July 23, 2014

"Another professor showed me a large paper of instructions for discovering plots and conspiracies against the government."

"He advised great statesmen to examine into the diet of all suspected persons; their times of eating; upon which side they lay in bed; with which hand they wipe their posteriors; take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool, which he found by frequent experiment; for, in such conjunctures, when he used, merely as a trial, to consider which was the best way of murdering the king, his ordure would have a tincture of green; but quite different, when he thought only of raising an insurrection, or burning the metropolis."

From Jonathan Swift, "Gulliver's Travels":

14 comments:

Chuck said...

So is that where Wisconsin got its "John Doe" investigations law? From Jonathan Swift?

Because I had been thinking it was inspired by Kafka, or Lewis Carroll.

Robert Cook said...

Humankind is consistent.

Birkel said...

Robert Cook:
"Humankind is consistent."

Me:
Then why are you so utterly convinced solialism will work if only the 'right people' are in charge?

Stephen A. Meigs said...

Not as crazy as it sounds. Bile from the gall bladder is needed to emulsify fatty acids so they may be absorbed well. Prostaglandins are fatty acids (though rather different from the standard ones that are constituents of dietary fat), and so it may well be that bile encourages prostaglandin absorption. Since prostaglandins (very prevalent in semen) are probably the main chemicals that give sodomy its rape-drug characteristics, it may well be that when people are nervous and feeling emotions as though they are in a way to be sodomized, bile release (heavily pigmented with bilirubin) is blocked (stored in the gall bladder). Also, when fatty-acid eating intestinal bacteria are wanting lots of food, they might produce chemicals that make their host nervous, so that the gall bladder will--DINNER!--go into anti-sodomy storage mode.

Someone about to boldly strike a government he emotionally views as a sodomizer indeed might have unusually bile-free excrement. So, too, I suppose, for a zombie slave that is about to do some horrid violence on account of the wishes of his sodomizing master--the natural defenses of the zombie slave might not suffice to free himself, but they may well be a trying (by blocking bile in times where emotionally things are most like being a zombie slave).

HoTouPragmatosKurios said...

There are theories that Dean Swift misread the course title for "eschatology" when studying for his ordination. Google "Swift's scatological vision" to see how thoroughly erudite he became about poop.

The Crack Emcee said...

"which hand they wipe their posteriors"

He meant that literally,...

Fritz said...

A modest proposal.

Anonymous said...

Makes me want to have Irish for supper...

Krumhorn said...

prostaglandins (very prevalent in semen) are probably the main chemicals that give sodomy its rape-drug characteristics

Ok, I'll bite. What are the characteristics of rape-drugs that are common to the effect of prostaglandins in sodomy? Is there some adventure on which I've been missing out?

-Krumhorn

richard mcenroe said...

Remind me again which side of the American body politic seems to be obsessed with all those things?

-Peder said...

First read Swift last year and was surprised at this section. Swift has nothing, and I do mean nothing on Rabelais though.

Tyrone Slothrop said...

Not everyone is guilty. Only those who defecate.

Stephen A. Meigs said...

Prostaglandin E2 is an algesic that increases sensitivity to pain, making it possibly useful for torturers. In fact, women undergoing artificial intrauterine insemination must have the prostaglandin "washed" from the semen or they will be in agony. And blocking prostaglandins makes inebriated rodents right themselves quicker, which suggests that PGs might make the sodomized person dizzy or like a drunken person, similar to the effects of rape drugs.

Nichevo said...

Meigs,

Wut?

On second thought, please don't explain.