February 8, 2019

"I think I never felt more sexually alive than in my 50s and 60s, and yes, even 70s, free from the dangers of childbirth but with sensuality aflame."

"For women of my generation, who grew up without birth control pills or much sex education, a lot about sex was fraught. And later, sex in long-term relationships can become routine. But life brings unexpected changes. Marriages end. And I have found that love later in life has been every bit as enthralling as when I was young. As we age, we can gain a comfort level with ourselves that lets us pursue whatever we wish, without shame. Even my mother’s reproving voice died down long ago (mostly), and I have felt myself free to choose whom I wanted — or not — and to act from my core."

From "At What Age Is Love Enthralling? 82/A confession of attraction from a man 30 years younger causes an octogenarian to reflect on desire, sensuality and aging" by Sophy Burnham (NYT).

42 comments:

rhhardin said...

According to the WSJ, women outperform men in managing collateralized loan obligations, like pawning the diamond ring.

tim maguire said...

My wife and I are approaching that place. I lived along life without children in the house, then we had a child and that was my new life--a house with a child in it. But that child is now reaching an age where we can see to the time she's left and it's only now dawned on me that the time with a child in the house is a short interlude between a long period of no children and another long period of no children. We will again read the paper in bed on Sunday mornings and be basically clothing optional.

Sometime between now and then, pregnancy will stop being an issue.

I don't know how it will play out, but we are anticipating returning to something like what we had early in our relationship. (Because we met in our late 30's, we didn't wait to have the child and so did not have a lot of time for just the 2 of us.)

Phil 314 said...

She turned him down; not the result I was expecting.

David Begley said...

I second that emotion!

Shouting Thomas said...

As we age, we can gain a comfort level with ourselves that lets us pursue whatever we wish, without shame.

Could be true for old women.

Old men, like me, have to put up with relentless nagging and bitching from old women.

One of the oddities of old fart romance is that, while the baby making might go away, the demand from women for status display doesn't.

I've gone my separate way from several old women to shut down their nagging over the status of my house, my income and my car.

I'm not rich, but I'm pretty comfortable and set financially for the rest of my life. I'm not into impressing an old woman's family (or even her for that matter). And I'm happy with my house, income and car.

Laslo Spatula said...

An elderly woman's version of an old-school letter to Penthouse Forum.

She never believed this would happen to her.

I bet the younger man was a pizza delivery guy.

I am Laslo.

traditionalguy said...

If you've got it, flaunt it.

tim in vermont said...

It has been many decades since I went through menopause. At the time, I regretted the concurrent invisibility, when men stopped noticing me on the street. The funniest moment happened in Italy, where, as a young student, I had grown accustomed to walking down the street in a mist of commentary: “Bellina, bella.”

The problem is that they haven’t run the Gillette ad in Italy yet.

Mark said...

Some people like being slaves and even celebrate their bondage as a virtue. Others are happy to be freed from slavery to desire.

tim in vermont said...

I noticed the opposite , that after I turned 50, I started getting noticed more. Women are funny.

David Begley said...

Hey Sophy, the guy just wanted to get into your pants and you didn’t let him. Sad! Blown opportunity. And doubtful the pizza delivery guy reads the NYT.

And Laslo is on to something. The NYT needs to run more of these Penthouse Forum stories. More clicks.

Darrell said...

I don't even want to ponder whether buttsex post-80 will help keep you regular. Perhaps the New Yorker will let us know.

Ann Althouse said...

"Hey Sophy, the guy just wanted to get into your pants and you didn’t let him. Sad! Blown opportunity."

The opportunity, which was not blown, is really feeling and knowing that she is alive, in many dimensions, including sexual, and at age 80.

Not following through and having the sex that in reality might not be so rewarding preserves and heightens what is truly valuable, her own subjective feeling of herself.

How much worse to see this as an opportunity not to be lost and to end up with the kind of sex that so many people recognized in that story "Cat Person"!

Dave Begley said...

If I, at age 80, was propositioned by a 50-something woman, I would most likely say yes. Assuming, of course, I was not married.

Sometimes Ann is just too academic and intellectual.

Kalli Davis said...

Octogenarians can still get STDs

>>https://www.stdcheck.com/

Clyde said...

At the bottom of the article is a link to her website, with a picture of her. She is well-preserved for 82. There is also a link on the website to a YouTube video of an interview of her from 1968, to see how she looked in her younger days.

The truth is that nobody gets out of here alive and nobody makes it to old age unscathed. Some do better than others, though, whether through good genes, good fortune or a good plastic surgeon.

Dave Begley said...

Looks like she wrote a book about a cat. Pass.

chorister said...

I'm not quite at old age yet, and I'm a man, so not in her shoes, but I did feel bad for the writer that she experiences shame when seeing the physical signs of age in herself. Sorrow, regret, loss, even anger at the loss of strength and everything else that comes with aging, but there should be no dishonor or moral failure in it.

William said...

I myself have retained my youthful good looks, and I'm well into my seventies. There are some advantages to having cataracts.

Kay said...

Gives me something to look forward to I suppose. I’m not that old, but feel like I’m getting to age in which I’m expecting some kind of radical change in my dating life and habits. I don’t know what my sex life is going to become, but I have this nagging feeling that it’s going to be, and has to be, something very different than it was in my 20’s and 30’s. I have no idea what it might look like to be honest.

Howard said...

This is why I keep praying for April Apple... maybe one day she will finally discover herself.

Char Char Binks, Esq. said...

Does Sophy know what sex is for? It's time someone sits down with her to talk about the birds and the bees.

WWIII Joe Biden, Husk-Puppet + America's Putin said...

One day. But not yet.

Etienne said...

I guess this would be porn for NYT reader consumption. Poor bastards...

Anthony said...

Two of my BFFs have been women in their 80s and 90s (I'm mid-50s). I don't know what they thought/think (one died a couple of years ago) of it, but then, I don't really care (per se), as long as they are/were my friends.

Turns out I'm a big hit with the geriatric set.

Oh, and I think Love is a mean, spiteful, backstabbing, traitorous bitch. Obviously, they're not in it for the romance (besides me being married and all).

rcocean said...

Nobody cares about old people having sex.

Get a room and shut up.

Bob Boyd said...

"Nobody cares about old people having sex."

Except for some Prog specialists who are, no doubt, out there in academia somewhere and dying to arrange, observe and micro-manage such encounters.

Bay Area Guy said...

"You drive like old people fuck!" was a cut-up by George Carlin 35-40 years ago.

I guess now it's supposed to be a compliment.

Sebastian said...

"preserves and heightens what is truly valuable, her own subjective feeling of herself."

And that, as we know, is what the NYT caters to, as does prog politics generally. Because, as we know, nothing is more "truly valuable" in this world than "her own subjective feeling of herself."

More valuable, even, than marbles, magnets, and music, or lemonade machines.

±â±£™ said...

At What Age Do The Pubes Turn Gray?

Earnest Prole said...

See also Jane Juska’s A Round-Heeled Woman: My Late-Life Adventures in Sex and Romance.

Bob Boyd said...

"At What Age Do The Pubes Turn Gray?"

I don't know. When I was 26 I had an experience that turned them white overnight.

Bob Boyd said...

'Travels With My Aunt' by Graham Greene

Yancey Ward said...

She must be "really vibrant".

FullMoon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
±â±£™ said...

I don't know. When I was 26 I had an experience that turned them white overnight
suffragette white?

Roger Sweeny said...

Not following through and having the sex that in reality might not be so rewarding preserves and heightens what is truly valuable, her own subjective feeling of herself.

Perhaps that's one reason so many twenty-something people in Japan have never had sex.

Bilwick said...

I knew a woman in her Seventies who said that, contrary to her expectations, her sexual desire only increased as she aged, but that it was stronger than ever. Which made it tough on her, because the pool of available sexual partners where she lived had grown smaller. She lived in an area with a lot of retired senior-citizens, including old guys who had not kept as fit or as desirable as she had. When she got desperate and got a couple of the codgers into her bed, the results were discouraging.

n.n said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
n.n said...

Free from the responsibility of childbirth. Well, it's a child, a human life, not a fetus or a colorful clump of cells. Positive progress. Does anyone outside of a hospital, or abortion chamber, actually refer to a baby with a technical term of art, a stage in our evolution?

rehajm said...

`I would be remiss in my duty, if I did not tell you, that the idea of… intercourse – your firm, young… body… comingling with… withered flesh… sagging breasts… flabby b-b-buttocks… makes me want… to vomit.”

(The quantity of posts to which this quote applies...oye.)

red 3215 said...

Don't forget the negative affect of porn. It gives an unrealistic expectation of how fast a plumber will get to your house.

red