January 5, 2026

"It’s a painful reality to comes to terms with but as a woman hell really can be other women sometimes."

"The experience of being obviously left out and then when pointing it out being met with feigned ignorance is definitely infuriating. I am very happily child-free by choice (a decision that I only take more joy in the older I get) and I can’t deny that being able to altogether avoid these kinds of dynamics with other women is a huge relief to me. I am very sorry for the author. This has to be a very sad experience. To become a mother is such a huge shift, psychologically and spiritually and in terms of identity. Admittedly any dreams I might have about finding a peaceful tribe of women to hang with have evaporated as I’ve gotten older. I enjoy my own company and the company of a few very dear, compassionate and wise friends, one-on-one. Letting go of illusions is liberating and I recommend it."

Writes "eggspoached" in the comments to "Breaking Up With My Toxic Mom Group/I thought I found my village. Instead, I was back in high school." That's the most-read article at New York Magazine at the moment, and there are lots more comments along the lines of "This exact thing happened to me!"

42 comments:

Sydney said...

Most of my life, I did not enjoy the company of other women, but as I get older, I find I am more tolerant of other women. I did have to make a conscious effort to be less judgmental and to set aside preconceived notions I had about other women, though.

Jupiter said...

It's pay-walled, so I guess I will never know what they're talking about. But I'm fairly sure that exact thing has never, ever happened to me.

CJinPA said...

The men are over here, quietly nodding, careful not to become a target.

Disparity of Cult said...

"I am very happily child-free by choice (a decision that I only take more joy in the older I get)"

The account will be settled later.

Lem Vibe Bandit said...

It took a minute to get that opening sentence. (Don't go by me thought, I'm no reader)

Mr. D said...

It's gotta be tough to form a solipsism group.

Jim Gust said...

I hope that eggspoached has a plan to die early. My mother is 96, and it takes all four of her children to take care of her. My brother handles the finances, my sister the medical angles, my other sister the housecleaning, and I provide entertainment. Mine is the easy job, as I am out of state, so I visit for three weeks every three months. Without all this support, I don't know how my mother would survive. Good luck to you, eggspoached.

D.D. Driver said...

I wonder how much "joy" there will be when you are elderly and there is no one to look after you and care for you so you just wait at the window, wearing a face that you keep in a jar by the door.

Lem Vibe Bandit said...

AI: "While the percentage of women who reach their late 40s without children has fluctuated recently, broader long-term trends and current data for adults over 55 indicate this demographic is increasing."

Valentine Smith said...

For most women it’s always high school. Always. And for most men too actually.

Ted said...

Maybe that's their most-read article because their "Latest News" is all about Ariana Grande, Timothee Chalamet & Kylie Jenner, Ben Affleck & Matt Damon, Jimmy Kimmel, and Eddie Murphy -- and the cover story is yet another butt-kissing article about Mayor Mamdani.

Peachy said...

Ted -
the media are a pathetic group of high school moms.

Valentine Smith said...

Come on woman! If it really does take a village, ahem, then it starts (and ends actually) with family.

JK Brown said...

Yes, as depicted in the movie 'Bad Moms' (2016)

Of course, now, with social media supercharging

“Imagine being in the worst aspects of junior high school, 24 hours a day, forever.”
--Greg Lukianoff on social media

kcl766 said...

I am in my 70s. Married but childless. I used to think that, as I got older, I would regret not having children (2nd marriage). However, as I observe the treatment my husband receives from his two daughters and the alienation I hear about from women I know at the gym, maybe a roll-of-the-dice on children wasn't worth it. Children refusing to have anything to do with their parents because of Trump, money issues, with holding grandchild visits for emotional blackmail. I'm sure there are lovely, happy families out there and I wish all Althouse families well. Happy New Year

n.n said...

Should a life without our Posterity be something tolerated or normalized, celebrated in parades?

Lazarus said...

Did all of the "mean girls" in high school grow up to become HOA Karens?

Saint Croix said...

Masculinity is toxic.
And Moms are toxic.

That man impregnated you with his toxic sperm and turned you into a toxic Mom. And there's only one cure for this poison to humanity.

I am very happily child-free by choice

n.n said...

Fatherhood and motherhood are always planned, with rape exception, and from conception to death, raising our Posterity is the hardest job you will ever love with benefits.

bagoh20 said...

I think what the kids today say is "Meh".

tim maguire said...

Liberals don't have children because liberals are awful people?

Who knew?

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...

“For most women it’s always high school”

True of every woman involved in this story. Including the one, Althouse, who hangs out with the boys in the smoking area. Who delightedly chortle with derision when she chides them for their shit and nod their heads when she complains about the bitches in the cliques. It’s an old story and was always good fun.

Lem Vibe Bandit said...

Are the clubs a search for "novelty"?

Calling Rh, please pick up the white courtesy phone.

Biff said...

I noticed a link to another NYT with a title that made me roll my eyes:

"Lia Smith Hoped to Start Fresh At Middlebury. In Trump’s America, It Seemed Impossible."

...because everyone knows that Middlebury College in Middlebury, VT is a MAGA hotbed where people immediately snap to attention and vigorously enforce everything that Trump says.

Digging more deeply, it is a sad story of a masculine, 5'11" transgender female (i.e., biological male) college athlete who committed suicide. Obviously, it's all Trump's fault for spreading the hate. (The NYT deserves some small credit for admitting that not all of the athlete's teammates were completely comfortable sharing their locker room with the individual, though the tone of the article might imply that the teammates are the ones with psychological troubles and moral failings.)

Narr said...

It's bitches and hoes all the way down.

boatbuilder said...

Maybe that's their most-read article because their "Latest News" is all about Ariana Grande, Timothee Chalamet & Kylie Jenner, Ben Affleck & Matt Damon, Jimmy Kimmel, and Eddie Murphy -- and the cover story is yet another butt-kissing article about Mayor Mamdani.

I suspect that a piece about slapping one's 150-year old johnson might boost circulation (no pun intended).

Ampersand said...

Magazine journalism couldn't survive if its content didn't attempt to generalize the stories of the individuals portrayed so that readers can experience those stories as much more than the story of one person's idiosyncrasies. But usually, journalism about purported social trends is merely journalism about the peculiarities of the people portrayed.

stunned said...

It's hard to find a good woman just as it's hard to find a good man. Be selective about the people you let into your life. I see a lot of terrible children out there being raised by terrible parents. These terrible parents believe their terrible children are special. I say so long, farewell,
Auf Wiedersehen, adieu (without remorse) to the terrible parents and their terrible children. There are humble people that do manage to raise wonderful, bright, kind, caring children, I like those families.

ALP said...

At 64, I've given up on forming any deep friendships with other women. I came to the conclusion I was raised so differently than most women - but this article has me doubting my theory.

FullMoon said...

A bit of reality. Do your best raising kids and hope for the best.
And, save kids the aggravation when you get too old. Die from a heart attack.


"kcl766 said...
I am in my 70s. Married but childless. I used to think that, as I got older, I would regret not having children (2nd marriage). However, as I observe the treatment my husband receives from his two daughters and the alienation I hear about from women I know at the gym, maybe a roll-of-the-dice on children wasn't worth it. Children refusing to have anything to do with their parents because of Trump, money issues, with holding grandchild visits for emotional blackmail. I'm sure there are lovely, happy families out there and I wish all Althouse families well. Happy New Year

1/5/26, 11:41 AM"

n.n said...

Women are not a bloc act. Surprised?

Wa St Blogger said...

However, as I observe the treatment my husband receives from his two daughters and the alienation I hear about from women I know at the gym, maybe a roll-of-the-dice on children wasn't worth it.

Not directed at the OP, but maybe the issue starts at the top. I just got back from a 5 day beach outing with 3 of my 4 adult kids, (the 4th lives at home, but is not big on group events.), So I do look forward to lots of love and support from my kids and lots of time with the grand-children.

FullMoon said...

"So I do look forward to lots of love and support from my kids and lots of time with the grand-children."

Yep, me too. With nieces and nephews as well. Even the crazy ones get along fine. No real effort on my part.

The Reiner family, on the other hand did their best ..

mccullough said...

New York Magazine readers are like this. Parochial

rehajm said...

Evidence has changed my mind. I'm beginning to reject examples of '_____ is like high school' and begun supporting examples of 'High school was like____'

victoria said...

Quite honestly, any group of largely women just invites cattiness. I was in a mom group for years and quit because of acouple of things. The main one was that a munch of these "ladies" liked to back stab and gossip about people who weren't even there to defend themselves. The other reason was that there were 2 women who "absolutely" knew what the reaction of my best buddy was to vaccines and COVID. They swore up and down that they her best friend and that they knew. WRONG. They had the nerve to do this while she wasn't there to make any kind of comment. When confronted about their duplicity, they both denied it, eventhough they had done it on a call with well over 30 people who actually heard them. Couldn't stand it anymore and quit. Don't regret at all.

ALP said...

A few hours on Reddit will reveal how many children feel like they owe NOTHING to their parents. Nothing. I have one niece that is now 36. She has ONE aunt (me). I'd love to have a close relationship with her, and we've always enjoyed each other's company the few times we get together. But, after years of giving her gifts, without even an acknowledgement that the gift was received - I have given up. She just can't be bothered. My sister complains of the same thing. I watched my sister raise this girl, and I can't figure out where the "don't give a shit" comes from. She's an only child that got plenty of love and attention - the lack of interest in relating to the one aunt she has, and her lack of effort in maintaining a relationship with her own mother....baffling.

JaimeRoberto said...

The longer I live the more I think that much of the adult world is a lot like high school. And from what I hear about the intrigues, real and imagined, at my wife's all female workplace, I gotta say that bitches be crazy.

Narr said...

Ha. I've thought for many decades that American high school is excellent preparation for the stupidity and unfairness of adult life, especially, from what I see, for women.

john mosby said...

Narr: "American high school is excellent preparation for the stupidity and unfairness of adult life"

I have thought for many days that HS causes the stupidity and unfairness of adult life, because it's where people learn how to interact with each other. CC, JSM

Joe Bar said...

We, the men who have supervised women in the work force, shall not comment on this topic.

JIM said...

Toxic femininity!

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