"There could be no greater gift than allowing the coupled up a chance to flirt with strangers, watch bad hotel TV and order weird room service, and wake up blissfully alone in a king-size hotel bed. Oh God, and the person who’s left at home? They get the bigger gift (assuming there are no children, of course), which is that they are alone at home. They are standing in the kitchen topless eating a rotisserie chicken with their bare hands. For 48 hours, the person at home is feral.... And think of the joyous reunion!... They realize they’ve missed each other. Look at that. You’ve saved their marriage."
From "Here’s an Idea: Rewrite the Plus-one Rule at Weddings" by Leah Beckmann (NY Magazine). The current rule, in case you didn't know, is that the married, engaged, or cohabitating get a plus-one invitation, and that other people don't. Beckmann is trying to completely flip the rule.
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13 comments:
You could always just say 'No, I don't feel like going to that one. You go." It's worked for us. And it allows the person who actually received the invitation to actually enjoy their time at the event- with their family members or theirfriends, and allows the other to watch a full weekend of football.
Did I just say that out loud?
It’s a wedding, not a mere getaway. The union of two people. Of course you would want committed couples there.
If the “marriage” part is secondary, which it often is in modern weddings, then the whole exercise has limited meaning and invitation policy doesn’t really matter.
I like this idea...I am not very good with crowds and have to ask my wife questions about etiquette anyway (as she rolls her eyes). I would be happier at home playing golf, unless (like the last wedding I attended) there is a fantastic bar and an amazing wine selection : )
I'm single and likely to remain that way, so I really shouldn't have a dog in this fight, but it strikes me that you treat couples as a single entity for a reason. They've made a commitment to each other above all else, and society should respect that. Second, one of the benefits of being married is that you always have a date to things like these. Sitting around with a bunch of strangers eating mediocre food and listening to an overpriced DJ isn't very fun, and having someone you enjoy keep you company makes these sorts of events tolerable, and whom you know "has your back."
Also, I notice the assumption that you'll have to spend several days away, staying in a hotel and such, to attend the wedding. It says something about our society today that this is assumed. Local bonds and social networks are gone, replaced by ever tenuous threads formed during key periods in our lives - college, military service, etc. - and then maintained by a multitude of social networks and social media, or such friendships are formed in the digital aether and only coalesce into reality a few times, and always temporarily. Or, the author is simply assuming a destination wedding, but couples who host those are a plague on society.
No one wants to see what men look like at a wedding with no wife or girlfriend helping them dress.
What Gunner said....Ha!
My wife lays out all of my 'outfits' and deciphers what cocktail attire is vs business casual. Apparently there is something about my tie matching her dress...who knew?
Of course, she also gives me the evil eye when I use the wrong towel or pillow. It seems that the presence of a towel on a rack in a bathroom, or a pillow on a couch, doesn't necessarily mean it can be used for its intended purpose.
The Blogger spouse hates when we are apart. It has become more necessary in certain circumstances due to blogger kids at home, but if blogger spouse could decide, we'd always be plus 1.
Beckman's SO, reading her idea, might think Beckman has some explaining to do.
Beckman's SO, reading her idea, might think Beckman has some explaining to do.
A married couple must be invited together, yes. But there is no rule on both accepting. The author seems to think a successful wedding is one providing opportunity for single guests to hook up or couples to escape each other. Yeah, that’s the message I hoped people celebrated at my wedding.
Here’s a thornier wedding etiquette question... A friend of mine married her ex-husband’s brother (a widower) a few years after her divorce. Some years later, the ex-husband remarried (I think it was second remarriage after the initial divorce.) The bride took issue with my friend being invited. “Ex-wives are not invited.” But the ex-wife was now a sister-in-law, a status that would seem to supersede ex-wife. What would Emily Post say to that? It was all fairly amusing. They sent regrets.
I like going to (local) weddings with my wife. To whom else can I direct my catty comments about the dresses, or the relatives? My wife will agree and we can have a private chuckle about it.
Obviously written in the pre-COVID era...wait- what? August 5th?
Obviously written by elites entitled to mingle...
My second son married yesterday, I performed the ceremony, and various brothers and sisters-in-law arranged much of the event. The world this Leah Beckman woman describes is completely foreign to me. Does she know what the word "wedding" means? Or closer to the bone, the word "marriage?"
Of course, we are older and the couples are usually the children of friends, not peers of ours. That may matter.
I have a vague idea what the issue is, when the couple knows only my wife, which occasionally happens, and I would just as soon beg off. Once one of my sons filled in, as he also knew the groom from childhood.
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