Althouse: Things you already knew... right?

September 25, 2023

Things you already knew... right?

"The new phone call etiquette: Text first and never leave a voice mail" (WaPo).

69 comments:

MayBee said...: I think the "etiquette" to not leave a voicemail is stupid. I'd rather hear a voicemail than get a wall of text, and I'm not calling you back if you don't let me know why you called.

But I agree with text instead of call. I have a neighbor who comes over and knocks on my door! Noooo!!! If she can't get me with the knock, she'll call. It's all backwards.

I need to teach her:
Call, don't knock. Text, don't call.; 9/25/23, 10:58 AM
Joe Smith said...: Kind of what I do with my boys unless I'm sure they're at their homes.

Gotta evolve. Gotta adapt...; 9/25/23, 10:59 AM
Dear corrupt left, go F yourselves said...: I sort of agree - but sometimes a voice mail is better.; 9/25/23, 11:01 AM
rhhardin said...: Do you realize that I work at home?

No. I wasn't aware.

Do you like to be interrupted when you're nancing around in your little garden?

No, no. I actually will turn the ringer off on my phone. - Sometimes put a piece of cardboard...

- I work all the time. So never, never interrupt me. Okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home. One week later, there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body. You have to hold a hankie to your face because the stench that you think you're gonna faint. Even then, don't come knocking. If it's election night, and you're excited and you want to celebrate because some fudge-packer was elected the first queer president of the US and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for any reason. Do you get me sweetheart?

- As Good as It Gets (1997); 9/25/23, 11:04 AM
Meade said...: Exception to that rule: your 90 y-o grandmother in assisted living. Call her every day between 10 and 11. Every day. Keep it short, 10 minutes or so. Someday you’ll fully understand just how much it meant to hear. Hint: a lot.; 9/25/23, 11:09 AM
lonejustice said...: People who use speaker phone mode in public should be banished from earth.; 9/25/23, 11:20 AM
Static Ping said...: It depends on the urgency. Phone calls are for urgent matters, and if it does not pick up then a voice mail makes sense. Texts are more "whenever" level urgency.

There's also the matter than phone calls make a lot more noise and therefore are more likely to be noticed than a text than dings twice.; 9/25/23, 11:21 AM
Ice Nine said...: >Calling someone without warning can feel stressful to the recipient.<

Oh, no! The poor dear...; 9/25/23, 11:22 AM
Leland said...: A bit behind the times WaPo. I haven’t set up a voicemail on a phone in over a decade. If you call me, I have your number. If I want to call you back, I will. If you know me, you’ll text me if you need me to know something before I call back. Voicemail is just a waste of time for both of us.

As for Meade’s comment, Mom is in assisted living. Unfortunately, she can never get her hearing aids to work with a phone. Calling mom is a comedy skit of trying to tell her something before she starts fiddling with her hearing aids. Nice to hear her voice, but still not interested in Apple’s new tech to mimic voices.; 9/25/23, 11:24 AM
Narr said...: I prefer smoke signals, or Morse code by signal lamp if it's dark.; 9/25/23, 11:27 AM
Original Mike said...: "never leave a voice mail"

Because some weird idea about etiquette is more important than getting stuff done. I refuse to play their games.; 9/25/23, 11:42 AM
Lem Vibe Bandit said...: YouTube: Rh beat me to it; 9/25/23, 11:50 AM
Scott M said...: Comedian Gary Gulman, from Telephone 1.0, in which he talks about how different his relationship is with his phone versus his parents'. He mentions this very thing, after declaring that "describing the iphone is like calling a Lamborgini an elaborate cup holder" and "the phone is just a seldom-used app on my phone and if you use it on me, I'm furious".

"You text me first to see if I'm even taking calls today and I'll give you a window."

He's an unsung comedy hero and you would do well to check him out if you can. His ten minute bit about the meeting where the USPS came up with all the state abbreviations is hysterical.; 9/25/23, 11:53 AM
tim maguire said...: I'm ok with calls, but I hate voice mails. It's not really the caller's fault. The phone company makes retrieving a voicemail a time-consuming drudgery where you have to go through a series of prompts ending with a completely unnecessary automated recitation of the number calling. There's no way to skip all that noise and go directly too the message, which most of the time is spam anyway.

So if I don't pick up, please hang up and text.; 9/25/23, 11:54 AM
MayBee said...: Leland- I'm in the same spot. My dad is unable to hear on the phone, and doesn't have his cell phone with him in assisted living. It's an odd feeling, to not be able to talk to my dad except when I visit. Even if most of his calls had become him calling me from 300 miles away asking me where he put the tv remote.

So...I have kept some of his voicemails. I have voicemails of the people I've lost in the past few years, and I'm grateful for them.; 9/25/23, 11:58 AM
Lem Vibe Bandit said...: Text first has been around since the digital phone took over as the primary means of communications. If I had to pin the time down I’d say it became the unwritten rule soon after 2010, during the Obama years.; 9/25/23, 12:02 PM
SteveWe said...: Phone call for synchronous communication; text, email, or manuscript for asynchronous; knocking on the door -- use the doorbell, stoop head!; 9/25/23, 12:07 PM
Steve said...: 12 years ago my son's voice mail message was "Dad, hang up and send a text."; 9/25/23, 12:07 PM
loudogblog said...: As a general rule, people text when they don't really need an immediate response.(Or a complicated back-and-forth dialogue.) People call when they want immediate interaction.

In all honesty, I hate texting. It's really hard and time consuming to type on that little touch screen.

Plus, "Machete Don't Text."; 9/25/23, 12:10 PM
Yancey Ward said...: On my last phone replacement I decided to end the voice-mail account by not setting it up.

I never leave a voice mail and never have. Even in the age before cell phones I rarely if ever left a voice message on the answering machine. But then, I rarely use a phone at all- I only have one at my mother's insistence.; 9/25/23, 12:12 PM
wildswan said...: It's the convention. I think you get a lot more out of speaking to people but ... you have to go with the times. And I like the new "Focus" technologies that gather all e-mails into a big bundle to read twice a day. It's almost like a newspaper - comics from the Babylon Bee, various opinions, weather apocalypses, major sports like Aaron Rodgers in New York, sidebars about alligators, cat videos.; 9/25/23, 12:19 PM
LakeLevel said...: Just a few days ago I was trying to call my brother and he wouldn't pick up, or maybe he didn't have signal as he was canoeing in the wilderness. So I sent him a text saying "call me as soon as possible. A day later he called and said, in a sarcastic tone, "So what's so important that I have to call you?". "Yeah... there's no easy way to say this...".; 9/25/23, 12:24 PM
Oligonicella said...: "Text first and never leave a voice mail" (WaPo)

So, back to email? Cool. I never left.

I learned from others in my profession that if you have a cell your employer will call and interrupt all sorts of activities, solo or otherwise. I've never had one and still don't.

One bank thought they had me when my vacation came and they told me in a weekly they wanted me to carry a phone. I smiled "Sure." Knowing me, they asked why no fight. "I'm going to be in the middle of the Painted Desert collecting insects."

No cell.; 9/25/23, 12:28 PM
MadisonMan said...: I don't leave voicemails for my kids. Either their inbox is full -- usually -- or I know they won't return the call. They (usually) return a text.; 9/25/23, 12:30 PM
mikee said...: The night shift at my MIL's assisted living would transfer the main phone line onto the fax machine to avoid those after 6pm phone calls from the families of their charges. Calling continuously for half an hour, setting off the fax alarm again and again, sometimes worked.

Why did they still have a fax? Because lawyers and doctors still use them in the deluded belief that paper trails are more valid than digital footprints.; 9/25/23, 12:44 PM
Big Mike said...: Two of my cousins were born before Pearl Harbor. They still use landlines so texting them is flat out. They do, however, have old-style answering machines so I can leave voice messages.; 9/25/23, 12:47 PM
Gusty Winds said...: Caller ID is voicemail. With that I agree.; 9/25/23, 12:51 PM
Kathryn51 said...: I'm with Leland. I don't carry my cell phone with me 24/7 - I figure if people know my number (and it isn't a wretched sales or fund raising call) they can text me OR, if it is family and really urgent, call on my retrograde land line. We have three phones spaced throughout our house - both kids and close friends know if they want to speak NOW, call the land line.; 9/25/23, 12:57 PM
wild chicken said...: I can remember when people would drop in unannounced.
.
It was a pain in the ass but you'd all have a drink and then it was ok.; 9/25/23, 1:05 PM
PM said...: I have a flip phone. Rarely check vm and my texts're mostly y, n, k, haha.; 9/25/23, 1:19 PM
Mark said...: I agree.; 9/25/23, 1:24 PM
Just asking questions (Jaq) said...: My phone transcribes voicemails, so I don’t mind getting them, but I almost never leave them, either I let the caller id be my message, or text. however, it’s good to keep this in mind for when I am tempted to slip up.; 9/25/23, 2:25 PM
Readering said...: Don't even know how to access voicemail on my home land line. But I still leave voicemails for work and occasionally friends/family; my work and cell phones convert voice messages to text.; 9/25/23, 2:32 PM
Kai Akker said...: The Amish use voicemail.

It seems to be their compromise with technology. You can call their business line and leave a message. They will call you back.

But, apparently, they won't pick up the phone when it rings. I'm not certain that's a rule; I don't have a huge number of Amish to call, but that's my general observation. There are different levels of Amish, so there may be differences in telephone practice, too.

I don't get the distinctions here. But we do see some of the older boys cheating. At least, I think they're cheating. They get in the sulky, they like those, and pretty soon they have their cellphones out, apparently yakking.

They also bring girls home at 2 a.m., 3 a.m. There are still some mysteries there that I cannot fathom as yet. Although that one isn't really a mystery, is it.; 9/25/23, 2:35 PM
etbass said...: Historically phone calls have ALWAYS been convenient for the caller and usually not convenient for the recipient. Texting eliminates that call right at supper time, or while I am in the bathroom, or whatever.

In our large family, we text a lot. But even if a phone call is needed, we text the recipient to set a convenient time. E.g., "Call me when convenient." or "When would it be convenient to call?" or "Could we talk tonight? If so, when?"; 9/25/23, 2:36 PM
Kai Akker said...: Maybe those boys are sexting. What would Amish sexting read like? Or is that too disrespectful even to contemplate?; 9/25/23, 2:38 PM
Randomizer said...: I figured out the WaPo phone etiquette on my own, and haven't checked voice mail in a decade or so. It changed when I retired.

I'm busy, but rarely doing something urgent. It felt fine to call any retired friend at any time. At least within reasonable hours. If someone calls and I'm doing something urgent, I will call back later. I check my texts occasionally, but that isn't nearly as interesting now that I'm not at work with a little time to kill.

I do miss substantive emails from friends. That seems to have dried up when Covid pushed everything to social media.; 9/25/23, 2:38 PM
mtp said...: The average cell hone user commits several hundred IRL manners atrocities per day, then becomes hysterical when somebody violated the one rule that they just made up.; 9/25/23, 2:42 PM
Kate said...: I don't even like a text. PM me on discord. If you don't share a server with me, I probably don't want to communicate with you.; 9/25/23, 2:55 PM
Temp Blog said...: I'll do what the hell I want and those control freaks who think they can tell me how to engage with them can bitch about it. It works great.; 9/25/23, 2:57 PM
traditionalguy said...: Easy Peasy. Texting is polite because it doesn’t demand anything and the recipient reply’s happen when they have free time.

The son also replies when he is busy with grandson’s athletics and he will call later. The old time voice mails were used to unload all the caller wants in detail. And that irritates me. I am not a machine.; 9/25/23, 3:08 PM
tommyesq said...: Just make sure the text is connected to the right phone number!; 9/25/23, 3:33 PM
tommyesq said...: I can read a text in a tenth of the time required to dial in and listen to a voice mail. I would suggest the same for pushing out ideas to the general public - blog rather than podcast unless you are doing an interview or otherwise interacting with a guest. I used to read Scott Adams religiously. I can't listen to his podcasts, too slow and too much time.; 9/25/23, 3:36 PM
Joe Bar said...: One of my nephews died earlier this year. My sister (his mother) put up a FB post about it in July. No one else in the fami!y knew. I called her as soon as I saw it. Rather than return my call, she texted me, and we had a short, and, what I feel, awkward exchange. We are both in our 60's. I still feel unresolved about this. I would have preferred to talk to her, but she didn't want to. Sad.; 9/25/23, 3:38 PM
Lem Vibe Bandit said...: So, if The FBI needs to get in touch, we should expect a text first?

WaPo setting us up to arrest easy?

As the FBI rams down the door... What happened to text first mr. FBI man?; 9/25/23, 3:41 PM
Linda said...: I always text my sons. They respond almost instantly if necessary. My husband calls and they almost never pick up - he just can't understand it and I explain that you can read a short text and respond if necessary even if you are in a meeting - but you can't answer the phone . . . and yet he continues to call.; 9/25/23, 4:28 PM
Original Mike said...: "I can read a text in a tenth of the time required to dial in and listen to a voice mail."

Yes, and I can leave a voice mail in a tenth the time it takes me to type out a text. That's assuming the message is lengthy-ish which is the only reason I'd be calling in the first place.

I am puzzled by this difficulty some people seem to have accessing a voice mail. All I have to do is push the appropriate "button" on my phone. No "dialing in" required.; 9/25/23, 4:50 PM
Mary Beth said...: I can check a text almost anywhere. Depending on the ambient noise or if I'm in a group and can't excuse myself or for lots of reasons, it's not always convenient to check my voicemail. You'll get a faster reply with a text.

If you really hate typing on a phone, use voice to text.; 9/25/23, 5:31 PM
Narr said...: We cut our landline a few years ago and don't miss it. I have the low-end flip phone from Consumer Cellular, my second one, and they just sent me a new SIM card. Now it doesn't do voice either way, which is OK because I'm Texty McTexterson if I have a choice.

My wife wants to move over to CC with me and get a new smartphone, which would be a lot cheaper than how we do it now. She uses hers constantly and across numerous platforms and apps.

When she does, I'll probably get a new flip-phone with more functionality than text, at least.; 9/25/23, 5:48 PM
rehajm said...: I don't even like a text. PM me on discord. If you don't share a server with me, I probably don't want to communicate with you.

I came to say this…; 9/25/23, 5:50 PM
wendybar said...: Kinda hard to do, when you don't own a cell phone. And NO, I don't want a cell phone.; 9/25/23, 6:01 PM
lonejustice said...: wendybar said...

Kinda hard to do, when you don't own a cell phone. And NO, I don't want a cell phone.
---------------

Well, just so you know, there was the Stone Age, the Bronze Age, and then the Iron Age. You are living in the Stone Age. Good luck with that.; 9/25/23, 7:29 PM
boatbuilder said...: If you want your kids to respond, definitely a text.; 9/25/23, 7:45 PM
ken in tx said...: I have stopped doing business with an outfit because the young woman in the office does not like to answer the phone and will not return calls. Text is not enabled on the office phone. I'd have to go there and catch her in person to get anything done. I used to spend about a thousand dollars a year there.; 9/25/23, 7:55 PM
Dustbunny said...: I don’t even know how to get voice mail on my phone, maybe I never set it up. Don’t care.; 9/25/23, 7:58 PM
boatbuilder said...: "PM me on discord."

I have to confess that I have no idea what this means.; 9/25/23, 7:58 PM
walter said...: Blogger tim maguire said...
I'm ok with calls, but I hate voice mails. It's not really the caller's fault. The phone company makes retrieving a voicemail a time-consuming drudgery where you have to go through a series of prompts ending with a completely unnecessary automated recitation of the number calling.
--
This.
Imagine having a single onscreen button "Play mesage". No prompts. mo password; 9/25/23, 8:01 PM
iowan2 said...: I do contract work. Making 2-4 appointments everyday. People don't answer a call of its not in their contacts. Dictating text messages has improved the efficiency of long texts. I type in my name and company, which the phone remembers anyway, then dictate the details of what I'm needing.

I get a better response than leaving messages. If the customer has questions they call, and we hammer out the procedure and date.; 9/25/23, 8:07 PM
donald said...: I can never unsee all those big fat bearded Amish boys (7) in the hot tub at the Goshen Quality Inn with all their big fat wives (Or whatever) sitting in chairs. I also remember the bartender from the sports bar looking at me like I was from Mars when I asked her if there was problems with ALL that horseshit laying around getting in the water supply. That whole area was like an alien planet.; 9/25/23, 8:24 PM
Kevin said...: If I don’t know your number and you don’t leave a voicemail, you’re blocked.; 9/25/23, 8:37 PM
walter said...: donald,
Are you not telling us the whole story? Did you snap pics with yer phone?; 9/25/23, 9:55 PM
Yancey Ward said...: "What would Amish sexting read like?"

Something like this:

Ik zou graag in je uiers knijpen.; 9/25/23, 10:38 PM
gadfly said...: Horse manure! I hate text messages. I carry a cellular telephone which was invented for portable voice communication.

Anyone who spends the day staring at and responding to text messages is anti-social.

In my world, the only messages that I scan are emails because of my remote personal and business ties but I do not have the DM function open on the internet.

And I alone decide with whom I communicate in all manner of messages.; 9/26/23, 2:57 AM
gadfly said...: Horse manure! I hate text messages. I carry a cellular telephone which was invented for portable voice communication.

Anyone who spends the day staring at and responding to text messages is anti-social.

In my world, the only messages that I scan are emails because of my remote personal and business ties but I do not have the DM function open on the internet.

And I alone decide with whom I communicate in all manner of messages.; 9/26/23, 2:57 AM
gadfly said...: lonejustice said...
People who use speaker phone mode in public should be banished from earth.

Remember your speakerphone comment when your hearing goes downhill.

Bad public behavior #1 is dragging a cranky infant into a crowded restaurant.; 9/26/23, 3:06 AM
wendybar said...: lonejustice said...
wendybar said...

Kinda hard to do, when you don't own a cell phone. And NO, I don't want a cell phone.
---------------

Well, just so you know, there was the Stone Age, the Bronze Age, and then the Iron Age. You are living in the Stone Age. Good luck with that.

9/25/23, 7:29 PM

And I am a lot happier than many of the people living in the Biden age. So thanks.; 9/26/23, 4:03 AM
Aught Severn said...: This.
Imagine having a single onscreen button "Play mesage". No prompts. mo password

My phone came with something like that: AM app call Visual Voicemail. I just open it up and select the message I want to hear. Also gives the option for call back, and you can scroll left and right through the message so you don't need to listen to the whole thing.; 9/26/23, 6:13 AM
Oligonicella said...: lonejustice said...

Well, just so you know, there was the Stone Age, the Bronze Age, and then the Iron Age. You are living in the Stone Age. Good luck with that.

Yes, it must be due to your superiority, not her avoiding annoyance or not finding use in one application of everything else around her.

By the way, we're not in the Iron Age.; 9/26/23, 12:19 PM
Leora said...: I, for one, never return a phone call if no message is left. I do prefer text or email.; 9/26/23, 5:53 PM