Hi guys. I am a man, 32M and I have two sisters - Carly (38F) and Melinda (26F). We went out to a family style restaurant for brunch and just returned home.Yes, you are a man. I didn't have to read any further. At least he's seeking help.
Melinda and I are happily married, each with three children. My older sister Carly never married. She had a fiancé that she cheated on and he left her. That was 10 years ago and she hasn’t been in a relationships longer a few months ever since. She has 4 indoor cats and also feeds a few stray cats that han[g] around her neighborhood.
My mom was very ecstatic because in the last year, my younger sister and I both gave her an additional grandchild. So she gave a speech....
It's Reddit, so the highest rated comment is the one that tells him the phrase "Melinda and I are happily married" makes it sound like he's married to his sister.
Posts
131 comments:
Next time he sees his sister, he should leave a dead bird on her chair, and all will be forgiven, right?
Althouse: "Yes, you are a man. I didn't have to read any further. At least he's seeking help." Doesn't sound to me as if the writer needs the "help." (I guess that proves I'm a man, too. So far, I have not sought professional help for that condition.)
Just went through this debate when a FB page that I follow was pushing back on the idea of "cat moms" and "dog moms" deserving honor as mothers. Caring for animals may be virtuous, but it does not make you a parent. Animals are not human beings. Saying "I like my dog more than most people" is cutesy nihilism.
I am a married man with no kids, 2 cats and a dog. I am not a father. My wife is not a mother. She decided long ago not to be. So be it. You don't get to decide to be "childfree" but also entitled to the honor conferred on people who take on the responsibility of raising another human being.
And here's this complaint:
As a childfree person it’s mostly because she seems much less valued by her family because she’s not a mom. It’s a thing we deal with from people that believe popping out kids is the only thing women have to offer.
No one believes that "popping out kids is the only thing women have to offer". It is a thing women have to offer, and a pretty important one at that. Raising kids, not just popping them out, is probably the most important thing women have to offer. Men, too. If you don't want to or can't have kids of your own, then you should endeavor to take on that role (to a human being) in some other way.
I am a man, 32M and I have two sisters - Carly (38F) and Melinda (26F).
Not only does he have to gender-identify his two "sisters" as female "F", as a "man" he has to gender-identify himself as male "M"?
Yeeesh.
"'Melinda and I are happily married' makes it sound like he's married to his sister"
Maybe he's planning to run for Congress,
"Omar vehemently denies the claim, and her suppression of records has hindered any official verification"
Which is worse: bitching about your cat mom status or bitching about your sister who bitches about her cat mom status? or - mothers day brunch.
ugh.
I'm lucky, my mom cannot stand going out to brunch on mother's day. It's graduation weekend too, and the whole crowded restaurant drill is so cliche.
Saying "I like my dog more than most people" is cutesy nihilism.
I like my dogs better than I like you.
@ Hunter
Caring for animals may be virtuous, but it does not make you a parent.
Indeed.
I also don't get "Yes, you are a man. I didn't have to read any further." Do you agree with the cat Mom?? Wow.
Seeking help to write more clearly?
Why would you - as a man - ever write such a letter? When it comes to these Inter-female relationships, forget it Jake, its Chinatown.
Here's how you deal with these problems, when one female relation is complaining about the other. Just smile and say "You're absolutely right". And then move on.
Nothing you say, will ever change anything.
Our dog regards us as a "Mom" or "Dad" in my case. Our cats? Its more like they're doing us a favor by letting us hang with 'em. Of course, some affection is offered, when food is required.
She who initiates the “scene” at a family celebration event is the one who has a screw loose.
"I guess that proves I'm a man, too."
Yes.
Read the whole post at Reddit and some of the answers.
Next time, bring the cats to brunch. Insist on a place that serves mouse.
A man would not spend time adding an additional gender identifier to his own name and his sisters names. A man would not whine to reddit about his crazy family- looking for answers on how to deal (read: appease) his crazy younger sister. This is a man of the upcoming generation, ready to take on the world. Ready to storm the beaches at...well...Panama City Beach.
As for his sister: Why is it the crazy ones always end up with multiple cats?
There. That should get some spittle going.
"My mom was very ecstatic because in the last year, my younger sister and I both gave her an additional grandchild. So she gave a speech.
In her speech, she thanked us all for coming and said some flowery lovey stuff and then thanked Melinda and my wife for both being excellent mothers to her beautiful grandchildren."
Hint: It's not about the cats.
It's nice that she helps animals in need but there are no participation trophies for parenting. Hell, a shit load of people who actually have kids deserve the fieriest condemnation, never mind any recognition.
I am not a huge fan of Mother's Day. Love your mother every day, let her know frequently that you love her, talk to her and be kind.
Mother's Day creates and expectation and an obligation. What if they just went out to brunch on a different Sunday? What if the Grandmother had called the new parents some other day and told them how thrilled she was to be a Grandmother? None of this would probably have happened. And wouldn't that have been much nicer, overall?
the phrase "Melinda and I are happily married" makes it sound like he's married to his sister.
NTTAWWT
Sure, it's about feeling left out at mother's day because she chose not to have children.
Don't really know what Carly's problem is. With tits that big she should have no trouble finding a man.
Oh this is fun, igniting our our family feud from their family feud! Delight!
I think the story is probably fake, but clearly what he should have done is just wished the crazy cat lady a Happy Mother's Day like she asked.
"She has 4 indoor cats and also feeds a few stray cats that han[g] around her neighborhood."
Christy Blasey Ford has resurfaced!
Sounds like perhaps the MOM was insensitive-- gushing over her children who gave her grand children. Excluding the child who did not give her grand-children.
Enter - the angry flying fork.
It’s a thing we deal with from people that believe popping out kids is the only thing women have to offer.
Remember when the gays derisively referred to hetero couples as "breeders"? This sounds the same.
This has recently cropped up as a front on the Culture Wars. And what I'm hearing is a marxist post-modernist attack on the family unit. Like the Romans co-opting the Pagan holidays to make them their own. They rightly view the family as being in competition with the State.
"Everything within the state, nothing outside the state, nothing against the state" - Mussolini
Maybe we should change Mother's Day to Entitlement Princess Day, so every woman can be honored as she thinks she deserves.
"Don't really know what Carly's problem is. With tits that big she should have no trouble finding a man."
My first thought as well. The dude's a douche for using the stupid M and F crap. It's like writing B.C.E. Who are you kidding?
"Hint: It's not about the cats."
Too bad. 'cause Cats LOL
Read people snarking his marrying his sister, but couldn't read any other comments. Maybe its locked. Or maybe my computer is slow.
Carly is obviously in a lot of pain and some of that naturally winds up in asses of others.
Your older sister has a history of making selfish decisions that negatively impact others. Recognize this and act accordingly.
So, what sort of drug cocktail has this gal been on all these years? The only explanation for such emo behavior.
The whole "cat/dog mom" thing is driven by the fact that a lot of women were lied to in their youth, spent their twenties rejecting perfectly suitable men and instead climbing the corporate ladder, and now they're in their thirties and forties and childless and they're losing their minds.
BTW, I don't see why Althouse congratulates the man for seeking help. He isn't seeking help, just a sanity check, which is the right thing to do, because there's no point in seeking help for insoluble problems. The sister is obviously jealous of her mother's preferential praise of her siblings, and nothing the other siblings can do will solve that. I suppose the (grand)mother could be forced, 1984-style, to praise the childless sister, but I suspect that, even if she tries, which she probably won't, it will still be obvious that she doesn't really value her daughter's cats equally with her grandchildren. The sister will just have to suck it up.
Regarding Mothers' Day:I wonder how Caitlyn Jenner's Sunday was celebrated?
Kinda serious with this one: there would seem to be a bit of a contextual jump from "my father is now a woman" to "my father is now my mother".
But if we now retroactively refer to Bruce's achievements as Caitlyn's, how do we retroactively perceive her fathering of children?
I'm not sure the OED is gonna help us out with this one.
I am Laslo.
Visit my new site--CMILF.
Melinda and I are happily married, each with three children
He meant that they each have a marriage with three children. But...agreed. Very sloppy writing. Hey....it IS the internet :-)
And to the pissy sister. No. You are NOT a mother. You may have maternal instincts that are being channeled into your pets. But....NOT a mother.
Grandmother/the Mom, was a giant ass too by making a big deal over her two kids with grandchildren and thereby singling out the 'barren' sister as the NOT mother.
A man would not spend time adding an additional gender identifier to his own name and his sisters names.
Actually, that is a rule in that sub on Reddit, to add the genders. Besides. Maybe one of his sisters is really a man transitioning to woman (MtoF) or vice versa and may explain why one of them isn't a mother. You never know anymore ,"-)
Is 32M is pant size?
But if we now retroactively refer to Bruce's achievements as Caitlyn's, how do we retroactively perceive her fathering of children?
The eventual destination will be "parent 1" and "parent 2", and "sperm donor" and "egg donor".
"Parent 2 is a woman who donated sperm". That is the madness that the left is driving us towards.
Huh? He needs help with the (M) and (F) weirdness and feeling the need to air the sibling spats, but I don't get the "yes, you are a man" bit. Unless you're slagging him off for being a soyboy on Reddit. Which I would do, but I don't think you would.
Sis does need help with the cat-mom demands.
I like my dogs better than I like you.
My version of that is more fun to troll with. It's always the Big White Hunters getting a little too cocky and trying to one-up each other on their "manliness". Eventually my annoyance is perceivable, I guess, and some jackass takes a poke at me:
"So... I take it you don't hunt?" he taunts with a what a pussy grin
"No. I hunt."
"What? Squirrel? Rabbit?"
"Humans."
Always quiets them down. Then I make a point to look through them as if they are prey. Visualize their skull mounted on my wall. I know, I'm just a harmless mutt, but it's always fun to play them.
I am a man, 32M and I have two sisters - Carly (38F) and Melinda (26F).
That is funny. Must be a weird quirk from reading too many internet dating profiles.
sean: He isn't seeking help, just a sanity check, which is the right thing to do, because there's no point in seeking help for insoluble problems.
Maybe he needs a sanity check for seeking a sanity check on Reddit.
Does no one care about the abuse that poor plant suffered?
At first read I thought he had a sister named Melinda and a wife named Melinda -- but that, I guess, is a different advice column.
Yes, you are a man. I didn't have to read any further. At least he's seeking help.
Does he get emotional labor points for seeking help?
I’ve heard many young couples tell me that that their pet dog is their “child.” That’s because they don’t appreciate the amount of work that a child requires, nor the impact on your lives. Cats require even less effort, and have less impact on your life, as far as I can tell. So, sorry, the guy’s sister is a fruitcake.
I do think our society- perhaps especially online society- is veering away from the ability to be happy for others and veering into the "don't mention your happiness because I might not have a part in that same happiness". The Merry Christmas thing is a part of that. This sounds like a part of it.
The mom didn't need to make a big speech, but the cat sister also could recognize the valid feelings her mother has that simply don't involve her right now. It isn't a zero sum game. Being happy for someone else shouldn't be seen as diminishing you in any way.
In general, it seems like there is a lot of push to not seem to happy or to talk about happiness because it is insensitive to people who are traumatized in some way. Just like there is a big push not to touch anybody because some people have been touched incorrectly and may feel violated if they are touched.
I don't think this all brings out the best in society.
"Life In These United States" - 2019
I thought he was saying he and his wife each had three kids. It is confusing.
My wife and I each had three kids, then had one together,
Caring for animals may be virtuous, but it does not make you a parent.
Indeed.
We were at a Mothers' Day brunch yesterday and a woman came in wearing a sweatshirt that said "Fur mom."
I belong to a couple of dog owner facebook groups. Lots of women write about their "fur babies."
Sometimes you can see it behind their eyes. Like they're remembering an animal they killed and suddenly identifying from it's perspective. It's interesting to see the range of expressions they go through.
FTR though, I'm not anti-hunter. I fully agree with what they do and understand why. I just get grouchy when men who have never been shot at pretend to be apex predators.
"BTW, I don't see why Althouse congratulates the man for seeking help. He isn't seeking help, just a sanity check, which is the right thing to do, because there's no point in seeking help for insoluble problems."
I'm being a bit sarcastic. I think he's seeking confirmation that his sister is way out of line and getting other people to laugh at the idea of being a mother to cats. What I'm congratulating him for is not what he thinks he's doing, but he will get, which is people explaining to him that his sister feels terrible about the Mother's Day speech from her mother about how great the other women were for producing children. He has an empathy deficit or just very weak understanding of reality and human nature.
If you've read advice columns over the years, you should know that letter writers frame the facts in a way that seeks the interpretation they want, which is often that some other person (who isn't providing her/his viewpoint) is in the wrong. The advice columnist reads between the lines and often points out the way the letter writer is getting it wrong.
Also, one of the standard observations from a therapist is that you need to look to yourself. You're not the other person and can't control them, so you need to think about what you are doing. The man in this Reddit post had almost nothing to say about his own role in the family drama.
If I were a creative writing teacher, I would say, take this Reddit post and turn it into a fully elaborated story where we can see who everyone is and what they said and get some real insight into the family story. If I were doing that assignment, I'd probably make everyone kind of bad and selfish, but the most interesting thing to do would be to make the reader identify with the sister who snaps.
Huh? He needs help with the (M) and (F) weirdness
It is a RULE on the sub. Include your genders, ages, length of relationship(if relevant). Those facts makes a difference in evaluating and giving advice, which is what that sub is all about. Advice.
/shrug.
"Kinda serious with this one: there would seem to be a bit of a contextual jump from "my father is now a woman" to "my father is now my mother"."
Agreed. Example: Don't believe there was much involved in the birth or care of Kylie's baby, the grandchild. It's a classic mother role to be at the hospital for the birth, talk with daughters about about pregnancy and early infant care , and help with care of the grand baby for the first few weeks. But Kylie's mom was there for her, at the hospital and for those early early days. That's the mom role.
RE: the grand-cats. Sounds like daughter felt left out. If grandma has her favourite children, maybe don't make it so obvious next time. Daughter w/ out children: don't be so sensitive, get married and have children. It sounds like you have regrets. Or, if this is just about your mom having favourites, or gushing over your sibs, roll your eyes and move on. Your mom is who she is, and she's not going to change. You're 37 years old; don't waste your time on family drama.
What Big Mike said. Children are tons of work and endless worry. Pets are not.
Read the whole post at Reddit and some of the answers.
A lot of the Reddit answers are from Childfree people lamenting the attention that others get simply because they are mothers.
I can only say what my Mom told me several times: What do you care what other people think?
Anyone who argues with a straight face that being a “pet parent” deserves equal respect and deference as being an actual parent automatics moves into the “oh, you’ll never be a functional adult human; expectations adjusted accordingly” category in my mind.
In general, it seems like there is a lot of push to not seem to happy or to talk about happiness because it is insensitive to people who are traumatized in some way.
Yup. Where once it was considered rude to spotlight someone for not doing X, now it's rude to congratulate someone for achieving X.
Similarly, where once you were expected to keep your reservations about something like gay marriage to yourself, now you are expected to celebrate it.
And don't be the first to stop clapping.
Perfectly stated, Althouse @ 9:43.
What I'm congratulating him for is not what he thinks he's doing, but he will get, which is people explaining to him that his sister feels terrible about the Mother's Day speech from her mother about how great the other women were for producing children. He has an empathy deficit or just very weak understanding of reality and human nature.
Reading the comments at the link....this seems to be the advice he IS getting. Viewpoints from the side of the irritated sister and why she was so irate. Whether he understands or takes it to heart is another thing entirely.
MY advice: would be for him to try to understand his sister's emotional pain. It doesn't excuse her making a public scene, but to know how hurt she was by her Mother's thoughtless words.
He should gently approach his own Mother and try to explain how she hurt her daughter. Probably won't help though, since Mom sounds rather clueless and without empathy as well.
He might also contact his sister and reach out in some sort acknowledgement of his understanding of how she felt hurt and dismissed by Mom...but not give in on the point of motherhood to cats. She still isn't a "mother".
He also might avoid future events such as this one :-) I would!
I call Zeus "our baby" and he isn't even our dog!
Plus, he's 91 in dog years.
but the most interesting thing to do would be to make the reader identify with the sister who snaps.
I find the mother more interesting. She is uncomfortable with the adulation, perhaps she feels it undeserved because she raised such a spoiled brat, so she is trying to deflect attention to other mothers in the room. The ones that were fertile because they didn't have 5 abortions by 25.
If the single sister is not happy with her lot in life, doesn't really enjoy the new babies or being an aunt, she really should skip the official Mother's Day brunch next year, and celebrate with her Mom separately on Saturday.
Mother's Day is about celebrating mothers. If for whatever reason you can't do that happily, (maybe you had a miscarriage this year and are not yet s mom as planned; maybe your only child died this year and it hurts too much still...), then just have a regular Sunday. Don't deny the pleasure of others because you feel left out. She makes non parents/single people look bad.
My cat is an honor student at pet school.
Big Mike said...
That’s because they don’t appreciate the amount of work that a child requires, nor the impact on your lives. Cats require even less effort, and have less impact on your life, as far as I can tell.
Cats require practically no effort. Just throw some food down and scoop the shit once a day. A dog is much more work than a cat. Dogs need to be trained and given things to do (more or less, depending on breed), or they will make your life miserable.
"Robert. Try to understand. Your father is VERY proud of you for putting yourself through law school. He just couldn't say it at the toast because your older brother is still living in the basement".
I'm not connecting with the people who think the mother was wrong to praise the mothers of her grandchildren on Mother's Day. If the daughter has a miscarriage or lost her child in an accident, I would agree. But this a day for the celebration of Motherhood, a day we put aside to show our appreciation for a role we often take for granted.
Outrage Theater. What a pair of rude, self-indulgent, whiney-ass crybabies. So, Mommy didn't value Sissy's cat parenthood? Tough tits, cupcake. You'll live. And, bro? Just let her go act out on Facebook or whatever. Quit indulging her self-inflicted martyrdom by magnifying it on social media. Don't you have kids? You ought to know by now that giving attention to bad behavior only feeds the monster and gets you more of the same.
Ugh...
Blogger Laslo Spatula said...
Kinda serious with this one: there would seem to be a bit of a contextual jump from "my father is now a woman" to "my father is now my mother".
There is an old expression "If your aunt had balls she'd be your uncle."
Probably an "incorrect" (in the Leninist sense) thing to say anyway these days.
But I wonder f this is even true anymore?
Bruce kept his balls for a long time after he became a "woman". He may have them still.
Did he become an aunt? Or did his balls still make him an uncle?
John Henry
"...which is people explaining to him that his sister feels terrible about the Mother's Day speech from her mother about how great the other women were for producing children. He has an empathy deficit or just very weak understanding of reality and human nature.
Putting aside that the whole post sounds like a troll: this is nonsense. It was Mother's Day, and Mom graciously praised the other mothers present for being good mothers. Maybe there was history here and she was implicitly dissing the childless sister or whatever, but we don't know that, so why assume more than is explicitly stated? It was Mother's Day, a day to honor mothers.
I see no lack of empathy here on bro's part. Again, assuming the whole thing isn't made up to troll cat- and dog-parents (yeah, they deserve trolling), Sis is the asshole who spoiled the get-together. It's not rude or mean or "not nice" to not play along with the attempted emotional coercion from assholes who won't grow up and come to terms with their own lives. We have no evidence that anybody put her down for being childless. It was Mother's Day and the day is not for people who aren't mothers. So what does she do? Behaves like an asshole to her own mother.
Parenthood is a sacrifice, and it's one of the most important activities a man or woman can engage in. Without healthy, well-adjusted children society cannot survive.
@Mr. Wibble, not to mention that you'll spend 13 years fighting back against the school system for those kids to be healthy, not to mention well-adjusted.
Someone touched on this upthread, and I likewise wonder (ooh, grammar?)... I wonder if the sister's drama is linked to why she is single.
Men learn to look for this. When I was 21 my wish list for a mate was
1) easy on the eyes
2) smarter than me
3) quirky sense of humor
By the time I was 25 I had learned from experience:
4) sane
I don't know what it was. Me? Something in the water? Birth control pills? But almost all the women I had dated were batshit crazy in some regard.
Adding to my comment at 9:39, if your child becomes very, very sick you cannot just drive to the doctor and have it put down.
Thought my governor, Ralph Northam, would like to change that.
I’m a woman and think the sister is a nut job. If she was sterile or had lost a child I would have some sympathy for her but still think she should have just bowed out of a day for celebrating motherhood. Since her own poor life choices created her childlessness she can go pound kitty litter.
I agree with Fen. The entire world should not revolve around the feelings of people who have made bad choices. That she thinks so just shows how she ended up in the situation she is in. Good thing she didn’t manage to reproduce. You think that is harsh? I have relatives who said that about their own daughter because she was very similar to this woman. A self involved hysteric makes an awful mother.
people explaining to him that his sister feels terrible about the Mother's Day speech from her mother about how great the other women were for producing children.
Another angle. The much older Mother understands firsthand how motherhood goes unsung, and she wants her daughters to hear the words that she never did from her own mother. So that they will in turn say the same to their own daughters. And the chain will be unbroken.
"At least he's seeking help"
Is he?
At least the grandmother isn't forced by circumstances to raise grandchildren. Unfortunately, that often happens.
This thing would be a solid Seinfeld subplot. Of course George would be the guy who tells the crazy cat lady she's not really a mom.
And then there's the dog in the next room. His ears perk up at a tonal pattern he is very familiar with. He unconsciously salivates. Memories of loud voices and crashing dinner plates mix with what was the most delicious roast beef he ever licked off the wall. His tail slaps the floor in anticipation. He always feasts when single sister swings by. She is his favorite.
Maybe the brother can offer his sister a bowl of milk next year for brunch. I agree the matriarch failed to empathize with her eldest, but that's not brother's mistake. Brother is there in gratitude of his mother, not his sisters. If the elder sister can't maintain a relationship, that's not a problem the brother can help solve over brunch. Then again, it is also not a problem I would broadcast over the internet. Anyway, the 39F is at high risk for any pregnancy now and is likely coming to grips with this reality now. Mom and brother could be there for her, or they can move on.
Yes, you are a man. I didn't have to read any further. At least he's seeking help.
Misandry rears its ugly head once again.
First, I think it's the guy's wife pretending to be him (which may explain why she didn't notice the weirdness of "my sister and I are happily married"). The poster just doesn't sound like a man.
Next, I think the responses get right to the heart of it--everybody behaved badly. The barren sister is right to be pissed off at her family for having so little concern for her feelings but she handled it like a child.
DBQ said.....MY advice: would be for him to try to understand his sister's emotional pain. It doesn't excuse her making a public scene, but to know how hurt she was by her Mother's thoughtless words.
I don't know. Were the mom's word's thoughtless?
I have a sibling like this....not this particular thing, but forever hurt if she feels someone else in the family is getting more attention. She has a list of grievances going back to childhood. All of them which I lived through and see in a completely different way.
That particular sister will tell me every time she is hurt by my father's thoughtless words. Which, coincidentally, seems to be every word he ever utters. She has him afraid to even talk to her, because she ends up mad every 3rd conversation.
I have a friend who has a sibling exactly like that too, and one friend who has a daughter exactly like this. So it isn't uncommon.
I'm currently watching one of my best friends try to post Facebook pictures of her first, brand-new grand baby while simultaneously not bringing on a fit from her other daughter because the new mother is getting more attention.
Maybe in this Reddit case, the other siblings are just tired of the sh%*, and maybe mom is tired of having to tiptoe around sissy's feelings. We really don't know. But I can speak from experience that there is a point sometimes where you get oversaturated with trying to understand someone else's emotional pain.
It doesn't say anything Good about the last 50 years of the Women's Movement that we are growing millions of hopelessly resentful women during this most empowered time for female humans ever in history.
i am woman and i want more Man Power back in the system.
I'd comment, but I have to go out for a few hours. Just have enough time to out out a bowl or two of Frosted Flakes and a bowl of milk for the children.
Don't worry, they have a kiddie door so they can come and go into the yard whenever they want.
Ahem
Perhaps the "grand kids are swell" thing is continuous with mom. In which case this could have been the diaper that broke the cat lady's back.
Is there a national pet day? Take (crazy?) cat sister out on that day and shower her with praise for her swell job.
OK, stupid question. Comments above make me think there are photos included in the Reddit post. I don't see them. Do you have to join to see pics. To be honest this is about the third time ever I've clicked on Reddit.
I can't help but notice no one has spoken up for the two cats and how they feel...
Felinapho-
Feliphob-
oh nevermind
MayBee said: there is a point sometimes where you get oversaturated with trying to understand someone else's emotional pain.
That is so true! In this case...we only have one side of the story and it could be that the irate sister is a giant PITA...or it could be that Mom is always being dismissive making the other two kids the "golden children" because they produced Grandchildren for her.
Who knows.
In any case, it doesn't hurt for the son/brother to understand the underlying issues that cause his sister to have a tantrum in public. Understanding doesn't mean condoning or excusing either. The understanding might be that she is a complete nut bag. Or that she is dealing with a lifetime of being second best.
Again. Who knows. That's for him to find out...if he cares to.
If I could be so bold as to offer up some advice, based on my many decades and diverse tastes of dating women.
If you walk into a woman's apartment for the first time and she has four cats, get the fcuk out of there, no matter how big her tits are.
Melinda and I are happily married, each with three children
As a perceived couple, perhaps they allocate their children separately. That said, cat moms are trending as human and animals are conflated for purposes of social progress. Still, it could be worse, even wicked.
"Hint: It's not about the cats."
Yeah, I don't understand the scene and issue as described by the Reddit poster. I am a man who is not skilled or knowledgeable about relationship dynamics and problems, but it's pretty clear, even to me, that elder sister's blowup has nothing to do with the cats. Probably not even an issue of the siblings. Were I to hazard a guess I would say that elder sibling and mom have had numerous 'talks' about her 10 years ago failed relationship (her fault for cheating), the lack of lasting relationships since, and the failure to produce any grandchildren - beautiful or otherwise. Mom may have tossed in the occasional reference to Carly's ticking biological clock along the way. A little mimosa before the speech and BOOM, off goes Carly.
If that's all true I'd have to be on Carly's side in this, if for no other reason but out of disgust at Mom's passive aggressive behavior. I'm turned off by that sort of thing the most.
Again. Who knows. That's for him to find out...if he cares to.
True. It just feeds into why I don't like Mother's Day, really. Just have your best relationship that you can every day. Holidays like Mother's Day create special pressures that aren't always positive, and rarely create truly magical moments.
The entire world should not revolve around the feelings of people who have made bad choices. That she thinks so just shows how she ended up in the situation she is in.
I'm coming to the conclusion that the reason women remain unmarried in middle age is due mostly to their self-centeredness. They'll never 'get it', and become increasingly bitter and resentful as they get older, as well as more lonely. This is where SJWs come from.
the Future is Feline
People are so weird about Mother's Day, in both directions. I called my mom and she apologized because she didn't send me a card. I said, I think giving birth to me forever exempts you from making a big deal about me on Mother's Day.
Who's to say what sort of weird shit happened to this family in the past 30 or so years to create some bitter resentments that pop up from time to time. Or maybe the older sis has simply entered the crazy cat lady phase that everybody saw coming. Most people are a little more level headed when they utter phrases like "my dogs are my kids". But for the ones who seem like they believe what they're saying I try to work in a "gotta get home and let my kids out of the crate so they can pee" joke (not a big crate fan actually though have used them over the years from time to time) or I like to point out that when my kids have kids, as I hope they do someday, they will be my grandkids. When their dog has puppies they will give them away to strangers and say things afterward like "they seemed really nice".
Dear Abby:
I think I caught my mom giving me the side eye at brunch again last weekend. Maybe it was because I was a little late to join the gang - big deal, there's always a line at the stupid suburban place Larry thinks mom likes, cause they served her an extra dessert in like 2016, and Whiskers was just begging for a long scratch - and I can't stand having his spoiled kid ask to play on my new iPhone - , or maybe she caught me rolling my eyes a little when that fucking fecund Melinda told another endless story about Madison's latest pointless adventure at the park. Like we need another cutesy Madison in this world, Jesus.
Last Christmas was bad enough when mom had to go out of her way over pudding to pointedly say that love comes from appreciation and respect - I wasn't flirting that much with my cousins husband, just holiday merriment, relax ma - but after the side eye, she had to then talk about how proud she is of Melinda and idiot dolt Larry making it work for their little lousy families. Melindas not pulling down eighty hours billable for Coke, thank you very much, and her husband is some little know nothing in sales - if I have to hear about Larrys noble wife suffering from losing her arm in that farming accident, Jesus it was like seven years ago.
So yes I went wild for a few minutes. Nothing much. You see worse at gallery parties. I wouldn't have been asked to leave if Larry didn't try to change the subject to some stupid baseball player pulling a bare handed catch. Baseball! He knows that sets me off since I had my unfortunate three month dumpster fire relationship with a shortstop nearly half my age.
Listen ma: I get it. You and Dad raised three, and now Melinda & Larry got three each. Well here's the news: I got four little ones who need me and love me, and we all know this world has enough people, and certainly we don't need more Americans eating brunch on May Sundays and toasting some old bat who never got over my breaking dads heart by bringing that loser guitarist Ronnie home at 21. Sure Ronnie was a loser, but I don't need anyone telling me what to do.
Anyway my real question Abby: how many invitations is proper etiquette to send out for Whiskers' 10th birthday? I am thinking about excluding Melinda and Larry.
- I guess it is always in the presentation.
D 2 for the win.
D 2, that was pure genius.
Now for some real fun we need folks to write up Abby's response. You can opt for either Pauline or Jeanne, except for Laslo who really should do both.
What Big Mike said. Children are tons of work and endless worry. Pets are not.
I've raised both children and cats and can attest to this. However, the cats have much better fur.
I wonder if any of the sister's cats play the piano? If she had video of it and posted it on the internet, she could get all kinds of accolades and vindication and really throw that back at the brother and sister who has real kids. "So your little Johnny got second in the school spelling bee, and so your little Carly has passed her first solid poop. Who cares! My cat video got over 1000 likes on you tube, you losers!"
Speaking of solid poop, my 55 LB Pit Bull mix ate a paper towel last week and it got stuck coming out .. it was a bitch getting it out of him, but at least now he is as clean as a whistle, inside and out...and no, I don't feel like a dog dad after having done it.
I believe the biggest issue I have with this report is that I'm relying upon only one person's version of the facts surrounding contentious family communication dynamics. Adding the cat mom's infidelity is a nice touch, and just screams "fake news." I believe maybe 1/3 of what the dude says.
Yes, you are a man. I didn't have to read any further.
So a woman has a public tantrum and Althouse discovers a man is the problem. Feminism is no better than the old style chauvinism it tries to replace except that one is lauded while the other shamed.
out of disgust at Mom's passive aggressive behavior
As a septuagenarian I can readily understand the proud grandmother. Those grandkids are her descendants; they mean her line goes on. The cats, not so much.
Grandma sounds a little passive aggressive to me.
Creative Writing:
I got up and stretched. It was a good night - and I was hungry. But there was no food anywhere. Mom was gone - no breakfast. Mother's Day. God, how i hate it. She's always off to visit her Mom and fight with her sister. Boring.
Oh well, I'll just get some extra sleep. And dream of food.
Not only does he have to gender-identify his two "sisters" as female "F", as a "man" he has to gender-identify himself as male "M"?
That's what jumped out at me, as well.
It is not only a stupid time to be alive, it might be the stupidest.
Interesting discussion.
I read reddit stuff. Lots and lots of made up stories there. Some of them pretty good, eliciting many serious comments.
Kinda like Trumpit getting seriously angry responses here sometimes.
This person created his account yesterday, which was a day other redditers were making memes and comments about "pet" mothers.
Probably just a coincidence.
Neither the man nor the mom did anything wrong. Carly has somehow made it to the ripe old age of 38 without figuring out that not everyone must be included in everything. Her mother is not obligated to praise her for bringing grandcats to the table. It's Mother's Day, not Everyone Gets a Trophy Day.
Maybe Carly would be less bitter if we all returned Mother's Day to its original concept. Then the only people she would need to direct her ire toward would be the cats. When I was younger, my family followed the tradition of wearing a flower to honor your mother. Where would one pin a flower on a cat?
Rockeye: I believe maybe 1/3 of what the dude says.
He's nowhere near as inventive as the posters filling out the troll-tale here, though. Lotta projection onto ol' Grandma, based on knowing nothing about her but that she's delighted to have grandchildren and praised their mothers for being good mothers. From that slender thread is spun a an insensitive nagging meddling Grandmommy-Dearest passive-aggressive monster.
Lol. Rorschach troll.
How dismissive that simply 'being a man' is enough for Althouse to blow him off.
The condescending 'at least you are seeking help' really puts a cherry on the top.
P.S. According to my Facebook feed, National "Pet Parent" Day was back in April. Shame on Carly for attempting to double-dip.
Carley had her shot at being a mom. She blew it. She fucked around on her intended and lacks the gumption to maintain any kind of relationship that is more involved than pouring some Friskies into a bowl and scooping shit out of a litter box. You know...empathy, fidelity, those kind of things.
She willfully eschewed that. And now she gets her panties in a wad that someone is celebrated for doing something VERY HARD: staying married. Having kids. These are REAL accomplishments, but she wants a participation trophy.
If she ran a marathon, or did an Iron Man Competition, got published, or did homeless work, she would also be celebrated. But that is...too much effort.
Instead of giving her siblings a moment of regard, and maybe having a private discussion with mom, she goes off the rails.
Impulse control is obviously a problem with her.
Tip for human happiness: Where possible bar crazy and volatile people from your life; where impossible (family) keep them at the longest possible arm's length.
Yes, but it's a National Enquirer story: "Woman gives birth to twin cats!"
Meow.
If I were doing that assignment, I'd probably make everyone kind of bad and selfish, but the most interesting thing to do would be to make the reader identify with the sister who snaps.
Just give her the name "Cordelia"
Sad and foolish unmarried/child-less women. They do not realize that they will die alone, and their genes will be lost to eternity. It is the end of their existence in eternity. God created women to have children. Deliberately child-less women are an affront in God's eyes.
"Sad and foolish unmarried/child-less women. They do not realize that they will die alone, and their genes will be lost to eternity. It is the end of their existence in eternity. God created women to have children. Deliberately child-less women are an affront in God's eyes."
And I am sure you can back up all those statements with logical arguments--that is, unless you think the syllogism is the Devil's Tool.
The purpose of celebrating Mother's Day is to honor your mother. It's not a day to demand that others celebrate you.
> the highest rated comment is the one that tells him the phrase "Melinda and I are happily married" makes it sound like he's married to his sister.
They're not wrong. Also, Reddit (or anywhere on the internet) is a notoriously awful place to go looking for relationship advice, or honestly lifestyle advice of any kind.
They do have some funny cat pictures, though.
I wouldn't be surprised if the incident in the post is not real, but the writer is an expert agitator. My hat is off to him. Bravo!
how great the other women were for producing children.
Interesting how the objectification of woman is okay when it suits their argument.
Women are just machines. You pull a lever and out pops a kid.
Why does he put "M" or "F" after each person's age when he's already told us everyone's gender?
@JAC -- a previous commenter proposed that Reddit has certain protocols for commenting, and one was the requirement of including an M or an F by names. Silly to be sure, and possibly inaccurate -- I wouldn't know. In either case its plausibility is disheartening.
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