January 4, 2018

"Dear Tell All: I have a dirty little secret. I’m aroused by the some of the recent news stories about sexual harassment by celebrity creeps...."

"Believe me, I’m not proud of this fact. I find the alleged behavior of Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Louis C.K. and others to be abhorrent. I hope they’re brought to justice, and I feel the deepest sympathy for the victims. I would never engage in such behavior myself in real life. But..."

Isthmus.

43 comments:

Chuck said...

I think that letter was supposed to go to Dan Savage.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

Does that mean you should propose a Louis C.K. roleplay with your girlfriend? I have my doubts. All of decent society is gagging over the nonstop sexual-harassment revelations, including your feminist girlfriend. If ever there were a wrong moment for the kind of confession you describe, it would be now.

Sad thing if his girlfriend's politics come before true intimacy. If they have a quality relationship, then that operates on a deeper level than the histrionics and virtue signaling du jour. If she can't handle the complexity of this turns me on and I have mixed feelings about it; can we talk about it and figure it out together? then they don't have much of a relationship.

Tim at large said...

Bernie Sanders wrote about this back in the day.

Fernandistein said...

The interest in these trivia is mostly prurient.

rhhardin said...

I don't understand any guy being interested at all.

It's there for women.

Infinite Monkeys said...

Meh, that answer sucked. If they already share fantasies, he can share this too. They can play President and intern, or boss and secretary, or rock star and groupie as long as the roles they are playing aren't similar to their real lives. (If he really is someone with a secretary, the gf would start to have doubts about him if he wants to play sleazy boss with her.) They should also switch roles so the gf gets to be the aggressor.

Although, looking at my personal life, I may not be the best person to give relationship advice.

Clyde said...

Maybe he should just defile a houseplant. Something tells me the feminist girlfriend would quickly become the feminist ex-girlfriend if he told her about his aroused reaction to the stories.

Danno said...

Ewwww. Accidental click bait for the Isthmus.

Nonapod said...

Whatever. Fantasies are fantasies. 50 Shades of Grey was ridiculously popular with women, and I'm given to understand that a lot of the stuff that happens in that plot could be framed as sexual assault.

dreams said...

Isn't it women who have rape sexual fantasies?

Jake said...

What did CK do again? Masturbate in front of women? Why can't a dude ask his partner to watch him masturbate if that's his kink? Same for the Weinstein stuff, I mean, can't he say, "Let's shower together," "How about a massage?," to his partner without freaking the partner out? Does he also want to pretend that he won't work with his partner, refuse vacations? That's strange I guess, but I don't really know how that works. What happens in that scenario -

Kinky Guy: I really want to masturbate in front of you.
Partner: Umm. No.
Kinky Guy's Agent: Hey Partner, don't expect to get any more jobs around this house.

I'm not clear on the "fantasy" he wants to play out.

This is such a stupid column. Clearly the letter is made up - Either by someone screwing with the advice columnist or the advice columnist him/herself looking to be edgy.

AlbertAnonymous said...

I would have answered this way:

Dude, you need to dump the feminist girlfriend. Seriously WTF?

This whole question is obviously a plea for help. You are looking for a way to destroy the relationship. And you found it.

Tell her this shit turns you on and you want to try it with her sexually, in your safe space. It will destroy the relationship for you (and you may get some good sexual satisfaction out of it). Then you’ll be free of your feminist girlfriend.

Of course, you’ll be claimed to be a sexual harasser in the years to come when your career is finally looking good and she needs a byline or some social Media fame. But that’s what you get for dating a feminist in the first place.

Remember the motto: Never stick it in the crazy!

Tim at large said...

Wait a minute, it’s the guy with the fantasies? He should just use a hooker. That’s a minefield for him. Take a trip to London or Sydney where prostitution is legal, guy.

Curious George said...

PS: If you ignore my advice and decide on a Bill Clinton role-play, don't be an asshole and bring some ice.

Rob said...

"All of decent society is gagging over the nonstop sexual-harassment revelations . . . ." Decent society? Who is she, Edith Wharton? Eff decent society, and the horse carriages they rode in on.

Kevin said...

Chuck Schumer, is that you?

traditionalguy said...

So Madison playtime involves more than eating Brats and Cheese Curds in bed. There is hope.

Michael K said...

This whole sexual harassment/ assault dialogue reminds me of the event horizon around a black hole.

buwaya said...

If in vino veritas, what of this?

William said...

I enjoy these scandals, but I'm of the age where there is more pleasure to be had in disapproving of other people's sex lives than in actually engaging in sex. The two greatest sensual pleasures are eating BBQ and taking an afternoon nap....... I feel guilty about admitting this but I don't masturbate enough to maintain prostrate health. I've admitted this in confession. I keep wanting to masturbate but the temptation to take an afternoon nap is just too overwhelming. The priest said that if I pray for God's grace and keep trying, I will someday overcome this regrettable habit. I hope so, but the path of morality is uphill all the way.

Meade said...

Last line of Tell All's advice:

"In other words, Fetishist, it’s a good time for you to display a quality that’s sorely lacking among the celebrity harassers: restraint."

So — ask the feminist girlfriend if she'd like to play a little game called "Restraint." Problem solved!

Meade said...

"I feel guilty about admitting this but I don't masturbate enough to maintain prostrate health."

As long as you're maintaining supine health you'll probably be okay.

John said...

Meade,

Are you screwing with the snowflakes at isthmus again?

I've pretty much given up on them. They are so sad after 11/16 that it just isn't fun anymore

John Henry

EDH said...

I’m aroused by the some of the recent news stories about sexual harassment by celebrity creeps.

Scary Monsters (Super Creeps)

Scary monsters, super creeps
Keep me running, running scared
Scary monsters, super creeps
Keep me running, running scared

She asked me to stay and I stole her room
She asked for my love and I gave her a dangerous mind
Now she's stupid in the street and she can't socialise
Well I love the little girl and I'll love her till the day she dies

walter said...

A gagging decent society says..."Too soon"

Big Mike said...

That was not written by a real man. A real man does not have fantasies about needing to coerce attractive woman to join him in a romp.

walter said...

Of all the adverbs to walk into pervnado, it had to be "gagging"

walter said...

Big Mike,
You presume it was written by a man?
So narrow-minded...

William said...

Joke I just saw on Reddit: The #metoo movement needs a better slogan than pound me too.

walter said...

It will be problematic if the (supposedly revered) inventor of the hashtag winds up in Pervnado.

walter said...

From a sidebar on that page regarding new Arboretum director:
A search for a director four years ago ground to a halt after negotiations with the selected candidate broke down, says Norman Drinkwater, associate vice chancellor for research in the biological sciences, who served on the search committee.
--
There's a name destined for natural sciences.
Madison used to have a director of Madison Metro named Dick Buss.

n.n said...

Voyeur.

Big Mike said...

@walter, the article is written that way, yes.

Quaestor said...

As long as you're maintaining supine health you'll probably be okay.

Hillary demands genuflection in the prone position, so probably not.

walter said...

Not explicitly.

Infinite Monkeys said...

If they play newspaper editor and female employee, they need to have a safe word first.

Meade said...

Safe word suggestion: "PATRIARCHY"

Meade said...

John Henry -

>Meade,
>Are you screwing with the snowflakes at isthmus again?

John Henry, are you begging questions again? 😃

Mary Beth said...

Meade said...

Safe word suggestion: "PATRIARCHY"

1/4/18, 3:37 PM


No, you need a word that's not likely to come up frequently in their regular conversations.

Gahrie said...

TMI

n.n said...

Another safe word: abort... ion. Safe, rare, and humane, albeit ambiguous.

Freeman Hunt said...

Is his fantasy to block her in a hallway and masturbate? Maybe he shouldn't tell her because it's too lame.

Jon Ericson said...

Sorry, very late to the conversation, but I immediately thought: Chuck!
Sorta fits with the fact sheet that's been floated.
Bang, Bang Chuck!