September 24, 2019
Passing some construction workers in Madison, I overheard this fragment of an anecdote.
"... first time I ever saw a pair of titties and I was confused — wondering if I was a little gay or something."
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84 comments:
If this were anybody but Althouse I would be asking for "Things that Didn't happen for $1600, Alex."
LOL. An appreciation of titties is developed not born. Amiright?
Funny that he is confused by seeing them but has an understanding of the concept of being gay, or not.
Was it a dude or a chick telling the story?
-XC
Absolutely 100% true and verbatim.
I assume the guys were telling their "first time I ever saw a pair of titties" stories and that this incident occurred when he was about 10.
Also, I'd just like to say I find the expression "a pair of titties" very silly. First, the use of the diminutive (the "titties" for "tits"). Second, the "pair of" intro. You're using the plural. Do you need to be hyper-accurate that it was not more than two?
"Gay genes" have small effect, but ...
"The genes correlated with male homosexuality are also correlated (at a statistically significant level) with risk-taking, cannabis use, schizophrenia, ADHD, major depressive disorder, loneliness, and number of sex partners. For female homosexuals, risk-taking, smoking, cannabis use, subjective well-being (-), schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, ADHD, major depressive disorder, loneliness, openness to experience, and number of sex partners."
I only glanced at the group, but I believe it was all male. Male said the quote, for sure.
Professor Althouse?
Second, the "pair of" intro. You're using the plural.
What do YOU say? A pair of Sock?
"Funny that he is confused by seeing them but has an understanding of the concept of being gay, or not."
The way I analyze it is that he'd imagined seeing naked breasts and looked forward to the important milestone, but when it happened, it did not unleash the abstract ideal of masculine desire, perhaps because it was socially awkward or stressful. Without the instant desire he'd imagined, he wondered whether he had the heterosexual orientation that he'd thought was his manly birthright.
"... first time I ever saw a pair of titties and I was confused — wondering if I was a little gay or something."
Maybe a sign of lacking sexual interest. A better sign of being a "little gay or something" might be a becoming aroused for giving (or receiving) another guy via the Hershey Highway.
Pair of shoes
Pair of gloves
Pair of pliers
Pair of pants
I had the same initial reaction as Birkel. If this wasn't Althouse telling it, I would have thought, "Bullshit story", and moved on. Now I'm thinking, "What timing!", and moving on.
If you're already using the plural, why tag on "pair of" unless you think some people will imagine a larger number than 2.
Of course, it's not wrong. It's just redundant. Yes, you say "pair of shoes," but you also just say "shoes" and people assume you mean 2 shoes, the shoes that match and there's a left and a right.
Where are my gloves? I need to put on my shoes. I love these pants! — that's what you could say.
Compare: Where is my pair of gloves? I need to put on my pair of shoes. I love this pair of pants.
Which way do you talk — and why?
Rufus is a tit man.
The first breast (I would have said "boobie" at the time) I saw was a single because that was how her bathing suit failed.
The second time I saw a woman semi-dressed I saw both her breasts. I probably would have used the phrase "saw her pair" in order to show how mature i was.
I only used the word "tittie" once in front of a nekkid woman.
-XC
PS - I ran into this girl in my (relatively) small home town about 40 years later, hadn't seen her in forever. We both smiled at the same time. Life is funny.
Maybe because he saw that first pair of titties on a dude.
She might have had three.
By “pair of titties” he meant man boobs. He became aroused and that confused him because until then he assumed he was “all boy. “
Was the construction dude a Millenial? If so, that explains the gay angle. For me, seeing tittie tandems is like the first time because every pair is different in it's own way.
I think the concept is the first time to see them as what one now thinks of as tits (meaning something to do with sex) rather than food. Except the first time I can remember seeing tits was Airplane!, and even today they seem so gratuitous as to be emotionally meaningless to me. Then again, I'm more into the feel of them than the look.
This is like arguing over tits without nipples, its pointless.
Or maybe they were just really ugly titties and he was like, Oh no! Do they all look like that?
The first time that I saw a pair of titties, I said: "Mom?"
My best friend at 10 years old reported to me he saw the fat neighbor lady’s tits while she was on her back porch. I was seriously jealous.
This post feels like trolling the adolescent boys.
Also, I'd just like to say I find the expression "a pair of titties" very silly. First, the use of the diminutive (the "titties" for "tits"). Second, the "pair of" intro. You're using the plural. Do you need to be hyper-accurate that it was not more than two?
What are you, autistic? Greta Thunberg called, she said stop stealing her act.
"Titties" is plural, but can mean any number of breasts on any number of women.
"Pair of titties" indicates a matched pair belonging to one woman. It's similar in construction to "Set of gams".
Blogger Phil 314 said... This post feels like trolling the adolescent boys.
Touche
... first time I ever saw a pair of titties and I was confused — wondering if I was a little gay or something.
Was his reaction that they were fabulous?
Also, I'd just like to say I find the expression "a pair of titties" very silly. First, the use of the diminutive (the "titties" for "tits"). Second, the "pair of" intro. You're using the plural. Do you need to be hyper-accurate that it was not more than two?
The first time he saw a pair of titties, the older woman to whom they belonged corrected his grammar.
If this is what sex is like with a woman, he thought, I might be gay.
I suppose Althouse similarly objects to “pair (or set) of balls”?
“Also, I'd just like to say I find the expression "a pair of titties" very silly. First, the use of the diminutive (the "titties" for "tits"). Second, the "pair of" intro. You're using the plural. Do you need to be hyper-accurate that it was not more than two?”
Why were these English professors working construction?
According to relatives who interact with the biz, construction in Seattle seems to be the province of college-educated, white male hipsters. So the standard of grammar is probably higher.
I suppose Althouse similarly objects to “pair (or set) of balls”?
If they are hanging out one leg of a pair of men’s shorts.
"I suppose Althouse similarly objects to “pair (or set) of balls”?"
You'll notice that many people say "a pair" (without "of balls"). In fact, that's more colloquial. Who belabors the whole thing into "a pair of balls"? Do you say "You need to grow a pair of balls" or "Look at the pair of balls on that bull"?
"Nice pair" or "Nice pair of balls"?
@Althouse (7:48), if you’re going to be pedantic about it, “titties” is the diminutive of “teats,” which is the correct term for all mammals. And sometimes one sees them in the singular, e.g., one strap slipping while the other stays in place.
I'm singing this fall in an all male choir.
The boys are an absolute joy to be with. Their wild, boyish sense of humor is a big part of that.
Not accompanying this fall because I'm too busy learning to play pipe organ for church Christmas events.
The choir is incredibly boisterous, loud and funny. I've sung with and accompanied mostly classical choirs for the past couple of years... very academic in their approach, and usually mostly composed of women with only a handful of men. I learned a hell of a lot in these groups, but they were tough work.
The all male choir boasts almost 40 members! More of a glee club than a classical choir. We really let it rip. The boys are a hell of a lot of fun.
Lance Armstrong belabors the point about "a pair" of balls.
Just saying.
"First time I had a dick in my mouth I was kind of wondering if maybe I was gay or something, then Shep Smith said “You’re not a plumber just because you fix one pipe and I felt better."
Meaningless out of context. Could have been a conversation about she-males with implants. Lady boys in Thailand can really do it up.
Ann:
You should have jumped and corrected their grammar.
Great story. I can't even ask what was he thinking, because he said it.
I think most sentient mammals of any sex appreciate a great pair. I sent my law school buddy a postcard from Switzerland with cows on the front and a two-word message on the back: "Nice tits!"
A question for the LBGQTWXYZ crowd out there: You ALL love breasts, right?
Ahh, Rubens. There was a guy who understood human nature. Zaftig? Yes. Delicious.
It is generally assumed that the church organist is gay.
When a woman decides to ask me: "I'm sorry, I hope you're not offended, but are you... uh... gay?" she's hoping I'm not.
In addition to the possibility of a single nip slip/wardrobe malfunction, he coukd have been flashed by more than one girl.
This may be the funniest comment thread ever here.
I had the exact opposite reaction the first few times I saw breasts up close and personal:
First of all, I was young and hence pumped-up on the level of hormones young guys normally have. Second, my partners were similarly young and so their breasts were amazing! I had seen R-rated movies and magazines like Playboy but these did not prepare me.
Life was going to be good. Everything turned out to be better in actuality than in prospect. Breasts were neither the first nor last thing, but they were a high point at that early stage of my life, that's for sure.
dbp,
You're not wrong.
Everybody loves them.
pair of titties >>>> on the same person?
titties >>>> on many persons?
Seems like when I was in my twenties, girls tops used to “accidentally” give me tittie shots a lot more often than it seems to happen now.
Construction worker to Ann: Don't be cruel to me!
In The Naked Ape, Desmond Morris (?) said ...
Humans developed breasts in response to walking upright;
The Human breast is (according to the book) supposed to evoke the same thoughts that other primates get from looking at the backside of their females.
The Premise being that by standing up, women's backsides lost (some of?) their attractiveness; which is why humans, unlike other primates, have such large breasts.
Of course, thanx to the genius behind high heels, women's backsides have regained their attractiveness: to the point that the answer to the question: "What's the 1st thing you look for in a woman?"
Can be answered: "It depends if she's walking towards me, or away"
I suppose the first time you saw titties you might have seen more than two tits. For example:
- you are Picasso visiting Avignon
- you are a young child and your mother took you to the women’s change room
- you identified as a girl for a few minutes to go into the women’s change room
- you were on a beach where a lot of women go topless
I think the phrase “pair of titties” implies one female.
I prefer "brace". "A brace of titties".
It's always good to have a thoughtful, intelligent, sober, thorough discussion about titties.
Ann Althouse said...
Also, I'd just like to say I find the expression "a pair of titties" very silly....the "pair of" intro. You're using the plural. Do you need to be hyper-accurate that it was not more than two?
It was Wisconsin, fercrissake; how else was the other guy to know he wasn't talking about a cow?
I salute the commenters here for staying above the Letters to Penthouse level of personal recollections...so far.
I used to think these stories in Penthouse were just made up, until one day when it happened to me...
I assume the guys were telling their "first time I ever saw a pair of titties" stories and that this incident occurred when he was about 10.
So we are discussing the thoughts of a 10 year old boy?
I thought it was silly to take Greta Thunberg seriously, now this.
You'll notice that many people say "a pair" (without "of balls").
Get some balls! (quantity = one or more)
Sack up! (no number of balls required)
One assumption is that all the breasts he'd seen before were in Playboy and other magazines.
Seeing a less than "perfect" set of breasts seen for the first time, the point at which "flesh meets fantasy", can be kind of jarring.
Everything more than a mouthful is wasted anyway.
My wife is small-breasted, but that never bothered me and has proven a boon; between that, avoiding the sun and nicotine, and exercise she's got a lovely perky little pair--and I make sure she knows it. Women her age who are stacked have nothing on those two.
Visualize this: Eight (8) naked women in a line, arranged from left to right in the following manner-- Front-Back-Front-Back-Front-Back-Back-Back. What famous musical phrase is suggested?
Narr
No boobie prize, just lasting fame for the winner
You'll notice that many people say "a pair" (without "of balls").
Maybe someone said that to Bruce Jenner and he got confused?
"You park on a driveway and drive on a parkway. Cargo goes by ship, a shipment goes by truck, you have a pair of panties but just one bra." - Gallagher
My one week+ at Boy Scout summer camp in the Ozarks (near the end of my single year of scouting) included one night at the base camp before I was picked up. I was in a tent
with older guys from different troops I didn't know so I just listened to their chatter.
Eventually two were left and they started bragging about their sexual sophistication. I was
trying not to laugh when one of them referenced the lady on his paper route who invited him in and was "lyin' there with her cock hangin' out!"
Narr
Shee-it, boy.
Everything more than a mouthful is wasted anyway.
No! No! A thousand times, NO!
"On Wednesday afternoon, I clicked on a picture of a woman on a website called Deepnude.com. Suddenly, her outfit disappeared, and naked breasts were on my computer screen. It was transfixing and nauseating. I felt like I had just peeped through a stranger's window, utterly violating her privacy.
A day later that website had disappeared; its creator apparently had a crisis of conscience. If you type in the URL, you'll see a blank, white page and the words "not found." But before it disappeared, it offered visitors like myself free previews of a horrific AI-enhanced world where photos of women — any woman, really — could be undressed via algorithms and shared with reckless abandon." A terrifying app for making any woman appear naked was killed off by its creator
also see twitter: @deepnudeapp
The superpower you always wanted
"The world," it concluded, "is not yet ready for DeepNude."
the link was dropped: https://www.kmov.com/news/a-terrifying-app-for-making-any-woman-appear-naked-was/article_4f6e4fca-99a3-11e9-a89f-23826edf2b0a.html
>>"Everything more than a mouthful is wasted anyway."<<
Said no guy, ever...before he fell in love with a small-breasted woman.
Well, the first memorie I have seeing an adult pair of female breasts was in a Oui magazine at about the age of 8 or so- also the genitalia. I knew right then that I wasn't gay- I kept that magazine hidden in my mattress until my mother found it when I was 12 (she switched my bedroom one day when I was at school so that my sisters had the larger of the two spare bedrooms). My mother never said anything, but I was a little abashed for a while around her.
My first time seeing them and handling them in the flesh was my freshman year in college.
When I was five years old, my mother took me into the women’s locker room at the country club.
I had never seen a naked female before, and was fascinated. Of course, it took another15 years before I could figure out how to make good use of such artistic splendor.
"Meaningless out of context. Could have been a conversation about she-males with implants. Lady boys in Thailand can really do it up."
Or maybe it was Chuck Schumer:
https://d2eehagpk5cl65.cloudfront.net/img/q60/uploads/assets/mc/afisher/2016_11/chuckschumer.png
@Narr: William Tell Overture
Jupiter
Avoid needless words. A brace of titties is a bra.
Shirtless Nadler perhaps? Hey it's a new world!
Doug said...
Everything more than a mouthful is wasted anyway.
No! No! A thousand times, NO!
9/24/19, 11:16 AM
This.
That said, I like 'em all.
I thought it was silly to take Greta Thunberg seriously, now this.
9/24/19, 10:32 AM
I've got it!
We need to discuss Greta Thunberg's tits!
What, too young? Please, she's a dirty Scandi. Probably drive a panel truck down her hooha by now.
Although...she could be the wacko that she is because she can't get any pipe laid. Maybe that would straighten her out.
Never mind, she's the carpenter's dream:
https://images.app.goo.gl/hkez9VPLVyvwpG7k7
Blogger Ann Althouse said...
Absolutely 100% true and verbatim.
Also, I'd just like to say I find the expression "a pair of titties" very silly. First, the use of the diminutive (the "titties" for "tits"). Second, the "pair of" intro. You're using the plural. Do you need to be hyper-accurate that it was not more than two?
You may think “a pair of titties” is very silly, but ket me assure you that men take the subject of the female breast very seriously. Today’s boys, growing up with a no holds barred access to porn, don’t understand that we older guys grew up having limited access to dad’s or an uncle’s Playboy or Penthouse. So it is perhaps no surprise that we still refer to them in juvenile terms.
And, although they come in pairs, it is important to distinguish the single breast from the full on, glorious pair.
Which way do you talk — and why?
I would say, “I love these titties.” Because I do love them.
It's very simple. Dude was talking about tiny titties. The first time he saw her titties her chest looked like a boy's but he was still horny after seeing them and it confused him.
Shouting Thomas @9:11 AM: "The boys are a hell of a lot of fun."
Ages 8-11, I assume. I remember those days. Every time I see kids that age outside the parental gaze, just being themselves, I smile and remember.
I'm sure you'll have a great time.
I know it's a dead thread, but...at its inception I should have asked if they were Playboy tits, or old National Geographic tits.
Big difference.
Me and me friends were so not gay it's not funny. Homoerotic as hell (that's all-American) but a Playboy could make you neighborhood star. Pix were torn out; money changed hands.
Milwaukie guy for the win
Titty rump titty rump titty rump rump rump!
Narr
WAH-Wah-wah . . .
Nothing happens except that there's a country song to cover the situation.
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