Althouse: "I Am an Absolute God in Bed. Women Seem Alarmed When I Reveal This."

March 18, 2021

"I Am an Absolute God in Bed. Women Seem Alarmed When I Reveal This."

Headline on an advice column at Slate — paraphrasing the letter-writer.

78 comments:

Joe Smith said...: Hey, that's my line!; 3/18/21, 1:06 PM
Temujin said...: Good way to wrap up the afternoon.; 3/18/21, 1:10 PM
tim in vermont said...: I hate to say this buddy, but “stamina" in men over 60 is not especially uncommon, anymore than a quick trigger is to an 18 year old, and maybe not as welcome to women over 60 as it might be to a 30 year old, for example. Maybe you should keep your mouth shut about it, try to be a gentleman, and finish as quickly after she does as you can manage.; 3/18/21, 1:12 PM
J. Farmer said...: Give this a try next time, champ.; 3/18/21, 1:14 PM
readering said...: Well, the headline got you to read on.; 3/18/21, 1:15 PM
rhhardin said...: Thor: I'd like to apologize for last night in bed. I'm Thor.

Lady: You're Thor! How do you think I feel?; 3/18/21, 1:17 PM
n.n said...: Perhaps not God. Not even a god. But a mortal god, in his own mind.; 3/18/21, 1:21 PM
n.n said...: Lady: You're Thor! How do you think I feel?

Friction funny.; 3/18/21, 1:22 PM
J. Farmer said...: I don't know what was more frightening--"stamina", "vigor", or "foreplay skills." I remember when I used to listen to Loveline with Adam Carolla & Dr. Drew and occasionally some 16-year-old would call in and say his girlfriend was complaining his dick was too big.; 3/18/21, 1:24 PM
Joe Smith said...: "You're Thor!"

Wow...talk about an oldie...; 3/18/21, 1:24 PM
Immanuel Rant said...: Oh, no -- my memoirs have been leaked!; 3/18/21, 1:24 PM
daskol said...: I've always been better on the couch.; 3/18/21, 1:27 PM
Freeman Hunt said...: It makes him sound slutty.; 3/18/21, 1:27 PM
Nonapod said...: I’m exceptionally good in bed—vigor and stamina more commonly found in 20-year-olds combined with good foreplay skills and experience working around any aging challenges my partner may have. But if I say that, most potential partners are unnerved. They fear they can’t keep up or are just so startled they struggle to figure out how a relationship might work.

He needs one of those "Sex Expert" trucker caps to let any potential partner know what they're in for.; 3/18/21, 1:29 PM
Oso Negro said...: As a serial 60-something dater of 20-somethings, I find they are often fascinated by an articulated skill set at cunnilingus, and are often interested in a test run. Surprisingly, they typically find that decades of practice DOES make a difference. If it weren’t for relentless proselytizing by feminists and older women, society might encourage their curiosity. Female school teachers in the 25 to 35 year old range should be taught how to pick up older men for sexual gratification. The old guys know more and you won’t get sent to jail for getting your jollies.; 3/18/21, 1:35 PM
tim in vermont said...: "They fear they can’t keep up”

Or maybe that’s just not what they want in a sexual relationship at that age. Maybe they express it as “fear” but really they are expressing their lack of desire to be jackhammered.; 3/18/21, 1:37 PM
NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...: Oso Negro said...

Female school teachers in the 25 to 35 year old range should be taught how to pick up older men for sexual gratification. The old guys know more and you won’t get sent to jail for getting your jollies.

Problem is; it's always seemed to me that it's not the sexual gratification so much as the control. They can control 15 year old boys, older men are a whole other ball game.; 3/18/21, 1:43 PM
n.n said...: It makes him sound slutty

Feminists. Masculinists. Bimbos. Mimbos h/t Seinfeld.; 3/18/21, 1:49 PM
Rosalyn C. said...: When I was young and sexually active I was surprised by the number of people who said, "You are the best lover I've ever been with..." That included M + F lovers. Yeah, the statement surprised me because I'm not outwardly sexy or extraverted, what you'd probably expect from a person adept at sex. I thought nothing of it until I finally came to the realization of how terrible most people were in bed.

Still, I would never tell a partner in advance about my sexual prowess, that's just gross and egotistical. No wonder people are turned off. Bragging is kind of creepy.

Not surprisingly, I've been celibate for a long time since. So I'm surprised to see that nothing has really changed.

Is being loving really that threatening for most people? I guess so. If you are hung up about exposing yourself I guess it would be. If you are focused on giving and receiving pleasure and sharing love with another person there's no problem at all.; 3/18/21, 1:55 PM
Mr Wibble said...: Problem is; it's always seemed to me that it's not the sexual gratification so much as the control. They can control 15 year old boys, older men are a whole other ball game.

Older men won't put up with their bullshit and manipulations.; 3/18/21, 1:57 PM
Skeptical Voter said...: Hope that the lady's after action report is not NATO---No Action Talk Only.; 3/18/21, 1:59 PM
Wince said...: I Am an Absolute God in Bed.

"Get in your mouse, and get out of here."; 3/18/21, 2:01 PM
YoungHegelian said...: Women Seem Alarmed When I Reveal This.

I'll bet it's because it's obvious he's a Republican.; 3/18/21, 2:06 PM
Howard said...: He said "Do you smoke after sex?"

She said "I don't know, I've never checked."; 3/18/21, 2:14 PM
Earnest Prole said...: Back in what now seems like the nineteenth century, Slate published interesting, thought-provoking pieces. Now it publishes the most tedious woke crap that increasingly fails to interest its target audience despite increasingly clickbaity headlines.; 3/18/21, 2:19 PM
mockturtle said...: The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Telling someone you are good in bed is a big turnoff, IMO.; 3/18/21, 2:20 PM
Fernandinande said...: Wow! Lookit the URL on THAT story!

https://trc.taboola.com/slate1/log/3/click?pi=%2Fhuman-interest%2F2021%2F03%2Fhawaii-testing-misadventure-coronavirus-diaries.html&ri=7cc0b6f807073a45
0a62d40af812f651&sd=v2_11829306abbbb71d9199e900a1400e30_97b60871-
8d51-47af-b9bb-f99e487a29ba-tuct58cd7a7_1616088574_1616088590_CNawjgYQkuRFGI_Ii7OELyA
DKAQw4QE4kaQOQOfUD0i57NsDUJMFWABgD2jM0qydmreaqt0B&ui=97b60871-
8d51-47af-b9bb-f99e487a29ba-tuct58cd7a7&it=text&ii=-2547527234378248469&pt=text&li=rbox-t2m&
sig=54845772615513db05097aeb10f2bcdd8bda93ad1701&url=
https%3A%2F%2Fslate.com%2Fhuman-interest%2F2021%2F02%2F
sex-god-reporting-from-heaven.html
&vi=1616088589327&r=12&tvi2=1571&lti=deflated&ppb=
CJkE&cpb=EhIyMDIxMDMxNS05LVJFTEVBU0UY28qeFCDxli4qG
WNoLnRhYm9vbGFzeW5kaWNhdGlvbi5jb20yCHdhdGVyODExOID
at9oGQJGkDkjn1A9QuezbA1iTBWMItgcQowwYAmRjCNcWENQfG
CNkYwiWFBCZHBgYZGMI0gMQ4AYYCGRjCKoaEOwlGBlkYwj0FBC
eHRgfZA

My computer doesn't much like taboola, so here's a better URL:
https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/02/sex-god-reporting-from-heaven.html

Disclaimer: I didn't make it through the letter, and you probably won't either.; 3/18/21, 2:22 PM
Howard said...: "I am an absolute G_d in bed"

The successful pickup line that resulted in the baby Jesus.; 3/18/21, 2:24 PM
Bobb said...: Headline: I Am an Absolute God in Bed.

Suspected subhead: Or how to create atheists one woman at a time.; 3/18/21, 2:25 PM
DavidUW said...: Why that’s an impressively long URL she said.; 3/18/21, 2:27 PM
NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...: mockturtle said...

The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Telling someone you are good in bed is a big turnoff, IMO.

Yep, if he's that good then bragging sounds like you're trying too hard.; 3/18/21, 2:27 PM
stevew said...: So he says he is a god in bed, what do his past partners say? Of course, it ain't bragging if it's true.; 3/18/21, 2:34 PM
Iman said...: Meh... if they lick teh hole, they’ll suck teh pole...; 3/18/21, 2:35 PM
BUMBLE BEE said...: She replies: You're Thor I'm tho thor I can hardly pith!; 3/18/21, 2:44 PM
BUMBLE BEE said...: Try the veal.; 3/18/21, 2:45 PM
Quaestor said...: I am an absolute god in bed...

He uses the indefinite article. Is there more than one absolute god?; 3/18/21, 2:50 PM
Quaestor said...: Try the veal.

It's the best in the city.; 3/18/21, 2:51 PM
Leland said...: Uh huh, and I'm sure the water to blood will make you think you're the first. And then the frogs will come. When the boils start, I'm sure they'll start to wonder about that God status.; 3/18/21, 2:55 PM
tim in vermont said...: “Women seem alarmed when they find out I am a creepy porn addict who thinks its real life”

Fixed it for you.; 3/18/21, 2:56 PM
chickelit said...: So, this isn't about Shouting Thomas?; 3/18/21, 3:08 PM
David53 said...: Dear Ethical,

As a gay man, I come from a long cultural line that has venerated the context-free, anonymous hookup....

The author is gay. I didn't see that coming!; 3/18/21, 3:28 PM
Quaestor said...: The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Good grief, mock! In context... oof!; 3/18/21, 3:33 PM
Howard said...: I'm with Oso Negro. No need to brag. Just quietly lick your own eyebrows.; 3/18/21, 3:34 PM
Titus said...: I am awesome in bed. The reviews are through the roof. They comment on how big and hard my dick gets.

Sometimes I think it's my only redeeming quality and without it I am nothing; 3/18/21, 3:41 PM
donald said...: Sure he is. Just ask him.; 3/18/21, 3:46 PM
mockturtle said...: Quaestor: I know, I hesitated on using that adage because of the context. And I didn't mean it that way at all. :-(; 3/18/21, 3:55 PM
Bob Smith said...: You knew this thread was going to be interesting didn’t you? My cut. Don’t ever say anything about your prowess. Word of mouth is the best advertising. When they go out of their way to make your acquaintance something is up. Or soon will be.; 3/18/21, 3:57 PM
JAORE said...: Rosanne Barr, many years ago in her stand up routine said about her (then) husband in absolute deadpan, "Stop, stop you big man, you. You are killing me."

He probably believe her.

FWIW the women I've know either think they are probably average or worse in bed or absolutely fantastic. It was often the reverse. I attribute the "ab fab" ones to youthful thinking the number of men that want in their pants [damn near all of us for all women] indicative of superior ability. It is not.; 3/18/21, 4:01 PM
JAORE said...: One female friend used to tell me I was well endowed. When they thought I was out of earshot a female friend asked about my size. My friend said, "Adequate".

Later I laughed about hearing this and asked why that particular word. She said, "If you think I'm going to advertise you to my female friends, you are out of your mind."

One note of honesty: I've been married and faithful to my wife of 32 years. So ANY tales about my sex life are either about her or are long, long past any resemblance to my current abilities.; 3/18/21, 4:06 PM
Bob Smith said...: Or. The best pickup line a chick ever used on me was “I hear you’ve go a pile driving a$$” Then I just had to oblige. Matter of pride you know.; 3/18/21, 4:06 PM
tim in vermont said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 3/18/21, 4:07 PM
tim in vermont said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 3/18/21, 4:11 PM
tim in vermont said...: Why am I commenting on this thread? Cripes am I bored.; 3/18/21, 4:15 PM
Ken B said...: Doesn’t anyone else sense this is a send up directed at Slate?; 3/18/21, 4:21 PM
Michael K said...: Sounds like the husband in the movie "Overboard," my favorite Goldy Hawn movie.; 3/18/21, 4:23 PM
chuck said...: Given the range of talents in music, sports, math, and other such things, there are no doubt some who are Gods in bed. But likely few have been blessed with such an experience.; 3/18/21, 4:32 PM
tcrosse said...: She: Who dqo you think you're going to satisfy with that puny little thing?
He: Me!; 3/18/21, 4:46 PM
mockturtle said...: Sounds like the husband in the movie "Overboard," my favorite Goldy Hawn movie.

That was good! Unrealistic but entertaining.; 3/18/21, 4:54 PM
Yancey Ward said...: Well, when she is screaming, "Oh, God, oh God," over and over, it is hard to be humble.; 3/18/21, 4:56 PM
Yancey Ward said...: Was I the only one who read the headline and thought, "Oh, boy, another Trump tape has been released."; 3/18/21, 4:57 PM
FWBuff said...: He: Would you like some super sex?

She: I'll have the soup.; 3/18/21, 5:09 PM
Joe Smith said...: "Was I the only one who read the headline and thought, "Oh, boy, another Trump tape has been released."

I've slept with beautiful women from all over the world, and almost always they say to me, 'Donald,' (they call me Donald), 'Donald, I have been with many great lovers but you have satisfied me greatly.'

And when they say 'greatly' you can see in their eyes that they really mean it. And by 'greatly' you can also tell that they mean 'a lot.'

Now, I'm not the one who is saying this, the women are. I mean they're the ones who would know and they're saying these things. It's not me who is saying it, don't get me wrong.

: ); 3/18/21, 5:11 PM
n.n said...: Is there independent corroboration? What does she think? And, no, autonomic responses do not tell the full story.; 3/18/21, 5:17 PM
iowan2 said...: My wife makes ambiguous statements to her lady friends concerning her sexual satisfaction. All but one act like she's speaking some ancient language long ago labeled dead.

Most people are just lousy. This guy sounds like one of those. Sex is 99.68% emotional. Physical barely counts. Spend 100% of your time making your partner feel like the star, you end up with the best experience.; 3/18/21, 5:20 PM
mockturtle said...: Sex is 99.68% emotional. Physical barely counts.

I'll call BS on that, Iowan2. But sensuality has a lot to do with it, not just sex organs.; 3/18/21, 5:27 PM
Yancey Ward said...: Joe,

LOL!; 3/18/21, 5:34 PM
Robert Cook said...: My question is: even assuming one is a "sex god" or as good as a pimp in bed, (this was said about the gay William Burroughs by his wife), why tell this to a woman one is just getting to know? Why advertise or brag in any way about one's sexual skill, even as the relationship appears it may veer toward sexual activity? Just let what will happen happen naturally, and let one's partner make their own assessment.

Bragging about one's great talents (in whatever realm of activity), no matter how true, is obnoxious.; 3/18/21, 5:52 PM
iowan2 said...: I'll call BS on that, Iowan2. But sensuality has a lot to do with it, not just sex organs.

Your mileage may vary. It took 10-15years to connect my best sex with me ignoring my most pressing needs of the moment.; 3/18/21, 5:53 PM
Joe Smith said...: "LOL!"

Best if read in a Trump voice : )

And I like the guy!; 3/18/21, 6:12 PM
Robert Cook said...: I had a girlfriend years ago whose complaint about her ex-husband sexually was that he was too big and took too long to finish. By the time he was ready to climax, she was tired, bored, and sore.

It goes to show: tastes vary.; 3/18/21, 6:52 PM
exhelodrvr1 said...: Word of mouth ...; 3/18/21, 7:42 PM
mockturtle said...: I had a girlfriend years ago whose complaint about her ex-husband sexually was that he was too big

LOL! I have never heard another woman complain that a guy was 'too big'. Maybe she was just trying to make you feel better, Cookie. ;-) Just kidding. Sort of.; 3/18/21, 7:46 PM
mockturtle said...: and took to long to finish.
That's another one I've never heard.; 3/18/21, 7:49 PM
tim in vermont said...: Mock might get a kick out of the comedy special, I think it’s on Prime “Sleazy Does It.” by a "granny porn” star, or at least that’s what she claims in the show.; 3/18/21, 8:30 PM
mockturtle said...: No, thank you, Tim.; 3/18/21, 8:43 PM
tim in vermont said...: She sounds like she’s channeling your comments here. Just saying.

This is kind of funny too re your comments.; 3/18/21, 9:19 PM
mockturtle said...: Right, Tim. Most women complain that men finish before they've had a chance. Had never before heard any woman complain of too much staying power. :-) Cookie has a rare one, I guess. Girl, that is. ;-); 3/18/21, 9:27 PM
Tina Trent said...: I am still utterly confused about the target audience for Slate Magazine.; 3/20/21, 1:23 PM