Graysexuality is fascinating because we get to watch the process of a new orientation being constructed in real time.Interesting — both the category and the analysis of the effect of putting sexuality in categories. Did thinking about the category "graysexuality" help you understand anything about yourself and others?
The Asexual Visibility and Education Network defines graysexuality as the following:Graysexual experiences, outside certain communities relatively recently, are viewed as part of the spectrum of normal sexual behavior.... A person who has graysexual experiences may characterize himself as “low libido” or “just not that interested in sex”, but he’s unlikely to consider it an aspect of his identity....
Sexuality is not black and white; some people identify in the gray (spelled “grey” in some countries) area between asexual and sexual. People who identify as gray-A can include, but are not limited to those who:
Graysexuality can be a very broad term, and it’s easy to misinterpret what people mean about it from a definition. Here are some examples of graysexual experiences people I’ve talked to have had:
- do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes
- experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive
- experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them
- people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances
- Never experiencing sexual attraction or the desire to have sex, but suspecting they would be sexually attracted to someone in the context of a committed lifelong relationship.
- Two or three brief experiences of sexual attraction over the course of their entire lives.
- Attraction to fictional characters, but no attraction to real-life people.
- An interest in masturbation, but a sense of disgust and repulsion about sex with other people.
- A desire for sex about once or twice a year.
- An interest in sex, but only if it involves a specific complicated fetish that is impractical to do particularly often.
- Thinking they were asexual for decades and then experiencing sexual attraction for the first time in their thirties and being like “…what.”
- Confusion about whether or not they experience sexual attraction....
Classifying it as a sexual orientation implies that it is an important category, something that matters a lot for understanding yourself and other people.... Graysexuals are less likely to feel broken or alone. They are less likely to have sex they don’t particularly want or find interesting, because everyone enjoys sex, don’t they?...
Labels can create a pressure to put your experiences in a box, sanding off the rough edges and the weirdnesses that make up every human experience of sexuality, instead of allowing things to be complicated. The pressure to know whether you are Really X can create a lot of angst and anxiety. People can stick with an identity that no longer serves them or describes their experiences, because they have a lot of their understanding of who they are as a person bound up with it....
The use of "gray" comes from the idea of a "gray area," so it defines a category in terms of blurring the lines between other categories ("sexual" and "asexual"). It's an anti-category category, and I think it's there to be used if you find it useful.
I was moved to look up "gray area" in the OED. The earliest use is surprisingly late:
1935 Foreign Affairs 13 704 A form of state lying somewhere in the grey area between socialism and communism.
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I predict this fascinating new movement will quickly degenerate into graysex people mocking and denigrating greysex people and vice versa and be a nazi-namecalling nightmare in just a few months.
In the spectrum of graysexuality, how many shades of gray are there? 50?
tcrosse: “...how many shades...” Not sure if you win the thread or should be ordered to go to your room.
I would not say "a new orientation being constructed". I would say "an old orientation being labeled."
IOW, people differ in their sex drives, just like almost every other characteristic.
Hmm, what can we do to make that simple idea sound subtle and complicated enough that we can pretend to explain it...?
I thought it was going to be about gerontophiles. Ick!
This is just sad, like the Colonial Spanish attempts to classify people into 16(?) possible combinations of race. Sad and stupid.
Shrink to husband in therapy: How often do you have sex?
H: Almost never--two or three times a week.
Shrink to wife in therapy: How often do you have sex?
W: All the time--two or three times a week.
Narr
Yeah, Allen Koenigsberg used it first
When I was in college we identified a guy in our dorm as "sportosexual" - he liked the ladies, but would rather play basketball than have sex.
Add another G to LBGGTQ.
I suspect academics are driving this for research money.
Like Narr, I was expecting this to be a granny fetish.
When you looked at the photo of Moby with Natalie Portman- what was your sexual response?
More regulations for Title IX?
Well, there's 90 seconds I'll never get back, now increased to 2 minutes by commenting.
James Holzhauer is obviously not getting any.
Add a Grey stripe to that rainbow flag !
The obsession with sex really becomes quite tedious after a while.
"Graysexuality is fascinating because we get to watch the process of a new orientation being constructed in real time."
I don't like the term "Graysexuality". It conjures up unpleasant imagery of my grandparents going at it in the bedroom That isn't "new orientation". That is old orientation.
"Graysexuality is fascinating because we get to watch the process of a new orientation being constructed in real time."
they talk like this when a new land mass is being formed off the coast of Hawaii
Here are some examples of graymato experiences that I'm making up:
Never experiencing tomatoes or the desire to eat a tomato, but suspecting they would like tomatoes in the context of a committed lifelong relationship.
Two or three brief experiences of eating tomatoes over the course of their entire lives.
Attraction to fictional vegetables, but no attraction to real-life tomatoes.
An interest in chewing food, but a sense of disgust and repulsion about swallowing it.
A desire for a tomato about once or twice a year.
An interest in tomatoes, but only if it involves a specific complicated dish, such as a taco bowl, that is impractical to do particularly often.
Thinking they were not hungry for decades and then eating a tomato for the first time in their thirties and being like “…what.”
Confusion about whether or not they actually ate a tomato.
++
Just to repeat: being like “…what.”
The obsession with sex really becomes quite tedious after a while.
I talk about taco bowls and tomatoes all the time because I haven't had either in years.
This business of turning accidents into essences is gonna lead to no good.
I have, at times in my life, been forced by circumstance to turn to . . . autosexuality.
Narr
Normal monosexual
Old people having sex? Oh, gross!
Gray sex is sex with the lights off.
Only one thing should change at a time. It's the Gray Code.
“. . . autosexuality.”
Okay, okay, so you were born that way. Still, for everyone’s safety, man, 2 HANDS ON THE WHEEL!
No Meade, it's only at red lights and stop signs. And the really bad left turn lanes.
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Safe driver bonus!
Why does having a low sex drive have to be an "identity?"
Perhaps we need "gray" bars where nobody is trying to pick up anyone else.
I have a "gray' relationship to gefilte fish: I always want gefilte fish at Passover and never at any other time.
Graysexuality
I thought initially that was the description of sex between seniors (generally defined as those >64 years old).
When they explain, "Labels can create a pressure to put your experiences in a box" it feels like another one of those 2 + 2 = 3 moments.
It's a transgender spectrum ("rainbow"). The liberal classification uses too many labels that are exclusive.
Well, DANG! And here I thought Gray Sex was sex between us gray-haired folks!
Once you go Black,
you never go back.
Once you go Grey,
Sex is just meh
Once you go Orange,
...hell-- ask Melania
I have a nest of grayjackets under my deck. Sometimes they come up and buzz around like they feel they should be stinging somebody, but they don't try very hard. They fly pretty slow and the buzzing is not an angry buzz either. Its more of long, drawn out "Uh uh uhnnnnnnnnn". Occasionally one will even work up the gumption to land on you, but then it will just sit there and not do anything. Instead of giving you a proper sting it will heave a sigh and shake it's little head.
I almost feel sorry for the grayjackets. They probably can't help it. But I'm going to spray the nest anyway.
Gray sex is what happens on flying saucers.
slip a Benjamin Moore color chart into the Kama Sutra
Old people having sex? Oh, gross!
OLDTIMER: "My wife has acute angina"
reply: "Well, that's good, cuz the rest of her isnt much to look at"
And then there was this guy sitting in his wheelchair in the common room of the nursing home, when another resident came up to him and repeatedly lifted the front of her dress and fluffed him with it while yelling "Super Sex! Super Sex! Super Sex!"
The old guy said, "Thanks, but I'll take the soup".
- Krumhorn
These people need real hobbies.
Graysexuality is fascinating because we get to watch the process of a new orientation being constructed in real time.
Insert (God Not This Shit Again) jpeg
Sounds horrible, but to each his/her own. A close female friend of mine asserts that she would never dream of having sex with anyone whom she didn't find intellectually compatible. That seems weird to me as I've always seen sex more as a physical act than an intellectual one and have had sex with guys who were definitely not MENSA material but were good in the sack. Whatever. When I married my third and final husband I put away childish things but there are some sweet memories.
How about we re-invent Privexuality where people keep their fetishes to themselves and in the bedroom? You really think, after ~200,000 years of ~105 Billion people you've created something no one ever considered?
I have a kink and have operated inside the fetish community. You know what's ironic? Everyone thinks their fetish is tantalizing and everyone else's fetish is sick and twisted. So much for tolerance LOL.
"You worship feet? Gross and disgusting!" said the Hell's Angel dressed in a diaper waving his baby rattle.
When I married my third and final husband I put away childish things but there are some sweet memories.
That made me smile. Men want their girl to be hot in bed but don't want to think of how she got that way. Hehe.
@Mocktortoise
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1974/12/16/the-whore-of-mensa
How's the trip? See any wildlife? Can you spot the snow leopards? Marmots?
Is Althouse as big in Canada as she is here?
When I first read the Headline. I thought the story would be about old people having more sex.
Apparently people are more bored than even Althouse.
Not only did she take the time to think about this--she blogged it.
Then, people actually felt compelled to comment.
Is Althouse as big in Canada? I went to Canada (OK Quebec) once, and I'm pretty sure I stayed the same size (or even got bigger . . . thanks, Labatt50).
Narr
It was like a foreign country or something
Come jesters, come fools! Browndog is bored!
Our lady hostess should hire better entertainment.
Narr
But she's cheap (don't tell her I said so)
ICTA: Enjoyed the article. I could tell it was an old issue because it was funny.
No moose sightings yet but quite a few bears and elk. Last time I came through northern BC I saw a lot of bison but none this time. Should be in the Yukon by day after tomorrow and, I hope, in Tok by the 30th. Drove nine hours today--more than I'd like but sometimes it's just hard to call it a day. Listening to an old Temptations CD and it's very memory provoking. My sister emailed me that it's against the law to drive horny but I think that's only if you're under 65. ;-)
Blogger Narr said...
Come jesters, come fools! Browndog is bored!
Our lady hostess should hire better entertainment.
Narr
But she's cheap (don't tell her I said so)
The clap back was expected. Unexpected; Shakespearean tone.
Well done.
@Mock
65--was that mph or yrs?
people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances
Does "only with my wife and only if we're alone" count as "very limited and specific circumstances"?
"very limited and specific circumstances"
we're cryo-sexuals -- we only do it when Hell freezes over
65--was that mph or yrs?
I knew you'd ask. ;-)
Big Mike asks: Does "only with my wife and only if we're alone" count as "very limited and specific circumstances"?
Good question, Mike. After all, that is the ideal.
@Mock
@Meade said...
for everyone’s safety,...2 HANDS ON THE WHEEL!
Or for some intellectual stimulation, find an 'Intellectual Gigolo'
or get pulled over by a brainy cop!
mockturtle: greetings from a Yukoner. I lived in Whitehorse in the 60’s and got over to Haines AK when my parents felt adventurous. Amazing country and people. Snowshoeing in -40. Summer nights as bright as dawn. Watching the tourists buy “gold dust” and ice worms at the Kee Bird store. Good times!
Hi, Owen. Yes, beautiful country. I visited Haines last time taking 'the long way around', as I didn't want to take the ferry with my dog. Glad I did, as the Haines highway is both excellent and scenic. Lovely town in a spectacular setting and good grizzly sightings in the area. But then that speaks for much of Alaska. Valdez is my favorite Alaska town so I'll be spending a little longer there this time. Since my dog passed away last year [he was over 16 years old] I'll get to explore the towns a bit more and maybe sample a few restaurants. Do you know if that long road construction project in the YT near Destruction Bay is ongoing?
mockturtle: no idea about current situation in YT or AK. Been stuck in CT for decades (although I did drag my wife, daughter and son-in-law to Whitehorse, Dawson, Carcross and Skagway several years ago. If it’s important, I could try to ask my (few remaining) sources. Happy to help if I can.
Thanks, Owen, but it doesn't matter as I'll be going through it at any rate. Visited Carcross in 2015 and found it charming. Didn't stay long, as several tour buses arrived. Same with Seward: A colossal cruise ship was in port practically obscuring the town so I turned around.
@Owen, as a guy who has sailing the inside passage on a cruise ship and taking the train from Skagway to Carcross on his bucket list, what’s it like? Worth being on a bucket list?
All in good cheer, Browndog@712, all in good cheer.
Narr
Off to knit up some raveled sleeves
You know what they say: Sex is a lot like Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
@BigMike: the train ride between Carcross and Skagway is pretty amazing. You will take a bunch of pictures. The engineering needed to build that narrow-gauge RR was impressive. The climatic transition from high dry cooler Continental Divide in Carcross to low wet warmer Pacific Coast in Skagway is also interesting. I would put it on my bucket list, especially if you have time beforehand to learn about the Gold Rush and the early settlers.
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