"The vehicle came to rest near a display of Halloween candy after careening beneath a sign over the doorway that reads: 'Thanks for shopping, y’all!'..."
"Mr. Lancaster stayed at the scene, according to the police.... 'All he said was the doors were locked and he had to use the restroom,' Lieutenant Munoz said.... Kroger does not plan to release security camera footage of the crash..."
When my bladder cancer was at its worst, I became incontinent. Wore a diaper when I had to. But, I hated them. I had a number of bushes and hiding places along my regular routes where I could stop in a hurry to take a pee. Even in town. Relying on an indoor bathroom wouldn’t work. There were still some accidents. Fortunately, I’m in remission and back close to normal.
…pilots in flight are constantly visually scanning and hitting NRST looking for emergency landing places. That’s me and bathrooms on car trips with my wife if twenty minutes or more. My skills are pretty good- only once in Idaho did we need the bushes and that’s because my warning that we’re passing the casino went unanswered because she’s zonked out…
Shouting Thomas- sorry you've had to go through that.
I was in sales, and on the road for about 25 or so years. You get very good at sniffing out places to use a rest room while on the road. But there were times- many times- when I'm sure I stretched my bladder to points that cannot be healthy. Where one jerky step getting out of the car would have meant an early end to my day. Thank God for hotels along the way.
The worst is when you drink a lot of coffee and you wake up one day and realize you have an older man's prostate. Not a good mix.
He must've thought about it first. That is, if every action is first conjured in thought. Maybe somethings are not?
ai: "While the biological urge itself is a raw, involuntary physical sensation, the act of operating a motor vehicle and steering it through closed glass doors requires a complex sequence of deliberate motor choices. This cannot be written off as a pure reflex like blinking or pulling your hand away from fire." 1. The Conflict Between Urge and Constraint The intense physical desperation originates in the brainstem and insular cortex, which scream at the driver to resolve the discomfort immediately. However, to actually turn the steering wheel and press the gas pedal toward a wall, the brain must override a massive, deeply ingrained psychological barrier: the knowledge that crashing into a building is dangerous and illegal. Overriding that barrier requires a cognitive choice, even if it happens in a split second..."
2. Radical Prioritization (Not an Accident) The driver's brain performed a rapid, desperate cost-benefit analysis...."
3. The Legal and Psychological Distinction In legal terms, this action demonstrates intent and volition: • It was not a reflex: If the driver had fainted from pain and slumped onto the gas pedal, that would be an involuntary physical action without thought." • It was an intentional act under duress: Driving through the doors requires aiming the car and accelerating. The driver conceived of the supermarket as the solution to their crisis, recognized the doors were closed, and chose to breach them anyway."
"While the driver’s capacity for rational, long-term thinking was severely hijacked by intense physical distress, the specific action of using the car as a battering ram had to be simulated by the brain's motor planning centers before the muscles carried it out."
"The intense physical desperation originates in the brainstem and insular cortex, which scream at the driver to resolve the discomfort immediately. However, to actually turn the steering wheel and press the gas pedal toward a wall, the brain must override a massive, deeply ingrained psychological barrier: the knowledge that crashing into a building is dangerous and illegal. Overriding that barrier requires a cognitive choice, even if it happens in a split second..."
It's not a very effective way to get to a bathroom. There you are, having created chaos (and extreme excitement): It's not easy to proceed to the bathroom. Even assuming you were so mad you wanted to break down the door, I just don't see this as a way to get to the bathroom in time, so what was the point of getting through the door. He had to be temporarily insane.
While I'm out delivering (Amazon delivery side hustle) I'm always on the lookout for port-o-potty. Luckily, there are housing developments going up all over north east Georgia. And when people are renovating, contractors bring one and put it near the front of the house, close enough to the road to appear as though I'm not breaking and entering, which I am probably, anyways. If caught, my hope is we have an understanding human being, capable of imagining themselves in my situation. That's not a guarantee as I've come learn, via the Socials. link to YouTube video
Most boys used to learn how to poop outdoors in Boy Scouts. A person with excellent spatial reasoning could probably figure it out from first principles. You don't actually need porcelain or even privacy in an emergency, but you don’t just give people a microwave burrito and tell them to experience the joy of defecating al fresco. Society failed this man.
My father had a problem so he would carry a urine bottle in his car. Don't know if he wore "depends" - its not something I cared to know or he wanted to discuss.
Years a go we had a lady who plowed into a starbucks and just 7 months ago, another woman drove into the local safeway and ended up in the fruit/vegtable section. She missed a couple shoppers by a foot or so. No Orange, however, was injured.
An empty wide mouth Hellman's mayonnaise jar is the perfect receptacle for evacuating ones bladder while cruising down the highway at 75. It's a little tricky, but I've even managed to do it on Windy rural roads in New England. I invented this solution during covid. As they say, necessity is the mother of invention.
And why couldn't he just have "drained his lizard" (to use an example of at least semi-old slang) outside somewhere, maybe behind the building by the dumpsters, like a "normal" guy?
I had to look at this from a map. He was on the east end of Rosenberg. 2 miles west would be the central Rosenberg exit off US59. There is a 24 hour Whataburger and Waffle House. Most Texans would know to look for them for a restroom. Glad he didn’t try the Chick-Fil-A on the other side of the highway from Kroger’s on a Sunday.
Leland: Exactly. And perhaps there was a hotel or motel somewhere? Maybe urine was flooding his brain. There's no real, good explanation for what he did. He could have killed or injured someone. Clearly, there's something else wrong with him beyond a full bladder. Something profound.
Truck stops, Waffle Houses, hotels, motels...they were my friends on overnight, after-hours trips. Especially today, it's pretty easy to figure it out if you try (and plan ahead, if you're prone to bladder or other issues).
Speaking of which, one of the very best phone apps I have ever downloaded is "iExit." It's designed for interstates, so I don't know if this would apply for this guy, but it allows you to determine availability of gas stations, hotels, restaurants and so forth many, many, many, many, many miles in advance. have used it for years, and it is a true gem.*** I can't recommend it enough.
***I'm not a paid promoter and receive no remuneration for this shout out.***
"Most boys used to learn how to poop outdoors in Boy Scouts. A person with excellent spatial reasoning could probably figure it out from first principles. You don't actually need porcelain or even privacy in an emergency, but you don’t just give people a microwave burrito and tell them to experience the joy of defecating al fresco. Society failed this man."
Another fine axiom from the eminently quotable Boyd. I think I'll frame this one.
Somebody would rather be writing fiction. Hemingway famously wrote fiction in a newspaper style, as if he were reporting on the world rather than imagining one. This guy is doing the opposite.
Not sure boy scouts got it right... How to Dig and Use a Cat Hole • Distance: Walk at least 200 feet (about 70 to 75 adult steps) away from any trails, campsites, and water sources like streams or lakes. • Depth: Dig a hole 6 to 8 inches deep and 4 to 6 inches wide using a trowel, a stick, or your heel
1. I cut an empty Smart Water bottle so that 2/3rds of it remained. I keep it in my car when I cannot make it to a Wawa or Publix. I then empty it on the side of the road where no one will step in it. 2. Neil Rogers, the since-deceased shock jock of Miami radio once devoted a whole show on how he was driving his Vette to the station and could no longer hold it in - such as the man in the story. As Neil told it, "I pooped my pants". His boardman would occasionally use it when they discussed certain subjects like politicians saying stupid things and then tried to weasel out of it. Just explain you shite yourself. 3. I can hear it now: Why use a Hellmann's - why not Duke's?
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Posts
41 comments:
Good post.
I'm sensing an increase in whimsical posts lately. If true, I'm liking the trend.
Are we sure this didn't happen in Florida?
When my bladder cancer was at its worst, I became incontinent. Wore a diaper when I had to. But, I hated them. I had a number of bushes and hiding places along my regular routes where I could stop in a hurry to take a pee. Even in town. Relying on an indoor bathroom wouldn’t work. There were still some accidents. Fortunately, I’m in remission and back close to normal.
…pilots in flight are constantly visually scanning and hitting NRST looking for emergency landing places. That’s me and bathrooms on car trips with my wife if twenty minutes or more. My skills are pretty good- only once in Idaho did we need the bushes and that’s because my warning that we’re passing the casino went unanswered because she’s zonked out…
As I traveled by car as part of my job, I always carried a wide mouth bottle in my car for emergencies. At least 20 oz.
Shouting Thomas- sorry you've had to go through that.
I was in sales, and on the road for about 25 or so years. You get very good at sniffing out places to use a rest room while on the road. But there were times- many times- when I'm sure I stretched my bladder to points that cannot be healthy. Where one jerky step getting out of the car would have meant an early end to my day.
Thank God for hotels along the way.
The worst is when you drink a lot of coffee and you wake up one day and realize you have an older man's prostate. Not a good mix.
He must've thought about it first. That is, if every action is first conjured in thought. Maybe somethings are not?
ai: "While the biological urge itself is a raw, involuntary physical sensation, the act of operating a motor vehicle and steering it through closed glass doors requires a complex sequence of deliberate motor choices. This cannot be written off as a pure reflex like blinking or pulling your hand away from fire."
1. The Conflict Between Urge and Constraint
The intense physical desperation originates in the brainstem and insular cortex, which scream at the driver to resolve the discomfort immediately. However, to actually turn the steering wheel and press the gas pedal toward a wall, the brain must override a massive, deeply ingrained psychological barrier: the knowledge that crashing into a building is dangerous and illegal. Overriding that barrier requires a cognitive choice, even if it happens in a split second..."
2. Radical Prioritization (Not an Accident)
The driver's brain performed a rapid, desperate cost-benefit analysis...."
3. The Legal and Psychological Distinction
In legal terms, this action demonstrates intent and volition:
• It was not a reflex: If the driver had fainted from pain and slumped onto the gas pedal, that would be an involuntary physical action without thought."
• It was an intentional act under duress: Driving through the doors requires aiming the car and accelerating. The driver conceived of the supermarket as the solution to their crisis, recognized the doors were closed, and chose to breach them anyway."
"While the driver’s capacity for rational, long-term thinking was severely hijacked by intense physical distress, the specific action of using the car as a battering ram had to be simulated by the brain's motor planning centers before the muscles carried it out."
Musta been numba 2.
To be fair, he bought the microwave burrito that led to the crisis at a Kroger, so...
"The intense physical desperation originates in the brainstem and insular cortex, which scream at the driver to resolve the discomfort immediately. However, to actually turn the steering wheel and press the gas pedal toward a wall, the brain must override a massive, deeply ingrained psychological barrier: the knowledge that crashing into a building is dangerous and illegal. Overriding that barrier requires a cognitive choice, even if it happens in a split second..."
I'm sensing a Lindsay Clancy type defense.
It's not a very effective way to get to a bathroom. There you are, having created chaos (and extreme excitement): It's not easy to proceed to the bathroom. Even assuming you were so mad you wanted to break down the door, I just don't see this as a way to get to the bathroom in time, so what was the point of getting through the door. He had to be temporarily insane.
While I'm out delivering (Amazon delivery side hustle) I'm always on the lookout for port-o-potty. Luckily, there are housing developments going up all over north east Georgia. And when people are renovating, contractors bring one and put it near the front of the house, close enough to the road to appear as though I'm not breaking and entering, which I am probably, anyways. If caught, my hope is we have an understanding human being, capable of imagining themselves in my situation. That's not a guarantee as I've come learn, via the Socials. link to YouTube video
Most boys used to learn how to poop outdoors in Boy Scouts. A person with excellent spatial reasoning could probably figure it out from first principles. You don't actually need porcelain or even privacy in an emergency, but you don’t just give people a microwave burrito and tell them to experience the joy of defecating al fresco. Society failed this man.
Currently in Cali. Three quarters of business’s will not let you use their bathrooms. I pee right in the parking lot. Fuck Em.
Living in a high trust part of the country and keeping my head on a swivel out here is kinda amusing to me.
A gay compact foray with groceries.
Sexist innuendo.
My father had a problem so he would carry a urine bottle in his car. Don't know if he wore "depends" - its not something I cared to know or he wanted to discuss.
Years a go we had a lady who plowed into a starbucks and just 7 months ago, another woman drove into the local safeway and ended up in the fruit/vegtable section. She missed a couple shoppers by a foot or so. No Orange, however, was injured.
An empty wide mouth Hellman's mayonnaise jar is the perfect receptacle for evacuating ones bladder while cruising down the highway at 75. It's a little tricky, but I've even managed to do it on Windy rural roads in New England. I invented this solution during covid. As they say, necessity is the mother of invention.
"Mr. Lancaster stayed at the scene, according to the police.."
Yeah, but did he actually use the bathroom?
And why couldn't he just have "drained his lizard" (to use an example of at least semi-old slang) outside somewhere, maybe behind the building by the dumpsters, like a "normal" guy?
I had to look at this from a map. He was on the east end of Rosenberg. 2 miles west would be the central Rosenberg exit off US59. There is a 24 hour Whataburger and Waffle House. Most Texans would know to look for them for a restroom. Glad he didn’t try the Chick-Fil-A on the other side of the highway from Kroger’s on a Sunday.
Leland: Exactly. And perhaps there was a hotel or motel somewhere? Maybe urine was flooding his brain. There's no real, good explanation for what he did. He could have killed or injured someone. Clearly, there's something else wrong with him beyond a full bladder. Something profound.
If he goes to jail, will he have easy, instant access to pee facilities?
"Glad he didn’t try the Chick-Fil-A on the other side of the highway from Kroger’s on a Sunday."
Devine intervention?
Truck stops, Waffle Houses, hotels, motels...they were my friends on overnight, after-hours trips. Especially today, it's pretty easy to figure it out if you try (and plan ahead, if you're prone to bladder or other issues).
Speaking of which, one of the very best phone apps I have ever downloaded is "iExit." It's designed for interstates, so I don't know if this would apply for this guy, but it allows you to determine availability of gas stations, hotels, restaurants and so forth many, many, many, many, many miles in advance. have used it for years, and it is a true gem.*** I can't recommend it enough.
***I'm not a paid promoter and receive no remuneration for this shout out.***
"Most boys used to learn how to poop outdoors in Boy Scouts. A person with excellent spatial reasoning could probably figure it out from first principles. You don't actually need porcelain or even privacy in an emergency, but you don’t just give people a microwave burrito and tell them to experience the joy of defecating al fresco. Society failed this man."
Another fine axiom from the eminently quotable Boyd. I think I'll frame this one.
Oh, OK, poop not pee. Still no excuse.
I'd upvote Boyd's comment, too.
A Chevy HHR is not an SUV. The question is whether it is a CUV or a station wagon.
That clip reminded me new production SPAS-12s are coming back! The LARPers can no make believe they're the Jurassic Park game warden on the cheap. Clever boys.
Keep pee bottle with you all times!!! On longer drive?
Store closed parking lot empty use pee skills of noble savage!!
Somebody would rather be writing fiction. Hemingway famously wrote fiction in a newspaper style, as if he were reporting on the world rather than imagining one. This guy is doing the opposite.
Not sure boy scouts got it right...
How to Dig and Use a Cat Hole
• Distance: Walk at least 200 feet (about 70 to 75 adult steps) away from any trails, campsites, and water sources like streams or lakes.
• Depth: Dig a hole 6 to 8 inches deep and 4 to 6 inches wide using a trowel, a stick, or your heel
Agree - not effective. Was this guy on heavy drugs/alcohol?
Still excellent sphincter control through explosive acceleration and impacts.
There's a wonderful book ,"How To Shit In The Woods" I recommend it.
Lem Vibe Bandit said...
While I'm out delivering (Amazon delivery) ...
Defense: oh you didn't order load of shit? My bad.
1. I cut an empty Smart Water bottle so that 2/3rds of it remained. I keep it in my car when I cannot make it to a Wawa or Publix. I then empty it on the side of the road where no one will step in it.
2. Neil Rogers, the since-deceased shock jock of Miami radio once devoted a whole show on how he was driving his Vette to the station and could no longer hold it in - such as the man in the story. As Neil told it, "I pooped my pants". His boardman would occasionally use it when they discussed certain subjects like politicians saying stupid things and then tried to weasel out of it. Just explain you shite yourself.
3. I can hear it now: Why use a Hellmann's - why not Duke's?
Post a Comment
Please use the comments forum to respond to the post. Don't fight with each other. Be substantive... or interesting... or funny. Comments should go up immediately... unless you're commenting on a post older than 4 days. Then you have to wait for us to moderate you through. It's also possible to get shunted into spam by the machine. We try to keep an eye on that and release the miscaught good stuff. We do delete some comments, but not for viewpoint... for bad faith. Also: No italics, even briefly. Use asterisks for emphasis. And don't play with the format by changing fonts or using boldface or all caps. Never include more than one extra line break between paragraphs.