Couples... are asking how long a ceremony needs to be, how loud a party needs to get and how much social demand guests can realistically handle....
In July 2025, in Salem, Mass., Amanda Paterson, 38, renewed her vows to James Paterson, 41, at a small Satanic-themed venue with six guests. The couple had first married in a simple ceremony on Valentine’s Day 2023. Ms. Paterson has A.D.H.D. and a strong sensitivity to textures. Her dress included a cage structure underneath to keep fabric off her skin.
Nothing like the liberation of a cage... but then isn't that the central concept of marriage itself? I know, you're fixating on "Satan-themed" but I'm fixating on "renewed her vows." How did vow-renewal folks get into this article? If they didn't like big events, why did they put on this show? They had to want an event. They were already married!
The comments over there seem to be brushing the neurodivergence question to the side and arguing for quiet comfortable weddings for everyone. I was especially struck by this one: "Colorado allows you to officiate and witness your own wedding. It only needs to be yourself and your spouse present, if you'd like. A couple of any type can get married in their favorite place with as few others present as they please, even no one at all. It's a great place to elope!"
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Salam has become a bit of a freak showing the past few years, from just having a lot of themed stores to becoming one big rave on Halloween, which starts around August 10, and ends... well. But I am fixating on how a person wants a "Satanic" wedding, but is uncomfortable calling attention to theirself.
I was fixated on both. Satanic—so this article isn’t directed at the normal neurodivergent anymore than it’s directed at the normal normal.
And then, wow—vow renewal!? So this isn’t about weddings at all. Vow renewals are a nice exercise, but they are mot weddings, have no broader significance, and have no traditions we need to talk about. Why were these people in this article at all?
So on top of the dozen-odd dietary restrictions, now couples have to worry about neurodivergence ?
I've no great insights into the mind of God, but I do know something about Satan and the practice of evil. There is something profoundly un-Satanic about renewing your vows. Satan expects his followers to betray their vows. A true Satanist would honor their wedding anniversary by cheating on their spouse, preferably with their best friend or close family member. That's how you honor Satan.
"Ms. Paterson has A.D.H.D. and a strong sensitivity to textures. Her dress included a cage structure underneath to keep fabric off her skin.'
I heard Glauce had a nice wedding dress. It was a gift from her friend Medea.
Outliers deserve attention, too. Plus, the writer gets a paycheck.
It's no surprise that a person with attention deficit would need to have their vows renewed frequently.
serious question..
HOW MUCH? how much are people spending on weddings these days?
please give in a percentage of a home down payment or school loan
Why have I not heard of neurodivergence before?
According to Google AI: "The term "neurodivergent" (and by extension "neurodivergence") was coined in the
late 1990s to 2000 by Kassiane Asasumasu, a neurodivergent activist and autistic community member."
Interestingly, as I write this Firefox marks the word as unknown-spellcheck.
Not needing a marriage ceremony; the one from '65 is still good. But have concerns about a "long, loud, or uncomfortable" funeral. Can I get reassurance from NYT about that?
"There is something profoundly un-Satanic about renewing your vows. Satan expects his followers to betray their vows. A true Satanist would honor their wedding anniversary by cheating on their spouse, preferably with their best friend or close family member. That's how you honor Satan."
Maybe they vowed to have an open marriage and have sex with others. If they broke that vow, wouldn't that piss off Satan?
Ya got me beat, Wilbur. I concede.
"Nothing like the liberation of a cage... but then isn't that the central concept of marriage? "
I hope this is just "engagement farming."
Mrs. Bar and I were married by the mayor of Huber Heights, OH, 43 years ago. Somehow, it stuck.
.. I was especially struck by this one: "Colorado allows you to officiate and witness your own wedding. It only needs to be yourself and your spouse present..
not sure (because i never tried it), but apparently in Iowa (at least back in the '80s), getting a marrage licence meant that you WERE married.. ANY ceremony was just for your own enjoyment. This is the equivalent of being married at the courthouse. Anyway, marriages do NOT have to cost more than a trip to the courthouse and a filing fee. Any extra (ANY) is just a waste of time and money for a boring party that NO ONE will enjoy
ps
How (WHY?) does gilbar know(think) this?
at ISU, there was still Very cheap married student housing (Pamal court) in the '80s. All you needed to live there was to show your marriage license.
I mentioned to a friend about how this could be easily scammed by just getting a marriage licence.. You can fill in the rest
"You make someone a bridesmaid, and they shit all over you."
...line from "Sixteen Candles"
We were married in judge's chambers, with his clerks as the required witnesses. He said he always enjoyed giving life sentences.
This article brought to you by the American Association of Neurodivergent Wedding Planners (AANWP).
Via a very intelligent son and his wife, i now know a homozygous mutation in the MTHFR gene affects me, and runs through the family tree. It increases the risk of neurodivergence, like me a bit, and some severely. Also, me, severely and many others, inflammatory arthritis, multiple joint dysfunction/replacement, type 2 diabetes, some cancers, on and on. I went from being quirky, with run-on associations, a little smart, to diagnosable. So it goes. Some management possible with methylated vitamins, not eating the folate the dump in bread and flour.
In other news, my wedding was fun and full of love.
Like Gilbar said. Just getting the marriage license and having it witnessed while you sign it was enough in California.
When we got married over 34 years ago, we did the signing privately and then had a ceremony and reception at our local fairgrounds. (we are very rural and the fairgrounds are a great place to hold events). We had about 30 or so guests. Very informal. Did our ceremony at a pretty gazebo in the garden area near the "Flower Building". Afterwards we had an open bar. Somewhat of a pot luck and partly catered..... and a fab BBQ done by one of our friends. We supplied the beef. The beef was the most expensive part of the whole event. Several prime rib roasts on a mobile rotisserie BBQ. Buffet style food. Very casual.
Everyone ate at the picnic tables set up outside. The HIGHLIGHT of the reception was that there was a small cattle drive going past on a road adjacent to the flower garden area.
It was hilarious. About 40 cows mooing down the road and cattle dogs barking and keeping them in line. Local people were MEH. Whatever...seen this before. Out of down guest were flabbergasted. I laugh every time I see the photos of us standing by the fence with our drinks in hand and the cattle behind us.
Does anyone genuinely “believe in” Satan? Or is it just an anti-Christian establishment thing? And if it’s just that, about being disrespectful to the mainstream religion, is having a Satanic themed wedding much different than having a Quran in the toilet themed wedding?
Wisconsin has an old session law that permits a wedding by an exchange of vows witnessed by two others with no officiant. My first wife and I got married that way in the woods north of Rhinelander in Harshaw. My current wife and I were married in a balloon at 3000 ft near Del Mar officiated by the pilot accompanied by our respective children all in one basket.
In spite of appearances, I’m quite normal…with a few apparently lovable quirks. The wives too.
- Krumhorn
I have no direct experience with the subject of marriage, but I believe "neurodivergent women" to be redundant. Even the two clauses I just wrote are redundant.
"not sure (because i never tried it), but apparently in Iowa (at least back in the '80s), getting a marrage licence meant that you WERE married.. ANY ceremony was just for your own enjoyment. This is the equivalent of being married at the courthouse...."
In Colorado, you had to get the piece of paper, then do something that counted as the wedding, with an officiant, which could be you yourself. The officiant had to sign the paper and the paper then had to be filed. I think the legal formality was only complete when you filed it. If you'd done the ceremony, signed the paper, but then threw it away, I don't think you'd be able to prove you were legally married, if something came up where you needed the legal status. But when does that ever happen? Not too often.
"the paper then had to be filed" — filed in the govt office that issued the paper.
"I have no direct experience with the subject of marriage, but I believe "neurodivergent women" to be redundant. Even the two clauses I just wrote are redundant."
Men and women diverge. I don't know why when there are 2 divergent states — even autistic and "normal" — only one side should be called "divergent." There's a divergence, and all are affected. What makes you think YOU are the norm?
I'm dispensing hippie philosophy this morning.
Not really. In hippie philosophy, you'd prefer to be on the divergent side and happily tweak the normal people as "straight."
Before clicking, I knew the article would have to feature a disproportionate number of LGBTQ+ couplings. Does the author indirectly imply that LGBTQ+ individuals are disproportionately neurodivergent?
PS. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
… and I must say these accommodations for neurodivergent people still produce weddings that are way too much for me …
So exactly how neurodivergent are you, Professor?
I’m not sure what are the boundaries of “neurodivergent.” Does it include Downs Syndrome? Because the Downs couple I knew slightly seemed very eager to have a very traditional wedding (and accomplished it). Good for them.
Before the hippies, the old-school "progressives" and rebels routinely tweaked mainstream Christians. This included a wide variety of random ideologies, ranging from protestants (all), to science-reaction Christians (e.g., Seventh-day Adventists, Christian Scientists) to polygamous sex cults (e.g., Munster Rebellion of 1534, some forms of Mormonism).
There have been nominal or accused "satanists" rebelling against Catholics for ages (e.g., Baphomet of the Knights Templar circa the 1400s). The 20th century "satanists" tend to be (1) wiccan/pagan witches with views that predate Christianity, (2) followers of self-promoter Church of Satan Anton LeVey, and (3) musicians who adopted a dark heavy metal fashion theme.
"Neurodivergence" -- a catch-all label in the DEI rainbow hierarchy. If you got left out of bonus points for not being gay, lesbian, black, brown, disabled, etc...jump into this victimhood category. In the old days, sub-disability person-to-person variations were called "PERSONALITIES" or "my challenges."
What makes you think YOU are the norm?
I’m not. I’m a mathematician.
Weddings are such a waste of money.
and the dresses - oy. But people love it, and the reception party is the best part. but honestly - I'm over it.
I kind of like the 'neurodivergent' tag. As far as I can tell, it covers the conditions that, put colloquially, make a person odd or weird, but not crazy. Autism, Asperger's, that sort of thing. I think a lot tend to drift into the sciences and arts as it allows them to direct their attention to what most people see as esoteric and complicated.
I'm a bit 'on the spectrum' as it were. Which is why I drifted into the sciences. I have trouble focussing on some things, but give me a bunch of data and I can while away the hours just fiddling with it until it's perfect. Among other things -- I'm a bit socially awkward and quiet, and can be sort of OCD in my daily routine. It bothered me most of my life, but a few years ago I came to terms with it, as it helped do some really exceptional things in my life, despite having costs.
Using “neurodivergent”, “problematic” or “gender fluid” is almost as much of a red flag as a septum ring.
I was married in Wisconsin in 1967 and I know there was a marriage certificate that had to be signed by two people and sent in to make the marriage official. After our ceremony we could not find the best man to sign it so my grandmother signed it. Things you remember about your wedding day....
Peachy said...
..But people love it, and the reception party is the best part..
Again, how much does a wedding cost?
$10,000? $15,000?
You'd be Surprized how AWESOME a party i could stage for $10,000
You'd be STAGGERED what i could do for $15..
Again, HOW MUCH does a wedding cost?
The last two that i went to were ok, and the fun was ok..
But how much did they cost?
(protip: a LOT More, than $10,000)
My wedding lasted until about 4 in the morning. By the standards of the country I got married in, it was pretty short.
When I was a much younger accountant I gave a pile of signed tax returns to the new receptionist and told her they were ready to be filed. Which she did. Fortunately someone else saw them in the them in the file cabinet. before the deadline.
"Cage-like structures" were common in the 19th century. There were bustles, but also women wanted their dress to balloon out a foot or two, so there was a frame underneath. That was the hoop in the hoop skirt. Internet tells me, "While following the trend of wearing wide-hooped crinoline skirts in the 19th century, thousands of women burned alive." Really?
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