Althouse: "My in-laws hated me. We invited them over for thanksgiving dinner and, upon arrival, they asked me to leave and come back a few hours later..."

November 20, 2018

"My in-laws hated me. We invited them over for thanksgiving dinner and, upon arrival, they asked me to leave and come back a few hours later..."

"... because they wanted to 'follow their tradition of preparing the meal alone as a family.' They are now my ex-in-laws."

From "What's the rudest thing a guest has ever done in your home?" (AskReddit).

54 comments:

Sharc 65 said...: Not sure how you made it past all the grossly scatological examples to find that cute one.; 11/20/18, 7:41 AM
Ann Althouse said...: @Sharc 65

The things I do to save my readers from pawing through shit looking for the good stuff.; 11/20/18, 7:46 AM
Leland said...: We offered our home for a friend's wake. Another friend attending brought his 22 yr old son with lots of issues. The dad had wanted his son to talk to me about a job. We went outside to chat and let the 22 yr old indulge his vaping habit. The son spent most of his time whining about how hard it was to work at Starbucks. He wasn't doing a great job selling me on wanting a better job. With his dad on one side and me on another; the 22 yr old said something to his dad, took a long drag from the vape, and then habitually turned away from his dad only to blow the entire thing in my face. The conversation was over.

I think the son is still living at home.; 11/20/18, 7:47 AM
Just asking questions (Jaq) said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 11/20/18, 7:48 AM
Sydney said...: Hard to top that in-law insult. My mother-in-law just shoved me out of her way once when I was trying to help. It was a two handed shove, so I took it as an aggression. It was at that moment I realized how much she disliked me.; 11/20/18, 7:58 AM
Lexington Green said...: Henny Youngman: “I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”; 11/20/18, 8:08 AM
Fernandinande said...: Stole $100 and my bicycle.; 11/20/18, 8:19 AM
Expat(ish) said...: My BIL drank all my best booze then went to his car right after dinner and slept until it was time to leave.

Actually, that wasn't so bad.

-XC; 11/20/18, 8:20 AM
Henry said...: The key phrase is "a guest".; 11/20/18, 8:22 AM
iowan2 said...: I must be blessed. My inlaws loved me, despite my questionable behavior in our early years of marriage. But to my credit, I treated them with respect always and honored my spouses requests with regard to our interactions. If you want love and respect, you have to start.; 11/20/18, 8:23 AM
Ignorance is Bliss said...: The things I do to save my readers from pawing through shit looking for the good stuff.

You always manage to find the pony.; 11/20/18, 8:29 AM
Anne in Rockwall, TX said...: Now I really want a picture of Althouse with a pony!; 11/20/18, 8:30 AM
Humperdink said...: Not a guest, but an acquaintance who was down on his luck (re: divorce, child support). Let him use our guest house and proceeded to destroy it.

To wit: Did not turn the heat on in the laundry room, pipes froze, clothes washer froze - not repairable, mouse droppings everywhere (food on the floors), holes in walls, spackle/repaint. Never again.; 11/20/18, 8:36 AM
m stone said...: You offered your home for a friend's wake?; 11/20/18, 8:36 AM
Sydney said...: I treated them with respect always and honored my spouses requests with regard to our interactions. If you want love and respect, you have to start.

This is true, but it isn't always effective. Sometimes the problem really is the other person.; 11/20/18, 8:44 AM
Wince said...: So many of those shit all over the bathroom stories sound, ahem, apocraphal.

John Belushi as... The Thing That Wouldn't Leave.; 11/20/18, 8:47 AM
Seeing Red said...: The worst things?

True story from an off-duty policeman acting as a guard about the calls they get during Thanksgiving..

The parents wanted the SIL to leave so they called the cops to remove him from the house.

The other one was told to my mom.

No love lost between the in-laws and the outlaw. Argument ensued. The response was you don’t like us, but you love our money.; 11/20/18, 8:48 AM
Humperdink said...: Have an unruly guest? This is offered on Airbnb, not far from my locale. A mere $25/night.

https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/7254398; 11/20/18, 8:50 AM
iowan2 said...: I treated them with respect always and honored my spouses requests with regard to our interactions. If you want love and respect, you have to start.

This is true, but it isn't always effective. Sometimes the problem really is the other person.

Oh, not everyone loves me, or like me. But I can manage to keep my mouth shut, refuse to be offended and leave when the 'festivities' are done. There will must likely be fireworks, my goal is not to be holding them at the time or provide the match; 11/20/18, 9:02 AM
Meade said...: "If you have a houseguest who won’t leave, you should call police."

https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/how-do-i-get-rid-a-house-guest-who-wont-leave.htm; 11/20/18, 9:04 AM
Wince said...: Notice, the Belushi character was "man-spreading" his hosts on the sofa decades before its first known use as a word in 2014.; 11/20/18, 9:17 AM
stevew said...: "I treated them with respect always and honored my spouses requests with regard to our interactions. If you want love and respect, you have to start."

This is an example of when the civility thing is not bullshit. The other party has to be willing to do the same; some people simply aren't capable of doing so. My wife and I are fortunate in this regard.; 11/20/18, 9:46 AM
Freeman Hunt said...: Reddit takeaway: Don't allow brats or drunks into your home.; 11/20/18, 9:56 AM
JAORE said...: I chose my mother in law well.

I have a nephew that just got a divorce. His ex still expects to attend all family functions. Held one recently at a small city assembly hall. She lurked in an adjoining room staring into our gathering the entire time.

Creepy.; 11/20/18, 10:04 AM
PM said...: At my birthday dinner, daughter-in-law threw her gift at me and stormed out of the room. 2 notes to self: avoid Reno v. Flores with Millennials, and, she's got a pretty decent arm.; 11/20/18, 10:26 AM
Yancey Ward said...: I guess I have been lucky- never had a rude guest in my home.; 11/20/18, 10:47 AM
I Have Misplaced My Pants said...: Invited a friend with kids over to trick or treat with us on Halloween. Brought her boyfriend with her (surprise!), who was drunk (we don't even drink at our house, let alone around kids, let alone getting actually drunk, let alone when going uninvited to SO's friend's house). While my friend and I were getting the kids ready to leave he lay down on my couch and passed out. While we were trick or treating he got up, rummaged in my fridge and ate my boxed leftovers from the restaurant I had lunched at.; 11/20/18, 10:48 AM
tim maguire said...: In college I had a "friend" who I let stay with me for a couple weeks. Until I found out he was selling my CD collection a few at a time for beer money. For years afterwards, I would periodically look for some recording to listen to and have a "Jim!" moment.; 11/20/18, 11:07 AM
glenn said...: I had a rude guest once long ago. When the dinner was over I walked him out to his car, thanked him for coming and told him, nicely, not to come back.; 11/20/18, 11:24 AM
Andrew said...: One of the few good things about my former marriage was my relationship with my in-laws (both parents and siblings). They treated me with far more kindness and respect than my wife. Occasionally they would give me a signal to indicate, "We know what you're going through. We know what she's like. We regret that you have to deal with this." My mother-in-law treated me as an adopted son, and we had remarkable conversations. My wife would usually just give me the silent treatment. It was very strange. Once in awhile my wife would complain that her mother always took my side in an argument. I didn't even realize we were having an argument, since walking on eggshells was my default state of being. But once the divorce began, it was impossible to maintain a relationship with any of them. Losing my in-laws as a family was one of the greatest losses in my divorce. It's one they don't usually tell you to expect. I don't miss my ex-wife, but I do miss her family.

Thank you for listening, my Althouse therapy support group.; 11/20/18, 11:28 AM
My name goes here. said...: Althouse Therapy Support Group is the name of my new band.; 11/20/18, 11:35 AM
Rocketeer said...: While we were trick or treating he got up, rummaged in my fridge and ate my boxed leftovers from the restaurant I had lunched at.

Good grief; 11/20/18, 11:46 AM
Rocketeer said...: I don't miss my ex-wife, but I do miss her family.

Fairly recently divorced here - I try very, very hard to limit interaction with my ex (which is difficult when you share custody and co-parent), but my ex-father-in-law and I continue to thoroughly enjoy seeing each other weekly (he watches the kids after school at my house on Mondays) and still go out for a beer together from time to time. I count myself very lucky in that regard. Aside from my children, my in-laws may have been the only people more surprised than me when my ex dropped the divorce bombshell on me.; 11/20/18, 11:54 AM
Rosalyn C. said...: I can relate to Tim McGuire's story. I was out of town and let a friend stay at my place for the weekend. He was traveling with a friend of his. When I returned I noticed my best sable brush was missing. I never imagined that someone would return my kindness in that way. I couldn't imagine doing something like that. Is that called rudeness or something else?; 11/20/18, 11:56 AM
jim said...: Wow, I like that (get out of your house so we'uns can cook.). I'll try that one on my son-in-law.; 11/20/18, 12:20 PM
Fernandinande said...: Until I found out he was selling my CD collection a few at a time for beer money.

Jeemineez. At least the guy who stole my bike (and money) was just a friend of a friend.; 11/20/18, 12:32 PM
prairie wind said...: The guy I was seeing once in awhile (long distance relationship...a foolish one) came to stay a few days. He started drinking when he arrived and kept drinking. He spilled coffee all over my couch and didn't tell me. He kept drinking. I finally took him to a hospital detox unit and left him there for the rest of his vacation. Long distance was the best thing about that relationship.

In my moments when I make elaborate plans for how to handle a rude guest (or a sister...whatever), I imagine myself saying, "Oh, I'm so sorry you cannot stay" while I walk them out the door.; 11/20/18, 12:38 PM
RigelDog said...: When I went to college, two of my best friends from high school ended up in the same dorm and we were all very happy that happened. Two years later, Stacy and I moved to a one bedroom apartment near campus and Colleen stayed in the dorm because it was less expensive for her in the long run and she was on a very tight budget. Unfortunately, her new dorm mate was a horrible person, so much so that she couldnt' stand to even be in the same room with her. Stacy and Colleen came to me and said that Colleen would like to be able to move in for Spring semester and stay with us, sleeping on our couch. However she couldn't afford to pay towards the rent and she ate on campus so no contribution towards food. It was a small apartment. I put up with coming home day after day with Colleen and her boyfriend staked out on the couch, watching what they wanted on TV. Awkward and instrusive--I mostly stayed in the bedroom for that whole semester. Colleen was a brat or a thief and she didn't leave a mess, but it didn't seem to occur to her that she should limit the amount of time her boyfriend was there. The really rude part? She NEVER thanked me beyond maybe at the time of the initial consent I gave to let her move in, and at the end of the semester, she dropped me as a friend. Told me I wasn't a bad person but she just didn't want to ever have anything to do with me ever again. I've never been broken up with by a friend before or since and it still hurts like hell.; 11/20/18, 12:46 PM
RigelDog said...: Correction: Colleen was NOT a brat or a thief.; 11/20/18, 12:47 PM
Anthony said...: Not Thanksgiving, but I went to my GF's parents' house for dinner the first time. Mom, dad, and grandma.

No. One. Said. A. Word.

Grandma muttered something in German once. That was it.; 11/20/18, 12:47 PM
Jim at said...: I guess I have been lucky - never had a rude guest in my home.

Luck is the residue of design.; 11/20/18, 12:49 PM
MadisonMan said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 11/20/18, 12:54 PM
MadisonMan said...: I have lived a lucky life, I guess.; 11/20/18, 12:54 PM
tim maguire said...: Andrew, is it hopeless? I ask because there have been a few divorces in my family and while we are happy to be rid of some of them, we are still very close to the ones we like.; 11/20/18, 1:29 PM
DanTheMan said...: Rigel... why does it hurt? She did you a great favor by getting g out of your life forever.; 11/20/18, 1:46 PM
PackerBronco said...: I like my in-laws more than I like my family - after all I chose them. No choice with my family.; 11/20/18, 2:55 PM
Aussie Pundit said...: I wonder how many people read about things like this and read the reactions, and realise that they are the bad guys. But say nothing.; 11/20/18, 3:17 PM
Andrew said...: @Tim Maguire,
Thanks for asking. Yeah, I don't think reconciliation is possible. They live far away in a different state. I would only see them when we visited together as a couple. And unfortunately, I think they believed her side of the story, despite knowing her capacity to be manipulative.; 11/20/18, 4:17 PM
Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...: in the Era of Trump, this may become more prevalent; 11/20/18, 4:43 PM
gilbar said...: back in college, my roommate got a girlfriend; good for him!
But, then, i came home for lunch; and she was there, by herself, watching tv.
I said, hi! and made lunch. When it was 12:00*, i went to the living room and she was still watching some soap.
I said; "umm, it's time for the Floppy Show**"
and she said; "oh, i'm watching All my children" (or, whatever soap it was)
and i said; "but, it's time for the Floppy Show?"

and it was like she actually thought that you weren't supposed to watch the Floppy Show

12:00* or was it 12:30, i can't remember
the Floppy Show** Why did the man put the car in the oven? He wanted to make time fly; 11/20/18, 6:08 PM
DEEBEE said...: Dear, you parents were rude so TALAK TALAK TALAK; 11/20/18, 6:41 PM
RigelDog said...: Rigel... why does it hurt? She did you a great favor by getting g out of your life forever. }}}

I appreciate your asking. I'm "over it" but it still stings if I think about it. Many reasons that it was a deep wound, I guess. The "dump" came out of left field. I had been really close to her in high school; I was a nerd and she was one of the few fellow nerds. She was much more my friend than she was Stacey's friend when we went to college, but somehow it ended up being her and Stacey against me?? Having to accept that someone I respected deeply and looked up to thought that there was something so fundamentally terrible about me that she couldn't bear to socialize at all with me anymore?; 11/20/18, 7:27 PM
Stephanie Richer Took a Picture said...: I used to be close friends with this priest, whose milquetoast of a brother was married to the pushiest broad (let's call her Martha). In the spirit of "we're all faaaaaamily," she announced to me that I was hosting her and her husband for Thanksgiving. Fine, whatever. Then told me I cannot have Brussel sprouts because her Walter doesn't like them. Uh, no - he doesn't have to eat them.

Thanksgiving comes and the priest shows up with his brother and Martha. They had just come from the home of some other friends of his and for the next two hours, all we heard was Martha complaining how FILTHY their house was, how she thought as a mandated reporter (she is a nurse practicioner) she should file a report, how she was afraid to eat anything (at about 70 pounds overweight, I'm sure she did), and generally ragged on this other family - the one with four young children - while the priest became visibly more embarrassed. Milquetoast Walter just sat there.

So, finally Thanksgiving dinner is served. She frowned at the sight of the Brussel sprouts, but before we could begin to say a blessing, she barked, "WALTER! PUT OUT YOUR HANDS!" And then proceeded to remove a giant, economy-sized pump bottle of Purell from her bag that she plopped on the table. She pumped some into Walter's hands, then her own, and then said we could begin.; 11/21/18, 11:39 AM
Tomcc said...: Stephanie Richer- great story! I assume this is now a tradition?
I have only good memories of family get-togethers growing up; large family- every one got along pretty well. However, I moved out to the west coast, got married. Our first Christmas together we invited my new in-laws. FIL passed out on the couch shortly after arriving. Not the worst event, but pretty embarrassing.; 11/21/18, 3:32 PM