Writes Jessica Grose, in "When It Comes to Dating, Ambition Might Matter More Than Politics" (NYT)(free-access link).
If you live in a big city that has lots of people who are politically like-minded, you can afford to filter out the people who don’t align with you very closely. If you live in a smaller or more politically mixed environment, you can’t afford to be so choosy without severely restricting your dating pool.
This is phrased in terms of the person doing the choosing, but the same kind of "scarcity" thinking must influence the person writing the profile. That very liberal New York man sees a "deep left-leaning dating pool," but isn't it full of people who figured they'd better say they're on the left? But maybe that's all New York man is himself and all he wants.
Neil Malhotra, a professor of political economy at the Stanford Graduate School of Business who has published research on political homophily and online dating, said that he and his co-author Gregory Huber found that while shared politics do make someone more likely to engage with someone else on an online dating platform, the importance of politics is “much, much smaller compared to things like age and religion and things like that. And it’s smaller than education,” he said....
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90 comments:
Was the category sexual attraction examined? Did anyone ask?
I can’t imagine anything more important to a flaming New York liberal than dating inside the bubble.
I will not date a liberal. Too much grief.
"because I worried I wouldn’t find another man who is a Democrat,"
How in the hell is that possible. There's gay bars in every major city. Stop crying with two loaves of bread under your arm sugar.
Emo Phillips described the human behavior in which close affiliations cause common bonding, but as the affiliations become closer and closer, any small differences are seen as overwhelming negatives. That, I believe, applies to politics as well as religous affiliation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDmeqSzvIFs
but isn't it full of people who figured they'd better say they're on the left
I can’t imagine a conservative fibbing about their politics to date a liberal. Don’t sleep with crazy or something is the expression…
Years ago, I subscribed to the New York Review of Books. There was a back page that included personals like women looking for men to date. One such listing said "No Republicans !" If she was hard up for dates why close out half the male population ? Of course in NYC Republicans are rare.
I always chalked this up to de facto cultural conservatism (i.e., fear of outsiders regardless of left or right politics), and the functional maturity of individuals. Some people feel very uncomfortable and find nothing to say around other generations (e.g., grandparents), those from other countries, and anyone unlike themselves. They should take more chances and grow up.
Over a few generations the offspring of any group regresses to the mean and half of the "lefties" and half of the "righties" are socially rigid while the other half are open and exploratory. Many social groups follow traditions, random cliques, bad assumptions of the unknown, and fears of the unknown. In my experience lifelong big city people are routinely shocked about what they find in small towns, as they are only slightly different despite the stereotypes. They are shocked by the left-like attitudes in nominally conservative places and religions too.
The world is organic and dynamic. Ignorance can be fatal. Adapt and be flexible or die.
Proof, yet again, that lefty-thinkers ("think" used cautiously) are the intolerant and the non-accepting, characteristics which they readily assign to those who don't think as they do.
https://bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/whos-better-at-pretending-to-be-the-other-sid/
The secret to dating (confirmed by my brother who ran a pre-internet dating service).
Men care about weight and looks.
Women care about income and wealth.
The sort of thing that happens when politics is your life...
How sad.
"If you live in a big city that has lots of people who are politically like-minded, you can afford to filter out the people who don’t align with you very closely."
Wrong. Our younger people are getting married less. And those who do are doing it at a later age. As such, they are not having children, or if they do, it's one. But more than ever, they are finding themselves in their 40s with no solid relationship, and nothing much to look forward to, other than more browsing an app to find someone who watches just the right amount of MSNBC per week, reads the NYT, has a subscription to The Atlantic, and loves an occasional night out seeing a one-act play off-Broadway.
I'm sure the selection pool is strong.
A very liberal man in New York who said he doesn’t even consider dating people who put 'moderate' in their dating profiles...
"Liberal" doesn't mean what they think it means.
Seems aligning values is far more important than party affiliation. Those with a substantial majority of shared values, irrespective of politics, should be able to work out the relationship details long-term. As a married person, to the same person, for just shy of 37 years, we differ on style and approach to many issues, but agree on substance on almost all issues.
I would hope many thinking D people and similarly thoughtful R people, assuming this binary choice is a legitimate metric, have many shared values. Considering our polarized society, however, I might just be dead wrong.
Further shrinking the pool of politically acceptable mates is that there is a sex gap in political views. Men tend to vote Republican and women tend to be vote Democrat.
The warning, "Be careful what you wish for." comes to mind.
Neither seem to be acting liberal while calling themself liberal.
My theory: politics is of high importance to him but not nearly as much for moderate women. Thus, no spark.
she felt that liberal men were scarce
Liberal males may not be scarce, but liberal men are. She's figured out something important--"male feminist" is a dating strategy and the men who embrace it are creepers.
they'd better say they're on the left? But maybe that's all New York man is himself and all he wants.
That was the great thing about the chaadar (Sorry, i meant the face mask) By covering your face with a sickly, sticky, disease infected cloth; you Show the world, that you OBEYED.
Anyone could SEE that YOU were submissive, to the will of Allah (sorry, i meant the CDC).
See some infidel, walking around bare faced? you didn't have to ask, you KNEW they were a MAGA.
Now that (unfortunately) mask wearing is no longer DEMANDED.. You need of signs..
Enter, the Septum Ring
A nose ring is inserted into the nose of an animal. Nose rings are used to control bulls and occasionally cows, and to help wean young cattle by preventing suckling. Nose rings are used on pigs to discourage rooting.
“much, much smaller compared to things like age and religion”
For a lot of people, politics IS religion.
A lot of Christians will only date other Christians. I bet the VLMNY would sneer at them, but what's the difference?
The Low-T of Yew Nork Liberal Man.
I don't understand being so exclusive. Liberal these days means judging people and trying to live in a bubble.
That's very interesting but not unexpected. If leftwing politics is your religion, you don't want to date or marry "outside your religion". I'm sure plenty of religious Jews and whatevers who still feel that way.
And I doubt men are who are conservative or moderate are missing much. No one wants their daughter to "marry down" and we want them to have standards, but the gap between most young women's market value and their self-evaluation is always a source of merriment.
These articles really need to have pictures of people being quoted. I picture a young Liberal Jennifer Rubin discussing how she wont date "moderates". LOL
The article is misusing "liberal". An actual liberal is open to differences of opinion. They should be using "leftist".
Don't forget MONEY
For those who choose to use the information for self-knowledge, it looks like filling these things out and observing your own responses is an information-dense strategy for seeing yourself. We read the ones who do this and/or study it. I wonder how many people on dating apps actually do it?
Nazis don’t date Jews. Palestinians, however, are kosher.
'I was in a pretty bad relationship, but I stayed in it so long in part because I worried I wouldn’t find another man who is a Democrat,' she said."
Biden.
She's talking about Biden.
dbp said...The article is misusing "liberal". An actual liberal is open to differences of opinion. They should be using "leftist".
In today's political environment, if you want to call yourself a liberal, you must first reject all liberal values. If you embrace liberal values, you vote Republican.
This is a pretty hard line religious stance.
Do liberals breed?
Funny how a committed relationship in one’s youth can dictate one’s politics for the rest of their lives. I know tons of people, of both sexes and ideological bents, who hold their rabid partisanship simply because they met and fell in love with someone who had a semi-formed ideology before they did. Hence Biff volubly, but apparently not substantively, is passionate about Global Warming, and don’t even think about trying to pry Jane’s, never-owned, pistol from her cold dead hands.
‘That very liberal New York man sees a "deep left-leaning dating pool," but isn't it full of people who figured they'd better say they're on the left?’
In that same vein, maybe the very liberal New York man sees “moderate” as NYC code for right-wing nut job, which begs the question what “very liberal” is code for. I would say that I am very liberal in the sense of not being a socialist.
'It’s probably unfair, but with such a deep left-leaning dating pool, there’s no scarcity mind-set forcing us to interact and test that assessment
I'm 54. Divorced six years. Public School Teacher swipe left instantly.
It's very true. Bumble, Match etc... majority of white women identify as "liberal". Of those I'd say one in twenty say "no Trumpers".
I've had a few initial phone calls for dates and felt I had to tell them I voted for Trump, and did not get vaccinated. That ended that...lol.
If it was Latina's crossing the border I'd be all for open borders. But it's military age men.
Men in the post 45 divorce pool know American women over 45 are a nightmare. So do a lot of guys still married to them.
I wonder if a man can get sued after sleeping with a liberal white woman, and then telling her her voted for Trump.
Imagine the internal conflict. "I fucked a Trump voter and actually like it".
They are being PC about filtering out fatties. This is because liberal means healthy and trim moderate means overweight, conservative means obese and Trumper means morbidly obese.
Dating must have changed. This sounds like the result of online menu dating.
Do liberal women even need any men? I thought that they need a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Having had to listen to a lot of them I'd say that it's much more likely that a fish needs a bicycle.
rrsafety said...
The secret to dating (confirmed by my brother who ran a pre-internet dating service).
Men care about weight and looks.
Women care about income and wealth.
In the Immortal Words, of SE Hinton.. That Was THEN, This Is NOW
Women Say 80% of Men Are Ugly
Sure, physical attraction isn’t the only thing that matters in relationships, but most people consider that element crucial. But, apparently, visual satisfaction is not easy to achieve — at least not for women. According to an OK Cupid survey, women find 80 percent of men unattractive.
For every 10 men a woman comes across, eight of those are eliminated for their looks alone.
In Today's World.. Women ALREADY have good paying jobs, what they want (require) from a man is 666:
6 foot tall
6 pack abs
6 figure income
YES.. a man STILL Needs to be richer than the woman for her to consider long term..
BUT!. a man MUST be a hunk to be considered.. AT ALL
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-state-of-our-unions/202302/why-are-so-many-young-men-single-and-sexless
A recent Pew Research study suggests a tectonic shift in the dating and sex life of men. The study found that among men under 30 years old, over 60 percent are single, almost double that of women in the same age bracket.
Not only are more young men single but their opportunities for developing a relational and sexual repertoire have all but vanished, as levels of sexual intimacy across genders appear to have hit a 30-year low (Lei & South, 2021).
Things are not what they once were.
No way a guy would lie in order to get laid.
also..
Pew Research: 45% Of Women Are Expected To Be Single And Childless By 2030
Single Men Are “Lonely” But Single Women Are “Empowered“
With the modern dating market, nearly half of women in their “childbearing” years will be without a male counterpart.
We are told that to be a single women is to be “empowered.”
“She’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man.”
She can take care of everything herself. She makes her own money drives her own car and pays her own rent
Sorry althouse readers.. but THAT, is the world of today..
The PROBLEM with althouse readers; is they ACTUALLY THINK that their 20th century thoughts are relevant
I can imagine that progressive women will eventually demand that they be allowed to fill out the man's absentee ballot- trust but verify.
I was talking to my mom last Sunday and she was mentioning a hike (at Pikes Peak State Park IOWA)
And i said to her, well; that's changed since you last hiked it.. which was Probably 20 years ago.
And she said: "OH NO! It wasn't That Long Ago!!
and i said: "really? when did you last hike it?"
and after thinking for awhile, she said: "it was ONLY back in 2004"..
And i asked her, if she knew what year this was? She did. I showed her the math (2024-2004==20)..
And she REPEATED "WELL! That wasn't That Long Ago!!
Old people LITERALLY Think that they are living in the present..
Old people LITERALLY Wonder why youngsters laugh at them
Nobody likes to have their most cherished beliefs shot full of holes. With liberals, their most cherished beliefs are those that they got from cable news, NPR, and newspapers, all owned or financed by people with agendas that only tangentially align with theirs, but who know how to play them like fish.
If a man desires a woman who is likely to be a good wife and a wonderful mother for his children, “moderately liberal” is probably already too far left. Of course, if the man is looking for a fun night of kinky sex and neither remembers the other’s name the next day (or may never have known it) then “very liberal” should do just fine.
Good. Stick with Progressive women who murder their babies. A few years down the road, you will extinct yourselves. Good for all of us in America!!
Can you imagine, as a pro-life person, sitting across the dinner table from a flame throwing lefty chick and the word abortion comes up? I smell domestic disturbance.
"Do liberal women even need any men? I thought that they need a man like a fish needs a bicycle."
I thought it was always that women needed men like fish need a pacifier. Turns out fish love pacifiers.
Left leaning dating pool….
A mile wide and an inch deep.
"Do liberals breed?"
No. They import. It's a win win for them since their children do double-duty landscaping their lawns.
In our day when men paid for everything caution was needed. Why foot the bill to be ideologically hated?
As I recall the radical ladies were never agreeable on anything. It was agree their issues or else. But they seldom were attractive to carry off the hatred schtic for long. LaAlthoude could have but she is one in a million.
It's a Madhouse, a ModHouse, a Meadhouse excluded, a divergence in progress.
Why bother "weeding out" the others? Just be yourself and the crazies (of that nature) will self-weed. Less contention.
As noted, religion can be very important for a relationship.
For left-wing individuals, often their politics is effectively their religion. Hence the phenomenon.
No animals were harmed in this production. Some, Select Baby Life Matters (BLM) were lashed.
The thing you gotta know about Howard is that his local buffet-style restaurants keep a jaws-of-life on the premises to remove him from the booths.
My wife and I have been married for 40 years. For at least 20, we have been on opposite sides, politically. There are, indeed, more important things in life.
Back in the day, "liberal" used to mean "open minded".
Today's supposed liberals are anything but. They are leftists intolerant of other opinions and more than willing to shut down what they call "misinformation."
"Male feminist" is a solid indicator that one is dealing with a sociopath.
Narcissist at the least.
Liberal men have less testosterone than liberal women, so that's a problem right there.
Can you imagine dating a man with purple hair, a nose ring, and wearing a T-shirt reading 'Trans Kids Matter.'
Jesus.
"I can’t imagine a conservative fibbing about their politics to date a liberal. Don’t sleep with crazy or something is the expression…"
Yeah, but there's another expression; "So horny I'da fucked a snake".
If you asked a guy to stick his dick in a rat-trap, while you slammed it shut, it is unlikely he would be interested, even though, in a month or two, he'd be good as new. But he'll go and stick it in some woman.
Remember when Looking for Mr. Goodbar was a cautionary tale?
They walk among us and they breed. But they mostly don't breed so there is that. Sarc.
But we all have our prejudices and preferences. No dumb girls was my motto--and I was lucky enough to find a woman smarter than me who would marry me.
However the commenters who noted that liberal politics has become a secular religion are correct. And those people will not marry outside their religion.
Single Men Are “Lonely” But Single Women Are “Empowered“
Well, that's wrong. Married men are "Lonely" and have no hope of solitude. Single men are "Alone" and historically men have lived apart.
Single women who don't have children will have achieved equality with men when they are past the point of having children, that is they only have their earnings and ability to provide for others to have others see value in them.
Not all men are hyper focused on looks. There's a minimum standard of course, but about half the female population gets there. Political opinions are markers of intelligence, status anxiety, breadth of experience, conformity, resistance to immediate gratification, and curiosity.
The phrase "ball and chain" captures the misery of long term attachment to a fool.
“much, much smaller compared to things like age and religion and things like that. And it’s smaller than education,” he said....
"education" is code for only certain edumedication credential that is a signal of being fluent in "ideobabble". There are still a few STEM majors where the students don't have time to learn "ideobabble" since they are learning to do something useful in life besides mindlessly march.
"Marching diverts men's thoughts. Marching kills thought. Marching makes an end of individuality." -- Hermann Rauschning
Yeah, but there's another expression; "So horny I'da fucked a snake"
Well, in that case, a snake, sure. A snake...
I used to think that the children of modern democrats would rebel and become conservative. Now I see that they rebel and become Muslim nationalists.
"According to an OK Cupid survey, women find 80 percent of men unattractive."
Watched a video elsewhere on the intertubes of a group of women being interviewed on this topic. One of the women said she hadn't seen a really attractive man in over two years. When the host asked her to rate herself, she said she was a '10'. When she was asked to rate other women in general, she said most were '9s' or '10s'.
IMO, the interviewee might have been a '5' or '6' on a good day if she took off a couple of pounds of makeup and kept her mouth shut. Her whiny nasal voice and all around disagreeable attitude lowered her to a '3' at best. Of course, I'm just a guy so take that under advisement.
mikee said...
"Emo Phillips described the human behavior in which close affiliations cause common bonding, but as the affiliations become closer and closer, any small differences are seen as overwhelming negatives. That, I believe, applies to politics as well as religous affiliation."
Said to be an Emo Phillips joke:
"Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over."
No heretic is hated more than the one who comes from among the faithful.
@gilbar - Young people have to have the math done for them.
I'm sure glad that I'm old fashioned. Life would be empty otherwise. Married 32 years to a good woman who still loves me. Kids and grandkids who we enjoy immensely. Church every Sunday. Growing old together. Doesn't get any better than that.
Howard said...
"They are being PC about filtering out fatties. This is because liberal means healthy and trim moderate means overweight, conservative means obese and Trumper means morbidly obese."
Mmmmm. Not so much. The Democrat congressional bench could use some shoring up. Ya ever been to Beverly Hills? The thin one are the mannikins.
My husband and I were frogs boiling in liberal water: we helped each other jump out and have been happy ever since.
Marriage helps.
"I now pronounce you Man and Hand."
Michael K said...
"Years ago, I subscribed to the New York Review of Books. There was a back page that included personals like women looking for men to date. One such listing said "No Republicans !" If she was hard up for dates why close out half the male population ? Of course in NYC Republicans are rare."
'Dating cancel culture,' before cancel culture was more prevalent.
'I was in a pretty bad relationship, but I stayed in it so long in part because I worried I wouldn’t find another man who is a Democrat,' she said."
I think I see the problem here.
JK Brown: A fellow TIK History viewer spotted! He invented the word ideobabble, and a quick internet search confirms it.
A bit different but related, apparently Steven Colbert gave a very touching tribute to Toby Keith who recently passed. Steven Colbert is very solidly on the Left and I assume Toby Keith was very solidly on the Right. But they were very good friends. I believe Steven Colbert even gave the speech inducting him into some sort of Hall of Fame. Now obviously this wasn't a romantic relationship but it was a close relationship. Similarly, Scalia and Ginsburg were very good friends when they shared time together on the court. It makes me wonder which type of people are the ones that hold political opinions of people as a high value in deciding if a person is a good match. I would assume the stronger held the beliefs the more likely the politics of a person would matter, but Scalia and Ginsburg probably had strongly held beliefs and it didn't stop their friendship. Mary Matalin and James Carville got married. I know both sets of my grandparents were politically divided but they were both married for 60+ years each.
I don't date but I would avoid religious fundamentalists. My dictionary defines religion as a system of thought held by faith and ardor. i.e. rationality or logic not required. Most probable Democrats on X appear to be religious fundamentalists. Unable to avoid logical fallacies.
Well honestly I'd have trouble dating a woman who said she felt Republicans were lower than snail shit and MAGAs were traitors...
One has to have at least some kind of open mind to have a meaningful discussion. Kind of like Muslims that say 'Either submit or die'.... there is no room for discussion.
Nice deflection Howie.
Back to your float tank.
“This is because liberal means healthy and trim…”
Ha… Howard may be insipid, but he is, on occasion, amusing.
Float, float on, Howard.
I have never actually been involved with a woman whom I could not win over at least some of the way to my way of thinking. I don't discriminate by politics, I just say I don't want to talk about politics, and subtly undermine her premises until even she can see it's been done, when she inevitably brings them up.
Most women genuinely want to please the man that they love. If you are not an actual man, YMMV.
Howard is just flinging poo from his perch at passers by to his cage.
"A very liberal man in New York who said he doesn’t even consider dating people who put 'moderate' in their dating profiles..."
I wouldn't consider dating someone who put 'New Yorker' in their profile.
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