February 28, 2020

"There used to be a show on Fox called Man vs. Beast and you should know about it because it was probably the best show of all-time."

"In one of the competitions, a sprinter lost a 100-meter dash against a zebra (yet beat a giraffe!). In another, professional eater Takeru Kobayashi lost a hot dog eating contest against a Kodiak bear that did not even know he was taking part in an eating competition. And then there is my personal favorite: the world-class gymnast who defeated Bam Bam the orangutan in a 'dead hang,' even after Bam Bam clearly tried to play mind games with the gymnast by dropping his pants and urinating during the contest. Feel free to watch if you don’t believe me. Anyway, I wish that show still existed, because Tony vs. the Shark would totally make the cut.... I remember standing in the water just off of Mana Island at Survivor base camp and a shark swam by me for a good 20 minutes. I had no issues with standing in the water as it went back and forth by my feet but I’ll tell you what I didn’t do — reach down and pick it up. I guess Tony thought it was dead...."

From the Entertainment Weekly recap of Episode 3 of the new season — Season 40 — of "Survivor."

Here's Tony and the shark:



And here's "Man vs. Beast/Gymnast vs Orangutan":



And here's Kobayashi vs. the Kodiak bear and the man vs. giraffe/zebra.

As the recapper notes, only the human being understands that this is a competition, so it's only a test of whether the nonhuman beast is in the mood to perform the activity. This is the same problem that must be addressed at rodeos and bullfights: how to stimulate the animal to look as though it's participating in a man-versus-beast sport. In the case of catching a shark, the creature is stimulated by the threat of death. For him, it's literally an episode of survivor.

37 comments:

gilbar said...

i THINK, that IF the bear Knew that it was in, "An Eating Contest"
It would have EASILY WON, by "playing mind games" with the human
And, YES; by "playing mind games", i mean: Killing the human, and eating his mind (and the rest)

Darrell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Darrell said...

There was a guy in Florida that pulled his nephew out of the water at night when a shark attacked him and took off his arm. The uncle immediately went into the water and came out with a 7-foot shark held over his head--which a Park Ranger shot in the head when he threw it on the ground. The nephew's arm was removed from the shark and re-attached and was doing well, last I heard.

Now that's a guy.

mezzrow said...

If this is the case, what torment must NBC be applying to Laurence O'Donnell?

gilbar said...

Darell said...
The uncle immediately went into the water and came out with a 7-foot shark held over his head--which a Park Ranger shot in the head when he threw it on the ground. The nephew's arm was removed from the shark and re-attached and was doing well, last I heard.

and THAT is how Man Beats Beast!
Bravery........Check
Weaponry.......Check
Medical skill..Check

gilbar said...

take THAT, stupid sharks!
Where are your lasers NOW?

Lucid-Ideas said...

I remember watching an episode of Nature on PBS ahout wolverines, and they put a tracker on one in glacier national park. The friggin thing climbed mount Cleveland and descended in something like 5-6 hours to make it to the other side of his territory. 6. Hours. No breaks while probably running the whole way. The scientists couldn't believe it and thought it was an error of some kind. Nope.

Then they discovered that for this animal, it was routine. He did it all the time. Just climbed 10,000ft peaks as a matter of course scouting his range for food or female wolverines. What was he going to do today? Climb mount Cleveland. Tomorrow? Climb mount Cleveland. Why did the Wolverine climb the mountain? To get to the other side.

Rory said...

Elephant, pulling airplane, races midgets doing the same:

https://youtu.be/VHf05dXzdEQ

Temujin said...

Then there's the Michigan variety of wolverine that just runs twice, passes once, then punts. Upon seeing a Buckeye it plays possum and hopes the Buckeye mistakes it for dead.

Fernandistein said...

Those are pitiful - a baby orangutan doing nothing and a guy catches a baby shark - but not as pitiful as bull 'fighting', which is just torturing wounded livestock to death for the amusement of sadistic morons.

Speaking of sadistic morons, I'd like to see a trained MMA guy vs a pissed off full grown male chimp.

Fernandistein said...

In one of the competitions, a sprinter lost a 100-meter dash against a zebra (yet beat a giraffe!).

A good human runner can outrun a horse in races of <50 yards or >20 miles or so.

Jamie said...

Darrell, thank you for starting my Friday morning with a rare heroic Florida Man sorry. Holy smokes!

Jamie said...

Now with coffee glasses ON: Florida Man story not "sorry." Sorry.

rhhardin said...

Dogs know that tug of war is a competition. In fact their perception of play as play is good.

With cats the best you can do is tease one of their instincts.

Beloved Commenter AReasonableMan said...

"There used to be a show on Fox called Man vs. Beast."

Wasn't this a none-too-subtle metaphor for Trump's brave fight against the Deep State?

I mean, it's obvious, isn't it?

gspencer said...

Reading this triggered memories of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom with Marlin Perkins and his helper Jim Fowler. Typical dialogue from Marlin,

"Lets watch now as Jim puts his hand inside the lion's mouth"

"Jim will now pick up the injured honey badger and attempt to apply a dressing to the wound"

Krumhorn said...

I had an Akita that loved to crap in the basement. I tried every training technique I could to get him to crap outside. I read books, consulted dog owning friends, talked to the vet, and otherwise made every effort to keep the dog from crapping in the basement.

To the day he died, I continued to clean up his crap in the basement as he grinned at me. He knew it was a competition....and I lost. Other than that, he was a great dog.

- Krumhorn

gspencer said...

The inestimable Michael Buffer introduces both Kobayashi and The Bear,

"Lets Get Ready To Ingest"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6eQ78HCGEA

daskol said...

Nonsurvivor

daskol said...

Woman vs. beast?

Ann Althouse said...

"Then they discovered that for this animal, it was routine. He did it all the time. Just climbed 10,000ft peaks as a matter of course scouting his range for food or female wolverines. What was he going to do today? Climb mount Cleveland. Tomorrow? Climb mount Cleveland. Why did the Wolverine climb the mountain? To get to the other side."

This is the problem described in the song "The Bear Went Over the Mountain."

Why, of all possible routes, go over a mountain? Why not around the mountain? Aren't the notches and mountain passes well known to the animals of the territory? If there's something the animal likes at the top of the mountain, why does he go up the mountain and then right back down?

The song's answer is: "to see what he could see." Are animals into aesthetics or pure knowledge? We normally think not and believe the animal is a ball of instinct, programmed by evolution to do what works to survive to reproduce, and nothing more.

daskol said...

Some birds enjoy looking at themselves in the mirror.

Darrell said...

Some birds enjoy looking at themselves on the Instagram.

(1960s British use)

Wince said...

One of the great movie lines of all time.

"Release the Tigaaarz!"

Annie C. said...

There is a show currently on Discovery that is Man vs. Bear.

The contestants play tug of war with the bear pulling them off a platform into a small pond. They have an eating competition with the bear, they have a race on an obstacle course against the bear, and they get in a large circular cage and the bear pushes the cage into a pit.

It's rather strange, but the bears are are hilarious. In the food race, the contestant eats the same thing as the bear. A pile of bugs, some raw fish, berries and nuts. Gag-worthy.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

This is the problem described in the song "The Bear Went Over the Mountain."

Why, of all possible routes, go over a mountain? Why not around the mountain? Aren't the notches and mountain passes well known to the animals of the territory? If there's something the animal likes at the top of the mountain, why does he go up the mountain and then right back down?

The song's answer is: "to see what he could see." Are animals into aesthetics or pure knowledge? We normally think not and believe the animal is a ball of instinct, programmed by evolution to do what works to survive to reproduce, and nothing more.


[Pants makes that bong-stirring motion]

Lucid-Ideas said...

@Althouse

"Are animals into aesthetics or pure knowledge? We normally think not and believe the animal is a ball of instinct, programmed by evolution to do what works to survive to reproduce, and nothing more."

Or maybe he climbed Mount Cleveland everyday to see his girlfriend and visit his wife on the other side. The following day, he says he needs some 'alone' time, visits his girlfriend on Mt. Cleveland, and then visits his other wife. I suppose it's plausible he 'takes in the sun' while he's up there.

Instinct and aesthetics. If he was I and I was him, it would surely be both.

Bob Smith said...

Cmon coronavirus, just be gentle.

rcocean said...

Bam Bam didn't lose since he didn't know the rules! It is amazing the Gymnast guy cold hang for 6 minutes. But Bam Bam wasn't even stressed, just bored.

And yes, some Human beings can outsprint a horse for 25 yards or so but Horses can easily cover 20 miles in 2 hours. They just don't want to.

Roughcoat said...

Are animals into aesthetics or pure knowledge?

That's the question that intrigued Hemingway in "The Snows of Kilimanjaro." Intrigued by the mystery of the leopard found dead high on the mountain. What was he doing there? There's a spiritual implication to the question.

Roughcoat said...

We normally think not and believe the animal is a ball of instinct, programmed by evolution to do what works to survive to reproduce, and nothing more.

I don't believe that at all. Anyone who works with animals know there's some deep mystery to their being. They are much more than a ball of instinct and evolutionary programming. Anyone who has dogs knows this.

RobinGoodfellow said...

"Lets watch now as Jim puts his hand inside the lion's mouth"

"Jim will now pick up the injured honey badger and attempt to apply a dressing to the wound"

“While we watch from the safety of the helicopter.”

Yancey Ward said...

Here is a similar event with a small shark.

Nichevo said...

Speaking of sadistic morons, I'd like to see a trained MMA guy vs a pissed off full grown male chimp.


Innaresting, if denied use of claws and teeth.

Nichevo said...

What happened when Jim Fowler came across a rhinoceros in the jungle?

Jim wiped it off.

Yancey Ward said...

You forgot the rimshot.

Nichevo said...

I'll be here all veal, try the week.