June 14, 2024

The Biden campaign is a disaster and this is what The New York Times dredges up?

I'm reading "A Hollywood Heavyweight Is Biden’s Secret Weapon Against Trump/The longtime movie mogul Jeffrey Katzenberg always sought scary villains for his films. Now he has found what he considers a real-life one in Donald J. Trump."
Trim and wiry, intense but amiable, Mr. Katzenberg at age 73 still exudes a kind of ambitious, animal energy as if he were one of his movie protagonists. He is famous around Hollywood, and now Washington, for rising at 5 a.m. and riding an exercise bicycle for 90 minutes while simultaneously reading four newspapers before taking as many as three breakfast meetings — and waffles or eggs-and-extra-crispy-bacon breakfasts, not the leafy California kind. “The guy eats like a horse and he doesn’t gain any weight,” his close friend Casey Wasserman, the sports, music and entertainment mogul, groused good-naturedly.

Are Biden supporters in such deep delusion that they would take comfort from this "secret weapon"? This inane filler says: Time to panic! 

Katzenberg once ran Disney, so...

He likes to quote Walt Disney saying that movies are only as good as their villains. Mr. Trump is much easier to present to voters as a villain than, say, John McCain or Mitt Romney were.

If Mr. Trump is Scar from “The Lion King,” Mr. Katzenberg sees Mr. Biden as Mufasa, the wise father-king. It may not be the best analogy — Scar kills Mufasa in a coup to take over the Pride Lands and it falls to Mufasa’s son Simba to seek justice and topple the usurper.

But the point is that Mr. Katzenberg has been pushing the Biden team to think of the campaign as a story to tell....

Yeah, it's mid-June. Quick! Think up a "story."

“He’s a good thought partner on how you bring the various elements together,” said Michael Tyler, the campaign communications director, who estimates that he talks with Mr. Katzenberg several times a week. “How do you create a moment? How do you make sure it’s not a run-of-the-mill moment?”...

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in The New York Times. If Katzenberg had thought up the perfect story that had won the hearts of America over to Joe Biden, this article would be justified, but there's nothing at all like that. 

Imagine being famous for getting up at 5 in the morning. Imagine getting fawned over for thinking of the idea that Trump is a villain and his opponent needs a story. Why is the NYT embarrassing itself by serving this pap? Why can't I just eat my waffle?

112 comments:

MadisonMan said...

for rising at 5 a.m. and riding an exercise bicycle for 90 minutes while simultaneously reading four newspapers before taking as many as three breakfast meetings — and waffles or eggs-and-extra-crispy-bacon breakfasts, not the leafy California kind
Laughable.
That could easily describe a movie villain.

Leland said...

We at least know the next celebrity endorser.

rehajm said...

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in The New York Times.

Holy carp!

rehajm said...

The guy eats like a horse and he doesn’t gain any weight

...so hay, grass, oats, the occasional apple is not the way to pack on pounds.

Leland said...

NYT now looks to Jeffrey Katzenberg for its next Biden narrative.

mezzrow said...

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in The New York Times.

They're not going for the thinkers here. They're going for the easily influenced. That's their market.

If you have enough intelligence to be insulted by this, you're already lost to them. You have to identify with the Trump fear/hatred for this to work. They're just getting their base out with this kind of crap.

doctrev said...

Katzenberg, Zuckerberg, Bloomberg. Thank you for being such Greatest Allies, you wonderful Americans.

Wince said...

So, Hunter Biden is Simba?

Big Mike said...

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in The New York Times.

Hyperbole, Madam Professor. There have been worse.

Imagine being famous for getting up at 5 in the morning.

@Althouse, I understand that by 5:00 am you’re not just up, you’re dressed and headed over to Lake Mendota. Do you just take pictures or do you hike around the park a bit? Maybe jog some?

Imagine getting fawned over for thinking of the idea that Trump is a villain and his opponent needs a story.

Hollywood moguls are used to bring fawned over and react badly when they don’t receive unearned adulation. Or so I understand. Of course he’s picked the wrong villain. This is like a remake of “Snow White” with the queen as the heroine and Snow as the villainess with seven evil dwarves as her accomplices.

Why is the NYT embarrassing itself by serving this pap?

They aren’t embarrassed. They’re proud.

Why can't I just eat my waffle?


Because you forgot to buy maple syrup last time you were in the grocery store.

Ambrose said...

"Trim and wiry, intense but amiable, ..." You can choose your pronouns, but your adjectives - those the NYT will select for you to indicate whether you are good or evil.

Kate said...

Katzenberg fails to notice that Trump, besides being a potential villain, would also make an excellent hero. Or, that any story Katz wants to make up about Trump will fall short of the stories Trump creates for himself.

BillieBob Thorton said...

I'm at the gym at five AM. Can I be famous now too?

Paddy O said...

How much sexual abusiveness did Katzenberg overlook or even encourage during his time at Disney in that era?

We don't need imaginary villains to know the impact real evil has in people's lives and has been facilitated by those with power, for themselves or for favored friends

Aggie said...

Well.... They've alredy admitted that he's skinny, and they've taken the portait picture looking up so you also automatically know he's short. So in other words, we have a wimpy-looking pencil-necked geek being touted as the brave warrior taking on the evil warlord, Trump.


Honestly. How much antiquated Hollywood talent are they going to draw on? DeNiro outside Trump's courtroom. Then we have Spielberg overseeing Biden's D-Day performance, scripting everything. Then we have Wandering Joe at the G7, being saved by the 'Far Right' Italian PM. Now we have this weasel.

Just stop, already. Please don't subject us to Babs, I beg.

Ann Althouse said...

Creative writing assignment: Rewrite the article, sticking precisely to the reported facts, and make Katzenberg clearly the villain.

Yancey Ward said...

Just wait until they unleash Cher!

Bob Boyd said...

A desperate peerage turns to bold Sir Katzenberg charging him with crushing the unruly peasants and saving the realm.

Gospace said...

The recent videos of Biden indicate the chances of him stroking out or becoming completely non compos mentis or just plain dead before election day are rapidly increasing.

The DemoncRATs are best off if it happens before their convention. Afterwards it becomes an electoral nightmare for them. Which is fine by me.

mikeski said...

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in The New York Times.

A. At least you put in the "I've" qualifier; and
B. ...so far.

Yancey Ward said...

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in The New York Times."

I find this surprising since I doubt it is the stupidest thing in the paper just this morning.

Kate said...

And is he really suggesting that James Earl Jones should be recast as a white man?

The NYT must be in full panic mode to let something like that slip by.

Bob Boyd said...

I just saw Professor Althouse's writing assignment.

A desperate peerage turns to ruthless Sir Katzenberg charging him with crushing the unruly peasants and saving the realm.

Ann Althouse said...

I didn't remember that the place where "The Lion King" takes place is called "Pride Land." To substitute "Pride Land" for the United States is to point either to white supremacists or, oddly enough, to the LGBTQ crowd. Oh! Wait. It's "Pride Lands." We can have both groups, fighting each other. Now there's a "story."

(Can't remember why it's plural in the movie.)

Ann Althouse said...

I didn't remember that the place where "The Lion King" takes place is called "Pride Land." To substitute "Pride Land" for the United States is to point either to white supremacists or, oddly enough, to the LGBTQ crowd. Oh! Wait. It's "Pride Lands." We can have both groups, fighting each other. Now there's a "story."

(Can't remember why it's plural in the movie.)

Ann Althouse said...

BTW, there's no comment section at the NYT

JayG said...

They can't even get their secret weapons coordinated. On the website for The Hill, I just saw this five minutes ago: "Kamala Harris is Biden's Secret Weapon in North Carolina."

narciso said...

that would be from the Greg Allman desk, Doonesbury joke,

narciso said...

wasn't Jeremy Irons the villain in that one,

ron winkleheimer said...

Trump has always been pretty fortunate about who his enemies are.

Kathryn51 said...

Ann Althouse said...
Oh! Wait. It's "Pride Lands."

Although my kids were too young to watch in the theater, we had the VCR tape which was watched often in our house (rotating with Mermaid, Alaldin, Mulan, Beauty/Beast, etc. etc).

If I recall correctly, there was consternation amongst "the gays" because Scar had some definite feminine traits in his movements. At best he was Beta, while Mufasa was a total Alpha.

Original Mike said...

"Why can't I just eat my waffle?
Because you forgot to buy maple syrup last time you were in the grocery store."


Even thinking about that combination makes my blood sugar go up.

Two-eyed Jack said...

The Democrats seem to be relying on pure imagination to create heroes and villains as required to give themselves a fright in their beds or the courage to ride their exercise bikes at dawn.

They should fly an "Appeal to Hollywood" flag.

imTay said...

Every writer who needs a crutch to carry their story looks to creating a villain.

narciso said...

Irons villainy has become more absurd, from Scar to the one in Assassins Creed, where he played some Templar scientists to the terrible Ozymandias in Watchmen series,

tcrosse said...

When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.

Jerry said...

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in The New York Times.

It's still early. There's a reason August used to be known as the 'Silly Season' for newspapers. There's PLENTY of time for stupider things.

rehajm said...

The article reads like tha author watched too much television...or the AI bot prioritizes TV and movies...

Example: Every morning at his little three-room semi near Reading Katz gets up at three o'clock...and goes back to bed again because it's far too early.

At seven o'clock Katz gets up, he has a quick shower, a rub-down, gets into his track-suit, and goes back to bed again. At 7:50 every morning Katz's trainer runs the 13,000 miles from his two-room lean-to in Bangkok and gets him up.

I used to wake Katz up with a crowbar on the back of the head. But I recently found that this was too far from his brain and I wasn't getting through to him anymore. So I now wake him up with a steel peg driven into his skull with a mallet.

Nicole said...

Creative writing challenge accepted!

Well-known for his rigid and inflexible nature, Katzenberg insists on beating even the sun to get up each day, rising no later than 5am. Unphased by the requirements of most normal people to rest in the morning or to take their exercise outdoors where they can enjoy nature, he spends a full 90 minutes riding his exercise bike indoors—perhaps even envisioning himself mowing down hapless opponents as he furiously pedals. While riding he insists on reading up to four different papers, as if to prove his seriousness and his ability to multitask. Hurrying from one rushed meeting to the next, he gobbles heart attack-inducing, calorie-laden breakfasts. Colleagues have privately complained that he seems to be thumbing his nose at those who make wiser food choices.

narciso said...

oh you're using python reference, Ken Anchovy

AZ Bob said...

No one in their right mind reads four newspapers daily.

West TX Intermediate Crude said...

Why can't I just eat my waffle?

According to Michelle, it's Barack's fault.

"Barack will never allow you to go back to your lives as usual, uninvolved, uninformed."

Only Barack is allowed to eat waffles unmolested by the zeitgeist.

rehajm said...

He believes in taking care of himself with a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if his face is a little puffy Katz’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. He can do 1000 now. After he removes the ice pack he uses a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower he uses a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub.

Then he applies an herb-mint facial mask which he leaves on for 10 minutes while he prepares the rest of his routine. He always uses an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries his face out and makes him look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion

Brian McKim and/or Traci Skene said...

"Michael Tyler, the campaign communications director, who estimates that he talks with Mr. Katzenberg several times a week."

Oh, my. My sympathy is with Katzenberg. Imagine having to talk with a campaign doofus SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK!

loudogblog said...

When President Biden made clear last year that he was planning to run for another term, many important Democratic contributors expressed doubt. They knew he was too old and that he was not up to another four years.

It fell to a certain Mr. K to tell them he (and only he) had a way to put Biden back in the White House, but it wouldn't come cheap. When some still did not believe him, Mr. K invited them to come to his lavish, rooftop penthouse where he would layout his brilliant plan for the election. He then arranged to bring the more dubious donors to his secluded, mountaintop lair to "persuade" them to contribute to his master plan.

“He was like, ‘I will make them trust me. And if they don’t trust me, or I trust them, they'll be free to leave. In fact, I'll graciously arrange to have one of my self driving cars take them home...down that winding and treacherous mountain road. Alas, it is a dangerous route and it would be a real shame if something were to happen to them. A real shame.’”

narciso said...

theres precious little news in any of them, it might be better to read movie pitches, like Griffin Mill, in the Player,

Ann Althouse said...

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in The New York Times"

I don't say that lightly. I've been reading the NYT for half a century and blogging it for 20 years, looking for good and bad to write about. And it's not my thing at all to use superlatives as hyperbole. I only wrote that because I meant it. I don't think you can find many similar absolute assertions in my blog archive.

narciso said...

Omg yes, imagine having to talk to a tool like tyler, and not having the trap door ready,

n.n said...

Each pride of [female] lionesses, and unPlanned cubs playing in gay revelry, are led by a [male] lion king in a parade. Mufasa was the king of the unified pride lands, including the flyover lands of the deplorables, hyenas, etc. Lion king is a nod to the monarchies of democratic/dictatorial regimes past and present.

robother said...

When you open up your morning NYTimes and see your "secret weapon" exposed to the world. That's the trouble with working with these Hollywood guys, it's always about them. Kind of wrecks the October Surprise thing. But Katzenberg saw that movie too--this is his insurance against the Secret Service hitman.

Dave Begley said...

Ann Althouse quoting Barack Obama but not citing him, "Why can't I just eat my waffle?"

Clever.

cassandra lite said...

Katzenberg commissions a script.

It goes through ten rewrites before he's satisfied.

Now begins casting, because he, like everyone who's ever made a film knows, you can have a fantastic script but if you cast it wrong, your movie will suck.

Casting agents bring in the hopefuls.

First up is Joe Biden.

He stumbles through his lines.

"Thank you. That's enough. Next."

Ampersand said...

We need a word for vapid, fluffy, empty propaganda like this NYT piece. I nominate "vapaganda".

Ampersand said...

I wonder-- has the news media always been a cornucopia of agendized dishonesty, or am I only just now realizing it?

Narayanan said...

No one in their right mind reads four newspapers daily.
=================
he could be reading 4 copies of same newspaper and statement still true!

Sebastian said...

"Why is the NYT embarrassing itself by serving this pap?"

Not embarrassing at all. Actually shields Joe from embarrassment. Plays well with soap opera women. Confirms anti-Trump bias. No need to run on policy or results. Focus on story, any story, to reach LIV. Create moments, as long as it's not moments of Joe freezing into a demented stare.

Bonkti said...

When Marlon Brando was approached about being cast as Superman's father, Kal-El, he proposed performing as a disembodied voice emanating from a sack.

Katzenberg might well be in the ear of the Biden campaign with a similar model for how the two candidates are allowed to occupy the debate stage, thus lessening Biden's disadvantage.

It's a short hop from Lion King to Superman.

Narayanan said...

I nominate "vapaganda".
=================
'propavapa' better conjures suggests blowing smoke up yours

narciso said...

they have dialed to eleven if he reads the Times on either coast, you are definitely not informed, the Bezos and the Journal compete to miss the point

Lilly, a dog said...

Katzenberg should take Biden to a Dodgers game and hold him up during "Simba Cam."

https://bleacherreport.com/videos/572819-simba-cam-at-dodgers-game

Oligonicella said...

Paddy O:
How much sexual abusiveness did Katzenberg overlook or even encourage during his time at Disney in that era?

Bing-friggin-go.

Dave Begley said...

Here's the IMDB logline for "Wag the Dog" - "Shortly before an election, a spin-doctor and a Hollywood producer join efforts to fabricate a ware in order to cover up a Presidental sex scandal."

The screenwriter was the great David Mamet.

Katzenberg knows that movie.

narciso said...

a ware, ok, now that part was kind of silly, because milton bearden, then a lobbyist for Sudan, and former Afghan task force head, had but that notion in chris hitchens noggin,

Breezy said...

“Katzenberg commissions a script.”

We’ve been subjected to one script or another about Trump for years. The narratives never end and get progressively worse over time. Behold the script about his Russian collusion, his for-shame daring to challenge election results, his NDA and felony conviction, etc. (See Thomas Massie for excellent questions about that last one.) We can’t seem to shut off the movie. We just want to live in the real world. Is Katzenberg to blame for it all?

Oligonicella said...

Yancey Ward:
Just wait until they unleash Cher!

National Lampoon had her pegged way back in '72.

That was when you could still do relevant parody.

Jamie said...

I was bemused by the "reading four newspapers simultaneously" thing. Yes, I know what they meant, but... poorly put.

robother said...

A worse villain covers for all manner of other weaknesses? So, if Spielberg is making Jaws, with Biden cast as Chief Brody and Kamala as Quint, he turns to his assistant director and says, "we're gonna need a bigger shark."

PM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bushman of the Kohlrabi said...

Never underestimate the NYT. They’re just starting to panic. The most embarrassing stories won’t drop until late summer when the real hysteria sets in.

Oligonicella said...

Ann Althouse:
(Can't remember why it's plural in the movie.)

Common usage - a country: "the valley is one of the most beautiful in the land" · "the lands of the Middle East" · "America, the land of political equality"

Probably makes land more extensive or exotic, "far off lands".

Immanuel Rant said...

Katzenberg, a man with a "lean and hungry look" known all too well to readers of Shakespeare, left the Disney company before a host of sexual harassment claims became known at the company.

Each morning, he insists on getting up extremely early so that he can obsessively go through four separate newspapers. That goes well beyond a desire to keep up with current events, and well into an unhealthy compulsion.

More recently, it has been uncovered that he has been in weekly, secret communication with the person in charge of one candidate's election for the highest office in the land. The exact nature of these clandestine communications and what kind of machinations have been put into play is still unknown. Katzenberg, however, is a rich and influential man who knows where many political bodies are buried, and his private sway on public policies should not be underestimated.

chuck said...

The Democrats' Wunderwaffe will bring victory.

PM said...

Katzenberg is gonna use A.I. to make Biden put on and pull off his sunglasses like a pissed-off Marine.

Tank said...

Four newspapers is a lot of propaganda.

Oligonicella said...

Ampersand:
I wonder-- has the news media always been a cornucopia of agendized dishonesty, or am I only just now realizing it?

Always. Look up Walter Duranty, Don Rather.

Michael K said...

Well, that movie guy the J6 committee hired worked out well, didn't it?

Most Democrats watch "The View" don't they ?

loudogblog said...

Immanuel Rant said...
"Katzenberg, a man with a "lean and hungry look" known all too well to readers of Shakespeare..."

He thinks too much. Such men are dangerous.

Dave Begley said...

Yes there is a lot of showmanship, marketing and advertising related to any campaign, but at its core any presidential campaign is about the issues, to-wit:

1. How has the current president performed?

2. Are both candidates fit enough to serve four years in the toughest job in the world?

3. Are you better off today than you were four years ago?

4. Do you like the fact that at least 10m illegal aliens are now in this country?

5. Are you happy with gasoline, insurance and food prices?

6. Do you agree with the billions in federal income tax credits being handed out to the Street, utility companies and fat cats like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates (two villains)?

7. Are you happy with current interest rates?

8. Are you happy with US foreign policy in Ukraine and Israel?

9. Are you happy with current US foreign policy vis-a-vis China, Russia and Iran?

10. Do you want to see America be great again or do you want to see our decline managed as China passes us as the world's super power?

Dave Begley said...

11. Do you feel safe? How's the crime in your neighborhood?

12. Do you like the rate at which our federal debt is growing?

JaimeRoberto said...

As a fourth generation Californian I'm just trying to figure out what a "leafy California kind" of breakfast is.

Lucien said...

Yancey Ward: you made me picture Cher on a leash. Thanks??

tcrosse said...

Biden wakes up in bed, and tells Jill about the weird dream he had, where he was President of the United States. Not only that, but that nutty bitch Kamala was VP! She tells him to lay off the Mexican food. Laughs all around.

William said...

It's all very well to enlist the services of Katzenberg, but who they really need is Harvey Weinstein. That man is a dynamo. Can't they grant him some kind of conditional release? Just keep him away from young women, and I'm sure everything will work out fine. He used to raise fantastic amounts of money for the Democrats, and they could use his services. In some ways that man deserves to be the face of Democratic fundraising. Let's move on and move up with Harvey....Harvey was the guy who got some real stinkers to win Best Picture Oscars. He's just the man to not only raise money for Joe but to sell Joe's wisdom and experience to the American public.

Fred Drinkwater said...

Michael Crichton coined "Gell-Mann Amnesia Effect" in 2002 (which surprised me, I thought it was much older). My father pointed out to me, back about 1973, that pretty much everything written in newspapers about aviation was wrong.

Fred Drinkwater said...

Jaime: I'm a native Californian too, and can't recall ever having eaten a "leafy" breakfast.

perhaps a sly allusion to marijuana? Nah, just lazy writing, more likely.

water said...

Is there a tag? So we can watch the stupidity progression?

n.n said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
n.n said...

Dazzle them with celebocracy.

DAN said...

Imagine typing or saying, "thought partner" without thinking, all by yourself, "well, that's kind of stupid."

Skeptical Voter said...

Our host wants a rewrite of the spectacularly stupid NYT article to make Katzenberg the villian.

I won't finish the task, but here's the start of the horror movie. "Eight eyed Katzenberg reads four newspapers at the same time while riding an exercise bicycle; since he has to hold each newspaper in two hands, he also has eight arms."

An eight eyed,8 armed monster is a pretty good start--doncha think?
.

imTay said...

I am so old I can remember when The Lion King was criticized as crypto-fascism. Maybe they were right!

imTay said...

He heard the message notification on his phone, but he ignored it in his intense session on the Peloton. He knew what the message said without reading it, and he knew he would be useless for the job unless he burned enough calories today to allow himself the inspiration he derived from that second rasher of bacon. The bumbling figurehead that he had parachuted into the presidency was, once again, rake stepping his way through another Bermuda Triangle of his own making. Still, Katzenberg began to marshal his considerable intellectual resources, and focus on the problem, and he reluctantly turned to his phone.
"First, and most obviously," he said to himself, "we need to accuse Trump of every fault that Biden has." He got Comedy Central on the line.
"What are you keeping from us?" said the network executive. sounding exasperated. "We thought we had the full list! Haven't you been watching our coverage?"
A slow anger began to burn across Katzenberg's brow, and the veins in his temples began to stand a little in relief against his skull. The executive on the other side of the phone began to writhe in pain.
"I am surrounded by idiots!" he muttered to himself, he then called the attorney general.
"Trump needs to be put in jail for every crime that Biden has ever committed."
"But, but, we are doing the best we can!"
"You do understand what is at stake here?" Katz said contemptuously, "Our control of trillions in graft, and our fundamental transformation of this country from an execrable democratic republic to workable government, answerable to me and my partners."
"All hail!" said the AG, Katz killed the call before the AG could finish the whole declamation of fealty.
"I need to get Xi on the phone, he thought to himself. "He will need to download another pile of cash to my Foundation so that I can grease the palms I need to grease to put my latest plan into action. And that little Pooh Bear better have the next virus loaded and in the chamber, or there will be Hell to pay."

Ralph L said...

I was about to say that the inherited leadership in the Lion King is un-American, then I remembered W and Hillary.

boatbuilder said...

It's not AI. AI would never write that anyone "...estimates that he meets with Katzenberg several times per week." "Several" is not an estimate. AI understands that.

These people can write, but they don't think very well.

narciso said...

Like the creature from mouth of madness

boatbuilder said...

Biden as Mufasa. Now that's imagination.

Christopher B said...

Speaking of tragedy (and comedy) Slo Joe gets off his leash again, mangles insult directed at TokTok influencer into a threat to throw his phone across the room because he 'has a good arm.'

narciso said...

No thats hallucinations

wildswan said...

Creative Writing Assignment

Non-creative Response
Haven't we already had the movie in which a crazed Hollywood director revives a political campaign by a pretend narrative? Wag the Dog?
So we just update it a bit. This evil Hollywood director revives the FJB campaign by producing an incident in Gaza which makes the Israelis hover over a crowd of starving Gazans, looting a truck and fire into the crowd laughing maniacally. In the US, a mob wearing black-block clothes or Harvard sweatshirts forms and assaults some Orthodox Jews wearing identifiable hats. The Jews flee into St, Patrick's Cathedral, closely pursued by the Palestinians. Hunter Biden is attending Mass there. Seeing Cardinal Dolan under threat, he throws himself in front of the Cardinal. Shots are fired, or noises heard, anyhow and Hunter falls before the altar. A rosary in his pocket slips to the floor; the mement is caught by someone's iphone. A dying Hunter is rushed to the hospital. FJB makes a fiery speech blaming Trump and his Jewish ancestry but breaks down in the middle, sobbing, "Not Hunter, too." He falls down and a flag is pulled down with him. An American flag covers a prostate President. An aide rushes in. Hunter has been saved by a diverse surgical team led by a Palestinian immigrant related to Raisha Tlaib. The President gets up, revived. "Remember it's the Zionists who are evil, not our own Jews like Jesus and Barbra Streisand. We are never stronger than when we are unified. This is why we must destroy MAGA," he gasps. Then, we see shots of a motorcade rushing FJB to the hospital (not Mt. Sinai, for sure) where Hunter bravely waits. The streets on the route are lined with quickly, spontaneously-assembled, sobbing citizens who wave and cheer. CNN and NPR are there doing closeups of overwhelming emotion. Fade.
Biden doesn't get elected, anyhow, as everyone thinks the whole thing is a deep fake and claims to be the first to say so. Except Rich and Chuck.
The director is now a liability because Senator Kennedy, Jim Jordan, Elise Stefanik and Margery Taylor Green all have committees and are investigating in every direction. The director is invited to do a movie on Jeffrey Epstein. While he is reconnoitring the jail, he is accidentally shot by Alec Baldwin, the potential lead in the movie. Or did Alec Baldwin fire that shot? He claims shadowy figures claiming to be Federal agents were there and fired from behind him. But the cameras did not work and the logs weren't kept up. There's no record of Federal agents at the scene. The End So far.

rehajm said...

Crime in my neighborhood is well below average- the ladies have league day at the shooting club on Wednesdays…

RCOCEAN II said...

“Ambitious Control freak” is the most common name applied to Jeffrey Katzenberg, an ex-Media mogul and current dominant political force in Washington. Rigidly getting up at 5 AM every day, Katzenberg ignores his wife and family to maintain his personal schedule. “He has to get up at 5 AM, everyday - exactly. And do 90 minutes on the bike -exactly. Not 89 or 91, always 90. Every day. It’s scary.” said one source.

Breakfast, usually a cholesterol laden plate of eggs and fried bacon, is gulped down so that Katzenberg can hold numerous meetings and monitor his subordinates. “He can be really intense, he exudes a sort of animal energy and ambition” said one employee. Katzenberg also monitors the elite newspapers, skimming through 4 of them, to ensure they aren’t straying from the DNC talking points and are supporting Joe Biden.

Jeffrey is used to being in control and that extends to everything in his life. Ignoring medical advice Katzenberg “eats like a Horse” and disdains vegetables, believing it doesn’t matter because he “stays thin”. Even the President of the United States doesn’t escape the Katzenberg surveillance, with Jeffrey issuing unasked for advice and demands regarding Biden’s re-election.

Jeffrey doesn't like Trump, said one source, so Biden will have to stay as President. There's no 3rd option for the USA.

Mark said...

Holy cow! Frame Trump as a villian? Why didn't we think of that eight years ago? Oh wait...
Oh, I've got an idea, why don't we "frame" him as a criminal? Oh, wait...

RCOCEAN II said...

BTW Katzenberg is a perfect example of Hollywoods "Good ol Boy" network. Its hard to see what good he ever did at Disney but he was always someone's second in command, or in charge.

And "THe Lion King" that godawful bore. Its a cross between a cartoon and Rodgers and hammerstein musical.

Bunkypotatohead said...

"In 2012, the Securities and Exchange Commission reportedly opened an investigation into DreamWorks and other movie studios for bribing foreign officials. It was opened after the announcements of a deal between China and the United States to increase the number of American movies released in China and the launch of Oriental DreamWorks, a Chinese offshoot of DreamWorks Animation.[41] News of the investigation broke shortly after Katzenberg assisted Joe Biden with brokering the Chinese movie deal and Katzenberg had held a fundraiser for the Obama campaign. The timing of the events led Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin to question if the deal and fundraiser were related.[42][41] Katzenberg denied the existence of the investigation, saying that DreamWorks had never been asked for documents or to otherwise cooperate with an investigation."

Boy, it really is a small world after all.

Jamie said...

And "THe Lion King" that godawful bore. Its a cross between a cartoon and Rodgers and hammerstein musical.

Isn't it Hamlet, more or less?

Big Mike said...

@Jamie, yes. Minus Polonius and his doomed children.

Mr. T. said...

"He likes to quote Walt Disney saying that movies are only as good as their villains."

This from the Biden-supporting clowns who gave us the ultimate soyboy incel Kylo Ren...

Kevin said...

Where have you been, Jeffrey Katzenberg?

Our campaign turns its lonely eyes to you

Rusty said...

Don't laugh.

Mark said...
"Holy cow! Frame Trump as a villian? Why didn't we think of that eight years ago? Oh wait...
Oh, I've got an idea, why don't we "frame" him as a criminal? Oh, wait..."

See. A lot of the low IQ voters on the left will eat this up as factual.

Thanks, Mark. You can go home now.

ga6 said...

Somewhere (is he in heaven or is he in hell?) Walter Duranty grins.

Robert Cook said...

"2. Are both candidates fit enough to serve four years in the toughest job in the world?"

Nope! Neither of them is fit for the office. Of the two incompetents, assuming one of them will be president, I'm less fearful of Biden. He will at least have competent people working for him. At this point, only incompetents (or those with their own ambitions to power) would work for Trump.

KBnOKC said...

So, this is the kind of pap our ruling class reads from the most vaunted daily publication in the country?

Sternhammer said...

Enjoy your waffle. No one is making you read the Times. Enjoy your life instead.