story, I'd have ended it with Old Mrs. Grundy recognizing Little Miss Grundy as a kindred spirit and adopting her.

RecChief said...

Mark O said...
Bad manners are a 21st Century phenomenon.


It's because there aren't a lot of people who carry on a daily basis.

Anonymous said...

MadisonMan:

"Where's it say this was at Radio Shack?

(Not to take away from Freder's joke, of course).

Amichel: Nope."

I didn't click your link but I'm pretty sure it's going to be a refutation that his story is true.

Which, I assumed upon reading it, that it wasn't true. I thought for about 10 seconds, "I need to go look this up and verify it online, because I seriously doubt it's true."

And then after about 10 seconds I thought, "I wonder if that's the point? One bullshit story deserves another....."

Paco Wové said...

This seems to fit a pretty standard urban legend pattern:

Obnoxious Person A behaves badly towards innocent Person B, is reprimanded by Person C (optionally Person D may be involved in shaming & reprimand). Person A is deeply & publicly shamed by Person C's reprimand, beats hasty and classless retreat; afterwards, everybody else on scene has big affirmational kumbaya party celebrating values & ideals embodied by Person B (and antithetical to Person A). Person C often has attributes that would make them unexpected as enforcers of public mores, thus emphasizing how thoroughly burned Person A has been.

Basic template can be adapted to any desired political, socioeconomic, geographic, or ethnic circumstance; embellish details as desired.

HoodlumDoodlum said...

Such cynicism from you lot, for shame! I stamp my foot at your credulity; when stories follow the correct ideological arch truth itself stands aside, comrades.

Phaedrus said...

tag this one

"desperately gullible"

Amichel said...

@ MadisonMan and @Eric

Of course it isn't true, it's a BS feel good story just like the one Althouse posted. That's the whole cockadoodie point! =P

Skeptical Voter said...

Well yes my Bullshit Bingo card went off when I read this piece.

But let's cut the author of this fantasy a little slack and "correct the seasoning" of this tawdry bowl of PC soup.

It's an "electronics store". Well it's true that it would be impossible to find five people other than the clerks in a Radio Shack.

But let's make it a big box "Best Buy" store with lots of electronics toys and such. I suspect they do have a wedding registry.

Or let's make it a Fry's Electronics Store--very popular big box stores here in Southern California. Long lines of customers (albeit they have a Disneyland style line with maybe 20 cashiers working at once--you go to the head of the line, and the "spotter" sends you to an open cash register.)

Well I tried to help the author of this fantasy.

But it could have happened on say Polk Street in San Francisco. I have a nephew who grew up in the Bay Area steeped in all their PC BS. He didn't like Japanese cars because the Japanese ate whale meat.He had posters in his bedroom to that effect.

He might have turned out okay as an adult if I had just had the judgment to send the thirteen year old boy a poster that said, "Nuke a Gay Whale".

rhhardin said...

Absolute zero is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

Einstein would have known that absolute zero is not a point of being inert but a point where increasing entropy does not increase energy.

There are physical systems with negative absolute temperatures, in fact.

So it's a bogus story too.

Sigivald said...

MetaFilter still exists?

Huh.

That is a state of affairs.

rhhardin said...

I took a picture of the oldest building on campus with a pinhole camera (cardboard box with a tiny hole and a piece of photographic paper on the opposite wall).

The developed negative paper was contact printed onto another piece of photographic paper.

It was then fixed too little, dried, folded, dragged along the ground until marked up and aged, and inserted into the oldest book in the school library.

Where it probably still is today, unless they threw out all the books, as is likely.

madAsHell said...

Oh! Second time today doubt has been cast on something I've linked to.

I'm not sure why you would link to something that doesn't pass the sniff test.....especially with this crowd.

I'm not buying the brothel menu story either.

Henry said...

Paco Wove wrote: This seems to fit a pretty standard urban legend pattern:


Or one of those small narratives that sociologists use to test moral intuition.

Funny how mad it got half the people here. First the gut response then the post-hoc rationalization.

Bob R said...

You could combine the two posts for a pretty good version of "The Aristocrats."

Ann Althouse said...

I love the alternate anecdotes adopting this format. Bring them on.

I am not vouching for the truth of the story. It is damned pat. That's what makes it so awesome.

Big Mike said...

I'd sure like snopes.com to take a look at it. The story's plausible, but smacks of a modern urban legend.

I haven't read the brothel menu post yet, but mark me a skeptical about this one at least.

Paco Wové said...

...the latex foundations of his militarized megachurch...

Now that's a felicitous turn of phrase.

MadisonMan said...

This is something that happened to my cousin's friend when they were out camping.

They had been camping in their tent, but a thunderstorm blew in, so they retreated to the car, and to pass the time, they turned on the radio...

(skip skip skip)

...and when they got home there was a bloody hook hanging from the door handle!!!!

Drago said...

Henry: "Funny how mad it got half the people here."

Wow.

Half.

I didn't discern any "anger" at all.

Can you give a couple examples of this "mad"-ness you detected?

Fernandinande said...

rhhardin said...
[Einstein story]
So it's a bogus story too.


FWIW, Snopes says FALSE.

Which sounds about right since the story was pretty stupid.

Henry said...

MadisonMan wrote: ...and when they got home there was a bloody hook hanging from the door handle!!!!

"What the hell," said the littler girl, "this robot is missing one its hooks."

Matthew Sablan said...

In general, I take a wait and see approach to all these stories. Remember all the fake tipping/receipt scams that happened over the last few years with a sympathetic waiter/waitress on the receiving end of an anonymous rich person's evil teasing -- that almost to a one turned out to be false?

So, yeah. I'm taking a wait and see. It is a neat little parable, and the sour-faced woman could have just as easily said "Get a room." Lesson learned, everyone wins. Especially robots.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

It reminds me of that Dear Prudence Halloween letter from a couple weeks ago.

You know, that other thing illustrating some great truth about the haters that was obviously total fabricated bullshit to anyone with an ounce of perception, but will be endlessly, glurgily, repeated by the gullible.

Matthew Sablan said...

Yeah. I was surprised Prudence really believed that there was a "They're stealing our candies!?!?!" person out there. But then I remember, some people are dicks.

Anonymous said...

Puke. I've always been pro-gay, but saccharine is saccharine. I expected Shirley Temple to start tap-dancing with the robot. If no one had needled the sour-faced woman, the Biblical stuff wouldn't have come up...if it really happened, and I doubt it.

To paraphrase you:

Why is "sour-faced" considered acceptable as an insult?

Why is it considered okay to call attention to what seems to be some poor woman's mood disorder?

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

And, just went back to read the rest of the comments, and many chortles went forth. Althousians are awesome.

MadisonMan said...

Why is "sour-faced" considered acceptable as an insult?

It's more current to say she has a Bitchy Resting Face (BRF).

Henry said...

Paul Zrimsek wrote If it were me making up this story, I'd have ended it with Old Mrs. Grundy recognizing Little Miss Grundy as a kindred spirit and adopting her.

Ha. That's on the money.

David Smith said...

I vote @eric the winner of the "best one sentence description":

"This is one of those stories meant to intimidate us into silence."

john said...

I have the same problem with the bag of meth found in the little girl's Halloween candy.

But there was a picture, and, for sure, there was the meth bag - right next to the apple with a barely exposed razor blade edge.

She was lucky that the candy stealers didn't snatch the whole thing.

Simon Kenton said...

Now now now. The story is not quite correct, but it's close. It happened in Boulder, on one of those rare days when you can actually find a clerk in an electronics store, and the clerk will actually pay attention to a customer rather than some tiny screen or other.

Also, the robot was a vibrator. The girl is 7, and enrolled in a sex education class at the local Unity Church; buying, using a minimum 10 times, and reporting on using it were her assignment for next Sunday. Her name is Wiccette Datura. Her dreadlocks are promising, and her tats (given how little real estate is yet available) are sensational.

Paco Wové said...

"This is one of those stories meant to intimidate us into silence."

I disagree. I would guess most of the time "us" never see these stories at all (would you ever have seen it unless Althouse dredged it up?) I think they're about giving warm fuzzies to the faithful.

Kevin said...

Of course, now if you google key words and phrases, what comes up is...Althouse.

The call is coming from inside the, er, Althouse!

Joe said...

I heard that Lena Dunham was there shoving pebbles up the girl's vagina.

The Cracker Emcee said...

Laughably apochryphal. Liberals unquestioningly slurp this stuff up though. I bet it exploded like Godzilla splooge across Facebook.

Anonymous said...

Drago:

"Wow.

Half.

I didn't discern any "anger" at all.

Can you give a couple examples of this "mad"-ness you detected? "


Maybe if you count the posts by (mad)AsHell and (Mad)isonMan?

Freeman Hunt said...

And then a Catholic priest walked in, shouting, "God loves everyone," and he married the gay couple right there while the cashier and little girl cried with joy. Then they all danced long into the night right there in Radio Shack.

William said...

And that little girl grew up and became Lena Dunham. This is another story from her eventful childhood. It's all in the book.

Freeman Hunt said...

And that little girl grew up to be Hillary Clinton.

Anonymous said...

Amichel said...

"That's the whole cockadoodie point! =P"

Thank you for that shiver that just ran down my spine as I was reminded of "Misery"

Simon Kenton said...

And that little girl lives in Boulder and will never need to grow up at all.

Your \Master said...

were the two fgay men in question Barack 0bama "The Gay Marxist" and his gay lover Chris "Tingles" Matthews?

and was 0bama crying on Chris matthews shoulder nonstop after his massive losses in the 2014 midterms?

I assume the end of the story goes something like this.. and then puff the magic dragon magically flew down from the clouds with micheal jackson who was molesting small boys at the time... picked up both 0bama and tingles and flew off into the communist utopia (along with all the demtards in the democrat party) to where they have now and forever banished and in hiding.

...or at least, I hope it ends with the entire democrat party committing mass suicide in a group ritual together... don't you think that would at least get MSNBC's ratings up ...from dead last?

can'r MSNBC tell asskissing 0bama 24/7 doesn't work? what's wrong with their exec's
mwahahahahahahahaha

Henry said...

eric wrote: Maybe if you count the posts by (mad)AsHell and (Mad)isonMan?

Funny. I admit "mad" was the wrong word. Maybe "irked" would have been better.

Terry said...

You could easily turn this story around . . .
Gay couple are having sex in a public place, in view of passersby, one of whom is a young girl. Grandmotherly old lady steps up and shames the gay couple for having so little thought for society's norms that they would expose the child to their obscene performance.
I wonder if that story would make metafilter?

Sean Gleeson said...

Last Thursday at the supermarket, a lesbian couple who happened to be Muslim were buying some groceries. Not many groceries. In fact, all they were buying was a box of one dozen Hostess Twinkies. The other shoppers in line were openly disdainful. One sour-faced old woman opined that both lesbianism and Islam were not Christian. Another old woman agreed, adding sourly that the couple were probably terrorists who came here illegally. A third old woman shrieked at the unhealthy calories represented by their Twinkies. Through all of this abuse, the couple just smiled politely, and occasionally fondled one another's privates.

But the mood turned uglier when the cashier rang up their purchase, and they presented a food stamp card for payment! A man in a tailored suit (who had been silent until now) stamped his foot and spoke on behalf of the offended shoppers. "You worthless, horrible persons, and likewise everyone of your ilk, should die. Not of natural causes, though. I mean violently." The whole crowd of customers applauded and sang hymns while the two chastised ladies sobbed and wailed. The couple hurriedly left the store, without their Twinkies, and without even their food stamp card.

Then a man in an Army officer's uniform entered the store, and chilled the still-celebratory mob with an accusing stamp of his foot. "What did you say to those lesbians?" he demanded. "I know them! Those women had to quit their jobs to raise eight children orphaned when their parents (who happened to be gay American soldiers) were killed in action! They were buying those Twinkies because they could not afford a birthday cake for the orphans! And now they are in the parking lot, dying from severe lack of money! I hope you are satisfied."

Well, everyone felt pretty bad then. The old women emptied their purses to supply the couple with many thousands of dollars. And the man in the tailored suit wrote a check on the spot for seven million dollars. The man's name? Charles and David Koch.

rehajm said...

Often I can't prove I'm not a robot.

David said...

I still say the Little Girl was the robot.

Valentine Smith said...

If the author had simply had the old woman say their behavior was disgusting, the tale would have been believable. But no, to properly delineate the antagonists and elevate the fable to aesopian timelessness it was necessary to have the bitter old crone use the bible as her moral baseline. You see, you can argue against religion but it's impossible to moralize against the perfectly normal reaction of utter disgust in seeing a couple (hetero or homo) doing the exhibitionist twist in public.

MadisonMan said...

...and what they did next was amazing! Click here!

Freeman Hunt said...

Then the little robot cried, "God bless us, everyone!"

mr said...

This totally happened except it wasn't Boulder or Denver it was Iraq and it wasn't an old woman it was an ISIL Jihadi, and it wasn't a robot, it was one of those big beheading knives, but other than that it was the same.

fivewheels said...

At the pharmacy, an old lady is being served at the window while a man waits his turn, and a young woman joins the line behind them. The man has bandages on his head and pretty much looks like Horrible Head Wound Harry. So, he might be a touch sour-faced, as his day has been difficult.

The woman is a well-dressed, attractive, SWPL city-dweller but appears frazzled. She says to the man in front of her: "I'm running late. Is there any way I could go ahead of you? I just have to pick up a prescription."

The man says, "I also just have to pick up a prescription, which I need to help me recover from eye surgery. The way for you to go ahead of me was to arrive here ahead of me."

What an asshole this guy is, right? And there was no little girl to rescue this poor woman who obviously should be waved ahead to jump lines regardless of who's clearly more in need ... because she's a hottie! Come on!

Does this parable say anything universal about the entitled, selfish nature of young women today? I don't know, but it's a 100 percent true story. (My eye is coming along fine.)

Skyler said...

Ann, and you being a law professor believed this?

This story reads like something out of the USSR from the 1920's

Anonymous said...

When I was making a marginal living as a writer, the fake stuff just wrote itself. Ask Mike Barnicle. This is fake. No one today, on any editorial staff, would let a description of a woman as, "...sour faced," go by unless it was a misogynist publication (none of which exist today except in the minds of fervid feminists) which would then not be publishing this dross.

RecChief said...

No one today, on any editorial staff, would let a description of a woman as, "...sour faced," go by unless it was a misogynist publication

You're discounting the other imagery in the story. Just from the other details, she's probably white, Christian, and old (which means she was probably or still is married). Ever heard of an aging lesbian described as sour-faced? how about an older minority lady?

Shit, she's probably from a rural area, she probably has some familiarity with guns too. Both qualities totes mean she's uneducated. So of course, she's on the wrong side of history, all the imagery is there for leftists to denigrate and feel good about themselves.

And don't miss the fact that the young, obviously educated, precocious and outspoken girl is rewarded for "standing up" to the ol' biddy.

Propaganda.

rehajm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rehajm said...

A woman was a clerk at a gun show and two guys in line are obviously a couple, talking about the stuffed antelope head they discovered at the show that will look so fabulous on the wall in their new co-op. Behind them was a little girl and behind her was a sour faced woman. When the two guys got up to the clerk they asked if there was a wedding registry. The clerk was annoyed and clearly homophobic. "Weddin' registry? Whatta we look like, Bass Pro Shop or sumpin'?"

The sour faced woman interrupted them to say they didn't have time for their 'gay pride parade' and they should hurry up and get out of their way.

And then the little girl pulled out her pink 9mm, chambered a round and pointed it at the two men. "We don't take kindly to your kind 'round here!"

The clerk and the woman were reaching for their holsters, but the little girl already had her laser sights painted on the two men.

The two men stared in horror for a moment then thew down the head and fled in fear.

While the others began to stand down the little girl walked the robot duck decoy she'd selected to the register and asked, "Can I get this, please?" At which point the sour faced woman offered to pay for it for being such an awesome little girl.

The little girl thanked Sara Palin for the gift.

Freeman Hunt said...

The robot tinkled his little bell, and the girl recited with delight the tender verse her mother and father had imparted to her from the time of her cradle, "Every time a bell rings, a gay couple entwines in matrimonial strings."

rehajm said...

And the woman just glared at everyone a moment, then threw her things down on the ground and left.

Just then, John Boehner, who was in line to buy cigarettes, saw what happened, came over to the sour faced woman and invited her to a bourbon summit with Mitch McConnell.

Fernandinande said...

Every Who down in Whoville loved homosexuals a lot, but the Sour Faced Woman, who lived just north of Whoville, did not!

Anonymous said...

So there's this sour faced woman who walks into a bar with a little girl. The bartender looks at the little girl and says "we don't serve your kind in here." The little girl says, why not? And then after the bartender tells her, she says "That's not nice! You should apologize right now! God loves everybody! A girl can like a girl, and a boy can like a boy! And God doesn't care - maybe He just made a boy like a boy, and God still loves them!"

So the bartender says, "Get the crud out of your ears, kid. I said we don't serve tykes. With a T." At this point the sour-faced woman realizes she's not going to have any lines in this joke, throws her things on the ground and leaves.

Bob Ellison said...

The sad thing, now that we're way past the point of moderation based on tangential comments, is that Radio Shack is still a useful place, spread all around the country, filled with nerds who can really help you with electronic problems.

We must cast the sour-faced women away from Radio Shack, and enlist bossy little girls to make it popular again.

Freeman Hunt said...

Once upon a time there was a horrible, ugly, old crone who was against gay marriage. All the fair, cosmopolitan people of Tolerance Kingdom suffered under her evil disagreement and quiet rage until one day a beautiful young princess told the old witch to go to hell. With this request the terrible hag agreed and disappeared into the dark, solemn earth. Everyone was so glad to see the odius ogress go that they showered the young princess with STEM toys, "Title IX" emblazoned sporting equipment, and vouchers for free childcare when she came of age. And everyone lived gayly (that is, happily) ever after.

Bob Ellison said...

Freeman Hunt, you've got to make it a trilogy. Don't end the story in one paragraph. Cliff-hangers, my dear. Go all Food Games or whatever on it.

n.n said...

The little girl rained on the homosexual parade, and the sour-faced woman offered her Lemonheads.

From the audience murmurs could be heard. Bigamist, polygamous, incestuous, etc. unions were planning to crash the "rainbow" parade.

And then the clock struck 12, and the little girl said nethermore, nethermore, and dextrously stuffed pebbles into her nether more.

madAsHell said...

Last Thursday at the supermarket, a lesbian couple who happened to be Muslim were buying some groceries. Not many groceries. In fact, all they were buying was a box of one dozen Hostess Twinkies.

I really thought this was going to have a bumpin' doughnuts punch line.

n.n said...

And then the abortionists started chanting: pro-choice, pro-choice it's a human right. The little girl is a burden, who should be heard nevermore.

C Hopkins said...

Althouse: "What I want to know then is whether this seems more or less authentic than the brothel menu in the first post. "

Less. This is a parable. People have always been sexual freaks.

wildswan said...

"the sour-faced woman just glared at everyone a moment, then threw her things down on the ground and left."

The sour faced woman wasn't mad ; she was in ahurry because like Santa she has appointments all over the earth. Check her out in Google - she was in Ceylon making someone buy a UNESCO pamphlet; then in New York putting cream in someone's tea before she put in the tea; she was at a toll-booth taking her time over the change; she was leading a prisoner to a damp prison cell; someone caught a sudden whiff of mothballs, and turned to see the sour-faced woman in petticoats she'd met once before.

I mean, the woman is busy. Probably paying no attention at all, just hoping she remembers her lines and can get to her next appointment.

Terry said...

The brothel menu is a fake. Demand for these services is elastic. Prices must be elastic as well. A professional prostitute or madam wouldn't charge a millionaire and a poor boy the same amount of money for the same service.

Terry said...

"Common fuck with sour-faced old woman -- 50¢"

Bob R said...

Making us choose between the trustworthiness of Marcotte and Metafilter. This goes far beyond cruel neutrality. Pure sadism.

Darrell said...

Every time a bell rings, a gay man gets an analplasty.

Harold said...

BS. Any clerk giving an unauthorized 50% discount would very soon thereafter be an unemployed clerk.

Harold said...

rhhardin said...
Little boys mostly wish for interesting disasters, like school bus crashes.

Not my kid, nor his friends. But then, they were in a school bus crash.

Engelbert said...

And while everyone was just blinking, the little girl primly picked up the robot toy she'd selected and walked up to the register and asked, "Can I ... irobottoys.blogspot.com