From "You’re ‘Solo Poly’? So … You’re Single?/Not quite, according to practitioners, who want people to understand that the lifestyle is more than a dressed-up 'friends with benefits'" (NYT).
1. It's a term, and you may think it's inaccurate or silly, but maybe it's helpful. If it's helpful, how is it helpful?
2. When did people become enamored of labels? Why not just be whoever you are? If it's that you want to belong to a group, it's funny when the group consists of people who are going "solo."
3. If it's a way to live, is it a good way to live, and are you telling the truth about it? If it's mainly a fantasy, is it a good fantasy?
Posts
68 comments:
Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me.
Zzzzzzz.
When did people become enamored of labels?
About the same time people became focused on their “lifestyle”.
She’s a whooah.
Secular religion and the fourth estate.
"When did people become enamored of labels?"
When they tried to score points in the culture war to degrade bourgeois morality.
They're just making shit up at this point...
I first saw this as solo pony and thought it was going to be about a woman cosplaying as a pony.
Then I read the post and this does not seem any less weird.
But consenting adults, "your body, your choice" so whatever floats your boat, honey.
John Henry
What is her definition of "more meaningful" if it doesn't mean she loves them more than the casual ones?
"If it's helpful, how is it helpful?"
It gave the twisted sister at the NYT something to jabber about today. At the NYT, a day when you have something to jabber about -- that's a good day.
It's the feminist ideal! Living your life as centered on your self, not centered on a family.
Labels in this identity politics days gives you power. She is automaticall special and deserving of special treatment. If not now, in the future.
“If it’s helpful, how is it helpful?”
It is a very handy identifier of yet another group of toxic personalities: totally absorbed in performing their militant selfishness. Because they choose to use the term, it is prima facie honest/authentic (not imposed by others) and thus a reliable flag for the rest of us as we seek to avoid the cray-cray.
I haven't read the article yet but I may come back to do that. Agreed, it's silly that you can claim to be "solo" when you are clearly part of a group. Solo in the sense that a new pilot goes up ALONE on his "solo flight"? In most cases, solo means "alone". Musicians have taken it to mean that they are no longer part of a group, but have backing musicians. Paul McCartney's first solo album, McCartney, was truly a solo album. He played every instrument and no one else but him sang on it.
As to Friends with Benefits, I have had several, but my true one, The FWB, whose antics I have catalogued in a book and on comment threads such as Instapundit's nightly "Open Thread" and on Facebook, has been my FWB since March 2017. She's moved in and out over the almost 8 years we've had a relationship, sometimes my choice (drug use) and sometimes hers (going to rehab or just leaving); I'm too old to get married and she doesn't want to marry me (she'll be 28 in March) so that's perfect. Either can move on without "breaking up" or divorce; we enjoy each others company despite the age difference and I do not care what others' opinions of our relationship might be. One of my other Friends with Benefits wanted to have a child and asked me to be the daddy; she's 31 and I declined, knowing that I might be dead before a child reaches the age of ten. That's not fair to the kid. So that left out "donating". She had another friend move in with her, she got pregnant and her handsome baby boy is coming up on a one year old. Her and I are still great friends, but platonic in order to respect her current relationship with the "baby daddy". In neither case did I ever consider that what I was doing was being solo in my love life. Both of those ladies have had other men in their lives. The FWB's current "boyfriend" threatened me (LOL) for keeping in contact with me. I told him that he is just "the latest BF" and in a matter of time, he will be gone like the others, and she will be back to seeing me. He didn't like that, but I did warn him that his non-specific threats didn't bother me ... that if he came at me or crossed my threshold seeking to do me harm, I'd shoot him in the face. If I didn't have a good self-defense argument, I told him that I'd be getting out of prison about the time he'd be getting out of his coma.
If you got cancer and needed help to recover which one of these partners would help you? Or who would you be willing to help?
PS
I had my surgery and the cancer had not spread so now I'm just looking forward to a long slow recovery. First I had to recover from the pleasant, dreamy state induced by morphine and then oxy and now I'm trying to eat without an appetite. I read the news twice a day (Return to Bizarro World). I always read Althouse and looked at the sunrise picture and read the comments when I wondered about stuff. There you go again, I'd think and I liked it. Thanks for being unchanging, guys.
I'm OK thanks to the wonderful staff at Froedtert Hospital and then my family. But I wonder who would come and get up in the night to help Ms. Solo Poly? Doesn't the whole thing depend on good health and a good income? These can be unbelievably fragile. Or perhaps, as she partially suggests, she's rebounding from being enmeshed and this is just a phase, not a real life style.
Lust and abortion, life without Posterity, or, perhaps, a harem lifestyle.
Labels mean you're a sexual minority and therefore a victim, which has many rewards.
That's all it is.
Gen-S(elfiesh) offers no redeeming value to society or humanity.
"For Ms. Morgan, being solo poly means there’s no expectation for her to live with any of her partners and she’s at the center of all her relationships..."
Well, you should see Poly thene Pam
She's so good-looking but she looks like a man
Well, you should see her in drag dressed in her Poly thene bag
Yes, you should see Poly thene Pam
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer-diller when she's dressed to the hilt
She's the kind of a girl that makes the "News of the World"
Yes, you could say she was attractively built
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Labeling something is kind of magic. It's a way of saying, "This is something. This is something definite that exists. It's not just random sh*t."
And if you label something, you get to decide what the thing you've labeled means. And whether it's good or bad, freeing or constraining, worthy of emulation or condemnation. Ms. Morgan is telling us it's the first of all those adjective pairs.
For adults only.
Before this poll came out I told a group of friends, all probably to the left if me, I hoped the special counsel report would set in motion a movement to have Biden out of the race. One suggested they should stage an intervention. Dems seem locked in to holding their breaths until election day.
How does it work to be at the center of all one's relationships? It's a harem?
'She’s a whooah.'
She's in the Marine Corps?
: )
How can I contact his woman?
And when did the NYT give free advertising to prostitutes?
"When did people become enamored of labels?"
Are you kidding? That's what leftists do- they don't know how to relate to others until they see the label.
I remember years ago, after moving back to NorCal from the East Coast, noticing how many articles there were on lifestyle or “how we live our lives.” Living authentically, for wellness, thoughtfully, purposefully, etc etc. I found it weird and self-absorbed. Now it’s everywhere. People constantly talking about how they live rather than just living. As a friend pointed out, so much of what is written in columns or shared on social media sounds like what was once the musings reserved for teenage diaries.
Polythene Pam, and her Red Solo Cup. Sounds like she came in through the bathroom window.
Mr. Lopez nails it outta the gate!
I Me Mine.
Yoko Onanist
I’ve never understood what kind of person blabs about their personal life to a news reporter.
Only one syllable required.
@wildswan, god luck in your recovery!
If you got cancer and needed help to recover which one of these partners would help you? Or who would you be willing to help?
This comment hit home for me. My brother-in-law passed away last year, and he lost his eyesight years before he died. For whatever reason he refused to learn to sit to urinate, but my sister remembered the good times and the great times and mopped the bathroom floor two or three times a day. As a working definition of love, I think that will do just fine.
Yet more pseudo-clinical terminology to describe very simple concepts (in this case, making sure you are always the center of your own universe).
Sounds like one of those high status hookers to me.
what ever happened to the old words to describe these people?
runaround sue?
rachel roundheels?
the townpump?
trampy little hoe?
c*ck s*cking trollop?
keep getting better wildswan!
1. It's a term, and you may think it's inaccurate or silly, but maybe it's helpful. If it's helpful, how is it helpful?
Well, as a term it replaces “slut,” which does certain negative connotations that “solo poly” doesn’t have — yet.
This is plain old "sleeping around." What's with all the goofy terms?
--- It’s hard to miss the growing interest these days in polyamory and ethical non-monogamy, the term du jour for having multiple and consensual romantic relationships. The new year kicked off with a slew of articles on the subject from a number of publications that shed light on the practice and lifestyle. [from nyt article]
I'll bet it did, start with a "slew of articles," but this behavior has always been going on. Wasn't it popular in Pompeii? More recently, there were the fishbowl parties of the '60s, the swingers of the '70s, threesome variants, and so on. Now it's polyamory, which was one of the original hot topics when the internet busted out in the '90s. Sounds more dignified.
There is probably no more and no less of this than ever. The "growing interest" is just what reporters claim because they want to focus on the subject. Too many of them are either divorced or bored in their marriages. Or something else. The NYT reporter seems to be a black woman -- same with the Atlanta "sexologist." There is no subgroup with fewer decent romance prospects.
I see now. Progressive women are totally useless except to themselves.
Thanks for the warning.
Michael Lopez posted:
"Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me."
Me: "Enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do YOU think of ME?"
Here's a label - she a woman who f**k's around.
And, yeah, even before her sell by date who would really care for her.
The ego of I'll always be healthy, wealthy and wise, I assume.
I interpret it to mean that she lives alone and regularly sleeps with one of a couple of different guys. I assume the guys she's partnered with are doing the same thing.
I've known long-term couples who always lived apart. It seems lonely and brittle, and tied to the idea of settling for someone who is minimally acceptable rather than talking the risk in trying to find someone to genuinely share your life. But I guess it makes some people content.
Adding a third person always seems nutty to me. I couldn't live with that instability and jealousy. My pop-psych explanation is that it's rooted in fear of intimacy.
If you got cancer and needed help to recover which one of these partners would help you?
Conventional marriage is no guarantee, though. Twenty percent of men leave when their wives get seriously ill.
I suspect this poor woman's future will be filled with loneliness----and many, many, many cats.
Why have a life when you can have a lifestyle?
When did people become enamored of labels?
Seriously, have you heard of DEI? You can't be Diverse without first Dividing people into categories and giving them labels. More labels, more Division.
Polyamorist sounds so much more impressive than slut.
The late great Toby Keith had a song, "I Wanna Talk About Me."
Keep women affordable, available, reusable, and taxable.
Polyamorist sounds so much more impressive than slut.
Do the Slut Walk #HerToo. Are her male harem mimbos? Sharing is caring.
“I love you all equally,” means she does not experience love as most humans do.
Long ago there was a young woman with a similar life style. It didn't last, as she put it, "My empire collapsed."
Long ago there was a young woman with a similar life style. It didn't last, as she put it, "My empire collapsed."
"For Ms. Morgan, being solo poly means there’s no expectation for her to live with any of her partners and she’s at the center of all her relationships..."
So... the town slut.
Everything old is new again.
Eve3rything old is new again. Waiting for Mormon's to revoke The Manifesto and get back to plural wives.
So, not friendship, perhaps AntiFri, with "benefits"?
When did people become enamored of labels?
When the hierarchy of victimhood replaced...well, everything.
Twenty percent of men may leave their wives when the latter become ill but....
As far as I am concerned, the majority of divorces are initiated by women BORED with their husbands
Better to leave them when they are healthy and before you marry.
“And she’s at the center of all her relationships…” Uh huh. Strip away the New Age cutesy labels and she’s a selfish narcissist who is very much like someone most of us have met and possibly had to disentangle from at some point. How fucking fresh these phonies think they are!
People have always labeled and judged. Human nature. In this particular case, solo-poly sounds like they are trying to rebrand "playing the field". Not for me, but whatever works for her I guess.
Big Mike: that is the definition of true love. You're a very lucky man to have such a fine woman.
I think there must be some particular importance to labels - they're like words to conjure with or something, as another commenter up thread was saying. A kind of magic, of willing something into being.
I know someone, very intelligent and well versed in modern psychology, who at one point took up running for exercise. When she told me about this new exercise regime, she didn't say, "I've started running" or "I've been running for couple of weeks now"; she said, "I've become a runner." I remember thinking at the time, That's kind of a strange way to put it. But I think it may have been related to this labeling thing: if she gave herself this label, if she attached this label to her - oh God, I'm going to create psychobabble here - to her experienced identity, maybe it would stick better than if she just mentioned a new thing she was trying. (If so, it didn't work.)
In the case of this "solo poly" person, maybe she's getting out ahead of all the labels other people will obviously attach to her (and are in fact attaching to her here). I myself think her "lifestyle" sounds lonely, shallow, and awful, in addition to very very situationally dependent, just as so many people here are pointing out - but if she doesn't want the label "inevitably aging slut" (and yes, of course that label can be applied to slutty men too), she has to come up with something that doesn't rankle her.
JaimeRoberto said, "Why have a life when you can have a lifestyle?"
Pithy and deep. Not an easy trick, Jaime. Thanks.
Meet and f*ck. Sounds like the '60s, but with better clothes.
Didn't people who are the only important person in all their relationships used to be called narcissists? Does that word not adequately describe this person?
Post a Comment