November 6, 2018

"In an interview with The Times, Brandon Wade, the founder of SeekingArrangement, said his dating platform, which he has rebranded as Seeking, is not a vehicle for prostitution."

"The terms of service, he said, prohibit transactions for sex; the site simply seeks to bring the role that money plays in mating out in the open. 'We want to drive people to talk honestly on the first date about who they are and what they expect to gain from a relationship, just like you discuss in any business relationship and any business arrangement,' he said. If anything, a 'sugar baby' hoping to find a lasting arrangement with 'a good provider' should withhold sex for as long as possible, said the thrice-divorced Mr. Wade, who also runs other dating sites including OpenMinded.com, which promotes so-called 'ethical cheating.' 'The moment you give sex, you have lost all your power,' he said. That was a key theme of the keynote presentation he delivered at a Sugar Baby Summit (exploring 'the strategy behind living the sugar lifestyle') that he organized.... There, some 200 attendees, many silkily coifed young women, paid $50 apiece for admission to panels on topics like styling, personal branding and 'financial literacy.'"

From "A ‘Sugar Date’ Gone Sour/In the fuzzy space between jobs and relationships, there’s a lot that can go wrong" (NYT).

ADDED:From the SeekingArrangement website, an explanation of "What it means to be a Sugar Baby":
The Seeking.com Sugar Baby is empowered, because she is unafraid of setting a higher standard of whom they want in a romantic relationship hypergamy , and doing what is necessary to find that — even if society frowns on their approach.
The link on "hypergamy" goes to a page on the site headed "What is hypergamy?":
Hypergamy is the term social scientists use to refer to the phenomenon of women prioritizing wealth or social status in mate selection. Hypergamy is commonly referred to as trading or marrying up. There is a great deal of research that supports the notion that hypergamy plays a big part in female mate selection. Awareness of this female mating preference has caused a moral panic that upon consideration reveals itself as unjustified.

40 comments:

Henry said...

Where is Gary Hart when you need him?

Ralph L said...

Can they get instruction on pre-nups, NDAs, and finding creepy porn lawyers?

Fernandistein said...

What it Means to be a
Sugar Baby
(chick looks like a third-world prostitute).

What it Means to be a Sugar Daddy (guy looks...untrustworthy)

Fernandistein said...

"A ‘Sugar Date’ Gone Sour/In the fuzzy space between jobs and relationships, there’s a lot that can go wrong" (NYT reveals their puritan streak).

Shouting Thomas said...

Feminists write frequently on the subject of women finding alternatives to emotional and sexual dependence on one man. It's empowering! Strikes fear in the heart of the patriarchy! Dildos are empowering! Sex work is empowering! Lesbianism is, too!

When men seek to find alternatives to emotional and sexual dependence on one woman, they're creeps who probably can't score on sex appeal alone.

prairie wind said...

FOSTA/SESTA made online platforms (like SeekingArrangement, for example) legally responsible for any user-posted illegal content. It will be interesting to see if this guy found a way to let people talk about "expectations" without getting arrested and shut down.

RK said...

I hope that someday I can afford a hot 24 year-old sugar baby. In the meantime, it's interesting to peruse the site. The women can be really naive.

Sydney said...

When I read that NYT article about the Sugar Daddy date gone wrong, I thought to myself, "Honey, that's why you need a pimp."

TreeJoe said...

I can appreciate that the business seeks to make transparent what is usually beaten around the bush (pun intended).

There's value to society in making women and men who seek relationships based upon financial bring come out into the open about it rather than seeking to hide it.

Whether or not it should be acceptable is a different matter.

I've known, but never dated, women who put access to a man's finances at the top of their list for what they wanted in a mate. Those who seek to blind their mate to that fact are in essence performing embezzlement because their intent is not to stick around beyond access to such funds OR if a greater source of funds becomes available.

Dave Begley said...

Another crazy liberal idea that is destroying American culture. We have a marriage crisis in America today. Something like 40-60% of all American children are born out of wedlock. Not good.

I was speaking with a younger and unmarried female attorney the other day; a friend. The topic turned to marriage. She said, "How do I benefit?" Cui bono?

My thought was, "love and affection, companionship and sex" and in that order. Money didn't cross my mind.

Darrell said...

Taking $50 from whores.
Whores used to be smarter.

Lucid-Ideas said...

Taking $50 from whores. Whores used to be smarter.

+1000

Not to mention but he's really short-changing himself....The refund-rate for whores is going up!!! (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/15/admin/stormy-daniels-lawsuit-dismissed-trump.html)


Brandon Wade - "I can't believe I got these tarts to pay me $50/piece to learn how to be better hookers!!!"

Trump - "Hold my beer...."


Dave Begley said...

And, of course, there is this great line delivered by Lindsay Lohan (script by Nancy Meyers) from "The Parent Trap,"

"If you ask me, marriage should be about more than sex."

traditionalguy said...

Marriage is a social bargain. Romance and intimate love are the extras. The goal is to have it all.

SDaly said...

she is unafraid of setting a higher standard of whom they want in a romantic relationship

She is also unafraid of bad grammar.

Pianoman said...

People are using the Internet to engage in money for SEX?

O Shocked! Shocked! Shocked Am I!

Heavens, I've got the vapors! I must retreat to my sitting room!

Leland said...

I have no issues with this. I agree that relationships are better in the long run with financial goals are discussed before long term commitment. But as a man that makes a nice paycheck; I would never be interested in finding a mate from such a service, as I can't think of anything I want from the woman seeking men through this system.

I chose my wife because she brings as much to the table as I do and therefore always challenges me.

Pianoman said...

Why doesn't someone just write Uber For Sex Workers in the U.S., and then the police can stop worrying about what adults do in the privacy of their own wallets?

I mean, who cares about the sex part? The *true* objection to prostitution is when it's out in the open, on the street. If you get it into a smartphone app, then the whole thing "goes underground". Figure out a way to protect the sex workers from violence, figure out a way to protect the Johns from embarrassment, and then watch the tax revenue roll in.

Then the cops can take their Prostitution Budget Line Item, and redirect it towards something useful, like, oh I dunno, real crimes that hurt people ...

Pianoman said...

Seriously -- don't "adult actors" get paid to have sex? Do cops have "vice squads" that arrest *them*?

"That's different, because .... uh, because ...."

Gretchen said...

Here's a thought ladies, spend your time getting a better job, don't screw some ugly rich ass.

YoungHegelian said...

Sugar-babying is debasing for the woman, because then she's shelling out sex to some pervert for an allowance.

Real empowered modern women stay on Tinder, where they shell out sex to multiple perverts for free.

Crazy Jane said...


There's a meme wandering around these days that the introduction of the birth control pill -- which separated sex from consequences and turned sexual fulfillment into a worthy goal in and of itself -- was when adult culture in this country began its descent into degradation.

I'm starting to see the logic.

Bill Peschel said...

Meanwhile at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse, the chancellor paid Nina Hartley five grand to tell the students having paid sex is empowering.

Meanwhile, UnderArmour is telling its employees they can't put visits to the strip club on their corporate credit cards anymore.

What a schitzoid country.

prairie wind said...

I mean, who cares about the sex part? The *true* objection to prostitution is when it's out in the open, on the street. If you get it into a smartphone app, then the whole thing "goes underground". Figure out a way to protect the sex workers from violence, figure out a way to protect the Johns from embarrassment, and then watch the tax revenue roll in.

Agreed. Prostitution is much safer when buyers/sellers can connect online. No need to get into cars of strangers, no need to advertise by standing on a street corner where pimps and cops can find you. FOSTA/SESTA made life much more dangerous for prostitutes because it removed the safety of staying indoors.

While buyers/sellers certainly don't need my approval, prostitution is not an occupation or a service I recommend BUT if someone needs or wants to buy/sell sex, they ought to be able to do it without worry of arrest.

gilbar said...

If anything, a 'sugar baby' hoping to find a lasting arrangement with 'a good provider' should withhold sex for as long as possible,
'The moment you give sex, you have lost all your power,' he said.


Maybe he should have renamed his site; THE DAIRY ?

Pianoman said...

There's a meme wandering around these days that the introduction of the birth control pill -- which separated sex from consequences and turned sexual fulfillment into a worthy goal in and of itself -- was when adult culture in this country began its descent into degradation.

Two other important factors, IMHO: 1) No-fault divorce; 2) Roe V. Wade.

buwaya said...

In other places and other times, or this place and time, for all I know, it was customary for rich and powerful men to take mistresses, traditionally set up in their own little household, an urban pied-a-terre for preference. Or if there were children, some modest but comfortable place in the country. It often amounted to taking a second wife.

This system seems to amount to that ancient one, if rather less civilized than cruising for available women at the opera.

tim in vermont said...

If you can afford to be a sugar daddy, and you still feel like you need it to get sex from attractive women, you are doing something wrong.

tim in vermont said...

Feminism was invented by horny teenage boys.

Pianoman said...

@Prarie Wind sez: "Prostitution is much safer when buyers/sellers can connect online"

Uber has disconnected the messiness of cash transactions between the party that wants service (rider), and the party who wants to provide that service (driver). And it's added the benefit of a ratings system, which causes the system to self-regulate. Bad drivers don't remain on Uber for long, and bad customers won't get picked up by drivers. It's like Ebay in that sense: Bad sellers won't get customers, and bad buyers won't find sellers.

There's built-in motivation for everyone involved in an Uber transaction to be on their best behavior.

Uber has solved the transaction problem, and that's the biggest hurdle in getting prostitution converted to a smartphone app. Using my fictitious app, a John/Jane would register his/her credit card, the sex workers would register themselves as "providers", and the rest is just a detail.

It's just a matter of time that this will happen. Hell, I'd do it myself if I was 25 again. Not interested at all in prostitution, but I'm definitely interested in police officers getting out of the business of pestering consenting adults who just want to have sex.

The Drill SGT said...

On the topic of hypergamy and internet dating sites in general including SA, Match, etc,

Be they Neanderthals or Modern Feminists, women have always selected mates based on three basic criteria:
- can he protect me and my offspring
- can he provide for same
- will he stick around

there are lots of other fringe criteria, but that is the heart of female mate selection.

SA makes the process more transparent.

Darrell said...

I gave my sugar baby candy and boxes of granulated sugar. She went out for a pack of smokes and hasn't come back yet.

madAsHell said...

Isn't this just a variation of the old joke......"no, I didn't pay her for sex, I paid her to go away!"

Big Mike said...

And here I thought hypergamy was polygamy but with waaaay more sex partners and waaaay fewer wedding bands.

Kyzer SoSay said...

The girl from the article has that "hard" look that is most often achieved from years of riding the cock carousel. I doubt this is her first foray into sex-for-money.

Big Mike said...

Cruder way to describe hypergamy: “When you’re rich and famous they let you grab ‘em by the pussy.”

The Drill SGT said...

Big Mike said...

An ugly man is an ugly man,

but a rich ugly man is a rich man.

Big Mike said...

@Drill SGT, with respect, Drill Sergeant! I don't believe that I said that in precisely that way.

Yes, Drill Sergeant, fifty it is.

The Drill SGT said...

those were my words that fairly well aligned with yours

Big Mike said...

That's good. BCT was almost 50 years ago, and 50 pushups ain't in me anymore. (Though I shoot an M14 -- Springfield Armory M1A -- better now than I did then.)