The actual caption is: "You can get the pillow fort back when you bring Mommy some good news."
I'm sure you can do better because it really makes me feel like lashing back, mostly because I empathize with little kids. But I'll throw it over to you.
August 31, 2018
Guess the caption on today's New Yorker cartoon of the day.
It's not one of the caption contest drawings. This was drawn for a specific caption, but guess what it is (or say something funnier):
The actual caption is: "You can get the pillow fort back when you bring Mommy some good news."
I'm sure you can do better because it really makes me feel like lashing back, mostly because I empathize with little kids. But I'll throw it over to you.
The actual caption is: "You can get the pillow fort back when you bring Mommy some good news."
I'm sure you can do better because it really makes me feel like lashing back, mostly because I empathize with little kids. But I'll throw it over to you.
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132 comments:
I'm in my Safe Space. Bring Mommy a glass of wine.
Wait until your Father leaves home.
I can't find the missing eye of your bear, but I did find my pussy.
"Shorts-wearing midget, why do you torment me?"
",,, and by good news I mean bad news for Trump. Don't bother me with good news for the country, there's plenty of that, that's the problem!"
Kid: "I made a video to send to FailArmy. Now make me a sammich."
Crazy mothers. Don't leave home without one.
Seriously, children are seen as dealing with reality better than their disassociated personality parents these days.
"what's the matter, sonny-- never seen a priest in drag?"
"Who forted?"
I am Laslo.
"Mommy, you can't make pillow forts for shit."
Kid: "It's difficult to make Danish Modern even uglier, but you did it. Plus you're leaving newsprint smudges on that wretched berber carpet."
"Daddy will be done in a minute."
Mommy - would you like me to bring you your sippy Cortex-Nixon-Abolish-ICE-pacifier?
Great captions so far.
I was just thinking of the kid asking where the matches are.
The cartoon must be seen from the "New Yorker" viewpoint. The mother is overwhelmed by seeing only depressing news.
Actually, there is plenty of good news out there. The mother sees only depressing news because she is a New Yorker reader. She has Trump Derangement Syndrome.
For ordinary people, the cartoon and caption make no sense.
"You'll have to be the adult today. I'm too outraged to be responsible."
Mommy who is Ruth Bader Ginsburg and why are all the guys and girls on TV crying?
“But Kelsey, yesterday you said you were a little boy and Teddy was a little girl. What changed?”
Mommy who is Ruth Bader Ginsburg and why are all the guys and girls on TV crying?
Early winner. I can't touch this.
Hi, I would like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.
Kid: "Maybe a Valium will reduce the damage from your next Trump Derangement Convulsions."
Grow up mommy. She lost.
"The cartoon must be seen from the "New Yorker" viewpoint. The mother is overwhelmed by seeing only depressing news."
More basic than that is that the cartoon is from the mother's point of view. The child is just there to be spoken to. It's assumed that the reader will so identify with the woman that her failure to care about the needs of her own child will be shunted aside for the fun of empathizing with the mother.
That's the same approach to the subject matter that Roseanne used. It lets a lot of hostility to children find expression.
And I realize that in saying that, I'm being part of The Era of That's Not Funny.
Would any New Yorker reader:
- look like this mom?
- show cleavage in such an unfashionable top?
- have a child?
- have a child who built a cushion fort?
- know what a cushion fort is?
And do I care what New Yorker readers think?
You don't like our new home in California?
Kid: I don't think Pilates is supposed to look like that.
Far better captions in these comments than the original. Good work!
Kid: "Jesus Christ, you've got big ugly feet! Didn't they rediscover prospective in the Renaissance?"
What a drag it is getting old
hat/tip to Ralph L. for the prompt.
The cartoon must be seen from the "New Yorker" viewpoint.
"Your other mommy will be done in a minute."
“Darling, I’m all wrapped up in Myanmar. Go ask your father. “
“But if we put our tent outside, bad men with guns might shoot Teddy.”
"Next year you'll be old enough for us to go to the real Burning Man."
I was just thinking of the kid asking where the matches are.
It took me a while to get this one. Talk about hostility.
"You can relax, mommy, Hillary will never be president."
I keep trying to come up with a caption, but fail. There are lots of silly things about the comic, many of them unintentional, but nothing that gives me a good one liner.
Right now, I am wondering if the newspapers are there because she has the same bathroom habits as a caged bird.
“But your father never actually cooked weenies here in the living room, did he.”
"You better clear out, they'll have their artillery within range by evening, and we can't stop them. "
"Mommy, is this because I have cancer?"
I am Laslo.
Kid: Mom, if you turn that lamp on to read, you will burn down the house.
"That's not funny."
"Everything is ok Mommy, just stay there until the mid terms are over."
"My wife is a slut." (h/t Cosmo Kramer)
"You've got to stop watching CNN mommy, and reading the WaPo, everyone knows it's all bullshit."
"Mommy will pay attention to you when you learn to say something worth tweeting"
"Mommy, who's 'The Jackal' and what did he mean when he told me that I "couldn't protect my women"?
Mom, that pillow lifeboat won't save you from Global Warming.
"For ordinary people, the cartoon and caption make no sense."
It's merely a commentary on contemporary mores. Alternatively, it can be noted that the cartoon is like gossamer, and one doesn't dissect gossamer.
Or it may just be a vorshtein.
"I couldn't find any Oreos."
Typical afternoon with a toddler after he tosses around the recycling pile of newsprint and magazines.
"I was just checking, and those stocks you sold the day after the election could have covered my college tuition by now. Oh yeah, and a little dab of creme rinse wouldn't hurt, the size of a dime."
"Don't worry Mommy, the economy will get bad again and the help won't be so uppity."
"Sorry, kid. It' a She-Tent now."
"Mommy, I am the good news."
No, mom, I don't want to become a girl.
Kid: So I can't get my "E"s straight. I can still get into Harvard since I'm not Asian.
"You can get the pillow fort back when you bring Mommy some good news."
"Um...I don't have facial ticks or pubic lice."
"I...uh...Well okay then."
Let's apply Burge's Law:
I think i'm going to kill myself
Yup. Still works.
Stock market up again. Unemployment down. Still no Russian collusion. God, it's depressing.
I think I'll kill myself.
it makes sense for every new yorker "cartoon".
You can get the pillow fort back when you bring Mommy her box of Chardonnay.
“No, darling, you can’t call Mr Bear ‘The Donald’”.
"Who says Occupy Living Room shows more solidarity than Occupy Playground?"
"I don't think you're a very good babysitter."
"Daddy still loves you, he just wanted to have a night to deal with seeing me with Uncle Dutch."
"See how fun it is to play 'homeless in San Francisco'. I even did a #2 on the carpet."
Iowahawk’s Law is that any New Yorker cartoon can be made funnier or remain just as funny with the caption: “I think I’m going to kill myself.”
It depresses me that blacks and Hispanic are getting jobs instead of being on welfare.
"Eat, pray & love didn't make you happy, Mommy?"
"Yes you got the vaccine. And no that doesn't explain why you are a little shit"
"Honey - I just read through forty pages of wise old sayings about mothers and sons, and none of them hit home. At all. So maybe let's have some alone time, ok?"
"You mean we AREN'T moving to Canada?"
Pay no attention to the man behind the cushion.
one of my personal "new Yorker"** faves:
Chicken and egg in bed.
Egg puffing casually on a post-coital cig. Caption:
"well, I guess that answers that old question"
** sadly, this was rejected, and ended up in the New Yorker Rejects cartoon collection. Apparently offended some Avain-Americans
Kid: "Carry on all you want, you're not getting my teddy..."
"When did you start walking?"
Pure deadpan. My favorite so far.
Here's a few:
"Dammit! I'm a mother, too?!"
*****
"When did you start walking?"
*****
"You're the poster child for toxic masculinity."
****
"Why aren't you a cat?"
****
"Mama, do you need a time out?"
(Edited to remove ugly blank spaces from earlier post)
"Yes, mother, but it's not five o'clock here, is it?"
Asia Argento told me that kids like forts....
Girls just want to have fun.
"There you go, Mama. I hope you feel better soon."
Listen you little patriarch, I’m occupying the living room because Mommy lives matter, and you can make your own damn sandwich!
"Mommy's practicing her Downward Facing Dog-tired."
"Look in the outer boroughs this time! Surely there's a responsible adult out there who will take you in."
She goes running for the shelter
of her mother's little helper
"Mommy is having substantial engagement with the materiality and cultural complexity of the pillow fort, so why don't you go home?"
More basic than that is that the cartoon is from the mother's point of view. The child is just there to be spoken to.
Interesting that I didn’t see it that way and neither did Ipso Fatso, dustbunny, Freeman Hunt, Trisngle Man, or Laslo with their suggested captions.
"I thought I aborted you."
Ok, Mommy, I get a real monkey for my birthday or I say Trump rules again.
"Mommy, did a Red Wave go through the living room?"
Make mommy a martini. Trump is still President.
I flipped through the New Yorker last week, and was amazed at how bad the cartoons are now.
But then the whole magazine is really a shadow of its former self.
Thank you Darrell.
Grow up mommy. She lost.
Perfect.
Sadly, I know way too many people - responsible adults, even - who refuse to do just that. They've become insufferable and 40 years of friendship is being sorely tested.
Actually, since its the New Yorker, it should be:
Go roll Mommy another Joint. Trump is still President.
Go get help. I'm stuck in a New Yorker cartoon.
Mommy, Dad said that the president wasn't talking about you when he said: "Lock her up!"
"Let me make this pillow fort great again"
This is Drogheda. You're Cromwell and I'm the Irish.
Little Timmy Weiner: Mommy, Ronan Farrow is at the door.
Kid- "Mommy, I just saw William Shawn's ghost in the kitchen. He said on a scale of 1 to 10, this cartoon sucks balls."
"I'll go get our pussy-cat hats, mama."
"The blanket? It's over the lamp to start a fire and burn the house down. Isn't Mommy funny?"
"Some Rethuglican told me there's no proof of Trump colluding with Russia. I've looked through 312 stacks of newspapers and all I can find are stories about Uranium One buried all the way on page E32. Go get me some more from the neighbor's shed."
"Mommy will not speak to you until you agree to be castrated.
Being nuts is fairly heritable: I have no doubt that many of these girls’ mothers were cutting themselves ( while listening to grunge) back in the 90s. If you remove their ovaries, these girls aren’t going to have descendants: end of story.
Darwin usually wins.
Check your parental privilege, beeyatch, and give me back my fort.
"Vive la Resistance!"
This is the best one:
"Timmy, quick! Go get Lassie!"
rcocean said...
I flipped through the New Yorker last week, and was amazed at how bad the cartoons are now.
The New Yorker cartoons were cleverly arch and occasionally inscrutable but always eagerly anticipated. Booth's dogs and Mankoff's captains of industry were favorites.
Even the stuff-WASPy-Easterners-like ads in the back of the magazine have declined. In the 70's I mail ordered a sleek, modern Swedish stainless steel and teak cheese plane, it cost almost a week's pay. It is still in use, solid and sharp as the day it arrived. We bought supple driving mocs and small bundles of fat wood.
The current literary content reflects the times. When everything revolves around tribal politics art suffers the most. Writers in particular must hew to the mindset-of-the-day or be ignored and unpublished.
Even Sci-Fi has been infected by the PC/SJW mind parasites.
I miss Gahan Wilson.
"Mommy, don't take the shutdown of the Village Voice so hard! Think of all the trees that won't have to die to satisfy your anachronistic reading habits!"
"Fuck off, Timmy. I'm not adulting today."
Things got a little out of hand -- it's just that lying son of a bitch Trump.
"I need to borrow your teddy bear."
Timmy, turn around and say Hi to Althouse.
"isn't 4.2 good enough?"
"I've been looking for a single headline in any newspaper about the Village Voice shutting down that uses the adjectives 'leftist' or 'left wing'. So far, just 'groundbreaking', 'venerable' and 'alternative'. I'm going to need more coffee."
Your fort? Your father and I purchased these furnishings and so you did not build this! Now stop sniveling and fetch mommy a nice glass of wine.
There is no Mom. There is only Zuul...
I miss George Booth.
"it really makes me feel like lashing back, mostly because I empathize with little kids."
That was exactly my reaction!
It's terrible that that lady did this to her kid.
Shame.
Althouse and I are sickened by this situation.
Obviously countering this child abuse must be a top priority re blogging re bad stuff re America. We speak out for the children, well at least this one, who is being hurt in America today.
Althouse and I love caring about the wellbeing of children. Thankfully DJT is working tirelessly to help children, esp like the one who was abused by her mother here.
MAGA!
Dad! Mom's been watching Wes Anderson again!
Anywho,
Caption:
"No those aren't dad's feet, he isn't hidden onatop in here doin' what gots ta be done."
It's called papernews and you lie on your stomach and "read" and it's like being pioneer, the pictures don't move.
Mommy, don't take the shutdown of the Village Voice so hard!
?
My God ! ! !
I went to NYU. The Village Voice... Was the Village's Voice.
I wish I'd known.
I know you're homeless but that's my fort.
Mommy is a lush who writes a weekly blog for Gender Queer website.
"Mom, it's 12 o'clock. Clean up your room, brush your teeth, and go to bed. I've got school tomorrow."
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