"She came out to me a few years into our marriage, late on a weeknight.... Silent tears flowed down her cheeks as she confessed her desire to transition.... I responded with an affirmation of her feelings before I shared my own fears and frustrations.... At the time, I couldn’t say whether I wanted to be with a woman. It was something I’d never even considered before.... I struggled with my own internalized transphobia, expecting to mourn her body hair, mannerisms, deep voice and broad shoulders — the features I’d grown to know and love about her former appearance — but the transformation hasn’t been a hurdle for me.... [H]er body’s changes feel like part of the uneventful shifts in appearance everyone encounters as we age and develop or abandon certain habits. Over the years, I’ve gained more than a few pounds — making my midsection lumpier, my face rounder, my thighs thicker. I changed my own hairstyle once or twice.... My breasts sag now that I’ve fed two children from them.... We already act like the two old ladies that we will one day become...."
From "I’m a straight woman whose spouse came out as trans. It didn’t change a thing/Our friends were sure we were on the verge of a breakup at the time. They shouldn’t have worried" by Lauren Rowello (WaPo).
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71 comments:
Transgender spectrum from homosexual to neosexual.
It is amazing the lies people will tell themselves.
yeah. i call bullshit on this. i wonder how hard wapo had to look to find a trans widow willing to say this.
Ray Davies already wrote this song, and it's a honey of a tune.
Has anybody here seen a chick called Dick
He looks real burly but, he's really hip
He's six feet tall and his arms are all brown and hairy
Well, he married Betty Lou back in '65
When you had to be butch to survive
But lately he's been looking at his wife with mixed emotions
You see, he's not a common place closet queen
He shouldn't be hidden, he should be seen
Cause when he puts on that dress
He looks like a princess
The day he came out of the wardrobe
Betty Lou got quite a surprise
She didn't know whether she should get angry or not bat an eye
She really couldn't call up her mother
Mama would positively die
Should she go or stay or should she try to get a trial separation
You see, he's not a faggot as you might suppose
He just feels…
Mama would positively die
Should she go or stay or should she try to get a trial separation
You see, he's not a faggot as you might suppose
He just feels restricted in conventional clothes
Cause when he puts on that dress
He feels like a princess
He's not a dandy, he's only living out a fantasy
He's not a pansy, he's only being what he wants to be
Now his life is rearranged and he's grateful for the change
He's out of the wardrobe and he's got no regrets
Betty Lou didn't know what to do at first
But she's learning how to cope at last
She's got the best of both worlds
And she's really in a state of elation
She says it helps their relationship
She says a change is as good as a rest
And their friends finally coming 'round to their way of thinking
She wears the trousers and smokes the pipe
And he washes up
She helps him wipe
Cause when he puts on that dress
He looks like a princess
He's out of the wardrobe and he's feeling alright
He's out of the wardrobe and he's feeling satisfied
Now it's farewell to the past
The secret's out at last
He's out of the wardrobe and now he's got no regrets
Man...WaPo morphed into the New York Times so quickly and smoothly, I almost missed it.
The two 'papers of record' in our country are no longer. WaPo and NYT and so perpetually rammed up the asses of the Wokeness they will never return.
Time to allow others to take up the mantle of real journalism, real reporting, and opions that are allowed from all sides. Also- weak, unimportant, narcissistic articles showing just how tragic or amazing the transition is to Wokeness...are really not necessary for a major newspaper. These sort of things belong in your shrink's office. Or on Bravo network.
Yes, the NYTimes and WaPo have reached Bravo network level. Nicely done!
LOL, that's a good one! She has more trouble from her spouse ignoring the recycling "rules" than when the spouse changes gender.
Honey, most of the recycling goes into the landfills, too. Your concerns for the planet need a reality check, but surely if you don't mind your husband becoming your wife, you can get over the planet-saving fantasies.
At the time, I couldn’t say whether I wanted to be with a woman. It was something I’d never even considered before.... I struggled with my own internalized transphobia, expecting to mourn her body hair, mannerisms, deep voice and broad shoulders — the features I’d grown to know and love about her former appearance — but the transformation hasn’t been a hurdle for me.
Jesus, could this woman be any more abused? This is the culmination of the gay rights movement: if you aren't willing to become a lesbian than you're a bigot. If you question your attraction to a spouse who is mutilating their body then you are "transphobic". Cutting off your dick is no different than gaining some love handles or a haircut.
I weep for her children, who have to suffer those two as parents.
I still can’t prove which of my housemates keeps leaving the toilet seat up — but I suspect my wife is at least one of the perpetrators.
This answers one important question.
That song has always brought a smile to my face and even occasionally a tear to my eye. Very funny and sweet.
On the same record, late era Kinks Misfits, is "Black Messiah," an interesting tune to consider amidst the current racial situation in the USn. Ray Davies was a prophet.
This is not a minor detail. The trans should of been upfront. Same as a gay or lesbian coming out to their spouse after marriage. It's really a fraud and deception to the other spouse.
"I wasn’t always quite as comfortable with queering our hetero-union."
Given historical sensitivities, shouldn't that be hetero-confederacy versus queer-union?
I can't make sense of this. I think it's poorly written, and it stinks of Jayson-Blair-that-never-happened-ism.
Good for her, good for them. But I wonder if this isn't partly a facade as she struggles to show us how good she's been about overcoming her "transphobia," as though she ever suffered from any such thing.
It looks like WaPo is horning in on the NYT's current specialty.
Personally, if I were going to try to persuade my wife of the need to queer things up, I'd be more interested in menage a trois than folie a deux, but to each her own.
Guess there wasn't anything to memorable about the "frank n beans"...
40 years ago, when I worked at Caldor Department store, there was a woman who worked in the ladies department. She was married with 2 kids. Her Husband was transitioning to become a female. We never made fun of him, we never ridiculed him or her. She was a nice lady. Their lives, their problem...not mine. I don't really care what people do in their private lives. It's when they want to force people to accept it, and rub it in our faces...that pisses people off. I lived in northern Connecticut at the time. NOBODY CARED!!!!
I didn't click -- because Pay Wall -- but I have to ask: Why should I care about what goes on in someone else's marriage? This article seems to imply that I should.
I have to think that this woman is a writer who gets paid by the word, though. She gets to write a bio about her not-very-interesting life story, and she cashes a check too! Winning!
More drivel from the Far Left Washington Post.
It’s a shaming tactic: “See, she could accept her husband’s transition. So if you reader can’t do the same for YOUR hubby/wife, you’re a bigot”.
Great story! Now go interview a women who decided she wasn’t happy with her spouses transition. I’ve got time, I’ll wait.
So, one size does not fit all, and people come in every size imaginable. Not exactly news.
Live and let live works for me, so long as I'm not required to bow down to anyone else's notions on the subject.
"I still can’t prove which of my housemates keeps leaving the toilet seat up — but I suspect my wife is at least one of the perpetrators."
If your "wife" is leaving the toilet seat up, I think "she" may still have a penis.
"I couldn’t say whether I wanted to be with a woman."
But you had to, in this age of homo/transnormativity.
"It is amazing the lies people will tell themselves."
She's not lying to herself, she's lying to us. And to her husband. She'll pander to the dumbshow just long enough to reassure her friends that she's not acting intolerantly. Think of it as a Victorian period of mourning. Then she'll kick off her widow's weeds and find a dude who isn't sliding into madness.
My suspicion is that this is the small minority opinion. Anecdotes are not data, but you use what you have.
It's fascinating how they both adhere to stereotypical male and female behaviors despite the sex change.
Some posters assume that the transition was complete. This is contrary to the clue the writer gave in saying that her toilet seat is being left up.
Many so called transitions involve hormones but not surgery. Despite a massive wardrobe change, they claim to be attracted to women and presumably engage in what might still be considered heterosexual sexual intercourse.
Despite a massive wardrobe change, they claim to be attracted to women and presumably engage in what might still be considered heterosexual sexual intercourse.
in the olden days (like, back when there were Kinks), we called these freaks Transvestites
they were DIFFERENT from Transsexuals, because they had dicks
I actually have a Facebook friend from high school whose husband similarly "queered their hetero-union," and they stayed married. It's hard for me to understand, but my guess is that marriages like this weren't particularly physical to begin with.
Color me "unwoke" then, I guess. If my then-wife or my current girlfriend announced that she was transitioning to male, that would be the end of the relationship. I'm not interested in being married to or having sex with another man. Or even a "man" who still has a vagina but is taking hormones to grow a beard and whatever else.
That's not my kink.
I'm sure this person would also say that everything wrong with the world is someone else; Trump, old white men, cops. Everyone but her.
Reminds me of my best friend from high school in LA said she felt guilty that she wasn't attracted to other women. Ca 1975.
At the time I thought everyone had gone bugfuck gay-crazy and I needed to get far away. Moved to MANtana.
Now I think maybe it was just a Hollywood putdown. She just wasn't that into me. Because the competition, you know, it's always there.
Live and let live works for me, so long as I'm not required to bow down to anyone else's notions on the subject.
You'll always be required to bow down, because it's never been about how they want to live, but about forcing others to approve of their lifestyle.
I have a strong predilection for dark-haired men. I've never been attracted to blonds. If my husband had bleached his hair (before it went gray, that is), would I have had to struggle with my "blondphobia," or just tell him I liked it better dark, and then maybe deal with whether he liked it better blond? Geez Louise. And that's just a hair color preference. God forbid I prefer someone who shaves his face to someone who might shave her legs - my preferences in a relationship into which I enter by my own choice are apparently the least important thing in that relationship, if the other person has an emotional rabbit to chase or monster to banish.
It seems that (as has been observed absolutely everywhere in the past couple of weeks) now everything that is not forbidden has become compulsory. Gay people fought for the right to love openly the people whom they loved; is it now the thing that trans people are being led to expect that they have a "right" to force the people they love to love them, under pain of shaming and shunning?
Gosh, what if she decided to transition too? I wonder if the still-penis-equipped wife would be as understanding about losing access to the tunnel of love... or if the still-equipped wife would take advantage of the other passage and the un-equipped wife would be expected to enjoy that, regardless of her, what, "sexual-alternative-phobia"... or if that sort of activity is no longer a part of their relationship. Certainly it would seem to make the relationship-transition from hetero to queer go more smoothly if it were a solely companionate marriage. I've had friends I felt I could marry if the sex were taken out of it - women with whom I could absolutely share a life, Kate-and-Allie style.
This story is too simple for production on the Hallmark channel. The only potential baddie might be the hot but scheming and bigoted neighbour down the street who tries to steal the spouse.. or, no, the other one. Which ever.
I’d rather pitch those devilish Hallmarkians a story with more twists. Who, for example, do you write as being the bad guy in a story about a lesbian couple where one decides to transition to male?
Keep the viewer engaged by having them be anxious not to know who to REEEEEEEEEE! at before Act 3!
Lauren Rowello is as happy as a clam! Maybe as happy as two clams!
"I Talk To My Kids About My Suicidal Thoughts"
by Lauren Rowello April 3, 2019
Lauren Rowello
"Raw and authentic. Usually depressed."
Pics or it didn't happen.
"[] Lauren Rowello, a 29-year-old freelance writer ... didn't know that the infection would also disrupt the balanced, healthy routine she had established after 15 years of struggling with an eating disorder."
The other person: "I did THIS and still can't shake her?"
WAPO seems to have a mental illness meme going today with articles by a trans spouse and George Conway. But that is only 2 - there must be at least 1 more? I think they have a 3 per day minimum.
The queerest of the queer.
AZ Bob said...
I still can’t prove which of my housemates keeps leaving the toilet seat up — but I suspect my wife is at least one of the perpetrators.
******************
When I visit the doctor and am asked that stupid question:
"Are you safe at home?"
I always answer, "Yes---except when I forget and leave the toilet seat up."
Well, this will certainly help her depression!
Are there going to be any sympathetic stories about spouses who reacted with, "Pack your stuff?"
spouses who reacted with, "Pack your stuff?"
Bigot... sign on the dotted line if you ever hope to have a life again.
People, you must follow Fernandinande's links upthread. You think the WaPo story is funny? The other stuff is hilarious.
This poor thing not only has a husband sharing her underwear, she has suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, and-get this- survived the virus!
The suicide story site has a "confessions" spot for women to anonymously post confessions. Unintentionally hilarious stuff there.....
(yeah, I was tempted but didn't do it-yet)
For better or for perverse
Man, oh, man. I remember, decades ago, reading about a man who "transitioned" to a lesbian, and even at the time, I thought that was insane -- what, you loved women then, and you still love them now, only now you get to love them as a woman yourself? But this was in the alt-Left SF Weekly, ca. 1990. And the man wasn't in any sort of committed relationship at the time, so anyone with whom s/he then entered into one would (presumably) know his/her "backstory."
But I've long wondered about the phenomenon described here, of one party in an existing relationship "transitioning" and therefore forcing the other partner into an involuntary change of homo/hetero status. (It needn't be, as here, a woman being made involuntarily lesbian; it could just as well be one partner in a gay male relationship going MTF, so that the other partner is now involuntarily in a heterosexual partnership.) It seems to me that no one who bails out of such a situation can be said to be a bigot. If you are a straight woman, who has fallen in love with a man, you simply can't be asked to fall in love with a woman, even if she is the one you fell in love with when she was male. You might just as easily claim that all women in het relationships (and, again, all men in gay relationships, for that matter} ought to be capable of loving anyone of either sex. Isn't this what the whole hoo-ha over "conversion therapy" was intended to prove -- that, for gay men at least, this is flat-out impossible? Why then should it be possible to straight women either?
Incidentally, I am wondering what is supposed to have happened to the author's wife's "broad shoulders." Presumably "her" shoulders are exactly as they always were, unless this is some new transition surgery that, while leaving the penis intact, reconfigures the entire skeletal frame.
I had two thoughts reading this.
1) Apparently being gay sometimes is a choice.
2) I doubt the broad shoulders are going anywhere.
For every pot there is a lid.
And if they are happy, that matters to them.
But I could not care less.
Live and let live works for me, so long as I'm not required to bow down to anyone else's notions on the subject.
See, that's the problem. It's not enough to live and let live for some people. You must celebrate them. You will be made to care.
wholelottasplainin' said...
When I visit the doctor and am asked that stupid question:
"Are you safe at home?"
6/17/20, 12:59 PM
Sure I feel safe at home, there is at least one gun in every room of the house.
Just kidding, I never tell the doctor how many guns I have.
Mark Jones said....That's not my kink.
When the Revolution succeeds, you will be doxxed and canceled.
It's the contemporary (less messy) version of tar and feathers.
Her heterosexual orientation is of course self-cast as "transphobia", so she can preen her morals to the woke.
"spouses who reacted with, 'Pack your stuff?'"
They might not have been allowed to keep their stuff after the operation.
This poor thing not only has a husband sharing her underwear, she has suicidal thoughts
Some bands in the transgender (i.e. state and/or process of deviation from normal [distribution]) spectrum are more stable than others, then subdivide for individual differences, including trans-transgender (e.g. homosexual/neosexual, progressive confusion). The male fetish for feminine undergarments is trans-social (e.g. transvestite).
I'm really trying to be open-minded, put myself in her shoes etc. I can kinda see some of this (i.e., I love my husband with all my heart and would do so even if he had a medical condition that feminized him). But I just wanted to smack her when she said that when her male husband announced his desire to transition to being a woman, the author's struggle to imagine her masculine spouse becoming a feminine spouse was nothing but "transphobia." FFS! That would mean that ONLY the trans have the right to consider gender/sex to be an essential element of being human. Your spouse/partner in contrast has NO right to consider your gender/sex to be an essential element of your being and therefore an important aspect of how they relate to your being?? As I said, I would love my husband even if he had medical problems that feminized him, but I'm not going to be sexually turned on by breasts and soft smooshy girl-kisses so that's a big deal.
"Mark Jones said....That's not my kink.
When the Revolution succeeds, you will be doxxed and canceled."
That's when I tell them, "I was BORN heterosexual, you bigot! Don't you try to impose your homo-orthodoxy on me!"
Or if that doesn't work, just point and Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! like Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Her other bylines show she's a collector. She collects fashionable neuroses. I believed this story, but something she wrote with the sources only identified by first names makes me wonder if any of it is true. Moorestown, NJ. Someone must know her; she couldn't be a total Jaysonblair. But she's already imagining them as little old ladies and she's only 29?
There's some imagination at work here; something not quite right in cloud-cuckooland. Identified in some of the IDs as very active in gay-activist groups yet she claims in this article that she only reluctantly "became" gay as time made her ignore everything about her husband but the wrongly recycled objects. She is The Collector.
RigelDog, you've said it better than I did. There are two people in this (or any) two-person relationship, and what you do therefore has a damn big effect on what I do, and what I am. The argument is that you can do whatever you like, and I am a bigot if I am not accommodating.
You see it, again, in cases where a female partner is revealed to be a pre-surgical MTF transgender, and the failure of her/his het male partner to have sex with her/him is classed as sexual assault. Maybe he doesn't want to be in a gay (or queer) relationship? But he has to be willing, as every het male perforce has to be willing. The idea is apparently that you are a bigot if you refuse sex to anyone, exactly as you would be if you forced sex on anyone. Apparently you are a passive thing, to be evaluated by powerful others, and required to have sex if they want, and also required not to have sex if they don't want. There is no role for you, as such, at all. Your sexuality is defined entirely by others, and if you resist you are a bigot.
I read campus sexual-assault codes, and this is exactly what they do say. You are guilty of sexual assault or sexual coercion if you want sex when the other doesn't, even if you acquiesce when the other says no, because you might give the impression that you're unhappy, and that might seem to coerce the other's behavior if s/he doesn't want you to be unhappy. You might also be coercive if you say you'll leave the relationship w/o sex. So the only alternative, as I see it, is for you to persist in apparent cheerfulness in a relationship where you can't have sex, because admitting you were sad is off, and not wanting to be in the relationship is also off. Now to me that seems an uncommonly long-drawn-out form of torture, but I'm just your average het woman, so who cares what I think?
I am wondering, incidentally, whether she might not in fact be faced with a husband-turned-wife who imagined that this was the one sure way of getting rid of her, and proved tragically mistaken.
WTF... Who's on first, what's on second, and I Don't Know's on third.
You can't tell me there wasn't something 'unusual' about her man when they when they got married. Or, she is so self-absorbed that she didn't notice.
I struggled with my own internalized transphobia,
someday, when some want to become ergleDebergle-sexuals
...will we struggle with internalized ergleDebergle-phobia?
So ... we're back now to the transgenders.
COVID must be over.
"I read campus sexual-assault codes, and this is exactly what they do say. You are guilty of sexual assault or sexual coercion if you want sex when the other doesn't, even if you acquiesce when the other says no, because you might give the impression that you're unhappy, and that might seem to coerce the other's behavior if s/he doesn't want you to be unhappy. You might also be coercive if you say you'll leave the relationship w/o sex. So the only alternative, as I see it, is for you to persist in apparent cheerfulness in a relationship where you can't have sex, because admitting you were sad is off, and not wanting to be in the relationship is also off."
As I've had cause to comment multiple times in the past month, it's a good life, we all exclaim around rictus smiles.
I leave nagging notes. Accept me.
I leave the toilet seat up. Accept me.
I'm suicidal and depressed. Accept me.
I'm a transvestite. Accept ME.
It's all good until one of them decides to become a Trump supporter.
Read Ferd's link and am just gob-smacked by how grotesquely contemptible and self-absorbed this woman is. Talking about her suicidal thoughts to her children. Me fucking me and screw my duty to protect my small children, physically and psychologically. No one badmouths Boomers more than me (and I'm a late Boomer) but we're the Greatest Freakin' Generation compared to the cohort that fostered this horrorshow..
I was wondering whatever became of the old traveling carnival freak show tent. Apparently they are our newspapers of record now.
Her heterosexual orientation is of course self-cast as "transphobia", so she can preen her morals to the woke.
Bit I was Progressive... Pro-Choice. An old-fashioned, ancient, really, kind of religion.
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