June 17, 2020

"Scroll casually through your platform of choice and you’ll see kids. Kids protesting on Pinterest; kids posing on Instagram..."

"... kids socially distanced proms and graduations on Facebook. Kids of people you know I.R.L. and kids of people you don’t. Kids who most likely haven’t given their permission for you and me to see them or who have simply accepted this exposure as part of modern life. Every time we post a picture, we’re telling a story, crafting the myth of our own life. Images of our children become part of that mythology. A shot of kids frolicking on the beach or posing at Disney World tells a story about prosperity, happiness and ease. A photo of well-scrubbed kids on the first day of school says My children are thriving. I’m a good mom.... When my older daughter and blogs were both in their infancy, I posted pictures of my new baby and wrote about new motherhood. I found community and support from other new mothers. But as my daughter got older, as she went from a sleeping, pooping blob to an actual person, and as the world soured on so-called mommy blogging, the sharing got harder to justify. After all, my daughter had never consented to appearing on my blog. How would she feel when she got old enough to Google and discovered her entire life online?"

Writes Jennifer Weiner in "Should Any Parents Be Instagramming Their Kids?/Sure, those of us who do may not all be Myka Stauffers. But we’re all selling some kind of story about ourselves, and using our children to do so" (NYT).

23 comments:

Yancey Ward said...

Wait until Weiner learns the pictures of her daughter she posted are now found on "pedo-lite" porn sites.

You should never post photos of your children on-line- literally never.

Kai Akker said...

More weining. Cool.

Wince said...

A photo of well-scrubbed kids on the first day of school says My children are thriving. I’m a good mom.... But as my daughter got older, as she went from a sleeping, pooping blob to an actual person, and as the world soured on so-called mommy blogging, the sharing got harder to justify.

Presumably, Dylan Shakespeare Ribinson's parents had higher, literary hopes for their son at birth.

According to a tweet,Dylan Shakespeare Ribinson [22] was arrested in Breckenridge, Colorado. He is one of several suspects wanted for the burning of the police station on May 28.

Photo "shared" at link.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

When she gets old enough to Google and discovers her entire life online she will almost certainly not care because that is the water this generation swims in. It won’t occur to her to be offended because she will know nothing else.

rhhardin said...

My dogs have always gotten a dozen daily pictures posted, e.g. DOG

daskol said...

Former mommy blogger revives relevance by becoming critic of mommy blogging. I don't know her, and maybe she is no Myka Stauffer, but whatever was wrong with her when she was treating her kids as a content factory appears to still be an issue.

Kevin said...

Shorter NYT: You're a Parent? Here's What You Should Worry About Today.

Tomcc said...

Hard to prescribe foresight to some people.

Matt said...

How many women are going to write this article? Variations pop up every few months.

The Internet - too many writers with too little to say.

c365 said...

My wife kept a blog for about 5 years. My kids love reading it. It depends on if you're showing off trying to be an influencer or recording memories I suppose.

Wendy said...

I think she has valid questions and I certainly have thought of them myself and I don't really know if there is a correct answer. I do what I feel is correct for me and have no shame about it, and I do enjoy some posts and blogs about kids and there are some that I don't enjoy so I scroll right on past them.

For now, my stance is that I don't typically use their names but they have screen names, and pictures of them are typically not showing their faces or I blur their faces. Then again I am not an influencer and I doubt anyone reads my blog it is mostly for me but I do have it on the internet which means I know that anyone can find it. If my circumstances change then I might change what and how I post about my kids.

Rory said...

We could all be Myka Stauffers. It depends on who Myka Stauffer is.

Marshall Rose said...

I am not 'selling myself' when I use social media.

I use it as a tool to stay in touch with distant friends and family. I do consider what to share, and what may he over sharing and potentially distressing things about my future child.

Often though I post things upon request that I had not planned to do ahead of time. My kid is aware of social media and how as a family we view it as a tool for communication, as opposed to a self aggrandizing platform.

Fernandinande said...

"But we’re all selling some kind of story about ourselves, and using our children to do so"

Jennifer Weiner and her NYT-scribbler ilk might be using their kids to sell something (an "influencer"?), but most people are just telling, not selling, about their kids' fun 'n' games to their relatives.

"How would she feel when she got old enough to Google and discovered her entire life online?"

From what I've seen, when the kids are old enough they start posting their own pictures of themselves, which would indicate they feel fine about it.

Tom T. said...

I suppose it's just coincidence that we got the transitioning husband article at the same time as this one. We get to hear about Jennifer Wiener and Jennifer's wiener.

Sebastian said...

"My children are thriving. I’m a good mom"

A pretty fundamental female emotion, now amplified by the possibility to signal virtue virtually.

"But we’re all selling some kind of story about ourselves, and using our children to do so"

No, "we" aren't.

Now, generalize: what else do progs do online that uses other people to sell a story about themselves, without consent or justification?

Bruce Hayden said...

I never put anything up about my kid, when they were young. Their mother (my ex) was somewhat militant on the subject. Our kid, maybe a sophomore in HS, opened up a Facebook account, and their mother pulled the plug w/I 24 hours. Seems that their mother, possibly being a bit overprotective, and working in data communications for the last three decades (we met on a software project in the mid 1980s), had alerts set for just that sort of thing. Later, as a HS senior, they were allowed to open a FB account using misspellings of their name, which they still use, better than a decade later.

Inga - this is part of why I don’t do more to identify either my kid or my partner.

Joan said...

I think it's charming how most of the commenters here so far (and who knows what's stuck in the moderation queue?) are assuming benign content. I'm not. I'm sure there are *plenty* of posts out there portraying the offspring in less-than-kind light. Or maybe they are just "funny" stories if told in person would certainly make the kid want to slink away, embarrassed. Or maybe there are posts complaining about how soul-deadening it is to be burdened with these helpless, grasping proto-humans.

Many so-called "mommy" blogs are devoid of love, and that's what stings. If the authors are so concerned about their offsprings' future feelings, why not start cleaning things up, removing the content *now*? Sure, the internet is forever, but how many people really bother with the Way Back Machine? Put your money where your mouth is, mommy bloggers!

Mary Beth said...

I had websites and then a blog when my kids were young. I made the decision not to post photos of them online. I don't think I even posted anything with their names. Kids are people, not your property to use in ways that only benefit you.

The mommy bloggers always made me uncomfortable. You wouldn't post stories like that about an adult member of your family, how could you do that to a child? (Or maybe they would share another adult's stories without permission. Narcissists are gonna narc.)

madAsHell said...

The 14-year-old girl across the street is always dancing in front of her camera in the yard.

Yesterday, she invited her girlfriend to a SuperSoaker fight in the front yard for the camera.....and wearing bikinis.

I always wondered what a dirty old man looked like!!

n.n said...

Evolutionary fitness? Duck Dynasties? We the People and... our [unPlanned] Posterity. Mom, dad, and kids. Yeah, I know, sacrilege.

n.n said...

Personal servers. Don't become a commodity to be classified, dissected, and redistributed for profit by the umbrella corporations.

TheOne Who Is Not Obeyed said...

Is the Mommy blogger allowed to post pictures of her kids crying?