What's the "provocative reason"?
I think that language refers to this quote from Heidi Murkoff, author of "What to Expect When You’re Expecting": "It’s being driven by a social-media and media generated narrative about toxic masculinity that’s become pervasive and self-perpetuating, but that’s really not grounded in biological fact."
That makes little sense to me. If you're genuinely worried about "toxic masculinity," you'd be better off with a boy. 1. You'd be actively involved in the development of one man and you could try to make him nontoxic, and 2. If you have a daughter, she's likely to want a man for a partner, and if he's toxic, that will be truly painful.
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I call BS on the entire premise.
You speak too much sense sometimes, Professor.
The answer to not having a girl, is to keep trying. If you stop at one, well....
These are just female Edge Lords.
You’re having and raising children. You are not accessorizing.
I agree there is a lot of toxicity out there, but if you have the internet, it's clear that it's not men expressing it most. Just a few examples: The number or females expressing joy in and desire for the murder of innocent people, treating complete strangers violently while they lose complete control of their emotions and self discipline. Open expressions of hate toward people they don't even know. It's not just women, but it is more women than men, and far more common today than in the past. The toxic masculinity today is the female version of masculine they have created from feminism gone hateful.
This makes little sense to Althouse because she is applying logic to a phenomenon that, if it exists at all, is strictly a fad of the most faddish of all humans, the young woman. Logic does not apply. Idiocy like "toxic masculinity" -- oh, no, I cannot be anywhere near that awful thing! What would my friends on Insty think?
Back in the day it was a source of wonder that Crayola crayons were nontoxic. I greatly admired my peers who had the 64-count box with the built-in sharpener.
One of the reasons we all grew up to be so very, very smart is it took real effort to get the flesh tones anywhere near correct.
Girls were much better than boys at staying within the lines, and coloring in general, truth be told, so that's yet another reason to prefer daughters over sons.
I suspect many women would rather have a boy because "men have it easier than women"
Gender differences: cis and trans. Class-disordered differences: feminism and masculinism.
This is fucked up thinking.
Or you could just dump feminist ideology and enjoy raising a boy.
Bloc Lives Matter
If there were a conspiracy to destroy a nation, its preeminent goal would be to destroy the role of men as men.
How about the radical concept of thanking the Creator for the blessing of having a child, be grateful, and worry about raising them correctly, without regard to their sex?
When it comes to gender toxicity - I can see clearly which gender is more toxic.
“'I will forever mourn not having a daughter... I cry about it regularly.' Brazell’s complicated feelings are part of a larger conversation about 'gender disappointment'..."
"At first, he kept his apartment and a few changes of clothes. But gradually and methodically, Greenfield embraced asceticism and dedicated himself to it full-time."
"[I]n Thailand... Buddhism has blended with a mélange of other spiritual traditions like animism, Hindu rituals and Chinese astrology to create a strong affinity for the supernatural in contemporary life."
"Wisconsin voters have spoken, and Democrats will hold a governing trifecta for the first time in nearly two decades."
I discern the theme for today: crazy.
That makes little sense to me.
It makes sense if you realize that your so would be labeled toxic no matter how you raise them. Why would you want your child to have to go through that?
We have two sons and four grandsons, all non-toxic. No daughters or granddaughters, and I have always been grateful I did not have to deal with raising girls. I saw what others went through while we had mature human beings.
I wouldn't trade my son for anything. I do wish I had had more children, but it didn't work out that way. I was older, and there were miscarriages. I do sometimes think what it would have been like to have had a daughter IN ADDITION. But I have never and will never regret having had son (and honestly, I was hoping for a son first, which did happen; it's just that he was also my last child as well as my first).
This woman's attitude is truly inexplicable, to me. Her regrets are certainly not reflective of mine.
I had a high-risk pregnancy with my son, and spent most of it worrying about the potential for a severe problem with him, which thank God (literally) didn't come to pass. To this day, the happiest day of my life was when we got the results back from the amniocentesis and it looked as if we'd dodged a bullet.
I could never regret him or wish that he'd been a girl. Never.
Sorry. I just had SUCH a visceral reaction to this.
You may be right that it doesn't make sense, but it probably really is the true explanation. Misandry is a helluva drug.
I quibble a bit with your first point. Who wants the trouble of that? If you believe men are inherently toxic, it's not going to be easy to raise your little man to be non-toxic. Most people are lazy and/or want perfection. Misandrist mothers are no exception to that. Raising a non-toxic man -- one good man in a sea of millions of rotten men, including his friends -- sounds incredibly difficult, and she is likely to fail. So go with the easier path.
The second point is so far off and removed that I doubt most misandrist mothers would even consider it. With all the energy they imagine they'll saving in not having to morally instruct their little girls to be non-toxic, they'll be able to deal with the dating issues later.
My father was one of 3 sons as was I and we had 3 sons. No toxicity. All DILs have thanked my wife for raising good sons. Who are these people?
My immediate family is us 3 men, 2 women and two small girls. One young man's wife left him and their 3 year old for a career of travel. The men here are the only ones who go to work, and they pay for, maintain, and protect everything, including paying for outside housekeeping and child care. The demands from the females for things and entertainment are relentless and draining on all 3 men. All we want in return is peace, love, and respect. Toxic.
Well if it isn't our old friend slippery slope. Going gestational the gender wars are. Duly noted and documented.
Murkoff gets it exactly wrong. It's not "toxic masculinity" that mothers are worried about. It's "the crisis of masculinity." Boys are more likely to be trouble, and more likely to be lost in life. Today, in contrast to in decades past, women are more likely to "power through" life. The social message mothers and would-be mothers are responding to is "girl power," not "toxic masculinity."
Ann, your reasoning would be sound with rational women who do actually want to improve society. That is not the audience for this. These women are looking at "what would make me happy and my life more fun?" Grrl Power.
Back in the day, we were just hoping for a healthy child.
"Sing it sister! Here's how you can get back at them using exercise bands!" - Lindsay Clancy
Well, she could have had a daughter, but aborted her.
Gender transmogrification therapy.
The lady and gentleman protocol is sufficient to mitigate the social progress of feral feminism, toxic masculinism, and other Diverse models of equivocatuon and inanity.
A generation of men raised by women —Fight Club
If you're going to be disappointed by your child because they aren't what YOU want, perhaps you shouldn't have any children. Having children is one of the most unpredictable things that can happen to someone. You can have an effect on a child's life, but you can't make them into exactly what you want. (Nor should you try.) Children are not a building that you construct; children are a fire that you ignite.
Wonderful. Modern society has convinced these women that men are so evil that they will suffer for having given birth to them.
We had two girls. Wanted more, but that was not to be.
"These women are looking at "what would make me happy and my life more fun?""
There seems to be this idea that mother and daughter will go shopping together. That'll be a big part of the relationship. That strikes me as very dumb. Shopping just isn't that much of a core experience, though I guess it could be for some people. You could be the one bored while the other one wants to shop. Another thing I think women picture is doing the little girl's hair. Is that really something an adult human being should spend a lot of time engrossed in. So dull!
The truly worthy things you spend time doing with children are not gendered: discovering music and books, cooking food, playing outside, having conversations about valuable things like religion and ethics and history.
Ann, those are mostly things you do with daughters. Boys do vastly different things, and even when they do the things you mention, they don't do them with Mom.
Moms and daughters could bond by talking about boys, so long as the "boys" are poly horseriding ftm's with top surgery they saw on Hinge.
Learning how to build things, fix things, run things, killing animals and providing food and resources for the family, learning combat. These are the "truly worthy things", boys spend time with, because without them your family dies.
Boy and girl. From the time they were 7 & 5, we took them backpacking in the Sierra. Strength, beauty and fresh fish.
"I just wasn't meant to have boys. I just can't handle boys. Both times when I was rolled through them delivery room doors, I kept praying, 'Oh Lord, oh Lord, please let me have a beautiful little baby girl that I could dress up in lace petticoats and ruffles and pretty little dresses like I never had.' And both times I got these big, fat, awful... boys!"
Comic satire from Carol Burnett. Now, reality.
The article is not all that bad. In fact, made me smile mentioning gender reveal parties. Immediately brough to mind one I attended 2 years ago at a remote location with a couple hundred people. At reveal time, Daddy pulled out his nine and rapid fired of about six shots and popped the big balloon full of blue confetti.
My daughter-in-law has two younger sisters. Both times when she was pregnant, she was adamant that she wanted to have sons. "Girls are just too much drama!" She got her wish both times.
If we're going to reverse population collapse, we going to need more females. Do the math. It's why a doe requires a lottery draw.
"Doctor, you mentioned the ration of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?"
"Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature"
Howard said...
If we're going to reverse population collapse, we going to need more females. Do the math. It's why a doe requires a lottery draw.
We don’t need more females.
We need more females who are willing to have and raise children and support the father who provides for them.
Females who don’t have children and don’t want to be with a husband are a net negative to society.
Ann Althouse said...
The truly worthy things you spend time doing with children are not gendered: discovering music and books, cooking food, playing outside, having conversations about valuable things like religion and ethics and history.
All of those “truly worthy” things are possible because some fathers teach some sons how to protect society and build the infrastructure that makes your coddled life possible.
Maybe you would have better luck if you actually used soap and water and put on deodorant once in awhile
So Achilles, do you mourn the boys you didn't have?
Sharing time and perspective is a human experience.
Yes, Prof, but it's much easier to just kill any boys you might have and blame everyone else if there's a problem
Bachelor and bachelorette lifestyles have no redeeming value to either society or humanity. Men and women, individually, do, may.
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