“And while many aces, such as Benoit, are also aromantic, meaning they have no interest in romantic relationships, others feel differently. [Angela] Chen, for example, is biromantic (attracted romantically to both genders) and has a long-term boyfriend with whom she has sex. She says she has sex with her partner for emotional reasons only – to feel close to him – but adds: 'I could go the rest of my life being celibate and I would be perfectly happy.'... If you remove sexual desire, what’s the difference between romance and an intense platonic friendship? Research suggests key differences, says Chen, with romantic attraction leaving individuals wanting to change their life for their partner, being infatuated with them and becoming possessive.... When many people envisage an 'asexual' they picture a nerdy, androgynous white male – think Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory – but as a black female model, Benoit is taking on these stereotypes...."
From "‘I don’t want sex with anyone’: the growing asexuality movement" (The Guardian).
Posts
95 comments:
Whew! I don’t want sex with her either. All good
- Krumhorn
They need to introduced to a sexual god. Even a minor sexual god might do.
And, aren't these people just Incels in denial? Howard can probably explain it all to us.
"I'm asexual, but I like to have sex sometimes."
Heh. Everyone wants to be special.
Everything is a thing.
Give me 30 minutes with these asexual women and I’ll cure them.
David Begley has the Kevorka!
Aromatic? She just hasn't caught a whiff of my manly pheromones!
Narr
Neanderthal sex-machine
As far as I could understand from the article, they don't want to but they do anyhow. But it isn't marked by coercion or boredom. And even men, ace men anyhow, can do it without wanting to. There's something missing in article.
She admits that she likes to tickle the taco; it’s just that she prefers it without the meat.
- Krumhorn
She's a model?
Standards have really slipped.
Jesus!! This is click-bait. I really don't come here to discuss click-bait.
but as a black female model, Benoit...
A model what?
She says she doesn't want sex with anyone. Ho hum, another talentless parasite gets some publicity from other talentless parasites.
I'd be happier if she promised never to reproduce.
When I don't desire something, or there is something that isn't important to me, but is important to others, I don't worry about those that have that desire, unless it's destructive. Because its not important.
This is all "look at meeee" narcissist bullshit. If you don't care about having sex, why are you so fixated on sex?
“Questions raced through my mind—does she go wild during sex, does she come easily, does she freak out about oral sex, does she mind a guy coming in her mouth? Then I realized I won’t go to bed with a girl if she won’t do that. I also won’t go to bed with a girl if she can’t or won’t have an orgasm because then, what’s the point? If you can’t make a girl come why even bother? That always seemed to me to be like writing questions in a letter.”
― Bret Easton Ellis, The Rules of Attraction
And there very well be something wrong with such a person, maybe a hormone imbalance which will have health effects later on in life. So, they might want to get it checked out.
She's ugly enough that she probably doesn't have much choice.
Lingerie model who never has sex. Sounds legit.
Benoit probably had an orgasm when she saw she was being talked about in The Guardian.
I’d love to have sex with her. My sweet spot: medium-to-skinny black girls. But she’s too young by at least a decade.
It seems to me to be the only appropriate response to this creature’s self-drama is “DILLIGAFF.”
Doesn’t want to procreate. Doesn’t want to be in a position of having to choose between unwanted pregnancies and unwanted abortions, Doesn’t want to be a splooge stooge, doesn’t want to be with a splooge stooge. I totally get that. As Barney said to Sheriff Taylor, “Nip it, Ang! Nip it in the bud!”
"She's ugly enough that she probably doesn't have much choice."
"Lingerie model who never has sex. Sounds legit."
Maybe she's one of those models with a super-hot body and a face for radio...
She can be a model for the cropped bikini or underwear ads you always see.
Like the ripped guys on the underwear package where you never see their face.
If you don't want to have sex, then don't. If someone asks you to have sex, say, "No".
Problem solved.
Publishing your choice in a major newspaper? Look, look at MEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!
I think Barney was an ace.
Yancey Ward said...
Benoit probably had an orgasm when she saw she was being talked about in The Guardian.
Bingo!
It's about time somebody said it. Why not her?
Asexuals can have sex, they just don't want it that much or want it all the time.
I guess it's easier for a woman.
Spellchecker, which has okayed a lot of transwords, doesn't like "Asexuals."
Is that because they aren't woke or because the word isn't?
Years ago these folks would have ended up in monasteries or religious orders where they could be as asexual as they pleased and would have been honored members of the community for their commitment to holy celibacy.
"Chen, for example, is biromantic (attracted romantically to both genders) and has a long-term boyfriend with whom she has sex."
"Daniel Walker, a 24-year-old from the East Midlands who hosts YouTube channel Slice of Ace, is asexual and homoromantic."
I don't know about you, but I need a Kinsey Report v 2.0 to explain all this stuff to me, including which of the 20+ boxes to choose on the sex, excuse me gender, question on job applications.
Could be. But Thelma Lou always seemed to forgive him for it. And everything else. Thelma Lou was real sweetheart.
"If you don't want to have sex, then don't."
I just do not need to know about your sexual decisions. There was once this thing called privacy.
George doesn't have sex
Evolutionary dead end. Let's celebrate. Hold a parade.
Scratch a politician or an entertainer and you're likely to find a narcissist. Same thing with influencers and activists. We wouldn't be talking about them if they didn't have enough egotism to want to be talked about by large groups. But that's all a given. This is their world now, and barring a catastrophe, influencers and activists and people who want attention aren't going to go away. If we want things to talk about, should we really be so hostile to people who give us the opportunity?
She wants to connect asexuality with LGBTQ+, but it's sort of the opposite isn't it? It's not wanting to obsess about sex. There's an obvious paradox in talking a lot about not wanting to talk about sex, but it doesn't bother me. One thing Orwell got wrong: there's no Anti-Sex League now. Sometimes I think starting one wouldn't be such a bad thing in today's world.
"Thelma Lou was real sweetheart."
A lot of cuties on that show back in the day : )
Blogger David Begley said...
Give me 30 minutes with these asexual women and I’ll cure them
C’mon, man! Recruiting them for the other team is not necessarily a “cure”.
Different strokes for different strokes...
I've noticed that as I walk by the open air restaurants in Manhattan, I'm more inclined to look at the food on the table than the women in their Saturday night attire. Is this the beginning of asexuality? "Hey, my bod is up here.
Stop staring at my veal picante." Maybe later in the warmer weather when the outfits are more daring, things will pick up and the bright pageant will stop fading into air, thin air.
Since educated black women are in the weakest bargaining position on the romance market, expect more of these anti-sex rationalizations to cope with it. The other suitable but unsatisfying option is to put out for nearly nothing, a rationalization promulgated in popular culture.
Scratch a politician or an entertainer and you're likely to find a narcissist. Same thing with influencers and activists.
#LookAtMe #Please
Thelma Lou was real sweetheart.
She was an extraordinary woman, no question. She was complex, Thelma Lou.
You know Goober was hitting that on the side. He was hung like a Bactrian camel too, so Thelma Lou was okay. She was getting her needs met.
Betty Lynn, suprisingly, is still alive! 94 years old, but still kicking.
Meade said...
Could be. But Thelma Lou always seemed to forgive him for it. And everything else. Thelma Lou was real sweetheart.
I don't know. I remember something about her running off and marrying someone else because Barney never would pop the question.
And while many aces, such as Benoit, are also aromantic, meaning they have no interest in romantic relationships, others feel differently. [Angela] Chen, for example, is biromantic (attracted romantically to both genders) and has a long-term boyfriend with whom she has sex.
WhoGAS?
[Angela] Chen, for example, is biromantic (attracted romantically to both genders)
"Both genders"?
What about they and them? And xi and xir?
[Angela] Chen, for example, is biromantic (attracted romantically to both genders)
"Both genders"?
What about they and them? And xi and xir?
Looks like the first #1 seed in the NCAA to lose is going to be Illinois.
This tournament is nearly a complete sham of one.
interviewed sexual confessions - description
The current method for acquiring what amounts to free Graigslist listings.
“ Chen, for example, is biromantic (attracted romantically to both genders) and has a long-term boyfriend with whom she has sex. She says she has sex with her partner for emotional reasons only – to feel close to him – but adds: “I could go the rest of my life being celibate and I would be perfectly happy.”
“For me, asexuality is not about how much sex someone has, but the role sexuality plays in how they experience life,” says Chen. “I never ever think about if someone’s sexually attractive.””
So this dude is happy getting nothing but pity sex?
Or this is all a giant Internet fame scam.
They need to poll these people to see how many are on antidepressants. I’m betting a majority.
From "‘I don’t want sex with anyone’: the growing asexuality movement"
Movement my ass.
Maybe later in the warmer weather when the outfits are more daring, things will pick up and the bright pageant will stop fading into air, thin air.
How many times.....wow, she's got a nice ass!! I wonder if I can wrangle a look at her face......Oh...it's Dr. Fauci!!
Maybe later in the warmer weather when the outfits are more daring, things will pick up and the bright pageant will stop fading into air, thin air.
I also wonder if we aren't normalizing for Islam.
Years ago, when I was in my 20s, had a friend that was a Black dude. This was in the 1980s. HE did not like sex very much and boy was he maligned for it by his peers. In fact two of the Black men I have known, this man and a former boss, did not conform to the 'tail chasing' stereotype and were shit on by their own people for their crimes. In the case of my boss, he had the misfortune to be gay in 1950's Louisiana. My friend was poring over "The Celibate Life" and other such books decades ago. Both felt more comfortable around white people with more liberal sexual ideas.
Look at me go this Sunday morning! Can someone tally up the intersectional points in the post above???
Whew! I don’t want sex with her either.
That's a man baby!
Make up a category for whatever your choice is. “I'm a early morning sexual”. “Oh how interesting. I'm an after dinner sexual. We're so oppressed.”
"Look at me go this Sunday morning! Can someone tally up the intersectional points in the post above???"
You need to get Don Lemonhead's opinion, we don't qualify to assign such scores.
"Both genders"?
Sex-correlated attributes (e.g. sexual orientation): masculine and feminine.
I think the large amount of undiagnosed/untreated depression and other mental illnesses in our society is relevant here.
An older psychologist when I was starting out in the 1980s said to me "If it wasn't for sex, I don't think men and women would have all that much to do with each other." I thought he was insane at the time. I turn 68 in a few weeks. I think he had a point.
Spring is here, and the sap rises even in old trees . . . I always had the impression that men were supposed to be over the constant thoughts of sex as they aged.
Ha ha and ha. Not here, not yet, and after some years the neighborhood is pretty well-stocked with MILFS and TILFS.
"O ruddier than the cherry,
O sweeter than the berry!
O nymph more bright than moonshine night,
Like kidlings blythe and merry!
Ripe as the melting cluster,
No lily has such luster . . ."
Narr
Dirty old man since the age of eleven
Assistant Village Idiot:
Your sentiment is ripped right from "True Detective" Season One. One lead character going through a divorce, whining to his single partner. Single partner says: "This thing between men and women - its only supposed to work long enough to produce children. After that...."
Much paraphrasing here.
It could be that asexuals can experience pleasure in sex but they just don't get sexually aroused by looking at people. There could be something of a disconnect there between the physical response of the act and the mental or emotional or visual stimulus that is supposed to precede it. In so far as so much of our talk about sex is about who's visually arousing and who's not, it's no wonder that they feel out of it when conversation turns to sex.
People who turn up in the Living or Style section of the Times usually don't have anything real to say but just want to call attention to themselves. This woman also wants to attract attention, but what she's saying does resonate with more people than many assume.
Narr
Now I have Handel running in my head.
The Shakers.
I'm not concerned with people who by definition have no future.
ASE? Pronounced how? That said, if you're unwilling to accept the "burden" h/t Obama of life, abstention is the first choice of responsible adults. A neutral, yet dysfunctional, choice, but it's not the wicked solution (i.e. Planned Parent/hood).
When many people envisage an 'asexual' they picture a nerdy, androgynous white male – think Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory – but as a black female model, Benoit is taking on these stereotypes
Judgment. Labels. Diversity [dogma], too. One step forward, two steps backward. You should have stopped at this is my dysfunctional, but responsible choice. Don't normalize it.
"If it wasn't for sex, I don't think men and women would have all that much to do with each other."
Complementary in Nature and nature. Character matters.
Lots of Growing Movements these days.
Anyway, the article is full of fun stuff. The writer was laughing as they created it.
Ken B, you're welcome.
Wife and I will be going out to eat in a few hours--a Greek/Mediterranean place we enjoy but haven't been to since forever--probably late summer.
Narr
Gorgeous day here!
I appreciate a precise definition/the just right word as much as the next guy, but are there limits to how finely this hair can be split? At a granular enough level, each person’s sexual preferences are unique to them. Is the end game 7 billion genders, 7 billion sexual types for the 7 billion people?
I am currently working on a book-length treatise concerning how another group is being mistreated and disrespected: that group of people who sit in recliners and watch old movies on TCM; and many of us wear slippers or sandals. We've been cheated and been mistreated. We've been put down and pushed around. We are working on obtaining legislation that will provide each of us with an annual stipend in the five figures.
Self-selecting out of the gene pool. What did Darwin say about survival of the fittest?
She's just not that into you (and vice versa too).
YoungHegelian,
Years ago these folks would have ended up in monasteries or religious orders where they could be as asexual as they pleased and would have been honored members of the community for their commitment to holy celibacy.
Exactly! The one woman I have met in my life who was seriously interested in asexuality was a conservative Catholic (very conservative, as in, Tridentine Mass Catholic) who worked at the Emeryville Borders with me. She had no apparent interest in sex, and since literally everyone around her begged to differ, she ordered a couple of books on the phenomenon. But she seemed to me not so much indifferent to sex as passionately interested in something transcendent that wasn't sex, but that sort of engulfed and transformed it. She was, IOW, the only woman I've ever met who had that almost violent dedication to God that bewilders everyone today, but was once apparently -- not "common," b/c that implies "everyday," but a recognized facet of human life.
And when I say "the only woman," I'm including the actual nuns I've had to do with, from whom sexuality seemed something excised from their lives, and not replaced at all. I know fewer priests, so don't know whether it's the same for them, but that IMO is what's really wrong with Catholic celibacy. It's no longer a positive thing; it's the absence of one.
Narr and Ken B., Ah Acis and Galatea! Played that with a chamber opera group in Berkeley a few decades back. The setting was a bit weird (all on the beach, and "the monster Polypheme" was a standard-issue beach bully who kicked sand in others' faces; Acis and Galatea died in . . . how can I describe them? small, individual beach showers?) I always found "kidlings blithe and merry" mystifying, until I suddenly didn't. It's what love is; "everything reminds me of her" is literally true. Even if you're Polyphemus.
This Just In... https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2021/03/kamala-harris-no-longer-highlighted-black-female-now-referred-asian/
That was Quick!
I should've added -- not that it would matter to her, but it does to me -- that my friend was not a woman who needed any justification of this or any other sort to "explain" her not having sex, but neither did she need to say "Hey, it's not that I can't get laid, it's that I don't want to!" to the whole world. About this, as everything else in her private life, she was very quiet. I only know of her book orders because we worked, at that time, at the same part of the store, i.e., "off the floor" -- she broke down boxes, mostly, and I was one of two people handling the magazine section, which meant a lot of ripping covers off expired zines and sending them back for credit to the publishers, adjusting "draws," and the like. She had first dibs on old issues of First Things. (Which I also read then and still do.)
Clickbait formula:
"Blank blankety blank blank: The growing blank movement."
"The one woman I have met in my life who was seriously interested in asexuality was a conservative Catholic (very conservative, as in, Tridentine Mass Catholic) who worked at the Emeryville Borders with me."
Sure...but was she hot?
Joe Smith,
"Was she hot?" Possibly not as you define "hot." She was early middle-aged, prematurely gray, very strong (which is why her work was mostly the jobs at Borders that required physical strength). To me she seemed among the few women I have met whose physical appearance stuck with me for decades. I don't know of any men who pursued her, but if there weren't, it's because she gave them no cause to, not because she was repulsive. She seemed to me unusually and (given the unusualness) rather astonishingly attractive.
The writer reminds of of militant athiests.
I cant understand their motivation for talking about their cause, and why they insist everyone should care.
What did Darwin say about survival of the fittest?
Boy chases girl chases boy then comes "burden"... uh, baby.
In the animal world, lion, lionesses, and their cubs in a pride parade.
In our neck of the woods, dad standing guard, while mom and chicks review the bounty hidden throughout the yard.
Then there is a cat, without a hat, who doesn't eat green eggs, but likes ham.
I cant understand their motivation for talking about their cause, and why they insist everyone should care.
It's a literary selfieish. An ase in the hole. An asehole.
Don't underestimate the #LookAtMe, and, perhaps, #SendMoney, motive.
As for The Guardian, they are enthusiastic brayers of the Pro-Choice quasi-religion and Planned Parent/hood schemes to mitigate [catastrophic] [anthropogenic] climate cooling... warming... change.
That said, with the irregular, but common, resurgence of polar bears, now, more than ever, maybe, probably, walruses are endangered. Donate to World Walrus Foundation. Think of the pups!
OK, I just Googled my friend, which frankly is a rotten thing to do. Suffice it to say that she was at the time of an SFGate article (2012) still a celibate Catholic, but, after being raised Catholic (for some years in Portugal), became an atheist, then a Buddhist, and was now, once again, a Catholic. The article-writer, just like everyone here, is flummoxed by her celibacy. Sex is great; sex is cool! "I don't know how virgins can stand it!," as a fellow-member of a string quartet at UC/Berkeley put it. Why say no? Hey, you must be weird.
Then, unfortunately, she became a "life counselor." I can't help but think that she's gone down a dangerous path.
“Could be. But Thelma Lou always seemed to forgive him for it. And everything else. Thelma Lou was real sweetheart”
“Lou Ann Pouvie was the hot one, “Whah Gowmahh, that’s not mahh belly button!
Modern day Shakers, just with different motivation. They will drive themselves out of existence if they do not procreate.
"If it wasn't for sex, I don't think men and women would have all that much to do with each other."
My late, best buddy Mike used to say, "If women didn't have a pussy, there would be a bounty on them".
Mike knew some stuff.
I type some acerbic things here about religion, but I do respect individual religious faith, however much I may dislike or disdain a theology or an institution.
One way I respect faith is by not pretending that I have any, and I'm no more a fan of militant in-your-face atheism than most commenters here, though I'm less provoked by it than many others here apparently.
A late library colleague comes to mind when I read about Michelle's friend, a brilliant scholar of French literature with an encyclopedic knowledge of opera, who had never been known to say anything to suggest any remote interest in sex of any kind. Very Catholic too, but I only found that out recently.
Narr
"It's OK Lou Ann, that's not my finger!"
In the novel about the four March sisters by Louisa May Alcott, one of the four sisters (Beth) does not have dreams of getting married some day. The other three do, but they understand why Beth doesn't.
Most people who have read many of the novels in the Western literary tradition could name many many similar examples,
Religious "asexual" people, as far as I can tell, are just as different among each other as married people. Some of them, like people who are married to the best among their bad options, would prefer a different outcome in the context of " a man and woman shall become one flesh", but try their best to contentedly live with the outcome they have been dealt in this world. Others, who have been fortunate to have experienced the ineffable joy of having, if only once in their lives, been so full of love that they understood God's love for us, would not exchange their celibacy for the most wonderful of love affairs, not even at the Tristan and Isolde level ---- and I have met several celibate people like that, not many, though, although I have read about quite a few (usually in hagiographies, but elsewhere as well). I also have met several people who, as best I guess, wake up every morning full of astounded happiness that God gave them the particular spouse to whom they are married.
Others, for reasons some doctors understand, either find little pleasure in the mechanics of lust and sexual intercourse, or, while they find those things pleasant at the time, later - sometimes immediately later - experience mental or physical distress from the mechanics of lust and sexual intercourse (such people might suffer from the various, and more frequent than you might think, ailments that afflict the genitals, or the almost as frequent hormonal and glandular problems that can be triggered by indulgence in lust and sex in people who do not have physically obvious ailments)- such people would be just as happy as the rest of us to have a good "sex life," but they know that, for reasons beyond their control, it is not much of a possibility for them. So for them, acting in an asexual way is a choice they make for basically medical reasons.
ALSO - it is extremely unlikely that, if 100 random persons were to read this comment, more than a few would have known enough people well enough to know if the comment is generally accurate or not. YMMV.
TLDR - IF YOU ARE MARRIED (or betrothed to someone you love), I Hope this does or will describe you -
YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING ASTOUNDED AT THE HAPPINESS GOD BESTOWED ON YOU BY THE GIFT OF YOUR SPOUSE,
and if YOU ARE NOT MARRIED OR BETROTHED IN THIS WORLD, and don't expect to be, I Hope this does or will describe you ----
You have understood God's love, you want to be someone who follows the route and the way God, in His infinite friendship for us, wants you to follow, and you do not regret your celibacy at all, because it is a gift, from Him who gives us all the greatest gifts we are capable of accepting.
For all of us on the road of life, It is sometimes a hard road or, for those who do not travel and do not like analogies to travel when describing our lives, it is sometimes a difficult life that might seem too full of work, in the place in this world where God has put us, but it is what it is,
and GOD offers JOY to all of us, not only in heaven, but in this world. Proverbs 8, et cetera.
She seemed to me unusually and (given the unusualness) rather astonishingly attractive.
Michelle... that is soooooo hot!
Xlnt.
Not having sex means not having kids, other than what you would buy to raise.
"Verily, there are chaste ones from their very nature; they are gentler of heart, and laugh better and oftener than you.
They laugh also at chastity, and ask: "What is chastity?
Is chastity not folly? But the folly came unto us, and not we unto it.
We offered that guest harbour and heart: now it dwelleth with us- let it stay as long as it will!""
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I love the forest. It is bad to live in cities: there, there are too many of the lustful.
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