October 3, 2021
"I grew up in Iran where [arranged marriages] occurred and many turned into good and long-lasting relationships. So, why couldn’t a similar arranged approach work for friendship?"
"About three years ago, I asked some women I knew and several I had just met if they wanted to join me in an experiment. They all said yes. We started with nine people and had a commitment ceremony, where among other things we described the attributes and strengths we perceived in each person. Since then, we have met regularly as a group and done activities one-on-one or in smaller configurations. Our arranged friendship has survived the pandemic, while others have been destroyed.What makes it work are key elements borrowed from arranged marriages: commit first, lean on structure, and allow for fun and intimacy to emerge and sustain the relationship. This experiment is reproducible because the stakes aren’t as high as a marriage, and the framework provides a container within which friendships can thrive. Plus, the arranged bit takes the guesswork out of finding friends."
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23 comments:
"Our arranged friendship..."
THIS, is Absolutely CRAZY!
What? you REALLY Think, that if you take a random group of guys (or gals); and...
Throw them into a
army troop
frat house
high school football team
summer camp
... That Long lasting life long friendships will just Sprout Up?
AS IF!
In the Entire History of the world.... Has ANYONE, EVER heard of such a thing ACTUALLY happening?
How is this different from fraternities and sororities?
Ummm......No!
It's more of a structured friendship than an arranged one. They picked the people who were going to be in it. No outside person/people selected the group with the idea that they would be compatible.
One would have to have a very acute sense of psychology. Sometimes, people who seem like they have the most in common view each other as rivals and don't get along. There is always the old adage that opposites attract, but often people whose qualities might appear to complement each other, also end up hating each other. Finding the spot where similarities and differences combine to produce a lasting friendship isn't easy.
And you know, putting all this effort into friendship is also a little strange. It sounds like we are talking about romantic or marital relationships. I don't think modern society is very comfortable with deeper notions of friendship.
Keith Raniere tried this.
I think that this already exists. It's called your relatives.
Critter asked:
"How is this different from fraternities and sororities?"
Because it is scientific and elitist approved.
This is exactly what happens in small groups in churches throughout the land. A bunch of random strangers gather, learn to love each other and commit to each other, pray for each other, and become lifelong friends.
I, for one, would not join any arranged friendship that would have me as a member.
With credit to Groucho Marx, of course.
And all you have to do is commit to the outward structure of a relationship, without fun or intimacy!
Leave it to the Washington Post to discover as new something that has been going on for thousands of years.
Arranged friendships. You find them in every workplace, every school, every neighborhood. In fact, any place where people who are otherwise strangers happen to congregate with each other on a regular basis.
any different up app called meetup?
"Arranged marriages" in Iran work (or used to, this is very old fashioned nowadays) differently that in other countries. The boy and girl usually know each other already and then the boy goes to his parents who then go to her parents in what's called "khasegari" (Hand request) to check out the girl, and then if all the parties are in agreement than the two get married. Also, the man has to agree to pay a dowry to the woman at ay time of her request, usually demanded upon a divorce, and while nowadays this amount is usually set as something symbolic in the marriage contract like "a million roses", the courts will enforce this to the letter and husbands have lost their homes to their wives for failure to get fer a million flowers just google it. (nowdays women in Iran are massively well-educataed and dont' get married and the fertility rate is below replacement value)
Can friendships based on shotgun-marriage principles work?
"Keith Raniere tried this."
So did Charlie Manson and R. Kelly.
Did you ever know that you're my hero
And everything I would like to be?
I can fart louder than an eagle
For you are the wind between my cheeks
In our atomized state, our communal lives denuded of meaning and purpose provided by a higher calling, this is is sorta sweet. I wish them and us luck.
Bender is absolutely right
Or military platoons, especially those who were in combat.
does WaPo realize arranged relations are /conservative/
I procured an amazing wife (now 30 years together) the old-fashioned way...by stalking her.
Since she's a psychologist, she keeps me around as a study specimen.
Nobody farts higher than an eagle
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