A "Metropolitan Diary" letter in the NYT.
A New Year’s resolution to have a standing solo dinner date. It's one thing to be willing to eat alone in a restaurant when the circumstances arise, quite another to especially enjoy it, but it's a real step up from that to characterize what you are doing as a "date." There's no need to set a date if you don't have to coordinate with someone else, and the word "date" seems to romanticize the occasion....
I took myself to a charming Italian....
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I'm sure she's perfectly fine with her husband going out by himself when he gets the urge.
sitting solo at a bar can be a lot of fun, and lead to interesting events.
It's a GOOD way to get to know bartenders, and other people. It's Also a good way to people watch.
The trick is to treat the whole thing as a sociology experiment* that you are observing.
Wrote my first book title: "Out, With the IN Crowd" while eating a burger at the bar at Cy's Roost
whole thing as a sociology experiment* if ya think about it; all of life is a sociology experiment
At least her husband knows who her best friend is.
Everything in the MSM is anti family and anti marriage even if heavily spun.
From r/unpopularopinion : I love going to concerts alone. (says apparent single)
Growing up, music was everything to me. I’d listen to it by myself to escape reality as I was a pretty shy kid throughout school. So watching music performed live solo is always a beautiful experience as I would just immerse myself in the moment hearing raw vocals and live instruments, the speakers , feeling the ambience of the crowd, observing how the artists effect the people of the crowd differently, everything. It’s quite an adventure. I get kinda annoyed when people get pushy and insist they go with me like this is me time buddy.
Also, you don’t have to hassle about people in your group showing up on time, carpooling situations, the possibility of people taking too much and passing out, and everything about the stress of a group.
I give them a year, if it's an actual marriage of course. There is a bonding and a weaving together of lives in a working marriage and this doesn't sound like it.
I like going out without my spouse as well.
She’s looking to get picked up and cheat.
Hey, dear wife, I've decided I really enjoy a night out by myself. So now every Tuesday I'm going on a solo bachelor party.
Consider it a sociology experiment.
What could go wrong?
Does the NYT's advertise for those with odd ball lifestyles?
Translation: It's okay that you're single and I'm married. The sisterhood hasn't forgotten you. You shouldn't feel bad that everything is fucked, relations between men and women are more strained then they've ever been and dating has been turned into a dystopian hellscape. Not when there are tables for one at this nice Italian bistro I'm writing about! I'm not calling any attention to how the world I'm imagining for you props up and supports the awesome lifestyle that I've managed to finagle for myself and my husband, the one that you don't have and probably never will. It is intended to make you feel better about yourself, your singleness, the world people like me have destroyed, but most importantly to remember to vote this November for 4 more years of Joe Biden. If you vote in November I will continue to write more stories about how the sisterhood loves you and how much the two of us enjoy eating alone in Italian bistros. If you find yourself having a moment of introspection that everything is fucked and people like me are to blame, I will go Ana Kasparian on you and write stuff that blames single white women like you for everything wrong in society. I may even label you a republican."
I travel a lot for work, and it can very lonely at that "table for one." Most people don't want to eat out alone. They don't have a choice in the matter.
So, I diagnose the writer as not appreciating what she has (the privilege of her spouse's companionship). I give their marriage another year before they can both appreciate "alone" time again and mourn the loss of companionship. In any event, they're clearly not ready for kids!
Her husband should tell her he is going out to dinner alone at Hooters.
Ah, the newly married. My sister's niece newly married maybe 20 years ago, was asked by her mother how she was finding married life. She replied "It's really just like dating, but he never goes home". And they had a bed with a carved rose on the headboard, with a policy that they had to ask the other before crossing the rose.
Like I said, that was 20 years ago, 3 kids later, I don't have specific information, but I believe they got over all the first year adaptations.
I’m starting to think today’s affluent white women are the worst species in Earth history
When you have been married for a short time, it can be hard to give up the things you are used to doing before you were married. But you have to understand that sometimes, those things don't add to a healthy marriage. It's important for her to know why she loves this ritual so much. Is it for people watching? Is it the thrill of someone noticing her?
She has to be honest with herself, because when it comes to marriages going wrong, there is absolutely such a thing as a slippery slope.
I, Myself, and Me, too.
As my old aunt used to sing:
I love me self I love me so,
I took me self to the picture show,
Me put me arms around me waist,
me got so fresh me slapped me face.
I enjoy going out on my own, too, and get to do it often because my hubby loves to stay home.
I take her arrangement to set the regular dates is more of a kindness to her marriage, in that, if she let serendipity rule, and ended up eating out alone more when they weren't doing well together, and less when they were doing great, it would be like a quiet control war.
May All Be Well with them.
Being married can take some getting used to - no big deal. It is typical of Metropolitan Diary and many NYers to think very common things are unique to them and make them special.
Maybe the solo date is just an excuse to get out of the house and away from it all. My father used to do that, going to the tavern down the block for a beer or out to play golf. As a kid I used to do that as well, going for walks or downtown to the library. Part of it was getting away from the emotional stress of obligatory interactions. You can love someone but still need alone time. Going out is a better idea than telling someone you want to be alone.
It's a threesome, she's having an affair with me, myself, and I.
ChatNYT
"Also, you don’t have to hassle about people in your group showing up on time, carpooling situations, the possibility of people taking too much and passing out, and everything about the stress of a group."
Shorter progressive: "People suck. And they always want to do what they want, not what I want them to."
I really do like dining out alone. My partner? Not so much. I take a good book along, and enjoy reading at the table. Very peaceful. And a contrast with every other night, when I can’t read at the table, and do have to interact. My second choice is to go out to eat with her, and third is doing takeout. So, we do things in reverse order. Here, in our house in MT, I get to go out and eat by myself maybe every several months. But I had (and hopefully will have) better luck in PHX.
She never learned to like eating alone, because guys wouldn’t leave her alone. Still don’t, but she went on Medicare last year, and the guys hitting on her are rarely younger, anymore, than, say, 50. What I can’t figure out is why a 50 year old guy would hit on a 65 year old woman, when there are so many desperate 40 year old women out there looking for a second husband (esp next door in Scottsdale), knowing that their window of opportunity shrinks every year. Should have kept their previous husbands.
Why does blogger publish comments twice when you didn't hit the button twice? That's annoying.
Eating alone sucks. It's just 'refueling' without conversation. Worse than drinking alone, if you ask me.
If this woman just wants to eat alone, she can take her plate to another room in the house...
I think she's just looking to socialize with people she doesn't know, who don't know her without any baggage tagging along to spoil the tales she likes to spin.
I would eat alone five or six nights a week, if I could tolerate it. I can't.
My Sweetie of 30+ years is a career bartender. So, at least a couple nights a week I invite 'others' to enjoy my company and whatever I'm cooking. There's no shortage of widows, divorcees and just plain lonely/curious singles encountered in retail shops, doctors' offices and grocery check-out lines.
No domestice discord ensues. My partner likes to tell her skepical friends that I have a knack for bringing 'Strays' home and feeding them. Strays range in between 80-something and 18. To date; not a single clunker. All worth getting to know and many, downright delightful.
"I’m starting to think today’s affluent white women are the worst species in Earth history."
They don't call them AWFL for nothing.
Reminds me of the Gary Shandling joke.
"I'm not mad at anybody.
this is just something I want to do for myself."
when asked if he wrote a suicide note, what it would say.
There is sitting solo by yourself with your own self and possibly some reading material, and there is sitting solo socializing with others (men) around you.
I spent a decade dining out solo - always with a book or magazine. A great pleasure.
As long as what I was reading was right-side up, I looked interesting.
Does lunch work for her? Lunch scratches my dine alone itch...
...a dinner date alone can end with 'sex', btw. That's weird for a happily married woman but if it works for you both...
dating has been turned into a dystopian hellscape
Is it really necessary to refer to a dystopian hellscape? I mean, is there such a thing as a utopian hellscape...?
of course, if she's a guy, and wants to go alone to the bar after work.. That's FINE
of course, if she's a guy, and wants to go alone to the fishing hole after work.. That's FINE
of course, if she's a guy, and wants to go alone to the gym after work.. That's FINE
but because she's a woman, she's trying to get picked up?
y'all confuse me sometimes
Some people like to spend time alone. I certainly enjoy solitude at times.
I adore my wife but there are some activities I like that she doesn’t and vice-versa. Instead of forgoing some of these pleasures we provide each other the room to indulge.
Around the time of one of my birthdays we were traveling up to Boston (were I am from) to see a performance by my daughter who is attending college up there. I went up a few days early to do some things that she would have hated (ride a PCC car, revisit my childhood haunts, visit different churches, drive down the coast from NH to Boston, and a variety of other things). I enjoyed it She came up and then we another great time visiting family and watching my daughter perform.
Nothing wrong with it.
For what it's worth, the woman who wrote that is my niece. I can assure you it is a real marriage, and that she's not doing it to get picked up. It is interesting to see the variety of comments from people who think they know the motivations of someone I've known since she was born.
I don't dine out without my wife of 28 years very often, but I do like going on a long solo bike ride. We each like some alone time mixed in with our together time.
Who paid?
I dated myself once but then I got really pissed when I didn't put out at the end of the night. Even after I so generously urged myself to order lobster!
Setting the dates is for her husband. I like to do things by myself sometimes despite a nice marriage of about 50 years (counting the period before we made it formal.) It made me think I might want to start a me night out once a month.
"He is learning otherwise." When people write something like that, I often wonder if they are also learning otherwise something about their spouse (or friend, or coworker) that did not seem comfortable at first. I do get the impression that when they split, it will somehow be his fault.
There's something about the tone that makes me fear for this brief marriage. The complete lack of protests that she (I gather this is a she?) loves her new husband to distraction and loves to spend time with him, and this is just a little fillip of hers that she hopes he can understand has nothing to do with how much she loves him?
I'm putting my money on "rift".
RMc said...
really necessary to refer to a dystopian hellscape? I mean is there such a thing as a utopian hellscape?
it's the Idyllic hellscapes you have to watch out for.. They're the Worst!
"I took myself to a charming Italian...."
Yes? And?
RMc said, "I mean, is there such a thing as a utopian hellscape...?"
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley or just watch Logan's Run. Both are literally utopian hellscapes. The Road is an example of a dystopian hellscape, and so are the tattooed single moms of three "My kids are my life"s on Bumble.
It IS fine for men AND women to go alone to a bar after work. They may go alone but nearly all of them expect to socialize with friends and assorted familiar faces when they arrive. If you get off work early the 'others' might be just the bartender.
I go to bars alone all the time. My mate (bartender) never goes to bars at all because that's the last place in the world she wants to be on her night off.
FWIW, I don't drink. I lost The Battle of the Liver to Bombay Sapphire years ago. No matter; I prefer hanging out with old and new friends at familiar haunts to joining a Bible study group.
NYC is the dystopian hellscape, LA is the utopian hellscape. Perfect metaphor for each.
I suppose there could be more than one Simone Rebecca Spilka in New York City but read The May Writing Ritual.
The imaginary tale from the NYT also just happens to follow closely behind another "solo date" article.
I’ve been married over 30 yrs and sometimes I dine out alone. I certainly would never think it was unusual enough to write an article about.
I spent 30 years traveling for a living. When not entertaining employees or customers, I ate alone at the bar. I've had enough of it. As a matter of fact, since I retired, I've lost 35lbs from not eating out 9-12 times per week. My revulsion at it, is a bone of contention with my wife. "Why aren't you talking?" I ate breakfast lunch & dinner alone. I eat fast & move. Hard to break that habit.
I also enjoy dining alone. Sometimes I talk to the other patrons, sometimes I do not. Sometimes I read. I usually go to places that my wife of 40 years would not like, or does not offer gluten-free food of sufficient quality.
My wife goes alone to quilting and sewing conventions and stores. She occasionally dines without me. I see nothing wrong with this.
Just looks like a traveler or on business.
As I write this I am dining alone. On Cypress Creek Road in Cedar Park Texas there is a Whataburger adjacent to a Sonic Divein.
I order the Whataburger grilled chicken sandwich, which is superior to the corresponding sandwich at Sonic. Then I pull next door to Sonic, where I get a Route 44 Coke Zero. Since Whataburger was bought out by Chicago people they have switched to low quality lids that won’t stay on the 44 oz lids.
Also at Sonic you park under a canopy, which in Texas is a big deal. Memorial Day in central Texas is a traditional day for major floods due to apocalypse level, thunderstorms. Today however, it’s sunny, 88F with puffy cumulus while according to Yesterdays weatherman, the apocalypse has been postponed. We should have good size thunderstorms later this afternoon.
Anyway, I am sitting in my nice Honda accord, I finished my very healthy grilled chicken sandwich, and listening to podcasts, while perusing my favorite blogs and webpages. Of which Our Professor’s is high on the priority list.
I’ve been here about an hour and 15 minutes, basking in solitude. I’ll spend most of the week around other people, family and coworkers, but I really need a long solitary times like this to recharge my batteries.
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