March 1, 2018

Don't "laugh and point at the penile member," "say that your husband did it exactly the same way," or "imitate Joan Rivers."

"Sex is a perverse little devil and the minute you ignore it, it has a serious temper tantrum and tries every trick in the book to get you to notice. It clamors for your attention until it gets it, at which point it disappears."

Wrote Cynthia Heimel in "Sex Tips for Girls," a 1983 collection of columns that had run in The Village Voice.
When an incoming Village Voice editor fired her in 1997 — he called her writing “predictable” before dismissing her — she told The New York Post, “I feel like I’ve walked into a Kafka novel where old stupid guys get to fire you.”
I'm sorry to say I'm quoting from her obituary (in the NYT). Ms. Heimel was 70 years old and had been living with dementia.

Here's "Sex Tips for Girls" at Amazon, in case you want to read the 1980s version of the kind of thing we see so much of today, when we are overloaded with alternative media. It was fresher then. Here's another book of hers, with a fantastic cover that I remember seeing in bookstores (we had stores for books in those days):



And now we must live without Cynthia Heimel, who laughed back then about the notion that it was possible for anyone to be so important that without them we would die.

49 comments:

Bob Boyd said...

"Don't "laugh and point at the penile member,""

And if you're teasing the cat with a laser, don't put the red dot on the penile member.

rhhardin said...

Naked guys look a lot less ridiculous than naked women.

Female models have to strike a pose to make the look work. Guys can just stand around.

Etienne said...

That green telephone gives me the creeps.

Bay Area Guy said...

I didn't know this woman, but I already like her. Sorry to see her go.

Quaestor said...

“I feel like I’ve walked into a Kafka novel where old stupid guys get to fire you.”

She should have said she felt like she had just walked onto the set of The Apprentice.

I just wanted to be the first to make that obvious wisecrack. ARM cannot accuse me of stealing his thunder. It's more like a an intestinal noise than an atmospheric one.

tim in vermont said...

”Don't "laugh and point at the penile member"

I am trying to figure out the down side in her world. Does she figure she has to take one for the team to avoid creating another serial killer?

tim in vermont said...

What’s all of this hate on “husband” sex, anyway? Didn’t she marry the guy? I guess marrying a girl for a guy is like turning thirty for a girl. The hate is like an onion.

tim in vermont said...

If she didn’t invent the bride and groom “Game Over” T-Shirt, she helped inspire it.

rehajm said...

I read The Village Voice in the 80s though I only recall Michael Musto, Life in Hell and the apartment for rent ads. The stories of her writing make me nostalgic for a time when writers wrote about things instead of pretending to write about things but really just want to find the thing to write that makes Trump go away.

I went to Limelight once or twice in 1986. Perhaps we crossed paths...

J. Farmer said...

"Don't 'laugh and point at the penile member,'"

Always funny to me when some women don't get the response from men they want, their first recourse is invariably to insult his penis size. Or his sexuality.

tcrosse said...

"Don't 'laugh and point at the penile member,'"

Especially not the tip.

Robert Cook said...

I used to read and enjoy Heimel's column in the Voice. RIP.

roadgeek said...

Thank you for posting this obit. The name rang a bell when I saw it, but your mention of her column in Playboy brought her back into focus. I would read her column about Women, but there was also a fellow named Asa Baber who wrote a column about Men. It was excellent, as was hers. I always read them both. Asa Baber died way too young, of Lou Gehrig's. He wrote about his decline in his Playboy column. Good stuff. Now Cynthia Heimel. Just a reminder that the grave awaits all our icons, even the minor ones.

Robert Cook said...

"Naked guys look a lot less ridiculous than naked women.

"Female models have to strike a pose to make the look work. Guys can just stand around."


Are you crazy?

Robert Cook said...

"Always funny to me when some women don't get the response from men they want, their first recourse is invariably to insult his penis size. Or his sexuality."

As opposed to men, who may call women "ugly" or "sluts" or "whores" or "bitches", or, worst of all, "fat."

tim in vermont said...

“She gets funnier, meaner and possibly even smarter, every time around.”

It’s pretty easy to be smart, funny, and mean. It’s also easy to lose sight of what you are really trying to accomplish and to alienate the people you are trying to bring along. Maybe her book is better than the excerpts make is sound, IDK.

StephenFearby said...

There is considerable data arguing that Alzheimers/Dementia is associated with brain inflammation.

There's a new Canadian LED gizmo out there called the Vielight Neuro Gamma that emits anti-inflammatory infrared light @ 810 nanometers. It has recently been used successfully in a number of case studies to improve dementia. The latest version ($1750 list) appears to work significantly better than the older version. A double-blind multi-center study has been registered in Clinical Trials and new multi-center trials are on the way.

https://vielight.com/clinical-studies/

Of course (Like a steroid shot) this type of intervention doesn't address the underlying CAUSE of brain inflammation. But there's a lot of science behind how and why it can work.


BBA Clin. 2016 Dec; 6: 113–124.
Shining light on the head: Photobiomodulation for brain disorders
Michael R. Hamblin, Harvard-MIT Division of Health Sciences and Technology

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5066074/pdf/main.pdf

(The older Vielight Neuro version is described in Section 6.2. Humans.)

YMMV

tim in vermont said...

As opposed to men, who may call women “ugly" or "sluts" or "whores" or "bitches", or, worst of all, "fat."

Do men who make their living doing this get the respect of a hagiographic NYT obit?

Ann Althouse said...

"Naked guys look a lot less ridiculous than naked women. "Female models have to strike a pose to make the look work. Guys can just stand around."

I've done hundreds of hours of life drawing, so I don't think naked people are ridiculous, but the males did have a lot more trouble finding good ways to pose.

By the way, did anyone watch the first episode of the new season of "Survivor"? They really went very heavily into male musculature this time. A reaction to #MeToo?

J. Farmer said...

@Robert Cook:

As opposed to men, who may call women "ugly" or "sluts" or "whores" or "bitches", or, worst of all, "fat."

And men are called "pricks" and "assholes" and "bastards." And I have a sense that women are much more likely to be called "sluts" or "whores" by other women rather than men. Most men, in my experience, do not have much of a problem with women who are sexually promiscuous.

Etienne said...

These French girls don't look too ridicules...

not work safe

Les femmes à la plage de Marseille

tim in vermont said...

I had nothing to do with the nut. The nut was not my idea. The nut
makes a statement that really does not hold up in the book. Yet people love
the cover. So what the hell.
. - Cynthia Heimel

Fernandinande said...

"Predictable" turned out to be correct.

n.n said...

Romance is dead. Aborted in a liberal rite.

Most men, in my experience, do not have much of a problem with women who are sexually promiscuous.

Other than fathers and daughters. However, we are open to other father's promiscuous daughters.

Realizing something internally, externally, and mutually consistent is a hard problem. Well, we get it mostly right, sometimes, maybe, mostly.

Robert Cook said...

"Most men, in my experience, do not have much of a problem with women who are sexually promiscuous.

Men who are regularly turned down by women are more likely than sexually successful men to resent sexually active women...for not sharing their favors with them. These are the men I propose will refer to women as whores, bitches, etc.

n.n said...

Les femmes à la plage de Marseille

They are young, fit, and attractive. Public exposure is not generally advisable, it is disruptive, but in context, it, they, are not ridiculous.

Bad Lieutenant said...

So that's why you stick around here? For the lulz? I believe this is a behavior known as "castrating."

Classy, as you say. It must be, it's Althouse's go-to.

Bad Lieutenant said...

Watch out for hookworm, ladies!

Bad Lieutenant said...

What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?

A slut sleeps with everybody.
A bitch sleeps with everybody EXCEPT YOU.

tim in vermont said...

These are the men I propose will refer to women as whores, bitches, etc.

So you like to bash life’s losers then? I guess being such a good lefty leaves you without any good outlets for such emotions.

Robert Cook said...

"'Naked guys look a lot less ridiculous than naked women. "Female models have to strike a pose to make the look work. Guys can just stand around."'

"I've done hundreds of hours of life drawing, so I don't think naked people are ridiculous, but the males did have a lot more trouble finding good ways to pose."



I have done thousands of hours of life drawing and one soon learns to appreciate the commonality and beauty of the human form. Most life models do not possess the idealized physiques one might imagine, (though some do). I didn't find males had any greater difficulty adopting good poses than women, or vice versa.

Robert Cook said...

"So you like to bash life’s losers then?"

Who says I'm bashing anyone?

Bilwick said...

I lived in Manhattan when she was popular. I remember liking her writing, although I can't recall much of it. My impression is that she was less of a party-liner than the majority of VOICE writers. Maybe that's why I liked her. I have always found sex more interesting than politics. Weird, huh?

Roughcoat said...

Naked guys look a lot less ridiculous than naked women. Female models have to strike a pose to make the look work. Guys can just stand around.

Uh, no. Unless, maybe, you're gay. Are you gay?

Roughcoat said...

A good-looking woman can stand any which way and look plenty hot. They don't look ridiculous to me. They look hot. As for guys, I dunno.

tim in vermont said...

Who says I'm bashing anyone?

Reject first, ask rhetorical questions later! It’s a script with you guys.

So you are then claiming that this statement is value neutral?

Men who are regularly turned down by women are more likely than sexually successful men to resent sexually active women...for not sharing their favors with them. These are the men I propose will refer to women as whores, bitches, etc.

If I said that men who found it impossible in a free market to make the kind of money they want to live the life-style that they feel that they deserve, men who are jealous of more successful men, who have nicer stuff, these are the men I propose are the ones who become socialists, who want to take away stuff from the other guys for themselves so they don’t have to feel lesser, you would say that I wasn’t bashing socialists? Good to know!

I know that there is nothing about most men that a healthy diet and some time at the gym won’t cure that’s keeping them from getting laid, and nothing about most men that showing up at work every day with a good attitude and sensible handling of money and good career choices that won’t make them relatively financially successful in America. Is that wrong to believe?

tim in vermont said...

I would just like to say that I think that Althouse’s click-bait headline did a dis-service to the woman’s memory, and led this thread down a bad path. She was a very funny and intelligent woman, and I don’t think that she is really “mean” at all, rather caring.

buwaya said...

"Les femmes à la plage de Marseille"

It is, perhaps, no surprise that Frenchmen would name thousands of natural features and/or objects of interest throughout their nation and empire "les mamelles", "la mamelle", "mamelon", etc.

Trumpit said...

"Naked guys look a lot less ridiculous than naked women."

I would change that to: Naked circumcised guys look ridiculous. Imagine Michelangelo's David with a circumcised penis, and you'll "see" my point.

Bilwick said...

That's not what my "ladies" have told me, Trumpit. A Gentile, I had "a hem stitched on my dick" (as a Philip Roth character put it), and for as esthetic reasons I'm glad I did; especially when I learned the majority of women whom I encountered preferred circumcised schlong to the other kind. One of them quoted Elaine Benes, commenting on uncircumsised scaling: "It was like it had no face." Mine has a face! Praise Jesus!

Bilwick said...

I meant "schlong" not "scaling." Damn autocorrect.

Bilwick said...

I meant "schlong" not "scaling." Damn autocorrect.

Bilwick said...

That's not what my "ladies" have told me, Trumpit. A Gentile, I had "a hem stitched on my dick" (as a Philip Roth character put it), and for as esthetic reasons I'm glad I did; especially when I learned the majority of women whom I encountered preferred circumcised schlong to the other kind. One of them quoted Elaine Benes, commenting on uncircumsised scaling: "It was like it had no face." Mine has a face! Praise Jesus!

sean said...

How sad, I used to love reading Cynthia Heimel. And she really wasn't that old.

Smart girl, to slip betimes away/From fields where glory does not stay/And early though the laurel grows/It withers quicker than the rose./Now you will not swell the rout/Of girls who wore their honors out/Writers whom renown outran/And the name died before the woman.

truth speaker said...

Thanks for printing/linking this.
I liked her writing and have(or 'had') 4 of her collections. Met her at a book signing. She complimented me on my pen - a Waterman.

Robert Cook said...

"So you are then claiming that this statement is value neutral?"

'Men who are regularly turned down by women are more likely than sexually successful men to resent sexually active women...for not sharing their favors with them. These are the men I propose will refer to women as whores, bitches, etc.'

Yes. In my opinion, it's a value-neutral statement. Now, it's hypothetical in nature, as I haven't done the research to ensure this is true, but this is my guess based on observation.

It's not bashing anyone to say that some men are successful with women and others are not, or that men have varying rates of sexual success with women.

It would have been bashing them if I'd referred to them as "losers" or "pathetic dweebs" or other such terms.

rhhardin said...

Women look ridiculous naked for mechanical-aesthetic reasons. Bits that jiggle and absorb energy and legs too far apart for proper running. A bad design for getting around. Posing involves minimizing that aspect to become a different kind of object.

Guys standing around, say in high school gym class, are all built for running. They're mechanically a good design.

Robert Cook said...

"I know that there is nothing about most men that a healthy diet and some time at the gym won’t cure that’s keeping them from getting laid, and nothing about most men that showing up at work every day with a good attitude and sensible handling of money and good career choices that won’t make them relatively financially successful in America. Is that wrong to believe?"

It's not wrong to believe, but you're talking about something else altogether--your opinion of what men can do to make themselves successful, rather then the state-of-mind of men who aren't. Beside, I don't think your belief is always true, as it doesn't take into account so many other factors, (psychological, emotional, educational, cultural, geographical, economic...the quantity of women or jobs available relative to the quantity of men, the quality of the women or jobs available relative to the needs of the men, decisions by women or employers completely independent of the available men that leave the some or many of the men without access to the respective resources, etc.).

Robert Cook said...

"Women look ridiculous naked for mechanical-aesthetic reasons. Bits that jiggle and absorb energy and legs too far apart for proper running. A bad design for getting around. Posing involves minimizing that aspect to become a different kind of object.

"Guys standing around, say in high school gym class, are all built for running. They're mechanically a good design."


Women are a good design for their function. Bearing babies requires wider hips to allow passage through the birth canal. The wider hips means their legs are further apart. This causes their hips to sway when they walk, which is sexually provocative to men. The extra layer of fat on their bodies is also related to child-bearing needs.