Bored Panda collects stories.
Be sure to read #3!
ADDED: In the first post of the day, I complained about an AP headline that said Iran "acknowledged that it accidentally shot down the Ukrainian jetliner." "Acknowledged" is wrong in the same way that "True" in this Bored Panda headline is wrong.
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38 comments:
"that sound completely made up"
Like Penthouse letters?
That was fun
I have a story that people assume is made up or grossly exaggerated, fortunately I have witnesses and a newspaper article about the incident. If someone has never heard the story before, I usually start with something like this... "Did I ever tell you about the time that I deliberately drove a burning fuel truck into a house on the side of a German mountain? Yeah, I got a medal for it, too.".
A lot of kidnapping going on.
I believe number 3 was made into a movie, or a Twilight Zone episode. I remember reading something similar in Readers Digest back in the 1950's.
Next exercise: Write a story that is completely made up but could be a true story that sounds like it is completely made up.
Nobody believes this, but I have lived a long life without a single uncanny event ever happening to me. There weren't even that many interesting events.
Another story of mine that sounds kind of made up is the time I hung out with Herschel Walker and the Jamaican Bobsled team at the top of an mountain in the French Alps. Fortunately, that one also has witnesses and a newspaper article (USA Today Int'l Edition) as corroboration.
People remember "uncanny" things, but forget about the quotidian things. Which, by definition, greatly outnumber the former.
Synchronicity is another word for confirmation bias.
"A lot of kidnapping going on."
I was briefly kidnapped at age 3. Some guy snatched me while I was playing outside of my home with my older brothers. They ran inside to tell my mom, and she came out to find me standing on the median of a four-lane street.
That's amazing. I've read you're not supposed to have memories of things when you were that young but I have vivid memories of things that happened when I was three- sights, smells, useless facts. Things I can recall about that time often freak my mother out.
When I was about four or five I often used to tell my mother about my 'wife' that lived in Seattle despite having no reason to have knowledge of anything or anyone from Seattle or the west coast- everyone I knew lived in New England. But yes, my future wife was living in Seattle at the time...
>>Nobody believes this, but I have lived a long life without a single uncanny event ever happening to me. There weren't even that many interesting events.
NBC is going to make a reality TV show about people like you.
It's going to be called "That's Credible!"
Not a story I tell often because I don't want to be looked at as a teller of tall tales,
One afternoon I was taking a short break from work out in the alley next to the car junkyard fretting about something or other, I don't remember now, maybe an employee or something, but anyway I was completely oblivious to my surroundings. I notice a flash of movement in the upper right of the periphery. Boom! There's a small black bear, out of nowhere, yearling size, on all fours, about 5 ft in front of me, looking directly at me. Our eyes locked on each other for at least 2 or 3 seconds (I think) my mind was completely blank, WTF!! The bear looked as shocked as I was. It turned and ran off down the alley before I could react. As near as can tell it must have climbed on some crunched stacked cars and jumped the fence without seeing me. But I'll never forget stareing into those eyes. The bear was as shocked as I was. It was almost like a communion of minds. Very weird.
Flying bears. Raining bears. Believe it or not.
I once accidentally let a very large bull loose at the vet school. We chased it to the golf course and some nearby campus police joined in the chase. Ultimately the two police cars blocked its path until it could be caught, but only after one of the doors of a police car was nearly torn off.
My sister worked at a gas station/convenience store in high school. A man filled his gas tank and then started to drive off with the nozzle still attached to his car, causing an explosion.
The facts spoke to truth. The acknowledgement followed shortly thereafter.
"Mr. Majestyk said...
"A lot of kidnapping going on."
I was briefly kidnapped at age 3. Some guy snatched me while I was playing outside of my home with my older brothers. They ran inside to tell my mom, and she came out to find me standing on the median of a four-lane street."
When I was 8 or 9 years old an Orca and her calve were stranded at mid-tide in Cape Cod Bay, just feet off the beach. One of the local teenagers climbed onto the mother and rode her for a few seconds before my father and a few other guys went out and dragged him back to shore. Eventually authorities guided the whales out of the channel and into open water. So I saw a guy riding a killer whale in the wild. His name was Doug Smith, I lost track of his family years ago, but he's probably still out there somewhere. I'd love to interview him for a podcast if I can track him down.
"Poe's Law" in full swing w/ CNN vs Babylon Bee
...Bee Best!!
I lost track of his family years ago, but he's probably still out there somewhere.
Not if he kept doing shit like this.
eddie willers, True. He was also the first "Deadhead" I ever met. Used to wear tie-dyed shirts, long hair, smoked in front of "the parents". He was what we considered a rebel in 1980.
“ Blogger gspencer said...
"that sound completely made up"
Like Penthouse letters?”
Dear Penthouse forum,
I never thought this would happen to me ...
I once worked in a Chevron gas station in Georgia when one Sunday morning, two black members of the LBGTQWXYZ community were arguing as one was breaking up with the other. Not knowing any of this, I activated the gas pump, and the one lesbo named Muhammad doused the other lesbo named Antoine with 65 cents worth of gas and then set her on fire with a cigarette lighter. It was a spectacular sight as Antoine danced around the street! Coming from India, it never occurred to me that torching a dark-skinned woman would cause all that much trouble, but Chevron ended up paying over $2.5 million to Antoine's mommy because I flipped the switch on the pump and should have known not to. Go figure.
- Jyotika Shukla
#3 leaves avoids way too many questions with a BS little doge.
I did a 2 thousand mile road trip a couple of weeks ago and started listening to The Moth to pass the time and stay awake. “True stories told in the first person. At first they seemed really great, but then they started seeming really contrived and after a while, I just found myself guessing at what event really may have happened that caused them to make up their 'true stories.'
Most often it seemed like they were frustrated short story writers who were failures for good reason.
When I was around 6 years old, my family went and visited my grandparents in a very small town. There was an old gravel pit we kids would play in near by. I found some interesting stones and brought them to my mother saying "here mom, I found you some diamonds". She patted me on the head and said, "that's nice dear". Later I saw that she just discarded them on the ground, this small town being thousands of miles from anywhere diamonds were found. 40 years later, the DeBeers corporation came through and bought up the mineral rights for the entire area.
The most extraordinary events in my life would probably bore others. Not that they weren’t extraordinary, but what made them extraordinary was personal.
#3 is not fully believable—how was this woman, kidnapped at 3, instantly recognized by her mother 22 years later.
#3 is not fully believable—how was this woman, kidnapped at 3, instantly recognized by her mother 22 years later.
Magnatism
I have a twofer--and it has a nice symmetry.
My best friend and I are about 10 and clowning around on the narrow stairs up to his bedroom; he's got the little room on the left where we play with army men on the hookrug island and build model airplanes, his gorgeous twin older sisters have the big room on the right but I only wish I had some stories about them other than mute longing.
I'm in front and whirl around just in time for him to trip on a step and gnosh down on my weiner. No homo! Really, we might run nekkid in packs in the gloaming but nobody ever touched anybody else that's gross. We were fully (summer) clothed after lunch.
Hurt like hell but I didn't cry out because his family maid was cleaning in the hallway and she already thought we were idiots.
So I just suffered for a few days. Sometime later, probably that fall, we were playing army in his front yard, and this time he got hurt--when I pushed him backward on the front steps and lost my own balance.
And racked him with my right knee as bad as any kid ever got racked. He understood that I was trying to save him from a German potato masher, which didn't lessen the pain or the swelling one little bit, but his mother was less forgiving and I was in her doghouse for a long time.
He missed school for a week and walked funny for several more. We stayed friends though,
and in fact email a few times a year.
Narr
They were a high-class family
Call me Ishmael....
" he lost his balance, his belt broke, his pants fell down and his genitals accidentally came in contact with hers",
it was revealed in court Friday.
The man accused of sexually assaulting and killing a 92-year-old woman in Queens claimed to cops that he’d been trying to help the old woman
She suffered a broken spine, rib fractures and bruising on her chest and neck, among other injuries, according to court papers.
Fuertes lay half-dressed in 32-degree weather for two hours before she was found, conscious but “incoherent,” at around 2 a.m., according to the criminal complaint.
https://nypost.com/2020/01/11/man-busted-for-raping-killing-elderly-queens-woman-told-cops-his-penis-fell-near-her-vagina/
I thought you were allowed to lie on the internet. What's the point if not?
I took this young lady to senior prom. Afterwards she broke up with me, so I screwed her little sister. A few years later, when the little sister broke up with me, I screwed their mom. A Hat Trick.
THEOLDMAN
We were all good friends despite that until a few years ago when the little sister passed away.
My wife and I share the same birthday. Day and year. Actually our mothers were roommates. We did not meet until she came along as a third wheel on a New Years Eve party. I was dating her best friend. Next December is 40 years.
Oh no you don’t. Next post, please.
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