September 17, 2026

"Olympic rowers will compete in a river inhabited by hundreds of saltwater crocodiles...."

"Rowers already using the river have procedures for reporting crocodile sightings and working around the animals, while local authorities work with crocodile managersOne crocodile farmer told nine.com.au that the crocodiles in the Fitzroy River would be manageable as the water temperature would be too low and 'make them lethargic.'"

"River crawling with crocodiles is approved as Olympic rowing venue The Fitzroy in Queensland, Australia, will host the rowing and canoe sprint events at Brisbane 2032, despite concerns from other nations" (London Times).

Crocodile farmer? I had to ask AI. I'm told it's mainly the production of what is a luxury leather — something like 40,000 skins a year — and there's also the "meat-and-tourism business."

35 comments:

bagoh20 said...

I assume an Olympic athlete would be good eating. Much better than the usual tourist. The crocks are all sharing emails and recipes.

Curious George said...

Norm McDonald on the Crocodile Hunter.

Leland said...

Sounds environmentally friendly and probably what rowers are used to experiencing.

mezzrow said...

"That's not a log over there" - advice from Florida. If it's wet, there's gators in it.

RideSpaceMountain said...

"Crocodile farmer?"

Malcolm Douglas. The actual OG Australian Dundee-archetype before Dundee, Bush Tucker Man and Crocodile Hunter were a thing. "Across The Top" and its follow-ons are masterpieces. Most of them are available on youtube.

Real adventure influencer before "influencer" was a thing, and ended up caring for the animals he'd once killed at his famous reserve in Broom.

Lucien said...

Well at least they won’t have to worry about catching a crab

Amexpat said...

" I assume an Olympic athlete would be good eating. Much better than the usual tourist"

Disagree. Most tourists would be plumper with a higher fat to muscle ratio. Olympic rowers would be too sinewy.

Joe Bar said...

Xtreme Olympics? Sound great! Put kangaroos on the track. Looks but as on the football pitch. Fun!

gilbar said...

this could be The MOST EXCITING olympics.. EVER
i like the new event! it sounds terrorific! or at least horrific!

Wilbur said...

There's alligator farms in west Miami-Dade and Broward counties. Get your Everglades airboat tour while you're there.

D.D. Driver said...

Trump needs to crocodiles in the reflecting pool to keep all the Olympic rowers from vandalizing it which totally was a thing that happened.

Big Mike said...

Wife and I were watching some sort of outdoor adventure show on TV. The episode was about a group of men kayaking down a crocodile-infested African river. Towards the end of the show a croc grabbed the kayaker at the back of the gaggle of boats, pulled him out of his kayak, and the man was never seen again. Eventually they paid some local villagers to retrieve the kayak, which waa sti afloat.

How poor do you have to be to wade into a murky river just after a croc killed a cameraman?

Rustygrommet said...

My thoughts, exactly gilbar.

Trump living in DDs head 24/7 rent free.

gilbar said...

Big Mike pointed out..
How poor do you have to be to wade into a murky river just after a croc killed a cameraman?

cameramen! in their own kayaks! sounds tasty!
much easiy pickings (and more digestable) than athletes!

but, what they NEED, is spectators in their own kayaks too!
fat, juicy, DELICIOUS spectators.. just floating in the water watching

gilbar said...

what these new games NEED, is an auto race
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_Race_2000

rhhardin said...

The Purist - Ogden Nash

I give you now Professor Twist,
A conscientious scientist,
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"
And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."

Quaestor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Original Mike said...

Crikey, just give each coxswain a rifle.

Freder Frederson said...

"Crocodile farmer?"

Really?! You didn't know farming crocodilians was a thing? You have apparently have never been to Florida, where if the Interstate billboard isn't advertising a strip club, it is advertising a gator farm.

Quaestor said...

From Wikipedia: "Gigantothermy is a biological phenomenon where large, bulky animals maintain a steady, warm body temperature simply because their massive volume traps heat much faster than their small surface area can lose it." This is why the temperature of the Fitzroy River is unlikely to deter the most dangerous crocodiles, the really big ones.

The Olympic rowers will be pretty safe based on the saltwater crocs' normal hunting behavior. As a rule, they don't attack boats unless they have been conditioned to expect food associated with boats, such as tourist cruises through croc-infested waters. To thrill the sightseers, the boat operators will provoke dramatic behavior from the animals with chickens. This is illegal, but it still happens. Assuming the stretch of the Fitzroy reserved for the Olympics has been vigorously patrolled by wildlife officers who enjoy arresting idiots who feed crocodiles, the problem of boat attacks should be eliminated. However, people ashore will remain at risk. It's simply impossible to work with a racing shell without being near or in the water up to your waist. Large land-dwelling animals that come to the water's edge, such as thirsty kangaroos and foolish humans, are the saltwater croc's natural prey. Thus, tt will be the coaches, the boat technicians, and other supernumeraries who will be in danger, not the rowers while actively rowing.

Given the outsized expense of most Olympic events, it would not be impractical to install a powerful refrigeration plant near where the shells are to be launched to reduce the local water temperature to around 65 degrees Fahrenheit. That chill should deter even the biggest and baddest salties on record.

Gilbert Pinfold said...

I was an official for USRowing for 25 years. The Queensland venue is unacceptable, but FISA (World Rowing governing body) signed off on it because there was no alternative presented that could be constructed in time. For the upcoming Olympics in LA, the Long Beach venue is only 1500 meters (versus the standard 2000 meters), and racing will be completely different than the norm in terms of strategy and physiology--TV dollars rule, don'tcha know? Besides, the Australian venue will also be used for the canoe and kayak flat water racing, so triple the chance of some chum being added to the water.

Dogma and Pony Show said...

Should improve their times.

RCOCEAN II said...

Maybe they can hold some swimming events there. And give the swimmers an incentive to break some records.

Iman said...

There was a young rower from Sydney
Good luck and good fortune he bid me
Then two hours later
That weren’t no ‘gator
And all there was left was his kidney

FredSays said...

Curious George, thanks for the Norm McDonald link. Ha!

Dave Begley said...

"Eight-man crew is the most difficult team sport in the world." From the movie, "Boys in the Boat."

Now made more difficult!

When a stroke is off beat, it is called "catching a crab."

FullMoon said...

At Stienhart, kids on field trip would pelt crocs and alligators with pennies in attempt to get them to react :

"Eventually, the aquarium directors had to clamp down heavily on the penny-tossing, installing aggressive warning signs and sending biologists into the pit with hoses to clear the coins away. When the old aquarium finally closed for its massive mid-2000s structural rebuild, historians noted that older alligators that had passed away over the decades were found to have thousands of dollars worth of school-trip pennies sitting in their stomachs."

ronetc said...

No, the flavor is in the fat: "I assume an Olympic athlete would be good eating."

Aggie said...

Must be the Bear Bryant school of motivational coaching. Give the coxswains a rifle.

Gusty Winds said...

Cool. It's kind of like "The Running Man."

Fred Drinkwater said...

"I dont have to out-row the crocs. I only have to out-row you."

Leland said...

“Well at least they won’t have to worry about catching a crab”

There is still the Olympic Village and what the athletes do there.

Howard said...

I've been to the Thaba Kwena Crocodile Farm in South Africa more than 26 years ago now. They taste like chicken only a little rubbery. Perhaps that's what they serve at conventions.

n.n said...

Crocodile runner.

n.n said...

Empathetic rowers. Caw! You've been warned.

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