Althouse: "My kitten is purring so loudly that it hurts my ears, and the neighbors are already complaining. What should I do?"

August 19, 2018

"My kitten is purring so loudly that it hurts my ears, and the neighbors are already complaining. What should I do?"

A Quora question I love.

Who needs answers when there are questions like that? (Stop! Don't answer!)

31 comments:

JMW Turner said...: Cat Helper?; 8/19/18, 6:32 PM
Bruce Hayden said...: ""My kitten is purring so loudly that it hurts my ears, and the neighbors are already complaining. What should I do?""

Shoot the cat?

Not sure of the correct answer, so I just took a shot at it.; 8/19/18, 6:34 PM
Birkel said...: Laser pointer?; 8/19/18, 6:38 PM
buwaya said...: This is silly.
Cats don't purr that loud.
Fake news. To the extent it is news.; 8/19/18, 6:47 PM
tcrosse said...: Not only that, but the damn kitten is stomping around so much that the windows shake.; 8/19/18, 7:09 PM
langford peel said...: Don't finger your pussy and get it all excited and you solve the problem.; 8/19/18, 7:21 PM
stevew said...: There are only two choices: ignore the cat or euthanize it.

-sw; 8/19/18, 7:23 PM
Rory said...: Show it a picture of a hyena. If the kitten eats the picture, move slowly toward the door.; 8/19/18, 7:27 PM
Ann Althouse said...: The Guiness Record for cat purring is 67 decibels.; 8/19/18, 7:30 PM
BUMBLE BEE said...: holy shit...

https://intellectualfroglegs.com/the-media-that-cried-trump/; 8/19/18, 7:31 PM
rehajm said...: It’s the footie massage back and forth thing that kills you; 8/19/18, 7:33 PM
Unknown said...: My dog is barking so much that my neighbor blasted his airhorn as signal to me to bring his ass inside. #realpeopleproblems; 8/19/18, 7:38 PM
n.n said...: list of common noises and their decibel levels

55 – 70dB dishwasher

110dB baby crying

White Noise - Cat Purring (8 Hours)

Just because you can, I suppose.

Purrli - The Virtual Cat

The Pussyhat Protesters Inauguration Protest 2017

Elective abortion is a human rite. Yes, it is.; 8/19/18, 7:49 PM
gilbar said...: if you exchange the Cat with the synonym Pussy, it's Much funnier; 8/19/18, 8:05 PM
traditionalguy said...: Get the cat a CPAP machine.; 8/19/18, 8:09 PM
rhhardin said...: Make the cat more content. A patented Hardin shoulder knead should work. Then stop.; 8/19/18, 8:23 PM
Jeff said...: Keep the cat. Shoot the neighbors.; 8/19/18, 8:37 PM
stephen cooper said...: the last time I made someone laugh by seriously asking a serious question was at the bank a couple months ago. They had, for a couple months, two or three of these little - a few inches high - flexible Polynesian dancing warrior and dancing queen of the island dolls on the bank counter, little toys that swayed back and forth depending on the amount of sunlight on their sun energy collection thing (as well as a happy dandelion, who similarly danced back and forth, a happy little creature with a face like the sun, and a pink lollipop, all of which swayed left and right at a quicker and slower pace depending on the amount of light that reached their little energy collecting panels), and one day I showed up and they were not there (not the people at the bank the little toys).

So I asked where they were and the teller said they were not allowed to have them on the counter anymore.

For a few minutes we went over my bank account issues (a check or two deposited, some cash reimbursed, making sure a check had cleared, and my usual request for a roll of nickels, and to have the disbursed cash in any denomination, but preferably the newest and freshest bills possible) ... and when we were done the teller said thank you and instead of asking "is there anything more that we can do for you" asked "do you have any more questions?"

I couldn't help myself. I looked at her for a few seconds, with a puzzled look, and finally I asked her "are the little toys ever coming back"?

The teller laughed, the teller to her right laughed, the teller to her left laughed, and the person at the desk in the background behind the tellers, going over his paperwork, made that sound you make when you want to laugh but do not want to spit out the coffee you just drank onto your keyboard.

While I was happy to make some bored people laugh on a dull day (thousands of people have done that for me and I am glad to return the favor, when I can) ... the cheap little Polynesian plastic dolls, the happy plastic dandelion, and the smiling swaying anthropomorphic sun have not yet, to date, returned. Not the pink lollipop either.

Que sera, sera, as Doris Day likes to say.; 8/19/18, 8:39 PM
Bay Area Guy said...: Q: ""My kitten is purring so loudly that it hurts my ears, and the neighbors are already complaining. What should I do?""

A: "Grab the pussy by the pussy"; 8/19/18, 9:20 PM
Howard said...: a sack some rocks a string and a river; 8/19/18, 9:40 PM
Howard said...: maybe a multivitamin will help; 8/19/18, 9:41 PM
Ignorance is Bliss said...: My kitten is purring so loudly that it hurts my ears, and the neighbors are already complaining.

Humble-brag; 8/19/18, 9:49 PM
stephen cooper said...: Howard - John Cheever started a novel that way (with a scene of the killing of kittens). He was a profoundly unhappy man, and made the people around him unhappy, despite his worldly success.; 8/19/18, 9:50 PM
Yancey Ward said...: Hide her vibrator.; 8/20/18, 12:06 AM
Bad Lieutenant said...: Stephen Cooper said...
Howard - John Cheever started a novel that way (with a scene of the killing of kittens). He was a profoundly unhappy man, and made the people around him unhappy, despite his worldly success.

8/19/18, 9:50 PM

I see you've met our Howard.; 8/20/18, 5:58 AM
Bob Boyd said...: Knit the kitty a little muffler.; 8/20/18, 7:30 AM
Fernandinande said...: "What should I do?"

Dream up a believable question.; 8/20/18, 7:43 AM
SeanF said...: Althouse: Who needs answers when there are questions like that? (Stop! Don't answer!)

What if there were no rhetorical questions?; 8/20/18, 8:30 AM
Jaq said...: Why do I think of the line “Ward, you were awfully hard on the Beaver last night.”; 8/20/18, 8:31 AM
Kay said...: The first answer to the question is pretty great.

Recently I’ve been house-sitting a cat (having never owned one myself) and I’ve been pretty shocked by how loud it can purr.; 8/20/18, 9:58 AM
Rick.T. said...: I call bs on this one as well; 8/20/18, 10:28 AM