July 2, 2022

"Whereas elopements began as a way to surreptitiously tie the knot, today, they’re all about creating something special, specific, and small — but by no means secret."

"These events are not meant for large crowds in the moment, but they are meant to be shown off, and so incredible photography becomes a nonnegotiable.... [E]lopements allow couples to 'treat themselves to their flavor of extravagance' — one that is suddenly attainable. So if a traditional wedding is vanilla or chocolate, think of this new brand of elopements as an Instagram-only hot-fudge sundae with a gold-leaf brownie balanced on top: It is lavish and luxurious, aspirational and impressive, meant to be admired by friends and strangers via social media. Delicious enough onscreen, but even better in real life."

40 comments:

gilbar said...

Yet Again, the New York media shows us that; They're Not Living in the Real World.

Actually, aren't these just Destination Weddings where no one else was Stupid Enough to go with?

RideSpaceMountain said...

Go see the sequel, How I 'Instagram-only hot-fudge sundae with a gold-leaf brownie balanced on top' Your Mother. Rotten Tomatoes fresh rated 76%.

Narayanan said...

coming up : Kidnap the Bride === medieval custom in Anglo-Saxon Isles

detailed insturction probably in one of Johanna Lindsey, prolific romance novelist,

RNB said...

"Three of my girlfriends did expensive, showy 'elopements'." = National trend.

Kevin said...

Shorter Elopement: Please enjoy the photos of the event to which you were not invited.

mikee said...

Long ago, my fiance and I were planning our wedding. We each experienced a very strong desire to elope and thus shed ourselves of family obligations and friendly intrusion into our wedding. Fortunately we had these feelings, these deeply held feelings, these intense screaming brain-crushing desires, at different moments. Had there been one second of overlap with mutual concurrence that the wedding was insane and we should elope, we'd have done so. Of such tolerance is a strong wedding and a happy marriage made, despite insane family and busybody friends.

Fred Drinkwater said...

My wife and I did a little bike tour the other day. Bikes on a rack on top of the Lambo, preceeded down the road by 6 virgins in gold Fiats, followed by 4 Class A motorhomes carrying the Rolling Stones and the Golden State Warriors.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

As David Burge says:

1. Identify a respected institution.
2. kill it.
3. gut it.
4. wear its carcass as a skin suit, while demanding respect.

Lincolntf said...

My wedding was a normal one, less than 100 guests, 90% of them on my side because my wife has a very small family and I have a rather large extended family who lived nearby. Anyway, we got married at Old Sturbridge Village in Mass., it wasn't "extravagant", but I think it was among the coolest weddings I've attended. No electricity, all candlelight, horse carriage for transportation, it was really cool. I was very skeptical when my wife suggested the venue, but I had to admit it was a great call.

BudBrown said...

I was around the mother of the bride for 3 weddings. She got a post card from big sur
letting her know about one of the next ones.

Paul Zrimsek said...

Next big thing: the Fabbri shotgun wedding.

tim maguire said...

gilbar said...Actually, aren't these just Destination Weddings where no one else was Stupid Enough to go with?

Exactly. The author is pretending “elope” means small wedding. No, it means secret wedding—usually because it was forbidden by one or more parents.

Two-eyed Jack said...

Elopement is luxurious. Salad is a luxury.

I was married in a courthouse, after the judge sentenced a man to substantial prison time for drug offenses. Then we had a lunch for family, including salad.

Height of luxury apparently.

Yancey Ward said...

Circa 2032:

"The big new trend in weddings is kidnapping the bride and holding her in a dungeon for 5 years."

lonejustice said...

I don't know about these elopement weddings, but I am all in favor of small, intimate weddings with only a handful of people -- maybe parents, siblings, and a very few close friends.

That's what my wife and I decided on, and she is from the Middle East, where the tradition is an exorbitant wedding that begins in the morning and lasts till the early morning of the next day. We weren't up for all of that, so we had a really small wedding at our local church.

My wife's parents, perhaps thinking they were saving a LOT of money, decided as their wedding present to give us a first class everything paid for honeymoon to Austria (where we wanted to go -- it was an Autumn wedding), so we spent 10 days in Vienna, Salzburg, Innsbruck, and hiking in the Alps. It was absolutely perfect for us.

n.n said...

Equitable, inclusive, and insular.

RoseAnne said...

I won't be attending a wedding in the fall but not due to any interpersonal problems with any of the participants. The bride and groom are planning a quite reasonable wedding in an area where they have spent much of their dating life. Due to the area being an area where many people vacation (high hotel costs) and the cost of gas, it could easily cost me $1000+ to attend. Can't substitute it for a vacation because that got cut from my budget months ago. In the reality of the current economy, I would take no offense to be invited to see the pictures of a destination elopement instead of getting an invitation to the event itself.

J Severs said...

My grandfather, who had 5 daughters, had a standing offer "Half the price of the reception if they eloped." He was more than half-serious. The 'elopement' processes described here are not what he had in mind.

GrapeApe said...

Go to city hall. In whatever you want to wear. Save your money for the gas pump.

I’ve a friend who spent $40000+ for each of her daughter’s weddings. I don’t care how much money I have, I ain’t paying that for a party with overpriced beer.

I was married to my husband in 2014 in front of a judge and one witness. We went to a diner for breakfast afterward. Perfect.

ALP said...

Modern weddings are nothing more than an expression of deep self-absorption and narcissistic tendencies of modern women. Period.

Kinda surprised that such an article was published post RvW. Aren't all women supposed to be on a sex strike?

Readering said...

He looked good on that streaming video the other day. Officiating elopements would make a nice gig for Stephen Breyer.

Narayanan said...

why not wear body-cam and stream to only-fans

Nancy said...

Ann, would you call your wedding an elopement?

MadisonMan said...

Do what you want for your wedding. Do NOT expect the world to care about it.

jk said...

The 💒 Industrial Complex will find a way.

jk said...

The Wedding Industrial Complex will find a way.

Kevin said...

Circa 2032:

"The big new trend in weddings is kidnapping the bride and holding her in a dungeon for 5 years."


While she transitions.

Kevin said...

So if a traditional wedding is vanilla or chocolate, think of this new brand of elopements as an Instagram-only hot-fudge sundae with a gold-leaf brownie balanced on top

Because if you can't post professionally-shot and edited photos on Instagram, it didn't happen.

PM said...

RNB @11:37. 36-pt Ba-boom!

Owen said...

Selfish shallow people celebrating their selfish shallow lives with the active participation of selfish shallow media.

I wish them joy.

Lurker21 said...

One elopes to get away from stuff like this. Does one not?

Mason G said...

"Actually, aren't these just Destination Weddings where no one else was Stupid Enough to go with?"

Call it an elopement and if you try hard enough, you can convince yourself it's an exclusive event with only a few people in attendance. Much better for the ego than a destination wedding that nobody wants to go to.

Mrs. X said...

One of two comments on the article @ NY Mag:

"“Weddings are performative, a show for family and friends over what you and your future spouse truly want." Just ... no. A lot of people do what they want to do. Whether it's a large wedding, small wedding, a few people at the courthouse, a destination with the closest friends and family, an elopement, or an incredibly expensive elopement that most people couldn't afford any more than a big wedding. And, hiring an expensive photographer so you have an Insta-worthy show for your friends and family who missed it is about as "performative" as it gets. I would enjoy these stories so much more if the people telling them didn't choose to insult the millions of others who have gotten married before, and will get married after them."

Their own readers aren't buying the crap they're selling.

madAsHell said...

Wow!! Emoticons in a comment.

Please don't! Only 14-year-old girls do that.

Narayanan said...

elope is also term from duelling with pistols

stephen cooper said...

The sad thing is, at most weddings, the parents are at most five or ten years from serious physical decline, and the long-planned for weddings will be for most of them
( unless they are rich people who often go to large social functions), more likely than not, the last time they are at an occasion, where many people are celebrating and feasting, and where people are congratulating them.

Those who elope steal that from their parents. Which might be the point. But if that is the point, at least be honest about it.

Gospace said...

When I was dating my future wife her father one night at dinner offered to buy me a ladder. I got stationed on the other coast and a month later she drove out to where Iwas and two days later we got married. CA has this neat little law where you can go to a JP or religious leader, say you’re living together, the paperwork is filled out and filed with the county clerk, and, lo and behold, you’re married. Called a confidential marriage and doesn’t show up on the published public marriage license registry. 3 months later we drove back East and did it in front of a priest and a small number of friends and family.

One of my sons got married to a woman who wanted a big formal ceremony with her being the center of attention. Turns out she wasn’t particularly thrilled about actually being and staying married. So she isn’t. My other married son called us one day and said he got married yesterday. They just had child #5.

My daughter’s ceremony was, we, different. Held in his yard, about 40 guests. They exchanged swords during the ceremony.

Two sons to go.

realestateacct said...

The piece seems to be pretty repetitive. On the third or fourth reiteration of the concept I returned to your blog.

Caligula said...

These "elopements" seem similar to the marketing of legal whiskey as "moonshine." A rational person would not want to buy real moonshine because (like buying street drugs) you really don't know what's in it. But, the concept of 'moonshine' seems somehow defiant, something that can be marketed as "rebelious" and non-conformist. Even though it's actually trendy and not rebellious or non-conformist at all.

Why would you want to start your marriage with something that's so obviously through-and-through fakery?

Joanne Jacobs said...

These are not "elopements." They're "micro weddings." Getting married with just immediate family saves a fortune, even if the couple spends more on photography or the location. They can always throw a big party for friends on the first anniversary or some other convenient date.