From "Men Can Have Better Friendships. Here's How" (NPR).
What's with the asterisk on "men"?
* For the purpose of this piece, we're using the word "men" to refer to people who identify that way and who can be saddled with the constraints of masculinity.Get ready for a world where "men" needs an asterisk and where the word refers to people who are "saddled with the constraints" of this condition. Almost makes you wonder why anyone would identify as male when it wasn't their assignment at birth. If you go out of your way to get to manhood — through the post-birth identification process — can you still be "saddled with the constraints of masculinity"? Or is it understood that this is exactly what you are identifying with (in which case it's not a constraint but precisely where you want to be)?
I'm just going to guess — even though I think these are interesting questions — that the answer is no. I'm thinking the identification as male is something deep-seated and not purely a choice. So you're not saying, I want exactly that. And in fact, you might even choose things for yourself that then burden you in many ways, foreseen and unforeseen. I think of the analogy of marriage: People fall in love and marry, intuitively or as a matter of rational choice, and still have constraints and burdens when they get what they want.
Back to the main substance of the article: "Men are hurting, and... masculinity is what is hurting them." Could there be an article "Women are hurting, and... femininity is what is hurting them"? Well, yes. I think there could be, and much of feminism says exactly that. You may think that feminism blames men and to say "femininity is hurting women" seems to put the blame within women. But to blame "femininity" is not to blame women. It blames the culture. But is femininity bad? Is masculinity bad? I'm not sure those are interesting questions. I guess stereotypical ideas about masculinity/femininity can limit your fulfillment as a human being.
As for the desire for better friendships, isn't that something that besets all adults? Do men look at women and think the women have great friendships and I wish I had something like that in my life? But I think many women wish for better friendships too, and also that a lot of women have... I mean... are saddled with the constraints of bad friendships.
Posts
185 comments:
Men need an axe*.
I rather just defund NPR and live in a world that I don't have to behave by the gender norm assigned to me by some journalist.
A new low in Left lunacy.
/s/
Dave Begley
Man*
"I'm thinking the identification as male is something deep-seated and not purely a choice."
If you do stuff you like, you'll find that you're falling under the stereotypical definition of masculinity.
It's not a constraint.
This makes me mad.
If only all men were like dreamy Alan Alda, we could defund NPR. Until then, we must be reeducated.
6. Fuck the fuck off.
I learned how to be a man from my father.
Great man. My respect and admiration for him increases every day, because with age I understand him better.
White Male privilege has a cost.
With all the constraints there ought to be some version of lagrange's equations governing it. We just need a defintion of kinetic and potential energy.
Orwell would love being alive today.
You know, men are kinda smart to play it close to the vest and not get too chummy with strangers until they've proved themselves.
There are good reasons for this.
"If you do stuff you like, you'll find that you're falling under the stereotypical definition of masculinity. It's not a constraint."
That seems true unless you see through to the level where you ask if you are constrained to like what you like.
Real men don't eat quiche or listen to NPR.
Feelings are mostly wanting to get laid.
What is this "blames the culture" bullshit?
The world is supposed to adapt itself to you?
We are all just waiting to ascend anyway to our perfected gay selves.
Be patient.
To borrow a phrase, I'm not sure I can accurately define manhood, but I know it when I see it and it's nowhere to be found on PBS. So, sod off, Swampy.
"If freedom has wings," taught Reb Idrash, "it also has eyes, a forehead, genitals. Each time it takes wing, it transfigures a bit of both the world and man in the excitement of its flowering."
And Reb Lima: "In the beginning, freedom was ten times engraved on the tables of the Law. But we so little deserved it that the Prophet broke them in his anger."
"Any coercion is a ferment of freedom," Reb Idrash taught further. "How can you hope to be free if you are not bound with all our blood to your God and to man?"
And Reb Lima: "Freedom awakens gradually as we become conscious of our ties, like the sleeper of his senses. Then, finally, our actions have a name."
A teaching which Reb Zale translated into this image: "You think it is the bird which is free. Wrong: it is the flower."
And Reb Elat into this motto: "Love your ties to their last splendor, and you will be free."
Jabes, Book of Questions
Oh for pete's sake. I've heard some variation of this nonsense in one form or another my entire life. It typically boils down to the solution to men's problems is to be more like women, which is not likely to be possible even it is desirable. And as for "according to many researchers," here is another piece of research (the N is only 30 and are all undergraduate males, so take it with a grain of salt, but it at least presents another possible side of the story:
"We find that the increasingly intimate, emotive, and trusting nature of bromances offers young men a new social space for emotional disclosure, outside of traditional heterosexual relationships. Participants state that the lack of boundaries and judgment in a bromance is expressed as emotionally rivalling the benefits of a heterosexual romance. Our participants mostly determined that a bromance offered them elevated emotional stability, enhanced emotional disclosure, social fulfilment, and better conflict resolution, compared to the emotional lives they shared with girlfriends."
-Privileging the Bromance: A Critical Appraisal of Romantic and Bromantic Relationships
p.s. Bromance itself is a relatively recent portmanteau, originating apparently around the late aughts. For an older rendering of the subject, see Lionel Tiger's book Men in Groups from the which phrase "male bonding" was popularized.
That seems true unless you see through to the level where you ask if you are constrained to like what you like.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pey29CLID3I
El Condor Pasa
what a crock of crap
A nasty person might say men are unlikely to envy women, and women are likely to envy men--at least until, say, age 50. This can be changed--somewhat--if we have fewer wars, the etiquette of white collar work becomes normative, various ways in which men can make women feel bad are actively discouraged, etc.
The quality of masculinity is not constrained
It droppeth as a genital rain from Heaven upon the men* beneath.
Tits mightiest in the mighty.
I wouldn't take some NPR navel-gazer's advice on buying socks, let alone on how I order my life.
women are likely to envy men--at least until, say, age 50.
That's about the age women's testosterone is no longer overwhelmed by their estrogen.
I assume this is one of those "Studies show.." type of things. I question the objectivity of the Researcher.
I would like to ask this question:
Why can't a woman, be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historic'ly fair;
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Well, why can't a woman be like that?
It goes without saying that feminism is an attack on masculinity... but most feminists are too stupid to see that it’s an attack on women too. Anything that hurts one gender ultimately hurts them both. (And yes, there are only two genders. Anything else is just mental illness).
I'd like someone like you, only a little less tense and argumentative. - George to Lucy in Two Weeks Notice.
Thanks for the free advice about men, Julia @NPR.
"4. Ask more questions"
Why does National Palestinian Radio put out this kind of stuff? Why would any self-respecting man take any advice from progs? When will conservatives have national MSM organs like NPR to spread their own messages?
I never have had trouble making male or female friends. But they are all have been different types of people which is what makes it interesting. But you only have time for 2 or 3 unless a Church group meets together on a regular schedule.
I suspect that this writer has never experienced a normal social life and is hoping he can find one.
With journalism and masculinity: it's not that men are constrained to masculinity; it is that the journalist only wants to see and record men being their idea of masculine. It's like the Trump joke below; it is obviously a joke, but the journalist only want to see the version where Trump is a dictator.
I do not know how many times I have explained to my neighbor lady what causes leaks in her water system; she still thinks it is evil spirits.
Q for Emerita : if men can identify as Femin-ist - can *woman* identify as Mascul-ist?
Who knew that finding all the answers to life was as simple as taking a college freshman indoctrination course?
"As for the desire for better friendships, isn't that something that besets all adults?"
No.
“I think I’ll check NPR for insights on masculinity” said no man ever.
We learn about being a man from our dads, mostly. Good, bad, and everything in between. Framing masculinity as a constraint is not helpful.
As the culture has feminized itself in recent decades, men and masculinity have been “otherized” — but that points at reducing cultural feminization as the proper fix, not forcing unwelcome changes on masculinity.
When did this " masculinity" thing first appear?
'cause sure sounds like this is a new problem. How did men, back in 1880 (AD, or BC) deal with it? No one talked about THEM hurting... Maybe we should go back to their ways?
I can only stand NPR is small doses. All the male announcers sound like their balls are cut off and 90% of their stories are directed at women. Rod Dreher listens to it round the clock - its like that.
This ties in to the NYT(?) article where women were complaining that all the burden of socializing was left up to them. So, men go out get your own friends and stop depending on women. Anyway, I rarely meet any men who wants more friends or is dissatisfied with his social arrangement. Most of them are like Bull elephants, occasionally seeking female companionship, but mostly staying out alone in the Bush, munching on leaves and enjoying the sunset.
Brings to mind when The Professor first began to accept the rude Orange Man from Queens and she discovered that he has a feminine side to his personality. He would rather make everybody get along and be happy. The idea that all men are competitive all the time is silly.We reserve that persona for Fights when no surrender becomes the only rule. But even then we welcome a deal and forget the past.
That seems true unless you see through to the level where you ask if you are constrained to like what you like.
_____________
That's Existential-ist +
My wife has lots of friends, some of whom don't sound like Friends to me. They sound more like enemies who socialize with her. She complains about them, but has no desire to break off the relationship. If men are loners, maybe women socialize too much. Do a story on THAT - NPR.
Jeff Brokaw said...
“I think I’ll check NPR for insights on masculinity” said no man ever.
Now, be fair! We ALL know One Man, that checks NPR, EVERY DAY; and bases his life around Their teachings
You know who i mean! That's RIGHT! a Life Long Liberal, that obeys EVERYTHING he hears on NPR
Get ready for a world where "men" needs an asterisk and where the word refers to people who are "saddled with the constraints" of this condition.
Will we get our own parking spaces close to the door?
Don't blame yourself. You are a product of a society that expects very particular things of masculinity, so focus on undoing hurtful and restricting belief systems.
We don't have to be tough, masculine guys. Big Brother will embrace us and take care of us.
I wonder if framing could be different and make clear.
Masculine : is there a constrained formulation vs open?!
Feminine : ditto.
Is this more Gillette preaching?
As the culture has feminized itself in recent decades, men and masculinity have been “otherized” — but that points at reducing cultural feminization as the proper fix, not forcing unwelcome changes on masculinity.
I've watched this in medical schools as medical students have become 60% female. Doctors in training are now all about feelings.
Anatomy ? What's that ? No more microscopes. They have laptops and don't make their own slides or cultures of bacteria.
Maybe it is good to care more about patients' feelings but I fear the loss of competence. The icky stuff seems to be gone.
It was interesting that my daughter, who was a Bernie voter, chose an OB who was male and older.
where often women are placed in "leadership" roles for some men in the heirarchy, it pays off in time.
Yeah, ask the sailors in the sleeping compartment of the DD McCain. Oh, wait...
For example : recall staging debate with Hillary and Trump trannyed
I need not state the obvious, but I will: NPR cannot do a story about men. They wouldn't know a real man if he was locked in a 4'x4' room room with any of them. NPR is, in fact, not only a vehicle, but a generator of stories designed to malign and dismiss boys and men as a problem- for decades now.
Somehow, we need to start dismantling this bizarro world that the Universities have foisted upon our society. Yes...I said the Universities. Another discussion for another time.
"Do men look at women and think the women have great friendships and I wish I had something like that in my life? "
Er, no. Men can be alone, and many really are, by preference. There is no particular problem with men making friends, but that rarely dominates a mans life, like it so often does with women. We are designed in different ways for different things.
Terrific content here in the comments by Men.
One of Camille Paglia's earliest shocks to the nation was saying that if women had always been in charge "we would still be living in grass huts." True.
Thank God* for Women* like Camille.
Men are masculine because shit needs to get done. Women are feminine because the have to worry about shit not getting done.
We can pigeonhole all day. But shit ain’t changing.
Sorry, no. You don't want men to be like women. All this linked-arm sisterhood-is-powerful stuff is only true in a very general and theoretical sense.
Women can be as competitive as hell when seeking the attention of alpha males. This trait is observed in the wild and in the gentle fictions of office politics, where any woman who doesn't kowtow to the on-site queen bee is perceived as an existential threat to be removed at all costs. Passive aggressiveness is the modus operandi, and while the tactics may appear more refined, a shiv is still a shiv.
Men have developed Marquess of Queensbury-style norms for all forms of combat. It's more direct and less personal. Much to be said for it.
What Do Bernie bro's and sis's think:
Bernie as masc or fem?
Men do not need “help” from people who cannot be bothered to recognize the wonderful things that masculine traits - bravery, responsibility, taking risks, building big stuff, etc - have brought to the world throughout history. Perhaps a thank you is in order.
Yes, I know, there’s also negatives like war and whatnot. Pile on, we’ve all heard it before. Blah blah blah. BORING.
The point is that even if the dominant cultural message about “fixing” masculinity was one we were interested in hearing, anyone who is serious about persuading us would start with compliments and flattery. That’s how you do that.
Men already understand that we are sometimes held back by our own expectations about being a man. We are also emboldened and energized by those same expectations. We are open to discussion with people who get ALL of that and openly praise men and masculinity too. That’s not asking too much.
A lot of guys have great friendships when they're young. When they get into a serious relationship or get married, things change. Then it often gets harder to spend time with their friends. Often, one reason for this is the woman doesn't like her guy spending time with his friends and makes it hard on him to do so. This is very common.
Men are designed to self organize in packs. Originally probably to hunt.
This is why so many find hunting and even war, or preparing for war, such a satisfying thing. Standing on a hillside at dawn, in a hunting party, or in training. This is not a "bromance", you may never see those other fellows again.
Women glow and men plunder.
T'was always thus.
This article is just more "Why can't men be more like women" kvetching.
Men tend to have different types of friendships than women tend to have. Friendships are based on different principles and different wants.
People in general have different needs and expectations of friendships. Not all women or all men are the same. We are NOT cookie cutter people.
In my opinion and experience, women want more overt emotional connection in their friendships. I don't like that kind of clinging, express your inner feelings and judgemental kind of relationship. They always want you to DO things together and share your feelings. So. I don't have many female friends.
Remember the weird accident with our Navy ship in the south pacific a couple of years ago?
Turned out it had to do with the Women* crew "Leaders", a couple of them were practicing their womanly right to be bitches on each other, refusing to communicate, and shit* happened.
My wife seems to actively sabotage my males friendships.....
Yet this is my maleness problem??????
There is a very objective factor in the self-worth of a man. This is from nature.
Have you power, have you obligations, have you women?
If not you are unhappy.
If you want to solve the problems of unhappy young men you could, perhaps, arrange to give them those things.
Its quite simple really.
We sometimes forget that human beings are animals. Like all animals we are a product of our nature, our genetic predispositions that have been selected over eons with the intention of increasing our chances of reproduction and survival. Nature provides for variability in these traits so that natural selection can select those traits that promise greater survival and reproduction. Key among those traits is sexual differentiation between the sexes.
Since reproduction is at the center of natural selection, enabling reproduction and survival by selecting traits that ensure those outcomes is a major part of our nature as men and women. For example men are endowed with higher levels of testosterone which increase the likelihood of muscular and stronger bodies to enable them to provide for their families (at least that is the way it used to be in hunter/gatherer and agrarian societies). Testosterone also increases the sex drive enabling higher likelihood of reproduction. It also, in excess, makes men more aggressive which has its down side and can lead to an early death or imprisonment. So there is a balance in natural selection’s choice of testosterone levels with variability in men from high to low in the population. I could give a similar analysis of women and their general innate nature selecting hormones or other compounds that enable traits such as softness, vulnerability, and nurturing that make them attractive mates for men and successful mothers to the resulting offspring. There are some women on the low end of those traits and some at the high end for natural selection always allows for variability.
As men and women we are genetically endowed with traits that have, up until now, been categorized as male and female. That doesn’t mean we are not also affected by our environment and the culture that we live in. That culture can choose to emphasize or de-emphasize those traits. But the basic traits remain. The belief that we are an empty slate when we are born and can be molded by society and culture is clearly not true. Give a young boy a doll and the chances are he won’t play with it. It’s not in his nature to be nurturing and interested in nurturing behavior patterns. There may be a few boys who are further along on the nurturing continuum and will play with a doll but that is just natural variability. So what came first, nature or nurture?
Clearly we are first and foremost products of our nature and my belief is that our nature has molded our societies and culture. Most societies have emphasized male dominance (because men are more dominant) but there is some variability in that emphasis. I find the Jewish culture very interesting as one of the more successful cultures in the late 20th and early 21st centuries (despite attempts by Hitler to eliminate them). Although still dominated by men, women are at the center of the culture, since your Jewishness is inherited from your mother. The Jewish mother is seen as a power unto herself, a dominant figure in the culture.
This article unfortunately is full of arguments from the now discredited behavioral school of psychology and sociology. To add to the nonsense they have used a transsexual man (Thomas Page McBee) who transformed himself from a woman using testosterone (yes the innate hormone that makes men, men) to describe the dysfunctional nature of male society. All of this is of course a war on men, a justification to discredit men by attacking their innate nature. In the Western world, I see us going through a pendulum swing from male dominated societies to female dominated societies. At some point we will recognize the great damage we are doing to men and the pendulum will swing back in large part because women won’t like the new society they have created where men won’t act as men. Yes most women like and are attracted to manly men! Already I see a lot of unhappiness as young women are unable to find men who will commit to a long term relationships and marriage.
I am sorry for the length of this post but it is a complex topic.
"cf"@8:32AM
Or as Kate at Smalldeadanimals puts it: "If women were in charge we'd still be living in caves but with really nice curtains.
Didn't we go through this in the 1970s? Men needed to get in touch with their feelings. Men needed to learn to cry. You can certainly remember a few more. Then men were back and women seemed to like it that way.
And yes, I think women do look at the relationships men have with their male friends and envy the lack of drama. Of course we can't acknowledge that because men and women are the same, gender is just a choice. Funny thing how that choice is the choice of one meaningless stereotype over another.
So many first world problems.
Male pack-behavior is a thing.
I organize it, and I help assure moreover that self-organization happens.
This is real.
When something goes down, everyone knows how to call together a pack, who can do what best, and to defer to the natural leader when he shows up. The team works until the trouble is over, then breaks up. The moments of, well, clockwork, when things are happening, the team is working, are beautiful.
Could there be an article "Women can have better friendships. Here's how." written by a man?
I think it would be considered mansplaining.
What ever happened to the idea "Be Yourself"? Making men more feminine is equivalent to making fish more furry... it's senseless and pointless.
saddled with the constraints of masculinity.
My chicken and egg paradox. Who would read this stuff?...or who would write this stuff?
Not much independent masculinity in your career
More trolling by Ritmo/Glynn.
Go away and let intelligent people talk. You need help with your anger at normal people.
Society tells men* to be stoic and to suppress their feelings ...
Nope. Evolution “taught” us that. When things are going to Hell real fast, people who let their emotions get in the way of addressing the problem are pretty useless. This was true when the “things” were angry short-faced bears or stampeding aurochs. It’s true today. In Australia the “thing” was a shark attacking a man’s new wife on their honeymoon. His response cost him his life but that’s what masculinity is all about — put yourself between danger and those who need defending.
Somehow, we need to start dismantling this bizarro world that the Universities have foisted upon our society.
Yes. You nailed it!
When has society ever liked aggressive men in the way this means (pushing for a fight)? Society has always liked men who COULD fight, but being a hot head is usually viewed as a negative thing.
This kind of tommyrot is all part of the overall scheme to emasculate men. Show me one normal male who believes this.
@Howatd (7:19), I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t know.
When working a problem feelings need to be taken outside and shot.
Nature doesn't care about your feelings.
In a team feelings get in the way. And expessing feelings in a non-positive way does not help the team. Hence humor as displacement for anxiety.
Matt Sabian @ 9:03: Good observation. WWJWD? [What would John Wayne do?]. ;-)
I see MG is at it again under her new name. Please don't feed this truly vicious troll.
Men do not exist and they are bad and cause all bad - and yet some women want to become men. Shouldn't we interview these women to make sure that they do not want to be men since men are bad. I mean, why make more than we already have when it's a costly business with no socially redeeming value? And then if the women don't want to be men, then we can say, well you already aren't men, so why have an operation to be something you don't want to be. And if they do want to be men, we should execute them.
Crazy Jane is right: Women are just as competitive as men but in different arenas and with different tactics.
Let me say this, as probably one of the less manly men in the world, even I know that among my male friends, I *can* show vulnerability. I can talk about things that worry or bother me. I'll get a real listen, and then we move on. Has this woman ever actually talked to men about their actual friendships? I wonder what sort of questions she's asking of people that they feel the need to respond with "no homo," or "not that there's anything wrong with that."
I've talked with LOTS of men about LOTS of things, and I've never felt the need to explain that I was not interested in another man in a romantic or sexual way.
Also: Friendships are NOT coded as not masculine. Look at Ender's Game, the Lord of the Rings, or even Huck Finn. All of these stories have at their core male friendships. Even Gilgamesh and Enkidu is based around male friendship. I really feel like this author may not *get* men, society or friendships.
The optimist thinks NPR is half OK.
The pessimist thinks NPR is half terrible.
The engineer thinks NPR is twice as big as it needs to be.
From a non-masculine perspective this is preparation for men gaining the same victim status as all of the other progressive identity groups.
Fortunately, hot wings and beer at a sports bar will quickly eliminate any victim-hood issues for men.
If only zebras were more like dolphins, I would be correct!
I wouldn't want to be friends with someone so confused they would take this advice from NPR. "Don't hang out with messed up people" was advice my father gave me.
"In his extensive reporting, he has found a lot of codes that society expects boys and men to adhere to."
-- So, which ones are good and which ones are bad? There are a lot of codes we want EVERYONE to adhere to, so I'd like to know which ones ware "bad" and which ones are "good" instead of this vague BS.
She sounds like a hurt for life person.
"Say the thing that scares you, like "I'm afraid nobody will go to my party," or "I miss my grandma every day." Doing so will make it OK for other people to follow your lead."
-- I say those things to people I'm close to; most men do. I remember talking with my dad when his mother (my grandmother) died about it. Just because I don't talk to random people about my problems doesn't mean I don't about them; I just know who I can trust to listen, and who I shouldn't.
National Pronoun Radio: get your grubby mitts out of my paycheck. Or I'll go all masculine and get toxic.
Althouse, that article was written by something called "Julia Furlan". What would she know about the matter? She hasn't got a dick.
Am I the only one who kicks herself because she knowingly responds like a Pavlovian canine to Althouse's trigger posts?
We learn about being a man from our dads, mostly. Good, bad, and everything in between. Framing masculinity as a constraint is not helpful.
*********
Wanna see a really effed up guy?
Look for those raised only by their mommies.
Even worse---two mommies.
"We are all on the elevator to a society where emotional availability is normalized, and I want you to press "door open.""
-- Does... does she realize that if you hit door open on an elevator, that all you're doing is annoying the people who are trying to get where they are going? So, the elevator is going to where she wants to be, and she wants people to keep hitting the door open button, that means that the elevator is going to take LONGER to get where it is going.
Althouse wrote: "Almost makes you wonder why anyone would identify as male when it wasn't their assignment at birth."
I wonder how many blue-eyed blondes like me are misassigned as Black at birth?
Please explain how it is possible to assign the wrong sex to a newborn.
"People sometimes feel they might be prying if they ask someone about themselves — especially when their friend is sharing something tough."
-- If someone is sharing something, you let them set the boundaries of what they want to talk about. You can ask, "Is there something else on your mind," or even, "Are you OK," but it is just gauche to, after someone has poured their heart out to you, to begin quizzing them. If you've got empathy and people skills, you probably know how they feel about whatever they are sharing. If someone has put up a boundary, then you respect that barrier. Later, the author says to "follow up," which is different from "ask questions," so maybe the author doesn't even know what she's suggesting you do here.
Am I the only one who kicks herself because she knowingly responds like a Pavlovian canine to Althouse's trigger posts?
Genetic Scientists Develop Sheep With Goat Brain
"American men—with their puffed up chests, fist bumps, and awkward side hugs—grow up believing that they should not only behave like stoic robots in front of other men, but that women are the only people they are allowed to turn to for emotional support—if anyone at all." <-- From one of the sources. This is so divorced from the America I grew up in (where Frasier, Friends, Seinfield, How I Met Your Mother and Cheers were all big parts of pop culture that showed deep, lasting friendships between male characters) that... well, I just don't BELIEVE the article from the start.
I don't care for NPR nor for people who voluntarily give their money to NPR.
Aw Christ. What horse shit.
And I especially don't care for women who tell me I should listen to NPR.
"After several failed relationships, Scott Shepherd realized that despite being an empathetic, self-aware guy, he was still missing a key element to his emotional health: a few good (woke-ish) men."
-- Ah. There's the problem. It isn't enough that I express emotion and talk with other men, I need to be "woke" as well. When you start politicizing *friendship* you're going to get all sorts of weird results.
Some say that NPR experts and researchers yearn for unnatural relationships with farm animals.
Some say.....
"Shepherd turned to the internet, downloaded a men’s group manual, and invited a few guy friends who he knew would be receptive. He capped the membership at eight and set up a structure with very clear boundaries; the most important being what’s talked about in men’s group stays in men’s group."
-- So, he recreated a men's Bible study group without a Bible.
The men I have known throughout my long life had strong and long-lasting friendships. In fact, I have seen truer loyalty between male friends than between female friends.
I'm thinking the identification as male is something deep-seated and not purely a choice.
Something deep-seated? You mean something objectively revealed in the body, like XY chromosomes, sperm production, a penis and testicles?
That seems true unless you see through to the level where you ask if you are constrained to like what you like.
If you say no, NPR will do a piece on how you’re constrained to like that you like what you like.
At some point it’s all just wordplay.
Here's the bad news: Men are hurting, and, according to many researchers, masculinity is what is hurting them and making it hard for them to maintain friendships.
Did you know that over 50% of published research results in psychology can't be replicated?
“As a man, you’re not taught to listen, just get busy trying to fix things; you can’t cry, only get mad. This group changed that. They’re starting to see that embracing these things we’ve rejected out of fear of being called ‘gay’ or ‘a pussy’ are actually huge acts of courage.”
-- Who failed this guy? I was taught at a very young age that you listen; you CAN cry, but there is a time and place for everything. And, generally, in public, during a crisis, is NOT the place to breakdown. In these sort of safe groups -- that men have had in cultures in many ways -- is exactly where that vulnerability would be allowed or accepted. Maybe the problem is that people like this guy *didn't understand masculinity* and are now re-creating the wheel. Next they'll be talking about camping with other men to get male bonding time, and maybe taking your sons with you to teach them about the natural world, and thinking they've come up with a great new thing.
"In fact, I have seen truer loyalty between male friends than between female friends."
-- I will say this: Several of the boys I knew in middle school, and a few from elementary school, I still keep in touch with on Facebook and every now and then try and meet up with. The girls I knew then? Not very likely. Right now, I could call up some of those guys and say, "I need X," and if it is physically possible for them to do X, they'll do it, because they know I'd do the same.
J. Farmer said...
"Oh for pete's sake. I've heard some variation of this nonsense in one form or another my entire life. It typically boils down to the solution to men's problems is to be more like women, which is not likely to be possible even it is desirable. And as for "according to many researchers," here is another piece of research (the N is only 30 and are all undergraduate males, so take it with a grain of salt, but it at least presents another possible side of the story:
"We find that the increasingly intimate, emotive, and trusting nature of bromances offers young men a new social space for emotional disclosure, outside of traditional heterosexual relationships. Participants state that the lack of boundaries and judgment in a bromance is expressed as emotionally rivalling the benefits of a heterosexual romance. Our participants mostly determined that a bromance offered them elevated emotional stability, enhanced emotional disclosure, social fulfilment, and better conflict resolution, compared to the emotional lives they shared with girlfriends."
-Privileging the Bromance: A Critical Appraisal of Romantic and Bromantic Relationships
p.s. Bromance itself is a relatively recent portmanteau, originating apparently around the late aughts. For an older rendering of the subject, see Lionel Tiger's book Men in Groups from the which phrase "male bonding" was popularized."
You're a guy talking to other guys. No need to show how well read you are. We'll just make fun of you. Just say, " Horse shit". You don't have to describe the smell and consistency. That goes for the rest of you long winded motherfuckers.
All those army he-men who go around aggressively killing people and blowing things up?
Famous for not having any friends. Loners, all of them.
I wonder if anyone has done any research about teen girls who wear too much makeup, cry over break ups, and write poetry? Maybe they are too feminine! Maybe this will lead to them getting into poisonous relationships with abusive boys.
Someone needs to reach out to those girls and help them. It's a mental health crisis.
A very serviceable concept of what masculinity entails:
"The delight in the battle, you understand that, yes? But also something more. You understand there is something outside yourself that has to be served."
Here's a story about a married lesbian astronaut who stole money from her estranged wife's bank account from outer space: https://thehill.com/homenews/news/458657-nasa-investigating-possible-first-allegation-of-criminal-wrongdoing-in-space.
Apparently, the whole tawdry affair is completely unrelated to feminism or femininity.
You're a guy talking to other guys. No need to show how well read you are. We'll just make fun of you. Just say, " Horse shit". You don't have to describe the smell and consistency. That goes for the rest of you long winded motherfuckers.
Considering the source, I'll be sure and give this advice its due attention.
Sadly, many men still consider their external genitalia to be engines of freedom rather than shackles on happiness. Only by ridding themselves of these chains can men be truly free, and yet men seemingly love them more than life itself.....We can all be grateful that castration is part of Bernie Sanders health care plan, but, by itself, that's not enough. There has to be a more castration-positive approach in our media. NPR does fine work, but the message has to be more pervasive. Perhaps Obama can produce a biopic on Jenner for Netflix, and some other celebrity has to follow in that brave person's footsteps. I can see a tie-in with a Gillette ad campaign. Maybe do it yourself kits. A cheap home castration kit would be a game changer.....This article is a start, but it just points out how much more work needs to be done.
This article is just more "Why can't men be more like women."
The philosopher Henry Higgins asked, "Why can't a woman be more like a man?"
That goes for the rest of you long winded motherfuckers.
OK, Rusty. We understand that you have issues with poor attention and reading comprehension.
A hundred and fifty years ago there weren't any gay cowboys. Cuz the other cowboys would have killed him.
But gay sailors? You bet. Lots of gay sailors. I think it was the outfits that did it.
social engineering "tweaks" for men are always a trap.
If men* were to actually conform to them, then those traits will become suspect.
Yesterday's prompts become tomorrow's complaints.
Yesterday's "we want non-traditional sensitive men who arent afraid to cry" became "Where have all the cowboys gone"
Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?
Why don't you stay the evening
Kick back and watch the TV
And I'll fix a little something to eat
Oh I know your back hurts from working on the tractor
How do you take your coffee my sweet
I will raise the children
If you pay all the bills
Where is my John Wayne
Where is my prairie song
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the cowboys gone
Okay, bear with me, this is relevant to the topic at hand, I assure you.
Have you ever seen a border collie work a group of sheep? The get very low, they "creep and slink," they stalk, they famously (and silently) use "eye" to move the sheep ... their behavior, their every move, are those of predation, inherited from their wolf ancestors.
Watching them move, you can well imagine their Ice Age lupine predecessors stalking a herd of elk, approaching them ever so cunningly so as not to spook them . . . The final move, of course -- making the kill -- is bred out of the border collie, supposedly; although I know from experience it would soon return if they went feral, if they were out on their own, without human supervision: I once adopted a border collie that had been abandoned as a pup in large tract of open farmland, she learned to survive the old-fashion way, by preying upon small furry critters; she proved useless for herding sheep, but she was great at keeping my property free of varmints (e.g., rats, mice), she was a born killer.
Any-hoo: what's really interesting is to work a large flock of sheep with two or three well-trained border collies. You scarcely need to issue any commands, you send them to fetch the sheep and they work as a team, without being told what to do. Their goal is to bring the sheep to you, because you're the ALPHA of the pack, and that means you and only you get to make the kill. It's thrilling a moment when they bring the sheep to you.
A very masculine moment too. Makes me want to beat my chest and howl. I do rather love being a man.
>>"I'm thinking the identification as male is something deep-seated and not purely a choice."<<
That is deep-seated. Ya think?! That such a statement even can be made is an absurdity. (Not knocking Althouse - she had to say it for the purpose of discussion of the topic.) OK so, that such a statement *needs* to be said is an absurdity. Where we are.
Brad Paisley said it best:
These days there's dudes getting facials
Manicured, waxed and botoxed
With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands
You can't grip a tacklebox
With all of these men lining up to get neutered
It's hip now to be feminized
I don't highlight my hair
I've still got a pair
Yeah honey, I'm still a guy
Oh my eyebrows ain't plucked
There's a gun in my truck
Oh thank God, I'm still a guy
NPR: 50 years of making women stupid.
Feminism
Women are superior to men and we know women are superior to men. Here are some tips for being more like a woman.
Feminism with Transexual Asterisk
Although we also need to acknowledge that if you feel like you should be more like a woman, you can have surgery and become a woman.
But it would be kind of weird writing an article where you propose that any man who wants to be more like a woman should have sex-reassignment surgery. That is why whack off your penis did not make our list of ways you can be more like a woman.
Gee, I might have to rethink my thesis.
Anyway, as a feminist who respects transexual rights, I'd like to advise men who feel constrained by manhood that you can whack off your penis and become a woman. But short of that, here are some woman activities that you can adopt to be a better man.
Obviously I shouldn't have skipped that class on transexual ideology when I got my PhD in feminist ideology. Now I might have to go back to school. Damn it!
But gay sailors? You bet. Lots of gay sailors. I think it was the outfits that did it.
Was it Winston Churchill who asserted that the British Empire was founded on "Rum, buggery and the whip?"
There's a cartoon you can find online that shows a group of men and one of them is leaving. They call each other names as the one guy leaves. The group remaining behind then talk about what a great guy he is when he is gone.
The next panel is a group of women with one departing. The women are all saying really nice things to each other as they part. The group that remains behind then proceeds to trash the one who left, calling a ho, skank, etc.
Why would anyone want to have friendships more like women?
Rum, buggery and the lash.
there are only two genders. Anything else is just mental illness
That's not exactly right. Joe Biden is not mentally ill when he says, "there are at least three genders." He has an awareness of politics and wants to be sensitive to people with gender dysphoria.
I don't think tomboys are mentally ill. They are just young girls who enjoy all the boy stuff. I don't think very young children who run around naked are mentally ill, either.
Behaviors are learned. And behaviors change as we mature. To me it's horrific medical malpractice to do any sex-reassignment surgery or medication on children who haven't even entered puberty yet. It's evil as shit, like the doctors who kill babies for a living.
I don't think we should accuse people of "mental illness" just because they have a more open sexuality or a different concept of sexuality than we do.
What I think we should do is remind everyone that if you are making a baby, there are two genders, a man and a woman. Every baby has a mother and a father. You can't make a child without a mother and a father. If we're talking about reproduction and creating a baby, a woman needs a man and a man needs a woman. That's how babies are made. That's the reality.
The left has been denying the primal importance of baby-making for a long time now. That's why they play along with this 57 gender stuff. Baby-making is an afterthought with them. It's not part of their agenda at all. That's what makes the left so weird to the rest of us. They are implicitly hostile to baby-making.
Mars Needs More Lesbians
"Ms. Worden’s spouse, Anne McClain, was a decorated NASA astronaut on a six-month mission aboard the International Space Station. She was about to be part of NASA’s first all-female spacewalk. But the couple’s domestic troubles on Earth, it seemed, had extended into outer space.
Ms. McClain acknowledged that she had accessed the bank account from space, insisting through a lawyer that she was merely shepherding the couple’s still-intertwined finances."
Masculinity is not a risk. Femininity is not a risk. The transgender spectrum disorder may be a risk in parts. The feminist chauvinist ideology is a clear and progressive risk. Liberalism is a divergent ideology.
I will say this: Several of the boys I knew in middle school, and a few from elementary school, I still keep in touch with on Facebook and every now and then try and meet up with.
Over the years I have had friends in high school but I moved away, in college but I went to medical school, classmates I still see at reunions. We had one three years ago but we are all getting old. Then Surgery residency and I still see some of them. I am going to the American College of Surgeons meeting in October in San Francisco (!) to see how many will be there.
My kids have taken over the role of friends in recent years.
I love this kind of weird parallel world stuff. You know, the NPR/Prog/Imaginings of Feminists view of male relationships and then the actual day to day reality of male relationships. It’s fun to read about the former while living the latter. The N/P/IoF crowd somehow always manage to end up in Africans Have Tails territory.
Rum, buggery and the lash.
I have been reading a series of novels about English military and economic history. The author is very interesting. He taught economic history in a University for ten years then spent ten years as a policeman in Papua New Guinea.
Anyway, one item I learned is that homosexuality was pretty well accepted in the army and navy but any man found to be indulging had his given name changed to "Molly."
"according to many researchers" who will never be identified. NPR, happily marketing a solution without a problem.
Saint Croix wrote:
"I don't think we should accuse people of "mental illness" just because they have a more open sexuality or a different concept of sexuality than we do."
The term used in the DSM was not "mental illness." It was "Mental disorder." Homosexuality was labeled a mental disorder because people who identified as homosexuals met certain pathological criteria -- shorter lifespan, greater chance of obesity, greater chance of diabetes, greater chance of alcohol or drug abuse, and, significantly, a greater chance of involvement with the criminal justice system. Also lower birth weight. It's hard to see how the ignorance and bigotry of society reached back in the womb and reduced the birth weight of people who, as adults, identified as homosexuals.
Now that our Astronauts are Womyn, we won't have all those Old Problems...
Now, we'll have
Astronaut is accused of accessing her wife's bank account from the International Space Station during their messy divorce
Rum, bum, and baccy! Look up "It's sapiens to be homo!" I'm old enough to remember when NPR had a satirical "Sensitive Male Hotline" call-in segment.
Where to start, now that it's all been said? In my experience, which never included such all-american red-blooded boy things as scouting (one and done, with reasons*), supervised team sports, or dawns in the duckblind, men sort themselves out pretty quickly and with few exceptions just want to be left alone to do whatever they want or need to do.
Real men respect real expertise. Real men listen to, read, eat, and talk about what they want to and ignore the rest.
I'm still close to guys I went to high school with, and have other friends like someone else mentioned, that I could call for something and they would do it if they physically could, and vice versa. Some of my wife's friends MIGHT help . . .
Narr
*Weirdos!
I'm going to make a million bucks patenting T-shirts sporting the words: "Toxic Femininity".
Assume someone has already patented "Toxic Masculinity".
Homosexuality was labeled a mental disorder because people who identified as homosexuals met certain pathological criteria
There is a certain natural order to things human as shown in the complementary bodies of male and female, which are made to go together in ways that male-male and female-female are not.
It is contrary to that order (disordered) for a male to relate to another male in the way that he is designed to relate to a female. And it is particularly hardly within that order of things that one should use his reproductive organs (which give pleasure in order to encourage procreative acts) in someone's digestive tract. That is, it is contrary to that order, i.e. disordered.
Now, you can assign whatever moral value or subjective personal value to such male-male and female-female sexual relationships (good, bad, neutral), but it cannot be denied that it is contrary to what the natural order has established.
Meanwhile, these same-sex relationships are doomed to extinction because by their very nature they cannot perpetuate the species.
“Men have developed p for all forms of combat. It's more direct and less personal. Much to be said for it”
Not really a human thing, but rather a male thing. At least In mammals, males tend to have an “off” switch that females don’t have, for their aggression. And that is because the primary purpose for their fighting is dominance (and the breeding opportunities that brings), so once dominance is established, the fighting stops, to protect the loser for another day. The species would die if this weren’t the case, since all males start out at or near the bottom of the male hierarchy, and only move up as they mature. Most fighting is between near peers, when one male wants to move up a bit. Picking a fight with a male too much higher in the hierarchy is typically much too dangerous. And the “Marquess of Queensbury-style norms” are because this sort of male combat is ritualized, as it is in many species.
"Somehow, we need to start dismantling this bizarro world that the Universities have foisted upon our society."
"Yes. You nailed it!"
Common to both big cities and in towns is that they were meant to serve. Cities were built as ports for the interior or as crossroads. Public university towns are supposed to serve the surrounding population. Both kinds of entities have developed so that they only talk among themselves, and don't communicate at all with people 25 miles away.
A man and woman watching the end of a football game with their team behind by two points. The team has driven down to the opponents 23 yard line in less than 70 seconds and now with 4 seconds to goal.
The team lines up for the game winning field goal. There’s the snap...and the kick....
and it’s wide right.
Women exclaims “Oh I feel so bad for him!”
Man shouts “Oh shit, you missed a fucking chip shot!”
Without reading, I'm gonna guess this was written by a chick.
there are only two genders. Anything else is just mental illness
That's not exactly right. Joe Biden is not mentally ill when he says, "there are at least three genders." He has an awareness of politics and wants to be sensitive to people with gender dysphoria.
The problem is that there are male brains and female brains. Some of it happens in utero, which appears to be where at least male homosexuality comes from. I have little doubt that the older (in deference to Dr K’s point) doctors here could sex a mature human brain fairly easily. Or, at least most of the time. Apparently, some male homosexual brains have some more female aspects than usual in their organization (beyond merely feminization of sexual orientation and approach).
But I also agree that it is medical malpractice to engage in transgender therapies before the person is well through puberty. We have probably all seen kids who go from essentially identifying with the opposite sex until puberty, then switching very quickly to their real gender at puberty. I know one girl going through that right now -she had been a Tom boy until very recently, and then, all of a sudden discovered hair brushes and boys. I think that I gravitate towards women who were at least somewhat that way. They esp liked the freedom that boys have, and that girls do not. And interestingly, my last three love interests were all that way, don’t trust women, and are much happier with male friends, than female ones.
Of course, we are finding that a good percentage of the (actually tiny number of) transgendered are mostly just screwed up in their heads. There seems to be a lot of cutting off of sex organs, in order to switch, then going “oops”. Even a lot of the wrong sexual hormones are bad. And, hence, the problem with even starting to transition before puberty.
I don't care what NPR broadcasts; I gave up on them yearrrrrrs ago
To the extent men and women are different, women are superior and men should aspire to be more like women.
Of course, we are finding that a good percentage of the (actually tiny number of) transgendered are mostly just screwed up in their heads
NO NO NO!
you're unhappy with your body? and decide to cut off your genitals: MORE POWER TO YOU! We'll pay
you're unhappy with your body and decide to be a "cutter": You're SICK! and need help
AND; (here's were it gets interesting,) SOME cutters practice Self-mutilation, Classification IV
And Class IV isAuto-castration, self-enucleation, amputation
We want to gloss over any seeming similarities between sickos that self castrate, and NORMAL SANE people that just want to cut their dicks off
Understand now? GOOD!
I don't seem to have any of the problems they identify.
I don't think telling men, "Be more like women," is going to solve anything.
Salon chick, Julia Furman, and NPR tell us how to be better, less “hurting” men* by becoming girly men and making more friends.
This is great! Another progressive, probably feminist woman** telling men how to be men. This is an extension, no doubt, of the enormous success single moms have had teaching their sons how to be men*. /Sarc
* Whatever Furman said about men*.
** Women in this context refers to human being identifying as women who are incomplete as women.
The destruction of Eden was incomplete. Eve is holding out new apples.
Men and women are doing fine, equal and complementary, reconciling their hopes, dreams, and imperatives as adults... as humans do. Masculine and feminine gender, respectively, are not risk factors. However, masculinists and feminists are hurting, whining, and indulgent of their juvenile whims. #HateLovesAbortion
I also agree that it is medical malpractice to engage in transgender therapies before the person is well through puberty.
The ACS convention in October has a "course" on transgender surgery. I could think of better things to do with $500.
Women exclaims “Oh I feel so bad for him!”
Man shouts “Oh shit, you missed a fucking chip shot!”
Woman says "All you care about is your fucking truck!"
Man says, "No. There's beer and guns."
Buwaya @ 8:53 described the Scots Irish at the Battle of Kings Mountain this was the Revolutionary War’s turning point.
Howard said "White male privilege has a cost."
I agree entirely. In my experience if you are a middle class white male, the bill will always come to you--and you will pay it. That may also be true on middle class males in most societies and in most "colors" and cultures. But it sure as heck is true for white males in modern America.
And the bill may not be just the check at the dinner table; it can include, for example, the military draft--or supporting a family--or building a business or providing a service. It's true that others may help pay that bill in one way or another--but the ultimate bottom line, is you'll pay that bill if no one else does.
Jeezus, what a crock, but what else would you expect from National Palestinian Radio?
I begrudge them every penny of support they get from the taxpayers.
You know, Professor, paying attention to them only encourages them. Right?
Friendships are coded as not masculine ...said the male researcher who's apparently never had a close male friend. Some of the strongest, deepest, best friends I've ever had were fellow men.
What's with the asterisk on "men"
because you would have to be an ass to risk your manhood heeding such drivel
“ Could there be an article "Women are hurting, and... femininity is what is hurting them"? Well, yes. I think there could be, and much of feminism says exactly that.”
I think a woman can be both feminine and a feminist. Why would those be mutually exclusive?
On the other hand, we don’t have a concept of masculism. We just rely on feminists to tell us what is wrong with men*.
"bleh said...
To the extent men and women are different, women are superior and men should aspire to be more like women."
"Men should aspire to be more like women?" No, because that is impossible which will make men feel bad and they'll be sniveling when you need a tire changed. Why not go to the lake and have a barbecue instead?
"No man* should ever be made to feel bad or responsible for anything, ever"
"Friendships are coded as not masculine"
Fucking stupid lies beyond belief.
The problem isn't with men. The problem is wiTH men who have to deal with crazy women.
And women are driven crazy for two main reasons: the cognitive dissonance of modern feminism, and the things they stick in their vaginas.
Philip M. Tierno Jr. helped determine that tampons were behind Toxic Shock Syndrome cases in the early 1980s. Tierno blames the introduction of higher-absorbency tampons in 1978. A study by Tierno also determined that all-cotton tampons were less likely to produce the conditions in which TSS can grow; this was done using a direct comparison of 20 brands of tampons including conventional cotton/rayon tampons and 100% organic cotton tampons from Natracare. In fact, Dr Tierno goes as far to state, "The bottom line is that you can get TSS with synthetic tampons, but not with an all-cotton tampon..."
...A rise in reported cases occurred in the early 2000s: eight deaths from the syndrome in California in 2002 after three successive years of four deaths per year, and Schlievert's study found cases in part of Minnesota more than tripled from 2000 to 2003.[10] Schlievert considers earlier onset of menstruation to be a cause of the rise; others, such as Philip M. Tierno and Bruce A. Hanna, blame new high-absorbency tampons introduced in 1999 and manufacturers discontinuing warnings not to leave tampons in overnight..."
I believe modern tampon technology is leaving many women with simmering low-grade life-long brain infections that hinder their cognitive thinking and cause anger and confusion.
And why don't women at the forefront of women's health protest this?
Because -- if they used safe tampons -- Feminism would be over. Done.
I know this because of Science.
I am Laslo.
Rule 0: Kill everyone you know. Now.
If all white people are supremacist rapists and murders who need to be killed right NOW, why shouldn't those white people y'all want to kill right now not kill Y'ALL right now???
Just askin, don't want no trouble.....
And here's a thought for all you past Madisonians et al:
Michael Maddox, the coolest dude ever this side of Shaft (and needles to say but said anyway: black) once told me:
"David, a black guy can get his ass kicked just as easily as a white boy can."
Why y'all so afraid of black men?
I'm not.......
"As for the desire for better friendships, isn't that something that besets all adults? Do men look at women and think the women have great friendships and I wish I had something like that in my life?"
No, most of us do not. We are not simply hairier versions of women who want desperately to be more like women. I would never choose to be woman, nor to have more or closer friendships. Many of us just are not made that way, and we are glad we are not. Friends can be a real pain in the ass, especially if they tend to get all emotional and weepy about bullshit. You know, like the many of the friends of women.
Aw. I'm touched. thanks guys.
"The engineer thinks NPR is twice as big as it needs to be."
See, this is why bridges fall down. Any real engineer realizes that NPR is infinitely bigger than it needs to be.
Not hurtin', just lost interest in others. As the ship sink save yourself, no one else will now.
Plus! We're(men) good at fixin' shit. Except, maybe long winded motherfuckers. Women, for the most part, are crap at fixin shit.
I listen to NPR for the same reason our government listens in on the Russians.
Always know what the enemy is thinking and saying.
In this case the enemy of reason, logic, and sound thinking.
Men have masculinity. Some say it is a problem.
Women have femininity. Some say it is a problem.
There is a feminist movement. Some say it is a problem
Is there a meninist movement? Is it a problem if there is one?
Equality is different than empowerment. Equality is an individual versus society thing. Empowerment is just about power over others.
it's not masculinity that's toxic, although there are bad men, and masculinity is sometimes linked to men performing horrible acts. but what's toxic isn't masculinity or 'masculine values.'it's the fact that we've infantilized young men to the point where they don't want to be strong, disciplined, and unselfish.and that's what masculinity demands of men. we've created a population of weak men, and then we wonder that they resent masculinity and its rigorous demands. As Jordan Peterson said, "if you fear strong men, wait till you see what weak men are capable of."
Narayanan said...
What Do Bernie bro's and sis's think:
Bernie as masc or fem?
8/24/19, 8:32 AM
Old Line Bolsheviks despised a pervert. Shirer's Rise and Fall of the Third Reich goes into some detail about the sexual perversions, proven or alleged, of Nazi leaders. Russia and Eastern Europe are far less accepting/tolerant/happy with teh ghey et al than we-it's known that the Soviets were not loath to use decadence against the West.
I think that Sanders probably has a healthy conventional normal sense of all the gender and feminism issues, and is probably lucky that he doesn't get challenged on it too pointedly by LGBT. Or else he's come up with a sufficient patter and it hasn't mattered for him. Much the same probably goes for his interest or lack in blackity-black, et al, issues.
I find that my masculine male friends and I are quite comfortable having lots of friendships. We are also quite able to share our feelings with each other. What masculine men do not do is whine and lament their life. We don't get all weepy. If that makes us "not expressing our feelings" then so be it but I think it just means that writers like this don't understand men.
Male sharing is understated. You mention to your friend that you had a heart attack and he replies that wow, good thing you made it or some such. You don't go on for an hour talking every detail over and over like the ladies do. You don't overly dramatize everything. If women want their men to act like women, that is absurd and if they get it they don't actually like it.
Here is something women do not grasp. Men have a dual nature to their social side. For a million years, they have had to spend days in solitary pursuit of game or searching for water or searching for flint or honey. Maybe they had a dog with them. They spent hours and hours chipping stone tools. They had to be able to be alone without it bothering them. At other times, they had to be part of a team for hunting or warfare--even if they did not like the other guys that much. Their life depended on team-work.
Anyone remember psychologist Carol Gilligan? in the early 80s she published a study concluding that men and women looked at morality differently: men focused on facts and events, and women focused more on relationships. this raised a protest from feminists that the so-called "women's view" was simply a product of the patriarchy imposing a "home maker" role on women. strange how they can now tell men, without irony, that we should think like women.
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