November 28, 2017

Phrase I did not expect to read in The Washington Post.

"While I looked at the top of Blake’s dark-blond head between my knees..."

That's from an essay called "My life as a divorced woman is nothing like ‘Wild’ or ‘Eat, Pray, Love'" in a section of the paper called "Solo-ish."

What sane person would think the life a divorced woman is like "Wild" or "Eat, Pray, Love"? We don't need essays telling us that ordinary life is ordinary, so you have to tart up the obvious somehow, but I really didn't need to think about the author's perspective looking down on the top of Blake’s dark-blond head between her knees.

And I wonder what we'd think of a divorced man who wrote an essay about his life and began by sharing the thoughts he had as he looked down on the dark-blond head of some woman attending to his genitals.

159 comments:

Hagar said...

I am so old, I remember when the MSM was in a total tizzy about a Canadian TV commercial showing a lady in evening dress unrolling a roll of toilet paper in her living room.
Scandalous!

The Vault Dweller said...

I think lots of people, most of them women (I only say this because women are far more likely to initiate divorce than men), are under the mistaken assumption that if they are in a rotten marriage getting divorced will make them happy. These people tend to also be the ones that think if they get married that will make them happy.

MayBee said...

Women who are asked to write essays these days have a terrible sense of what real people find interesting. Hint: not everything about them.

james james said...

" the top of Blake’s dark-blond head between my knees..."

I would think the top of Blake's head would be between her thighs.

If he is between her knees he is suspicious of her vagina, meaning Freud (from yesterday's post) was right.

-jj

MayBee said...

The Vault Dweller- I have several very attractive female friends who believed (in their 40s) they were missing out. And so they divorced and planned to date. But I have several very attractive female friends- now in their 40s and 50s- who have had a very difficult time finding men to date. It's actually really shocking now that I think about it. These smart, beautiful women who are hardly even dating.

David Begley said...

The author lives in the Twin Cities and owns a communications agency. That was one giant - and free - match.com profile.

Henry said...

I immediately thought it was William Blake's head, which would be really weird.

Other famous heads:

John the Baptist

Holofernes

rehajm said...

Between my knees implies short femurs.

exhelodrvr1 said...

WaPo is obviously desperate to get the Lazlo clicks back!

Rob McLean said...

Actually, the whole phrase reads: "While I looked at the top of Blake’s dark-blond head between my knees, I realized Trump must be impeached." Now, that belongs in the Washington Post!

EDH said...

And I wonder what we'd think of a divorced man who wrote an essay about his life and began by sharing the thoughts he had as he looked down on the dark-blond head of some woman attending to his genitals.

Well, there the story of comedian Deray Davis, who recounts his own sexual assault:

‘I Had No Hair on Me’: DeRay Davis Says He Lost His Virginity at Age 11 to two 30-Year-Old Women

He called them two “ugly, horrible-looking women.” He said he was “11 going on 12 and had no hair on me.” He called it “disgusting.” He said that to this day, it’s difficult for him to “go down” on women because of what the two women did to him as a child.

He called the women’s vaginas a “scary jungle” and a “terrible place to be” and “made [his] Kool-Aid taste different.”


Well, without the backdrop of all the #MeToo-ism, I doubt he'd have come forward to say anything and, if he had, would quite likely have been accused of racial insensitivity for his description of disgust and continuing phobia.

Sebastian said...

"While I looked at the top of Blake’s dark-blond head between my knees," as he watched TV rather than me . . .

james james said...

Rumors went round the bar a few months ago about two of the regulars having hooked up for sex one night.

They are both in their fifties, and probably figured that their Perfect Other wasn't coming into the bar anytime soon. And they were probably drunk. So: if they were in college it might have been considered rape. Which is another reason why the bar is better than college.

Afterward, the guy told others that the woman's genital hygiene was atrocious. Yes: the rotting fish analogy was made.

I thought this was poor etiquette on the man's part. And his own hygiene is not stellar, at least from a sweaty, disheveled same-clothes-day-after-day manner. From this: I would not bet on him changing his underwear daily. And I certainly don't wish to view those underwear to confirm my suspicion. But I think they would. Confirm my suspicion, that is. So I don't believe that particular stone should have been cast.

When the rotting fish analogy was made the flamboyant young gay man at the bar said he could have told you that.

Asked how he would know, he said all women's vaginas smelled like that.

He does not like the vagina.

Not even for childbirth.

-jj

Paco Wové said...

What percentage of modern media is not the navel-(or points south)-gazing of privileged women?

Xmas said...

If I'm not mistaken, "Wild" and "Eat Pray Love" are about married women cheating on their husbands, not divorced women rediscovering the dating scene.

Dickin'Bimbos@Home said...

The WaPo paywall. No sale.

Dickin'Bimbos@Home said...

I started Eat Pray Love and put it down about half way thru. Vapid and contrived. The book did not feel real at all.

traditionalguy said...

The hair color is not what we need to know now. The whole point now are the DOB's of the sexual participants so we can criminalizing politics by criminalizing sex. Child molester vel non is the issue.

Mr Wibble said...

Xmas, IIRC, Eat, Pray, Love is about a woman who is unhappy, so she divorces her husband and travels the world.

Leslie Graves said...

The part about Blake and his golden brown hair and the knees and his sparkling eyes and his sense of humor and his ardent desire to have fun in bed with this woman...there was a lot of that...seems inconsistent with the overall theme of the essay, which is that those memoirs about finding someone like Blake are not the way it really is. The point of the authoress actually seems to be, "I found my Blake, and I didn't even have to go on a long hike".

Kate said...

With just this pull-quote, "Blake" could be a man or a woman.

Her cis-gendered assumption is so bigoted.

David Begley said...

The author is the Diane Lane of the Twin Cities but younger and better looking. She wants to meet the Richard Gere of Minnesota who reads WaPo and hates Trump.

John Lynch said...

Divorce porn.

Henry said...

@XMAS -- Eat Pray Love starts with a divorce and proceeds into fantasy from there. The divorcee had a book advance.

Sally327 said...

Just reading the quote I thought an article by Gwen Stefani talking about Blake Shelton...and well okay I guess it's good to know he's a giver...

But not that, some other Blake is a caring sort of person...

Henry said...

Kate said...
With just this pull-quote, "Blake" could be a man or a woman.

Good point. For that matter "Blake" could be a labradoodle.

Helpful reference here.

Henry said...

Don't get in the elevator with Blake. That's all I'm saying.

james james said...

From regular conversation at the bar I know that several of the young women have had their pubic hair shaved. Or waxed -- whichever. Hair: gone. Like a young girl, which is an uncomfortable comparison. Some have said they have stopped, and are now growing it back. They say it itches, the growing-back. Men who haven't shaved for awhile could have told them that.

They say bare was a thing, but it is not so much a thing anymore. So they are keeping me apprised of trends, which is nice.

I do not know if these girls have such conversations with people outside the bar. At the bar alcohol is involved, and the people you talk with at the bar usually don't intersect with the people you talk with elsewhere, so there is a peculiar form of anonymity happening. Anonymity with people you know, but who don't know the other people.

There is an aspect of purposeful titillation happening on the part of the women, I believe: perhaps they view the bar friends like surrogate gay men, where they can play up an aspect of themselves in a way that they don't feel judged. But these surrogate gay men are interested in their stories for a reason different than that of a gay man. And the women know this, too.

Or maybe they are posting updates about the status of their pubic hair on their social media. Which means you can pretty much ignore any point I was trying to make.

-jj

John Lynch said...

I saw "Eat, Pray, Love," with my ex-wife.

LilyBart said...

There is way too much sharing these days.

LilyBart said...

I've known many women who divorced their husbands in the middle of their life, and they seemed convinced they'd have a more ideal post-divorce life, ending in a happy re-marriage to a better guy. But in reality, it was never like this. As a friend of mine said about her life, "I'm not any happier, I just have a different set a problems".

Ralph L said...

I'm sure Blake was looking for the aspirin.

james james said...

There is a young woman at the bar who is cute, slender, funny, and has aggressive cameltoe.

Whatever form of pants she happens to be wearing: cameltoe. Front-and-center, as it were.

I am a bit baffled by this. She takes great care in her appearance and her wardrobe, so she must be aware of the phenomenon that is her vagina outlined by her pants: I do not believe it is incidental cameltoe.

Is she toying with men? Is she exerting her sexual confidence in a bold, empowered manner? Do other women feel intimidated by her cameltoe? I'm sure the other women would say 'of course not', but I don't necessarily believe what women say when they are talking about other women. There are agendas.

Myself, I usually do not wear pants tight enough to show off my cock. Pants tight enough to show off my cock are pretty uncomfortable. Maybe cameltoe isn't uncomfortable. I'm probably not going to ask.

-jj

RNB said...

Possibly Blake is an anteater.

tcrosse said...

If Blake had a TV in his forehead he'd be perfect.

CJinPA said...

I hope women with internet access never cease to publicly explore their search for happiness, so that we can continue to reshape society in order to bring about their fulfillment.

Bob Boyd said...

Maybe Blake was just giving her a piggyback ride.

surfed said...

"It's easy when you don't try
Going on first impressions
Man in a cage has made his confession
You've seen me at my worst
And it won't be the last time I'm down there
I want you to know I feel completely at ease
Read me like a book
That's fallen down between your knees
Please let me have my way with you"

It's Only Natural by Tim Finn of Crowded House circa 1991

AlbertAnonymous said...

My brother used to work with a young woman who complained about her husband/marriage and was contemplating divorce. Didn’t sound like any of the obvious “leave him right now” issues, just unhappy. Anyway she complained one day about how he was always asking for a blowjob and she was just “done” giving him blowjobs. Never wanted to do it again. Didn’t think she had too, they were already married. She did it before they were married, of course, but she didn’t think she needed to anymore. (Maybe that was why HE was unhappy).

So my brother said “why don’t you just give him a blowjob from time to time. He’ll be happier, might make you happier that he’s happier. Maybe fixes things.” She was adamant. No way! So my brother said, what do you think will happen if you divorce? You’ll start dating? The guy or guys will want blowjobs. Will you say no? She said she was sure she’d give them blow jobs. SMH

I’m sure it would be different guy same issues.

Danno said...

From Solo-ish... with an emphasis on ISH.

Clyde said...

We'd think "TMFI."

Clyde said...

tcrosse said...
If Blake had a TV in his forehead he'd be perfect.


And a flat-topped head to set her wineglass on.

Ann Althouse said...

Speaking of Laslo Spatula, did you notice the spatula in the essay?

“I explained to my married BFFs how I could take a spatula out of the dishwasher, put it in the utensil drawer, and then — when I wanted to use it again — find it IN THE EXACT SAME DRAWER. They gasped, clapped their hands and made me tell it again.”

Ann Althouse said...

How are we to find Laslo when we want to use him again?

james james said...

Ann Althouse said...
"How are we to find Laslo when we want to use him again?"

I see him at the bar from time to time, I can pass word.

If you are actively looking for him you can probably find him in the waiting room of his endocrinologist, neurologist, or cardiologist. One of those.

The guy is getting frail.

-jj

roadgeek said...

"Between my knees...."

Perhaps she needs to douche.

surfed said...

That Laslo had his own blog...

Kyzernick said...

Married women need excitement and mystery, but sadly many husbands do not know how to provide excitement and mystery once they become husbands. When dating, excitement is easier - shorter history together means more things will be new. Mystery is easier as well - as a singly guy on the "dating" scene, there should be more than one woman in your life. Random periods of unavailability or sparse contact with each woman provides the mystery for them and their brains do the rest. Especially when they'd ask if I was seeing someone else. "It's complicated." A surprising number of women don't follow-up with more probing questions, leading me to believe they enjoy the mystery.

Michael in ArchDen said...

I was going to suggest using the "Laslo Signal", but in the current environment....that's just asking for trouble!

Jeff Gee said...

I immediately thought it was William Blake's head...

Me too. It's his birhday!

buwaya said...

That might have been an opening or a Laslo piece.
Which would have been both more amusing and more profound.

The WaPo writer sounds like she could have been ponytail girl, now older though not much wiser.

Cloudbuster said...

Kyzernick said...
Married women need excitement and mystery, but sadly many husbands do not know how to provide excitement and mystery once they become husbands.

Yeah, sure. Women's unrealistic expectations are a problem for men to fix.

Rick Turley said...

Dickin'Bimbos@Home said...

"I started Eat Pray Love and put it down about half way thru. Vapid and contrived. The book did not feel real at all."

On the other hand, there was a segment of a TED talk podcast that mentioned "Eat, PREY, Love" but is was about the life cycle of the toxoplasma gondii parasite.

https://www.npr.org/templates/transcript/transcript.php?storyId=470535665

m said...

Lilybart said...
"I've known many women who divorced their husbands in the middle of their life, and they seemed convinced they'd have a more ideal post-divorce life, ending in a happy re-marriage to a better guy. But in reality, it was never like this. As a friend of mine said about her life, "I'm not any happier, I just have a different set a problems".


The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. If theirs is brown because they didn't take care of it, that grass on the other side will turn brown for the same reasons when they get there.

Hey Skipper said...

[Dickin Bimbos @ Home:] The WaPo paywall. No sale.

Try opening the link into an icognito window.

BDNYC said...

I have to laugh at the idea of a husband providing his wife with excitement and mystery. A wife doesn't want that from her husband. She wants her husband to be an open book. If her husband becomes mysterious, she is apt to think the marriage is in trouble. And what makes a man "exciting"? Doing dangerous, risky things? Husbands are supposed to provide stability.

If you become a risk-taker and start withholding secrets from your wife, she will not be happy.

Jeremy Abrams said...

In an old Red Foxx routine I recall from one of his albums, he scolds the audience, saying, "God knows what you all get up to at night. God recognizes the back of your head."

I R A Darth Aggie said...

"It's actually really shocking now that I think about it. These smart, beautiful women who are hardly even dating."

Why is that shocking? consider, if you will: I'm a man, mid 50s. Someone probably your friends might take a look at, right? BUT...if I do the calculation of half my age + 7 years, my floor is mid-30s. They're in competition with much younger women for the same men, and for the most part, the men are going to go younger if they can. I would. And...it's Science!

Kirk Parker said...

Cloudbuster,

I don't think that is Kyzernick's point.

If you find yourself in that scenario, is it better to complain that life isn't fair, or to do something about it?

mockturtle said...

Would it not be a 'clause' rather than a 'phrase'?

tcrosse said...

The essayist claims that she used to quote Kierkegaard, so she should know that he maintained that Boredom is the Root of All Evil.

Inga said...

“I immediately thought it was William Blake's head, which would be really weird.

Other famous heads:

John the Baptist

Holofernes”

LOL! Better inbetween her knees than on a platter.

surfed said...

@Kyzeenick - Chateau Heartiste?

Inga said...

"I've known many women who divorced their husbands in the middle of their life, and they seemed convinced they'd have a more ideal post-divorce life, ending in a happy re-marriage to a better guy. But in reality, it was never like this. As a friend of mine said about her life, "I'm not any happier, I just have a different set a problems".

Not always the case either. We have a commenter, here on Althouse, who lost her pants and found a new and better husband. Well, that’s what she says and I believe her. She seems much happier than when she was commenting while married to her first hubby.

Bay Area Guy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

Aw, Inga, love ya. I mean it; hugs. And yes, all of that is true.

The thing about divorce is that if you go into it with a grass is greener, upgrade-seeking mentality, yes you will just find more and different problems. You're still bringing your attitude with you, and you may very well also take any preexisting relationship handicaps with you as well. But if you go into it simply seeking freedom and a release from obligation from that person, and an utter lack of expectation, you will probably do all right. Maybe you'll find true love; maybe you won't; you have to be ok with it either way. The point is not to find a better partner; the point is to no longer share your life, with all the implied sacrifices and obligations, with someone you don't feel called to that with anymore. Then you are free to pursue your individual destiny.

RAH said...

Why does WAPO think that porn is what the readers want We do not care about the self absorbed women who write these articles

chickelit said...

Ughs all around.

Inga said...

“Aw, Inga, love ya. I mean it; hugs. And yes, all of that is true.”

Back at ya!

madAsHell said...

The Washington Post morphed into Penthouse forum so slowly that I barely noticed.
--Name and address withheld by request

Xmas said...

Mr. Wibble,

In the author's telling of the story, she initiates divorce from her husband and immediately moves in with David, long before the divorce is finalized. The whole point of the trip was that she has spent her entire adult life in relationships, "Since I was fifteen I've either been with a guy or breaking up with a guy. I have not given myself two weeks of a breather.."

I mean, from her point of view, her marriage was over. But from the husband's point of view, his wife just moved out and moved in with another man without any warning that something was wrong.

Bay Area Guy said...

Ditzy, bored divorcee writes ditzy boring piece in WaPost, about how boring her life is, throws in extraneous factoid that "Blake" (probably some nerdy IT guy she hornswoggled off Tinder), may or may not go down on her.

Yeah, right. She'd be better off attending nightly PTA meetings or volunteering as a crossing guard. At least, there'd be societal interaction.

John Lynch said...

Divorce stories are all the same. There's always a happy ending. Unless you ask the kids.

Kyzernick said...

@ Surfed - No, but after reading that page for a few minutes I will definitely be checking it out further. Seems to be run by a kindred soul.

@ Cloudbuster - not saying that it's the husband's fault, though your bitterness is a strong tell. Men become more lazy in love after getting hitched, while women still desire some romance. It is not wrong for women to desire this romance, or feel neglected when it goes away.

@ BDNYC - do you know what your wife is up to while you're away? If that is really your attitude and approach, you ought to invest in some hidden cameras. But do it mysteriously - otherwise you'll miss all the fun parts.

Big Mike said...

If Blake’s head is between her knees then he’s either conducting a gynecological exam or he’s tying her shoelaces. Unless he has a tongue like s chameleon.

chickelit said...

While I looked at the top of Blake’s dark-blond head between my knees...

Safe sex in an Ann Landers sort of way.

John Lynch said...

re: women initiating most divorces,
I'm not sure that's true. All four divorces I've had personal knowledge of (and a near-miss) were initiated by the husband. If the national stats were lopsided the other way that would make my experience pretty unlikely. That's possible, I guess.

I've never seen good statistics of who initiates divorce, and the idea that women do it 2/3 or 3/4 of the time doesn't fit my personal experience, or common sense. It seems like something people on the internet believe, like women making $.77 to the dollar a man makes. The whole men's-rights pyramid of bullshit rests on that stat, the same way feminism rests on the $.77 cent myth.

Kyzernick said...

Quick example. I decide to run to the store after work, instead of going right home. I only need a few things: milk, nitrile gloves, small light bulbs, and some beer.

Normally I beat my wife home from work by about 20 minutes.

I dally at the store, take my time. There are lots of brands of beer to choose from. Should I buy one small bulb or a 3 pack? My protein powder has been clumping, should I switch to skim milk?

Wife texts me: "Where are you?"

No reply. I'm still deciding.

As I checkout, I notice they have a Dove bar in the checkout aisle candy selection. I buy it.

I drive home. My wife's text has gone unanswered for about 40 minutes or so, and I'm over an hour later than I'd normally be even with heavy traffic. Right as I turn onto my street, I text her. "U like surprises?" Her reply comes as I'm walking in the door, but she greets me with a smile and a "Where were you?"

"I got you a surprise, close your eyes."

She does, and I hand her the milk jug. She opens her eyes and says, "Well, isn't this a nice surprise?" with a hint of sarcasm. I just chuckle and walk past her into the house, she follows me and we go about our business.

About an hour later she finds the Dove bar resting on her pillow in the bedroom.

See, BDNYC? Mystery (without having an affair), and excitement (discovering her favorite candy in an unexpected place). Is it earth-shaking? Nope. Does it work anyway? Yup.

Inga said...

“The whole men's-rights pyramid of bullshit rests on that stat, the same way feminism rests on the $.77 cent myth.”

So true! I think it’s 50/50, but it’s easier for aggrieved men to blame females for it all. I love your description of the men’s-right movement... “pyramid of bullshit”. I couldn’t agree more.

Thorley Winston said...

” I've never seen good statistics of who initiates divorce, and the idea that women do it 2/3 or 3/4 of the time doesn't fit my personal experience, or common sense. It seems like something people on the internet believe, like women making $.77 to the dollar a man makes. The whole men's-rights pyramid of bullshit rests on that stat, the same way feminism rests on the $.77 cent myth.”

I’m not a MRA (it’s identity politics just like feminism) but this is what I found:

“"The breakups of non-marital heterosexual relationships in the U.S. are quite gender neutral and fairly egalitarian," said study author Michael Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University. "This was a surprise because the only prior research that had been done on who wanted the breakup was research on marital divorces."

Rosenfeld's analysis relies on data from the 2009-2015 waves of the nationally representative How Couples Meet and Stay Together survey. He considers 2,262 adults, ages 19 to 94, who had opposite sex partners in 2009. By 2015, 371 of these people had broken up or gotten divorced.

As part of his analysis, Rosenfeld found that women initiated 69 percent of all divorces, compared to 31 percent for men. In contrast, there was not a statistically significant difference between the percentage of breakups initiated by unmarried women and men, regardless of whether they had been cohabitating with their partners.”


So according to this study, women and men are about equally likely to initiate the breakup of a non-marital relationship but women initiate 69 percent of divorces and men about 31 percent. That would seem to fit within a claim that women initiate from two-thirds to three-fourths of divorces.

m said...

I Have Misplaced My Pants said-

"But if you go into it simply seeking freedom and a release from obligation from that person, and an utter lack of expectation, you will probably do all right. Maybe you'll find true love; maybe you won't; you have to be ok with it either way. The point is not to find a better partner; the point is to no longer share your life, with all the implied sacrifices and obligations, with someone you don't feel called to that with anymore. Then you are free to pursue your individual destiny."

So, nobody can take a vow, mean it and keep it? Where does that factor in to things? If you can't be expected to keep your vow, why make one at all? Why get married if going in there's no real intention of commitment and permanance?

Kyzernick said...

Sure Inga.

Men being upset over routinely getting shafted in divorce settlements and deciding to do something about it is bullshit. Men being upset about being denied child visitation for often trivial reasons is bullshit. Men being upset about facing frivolous accusations of harassment for the simple act of telling a bawdy joke that was overheard by an unintended listener is bullshit.

There is nothing interesting about you. You are a walking, talking, typing, cookie cutter of liberal/progressive slop, of the same sort that is fed to the unintelligent proles who read the likes of Buzzfeed or watch Trevor Noah and somehow think of themselves as "informed".

Inga said...

“So, nobody can take a vow, mean it and keep it? Where does that factor in to things? If you can't be expected to keep your vow, why make one at all? Why get married if going in there's no real intention of commitment and permanence?”

I won’t answer for Pants, but life happens from there until now. When one party isn’t honoring the vow, why should the other? What else is in the vow besides “till death do we part”?

Kyzernick said...

Thorley, good research on your part. Here's where I believe those numbers are skewed. I believe the divorce stats - probably many of the participants who responded were honest because they figured it might be possible for the records to be discovered sometime in the future, and any lies would be found and corrected anyway.

I do not believe the stats on non-marriage breakups. Of all the men I know, myself included, we've been the dumpee far more often than the dumper. Men ranging from the most sensitive, proggy-male-feminist variety, to the most badass, big dog in the junkyard types, all dumped far more often than doing the dumping.

Hilariously, and predictably, it's the feminized liberal manlets who really take the cake in this regard, but I only can think of a few men I personally know who have been anywhere near equal in terms of who ended things with their S/O (most of whom, not surprisingly, were far closer to the alpha end of the scale).

Myself, it's been about 70/30 (and that 30% would have probably dumped me eventually, I just read the tea leaves a few weeks or months sooner - or, in a few cases, had another thing going that I wanted to become THE main thing).

Inga said...

“There is nothing interesting about you. You are a walking, talking, typing, cookie cutter of liberal/progressive slop, of the same sort that is fed to the unintelligent proles who read the likes of Buzzfeed or watch Trevor Noah and somehow think of themselves as "informed".”

LOL! And I’m supposed to care what you think of me? You’re a walking talking moron who preaches to other men about how to be exciting and mysterious to their wives. I can imagine your wife looking at you and laughing at you behind your back.

Inga said...

“Myself, it's been about 70/30 (and that 30% would have probably dumped me eventually, I just read the tea leaves a few weeks or months sooner - or, in a few cases, had another thing going that I wanted to become THE main thing).”

And no wonder, LOL!

Yancey Ward said...

I am just going to say it- Blake is a complete fiction.

Ray said...

I appreciate Inga using that name, instead of Unknown for her profile.

Her posts do add to the discussion, and it avoids the headache of which unknown.

Inga said...

“- or, in a few cases, had another thing going that I wanted to become THE main thing).”


Just how many wives did Kazzy have who dumped him? And here is my shocked face.😧

Inga said...

“I appreciate Inga using that name, instead of Unknown for her profile.

Her posts do add to the discussion, and it avoids the headache of which unknown.”

Thanks Ray.

autothreads said...

I was at a blues bar in Detroit on Saturday night, sitting at the bar, watching the band. Nancy Whiskey's is a popular spot for party busess and a group of partiers was there. The lady singing started into her version of Don't Put Your Hands On Me, which of course got the forty-something married women dancing. One of them was shaking her boobs and ass maybe 24 inches from me. She would have had to have been blind to not know I was checking her out while she danced. Both she and another women, and both of them were fairly attractive, while dancing to Don't Put Your Hands On Me managed to bump their asses into my knee more than once. I was struck by the irony. Was that irony or just female privilege?

Women who think they are pretty can act so entitled. The second lady told me I should get up and dance. I never learned how to dance and I make enough of a fool out of myself without involving my two left feet so I demurred politely, saying that I didn't dance but appreciated being asked to do so by a beautiful woman. She momentarily looked confused. I suppose she's used to getting men to do what she wants.

ALP said...

What sane person would think the life a divorced woman is like "Wild" or "Eat, Pray, Love"?
***************************
There is a fool born every minute. Way too much information out there these days presenting ideal, exciting, novel-worthy lives. Foolish people think, optimistically, "this can be my life".

I wonder how high the female suicide rate is going to get in the next 20 years or so? I predict there will be a lot of deeply unhappy women out there that checked off all of the items on the "how to live like a true SJW feminist" list only to find that devoting yourself to your job and yourself (which generally means feeling 'good' all the time) leaves them deeply unhappy.

Kyzernick said...

Only one wife, and still happily married. If only you could see the smile on her face when she wakes up next to me each morning, Inga. I'm sure such happiness has never graced your countenance, and I take comfort knowing my wife shall never be as miserable as you.

Inga said...

”I'm sure such happiness has never graced your countenance, and I take comfort knowing my wife shall never be as miserable as you.”

I’ll tell my significant other and my four grown children and five grandchildren that Kazzy says I’m miserable and should be lucky enough to be like him and his imaginary wife. We’ll all have a nice laugh on you. It’s good to laugh, you’ve made me laugh several times today already, oh man of excitement and mystery! LOL!


Inga said...

Blogger Kyzernick said...
“Married women need excitement and mystery, but sadly many husbands do not know how to provide excitement and mystery once they become husbands.”

Take a lesson from Kazzy who has said he’s been dumped by numerous women.

“When dating, excitement is easier - shorter history together means more things will be new. Mystery is easier as well - as a singly guy on the "dating" scene, there should be more than one woman in your life. Random periods of unavailability or sparse contact with each woman provides the mystery for them and their brains do the rest.”

I bet that’s when the red flags went up for these unfortunate women.

“Especially when they'd ask if I was seeing someone else. "It's complicated." A surprising number of women don't follow-up with more probing questions, leading me to believe they enjoy the mystery.”

That’s what Kazzy has imagined in his little brain. He’s giving “pointers” on how to be exciting and mysterious to men here? LOL!

Kyzernick said...

Autothreads: "The second lady told me I should get up and dance. I never learned how to dance and I make enough of a fool out of myself without involving my two left feet so I demurred politely, saying that I didn't dance but appreciated being asked to do so by a beautiful woman."

If you're single, a better line would have been "I'm already dancing in my head. Buy me a drink, maybe my feet will agree to join." She probably won't buy you a drink, but she'll likely be intrigued that you had the guts to ask her to. Flip the script and play with it a bit, you'll be surprised at what can happen. You probably won't even need to do much, if any, dancing.

Pretty women, hot women, beautiful women often DO feel entitled, because so many manlets and insecure men treat them like princesses, or automatically place them at a higher status based on looks alone. That's a fools game. The right attitude - "Yeah, you're not bad looking. But what else you got?" If all she is are her looks - well, those won't be there forever.

Gahrie said...

I love your description of the men’s-right movement... “pyramid of bullshit”. I couldn’t agree more.

Because men don't deserve rights of course...just obligations and responsibilities.

Inga said...

“If you're single, a better line would have been "I'm already dancing in my head. Buy me a drink, maybe my feet will agree to join." She probably won't buy you a drink, but she'll likely be intrigued that you had the guts to ask her to. Flip the script and play with it a bit, you'll be surprised at what can happen. You probably won't even need to do much, if any, dancing.

Pretty women, hot women, beautiful women often DO feel entitled, because so many manlets and insecure men treat them like princesses, or automatically place them at a higher status based on looks alone. That's a fools game. The right attitude - "Yeah, you're not bad looking. But what else you got?" If all she is are her looks - well, those won't be there forever.”

Yeah guys take this advice from the lady killer Kazzy. I bet the women will swoon at your feet. I think this guy lives in a fantasy world created in his very lonely head.

m said...

"I won’t answer for Pants, but life happens from there until now. When one party isn’t honoring the vow, why should the other? What else is in the vow besides “till death do we part”? "

Why would they keep their vow to women who seem to believe boredom is sufficient to break theirs?

However, more importantly, what is your vow worth if it is dependent on the conduct of others, if it as always contingent not on your will and ability to keep your word, but the randomness of others and lifes circumstance?

For better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health, good times and bad times etc.

pious agnostic said...

Seems to me that Kaz struck a nerve.

Inga said...

“However, more importantly, what is your vow worth if it is dependent on the conduct of others, if it as always contingent not on your will and ability to keep your word, but the randomness of others and lifes circumstance?”

I think you’re understating the reasons people get divorced. I gave a couple of catch all reasons Within those reasons can be multiple very serious reasons.

Abuse.
Cheating.
Using their partner. Not contributing to the marriage in any number of ways.
So many more.

Inga said...

“Seems to me that Kaz struck a nerve.”

You’re right, he did. I’ve met idiots like him and I learned to spot them a mile away. Sadly some women will be drawn in by his ridiculous faux “manly” persona. It’s bullshit and not good for a happy future with some jerk like this. That is another reason why people get divorced.

Kyzernick said...

Poor Inga. Stuck in a dried up relationship where the magic is gone, the fun is gone, replaced only by bitterness and disinterest. The children are all away, and nary a phone call or a text comes through these days as she sits and stares out the window wondering if it could have been different somehow, better somehow.

Nope, Inga. You were doomed to mediocrity from the start. The next best thing to a spinster, reduced to casting votes for rapists like Willy Clinton and going online to defend sleazebags like his wife, only relenting when you know it won't matter because as much as you hate abusers of women like Franken and Conyers, you hate Republicans more.

So you pretend as if we'll believe you're sincere when you call for them to resign, secure in the knowledge that scum like them will be protected (as they have been for a long time) by the same scum who writes the liberal trash you read every day while convincing yourself that it was all worth it, all those years of supporting Leftist causes and politicians. They supported women! So, a few had to get raped, beaten, groped, harassed, humiliated, and tarnished along the way. The greater good was preserved! Women can still kill their children in the womb, right? That's progress! And women almost broke the ultimate glass ceiling last year - even though that very women participated in the abuse of her "sisters", all to preserve the career of a man, no less. It was all worth it! It really was!

Let those thoughts comfort you in your dwindling twilight years. They're beneath contempt, and indicative of more serious character flaws than a novelist could dream up, but they suit you just fine.

Inga said...

“Poor Inga. Stuck in a dried up relationship where the magic is gone, the fun is gone, replaced only by bitterness and disinterest. The children are all away, and nary a phone call or a text comes through these days as she sits and stares out the window wondering if it could have been different somehow, better somehow.”

Kazzy has a very good imagination, maybe that’s all he’s got.

Kyzernick said...

Inga: Yeah guys take this advice from the lady killer Kazzy. I bet the women will swoon at your feet. I think this guy lives in a fantasy world created in his very lonely head.

Note that Inga is basically saying that women want a man who will consider their looks over all else and will fall all over himself at the slightest bit of attention from a pretty girl. By saying to discard MY advice, this is exactly what she is implying.

Yeah, I'm sure Inga's hubby is quite the specimen of masculinity. Hey, has anyone seen Garage Mahal lately?

Inga said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Inga said...

“Note that Inga is basically saying that women want a man who will consider their looks over all else and will fall all over himself at the slightest bit of attention from a pretty girl. By saying to discard MY advice, this is exactly what she is implying.”

Damn Kazzy! You’re good at understanding women! Your wife is sooooo lucky!

LMAO.

Kyzernick said...

I know. She knows it too. I probably hear it from her at least two or three times a week, usually with an optical sparkle that defies explanation. My normal response is, "I'm the lucky one, baby."

Sometimes I'll swat her butt too. But not always. Can't be too predictable.

rhhardin said...

I like Julia Roberts but there was no excuse for Eat, Pray, Love.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

“So, nobody can take a vow, mean it and keep it? Where does that factor in to things? If you can't be expected to keep your vow, why make one at all? Why get married if going in there's no real intention of commitment and permanence?”

Inga said: I won’t answer for Pants, but life happens from there until now. When one party isn’t honoring the vow, why should the other? What else is in the vow besides “till death do we part”?

Excellent answer. Sometimes things change. Shit happens. The person who you thought you knew and married turns out to be an imposter or someone you don't even know anymore. Both parties need to honor the vow in order for it to have commitment and permanence.

When the foundation is broken, it is often better to just vacate the house instead of trying to fix what cannot be fixed.

m said...

Inga

I think you underestimate how often the divorce is the woman 'just not being happy'. One study showed that for marriages over 10+ yrs the most common reason for the women was- he doesn't make me happy. For the men it was, I can't make her happy.

"I love you, but I'm just not in love with you." Unfortunately, is the case in most of the divorces I've seen. No abuse, no financial problems, not a lack of support or chore sharing. Boredom and a loss of 'feelings'.

If love is a feeling vice a choice, then the vow is meaningless.

But, even in the cases you cite, where is the obligation for the couple to work on the relationship and live up to the vows they freely took?

Marriage today has become an illusory promise, and nothing but a legal obligation with no commensurate benefit. A possible lifetime financial obligations, with no guarantee of the provision of anything- not paternity for the man, not companionship, or loyalty, or faithfulness, or partnership or anything.

Jim at said...

I’ll tell my significant other and my four grown children and five grandchildren...

And yet you spend every, waking moment commenting on this blog.

Speaks volumes, it does.

Inga said...

“But, even in the cases you cite, where is the obligation for the couple to work on the relationship and live up to the vows they freely took?”

There are things that cannot be “worked out”. This is simplistic. It takes two to want to work it out. In cases of physical and mental abuse of the spouse or children divorcing is a safe and sane decision. Also substance abuse just isn’t worked out if the abuser doesn’t want to stop using the substance.

Inga said...

“And yet you spend every, waking moment commenting on this blog.”

I don’t live with my SO or my children and I’m retired. My children and my SO have lives of their own and it’s not very healthy to expect one to spend every waking moment with them.

Inga said...

And “Jim”, how’s the bra fitting business, fatso?

Kyzernick said...

@ M

"I think you underestimate how often the divorce is the woman 'just not being happy'. One study showed that for marriages over 10+ yrs the most common reason for the women was- he doesn't make me happy. For the men it was, I can't make her happy. "

Damn right. Hmmm, how does one preserve and extend happiness in a heterosexual relationship?

Let's see - women love mystery and romance and men that aren't boring, predictable doormats - i.e, a "challenge".

Men (real men, not Inga's version of a man) love having some measure of control and authority, and we also like gently teasing girls to get a reaction from them.

So, men, act like a Man. Speak clearly and well, keep your insecurities (everyone has at least one or two) as buried as possible, be a leader in your social group as often as you can, and set an example of strength and resilience. At the same time, don't be an "open book" 24/7, don't be predictable in your thoughts and actions. Lying in bed cuddling, my wife will often ask what's on my mind. About a third of the time (especially if it's related to something really important or fun, like an upcoming vacation or a family issue), be totally honest. The other 2/3rds . . . just say whatever pops into your head. "Ham sandwiches are soooo underrated." "Who would win a fight, a shark with laser beams or a T-Rex that could breathe fire?" "What if the apple totally missed Newton's head? Would we all be floating around if nobody ever discovered gravity?" Absurd? You bet. Funny, and possibly conversation-provoking? Yup.

And then, once in a great while, be a bit mushy. "What's on your mind?" "I was thinking about how much your eyes sparkle when you laugh while we're having fun together." If she doesn't hug you tighter after that, take a close look cuz you might be cuddling with Inga.

Be playful. Be spontaneous. If she does something clumsy, tease her about it but don't be cruel. When she throws a fit, don't play her game - be strong, hold your ground, and only apologize if you CLEARLY fucked up something big. Otherwise, move past it while making it known that you're disappointed that you didn't get it quite right. Being a supplicating doormat is not manly, and it's not going to be attractive.

Misinforminimalism said...

This is tagged "sex," so I guess we're supposed to conclude that there's sexy stuff happening, but if that's the case she buried the lede - Blake's head is ginormous, reaching all the way from her knees to her crotchal region.

Robt C said...

"Sometimes things change. Shit happens. The person who you thought you knew and married turns out to be an imposter or someone you don't even know anymore."

My experience mirrors many of the comments here. My first wife and I got married right out of college. 17 years later she was someone I didn't know any more. Like 69% of divorces, she initiated. Like so many have mentioned upthread, she was looking for something better. She didn't find it.

I found someone who was much more sympatico with me at that stage of my life, and we are both still very much in love 28 years later.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Let's see - women love mystery and romance and men that aren't boring, predictable doormats - i.e, a "challenge".

Maybe the women YOU know like that shit. That certainly isn't me. I had that in my first marriage all the challenges, mystery, unpredictability. Not what they are cracked up to be at all..... and that's why I am now remarried (25 years now)to a rock steady guy.

There is most certainly romance, caring, love and consideration in our relationship. There is predictability, communication and clarity. Mystery and excitement are overrated.

Perhaps you need to find some different women :-)

Inga said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HoodlumDoodlum said...

Selfishness is empowering if you're a woman.
Selfishness is immoral if you're a man.
This is the heart of what equality means.

Inga said...

“Maybe the women YOU know like that shit. That certainly isn't me. I had that in my first marriage all the challenges, mystery, unpredictability. Not what they are cracked up to be at all..... and that's why I am now remarried (25 years now)to a rock steady guy.”

Precisely. That is what attracted me to my husband, rock steady. No game playing, dependable, real, no stupid affectations, sense of humor and the ability to say “I’m sorry” when he truly was.

pious agnostic said...

"Like 69% of divorces, she initiated."

I see what you did there.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

So, nobody can take a vow, mean it and keep it? Where does that factor in to things? If you can't be expected to keep your vow, why make one at all? Why get married if going in there's no real intention of commitment and permanance?

Every divorce, like every marriage, is unique, but here are some helpful bits of info for people who have not experienced the end of a marriage and might not have a good idea of what it's all about. 1. Just about everyone who gets married *does* intend commitment and permanence when they say those vows. 2. It is common in people who marry young to lack the maturity or life experience to fully understand the commitment they are making. 3. You can do everything in your power to be a good spouse and take your marriage seriously, but that effort resides in a separate silo from your spouse's efforts (or lack thereof). 4. The dynamics of a marriage are often invisible to outsiders. 5. When you are married you, especially over time, lop off bits and pieces of yourself to conform to a spouse's expectation and comfort, and this is more tolerable to some people than others and can cause many personal and relationship complications. 6. Marriage is a balance between obligation and joy, and they often coexist in good marriages. Someone who has not experienced this cannot likely understand it, but there is a particular kind of claustrophobic horror in watching the years go by and realizing that the main limiting structure in your life is all obligation and no joy. Not only does your partnership not bring you joy, contentment, satisfaction, adventure and comfort (despite all your best efforts to work to bring those things in), but by its very existence in your life you are not free to seek those things elsewhere (either with another person or through life experiences). This is a cage, and no one should live his or her life in a cage.

surfed said...

@Kyzernick - From Chateau Heartiste
The Sixteen Commandments should be commited to memory by every man.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

I don't think the commitment should be to the continuation of the marriage come hell or high water ~ we've all known people who spend most of their adult lives completely miserable because of their marriages but who refuse to end them ~ but rather to honoring the marriage by showing up to it and giving it their all every day. If they are no longer able or interested in doing that, the marriage is over, regardless of its legal status.

Inga said...

“This is a cage, and no one should live his or her life in a cage.”

A Doll’s House.
Ibsen

ALP said...

It really is a crime that feminism seems to push women to look 'outside' of themselves for happiness: male partners, careers, etc. The truly independent, strong approach is to take 100% individual responsibility for your own individual happiness. Feminism causes women to double down using the wrong approach - always blaming an external variable for one's internal condition.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

Nice find Inga ~ I did not know I was quoting Ibsen :)

ALP said...

Not married but have been with my SO for 23 years - longer than many formal marriages. What I have learned during our low points - those phases when you wonder if you've made the right choice, 'accounting' has to happen: a mental tally of the pros and cons of your coupling. As long as the pro column comes out the winner, even by a hair, its all good even through those periods when you don't feel too happy about things. You have to take the Spock (logical) approach. I call it "Spocking my relationship".

Inga said...

Pants, I don’t know that’s it’s in “A Doll’s House”, but it put me in mind of it.

Unknown said...

A good number of women seem to need to say these sorts of things out loud for others to hear. Some sort of therapy I suppose.

-sw

Kyzernick said...

@ DBQ: "Mystery and excitement are overrated.

Perhaps you need to find some different women :-)"

Why? So I could experience being bored each day?

No, I'll pass. Those kinds of girls were among the 30% or so that I dumped. More fish in the sea for the boring guys to scurry after.

Kyzernick said...

@ Surfed - I read that almost as soon as I found the original reference you posted much earlier. Easy to find on the homepage, and it drew my eye.

I don't necessarily agree with the entire list, but many of them are crucial and I was surprised at how many I already practice in my day-to-day life.

Hell, some of them could just be general guides to being a socially adept man, regardless of their female-attracting qualities.

But apparently some girls are REALLY on the hunt for a Sheldon Cooper type. Pretty strange, considering all the Sheldon Cooper clones I know are either frustrated virgins or stuck dating extremely homely girls, whereas the guys who act like Fonzie are basically able to interact with, charm, and date nearly any girl they want.

Earnest Prole said...

Althouse misread the essay (or didn't read it at all): The dark-blond head of the man is not attending to her genitals; he's attempting to unfasten her boots.

mockturtle said...

But apparently some girls are REALLY on the hunt for a Sheldon Cooper type. Pretty strange, considering all the Sheldon Cooper clones I know are either frustrated virgins or stuck dating extremely homely girls, whereas the guys who act like Fonzie are basically able to interact with, charm, and date nearly any girl they want.

A girl might date Fonzie but would't want to marry him. Neither would most women want to marry a genuine nerd or a pajama boy. How about the John Wayne type? Strength combined with moral fortitude and confidence. Wish I could come up with a modern day version but I can't, offhand.

mockturtle said...

Used to be, back in the day, that boys liked to date 'easy' girls but wanted to marry 'nice' ones. Is that no longer valid?

mockturtle said...

Or, more specifically, should a young girl be unconcerned about keeping herself for marriage and just work on giving the best blow job in town?

Howard said...

The problem identified in the OP is rooted in the fact that women are taught to expect happiness, e.g. the princess myth. This is attachment that leads to depression. Like anything else, happiness is a byproduct of doing the right things... not doing the things that provide an ephemeral dopamine high. Males suffer from the attachments to praise spawned by the hero myth and become depressed by filling the cracks with macho posturing instead of taking life threatening/life altering risks.

Much of what KYZ says about being "the man" in a relationship is true. I don't agree with all of it because rules are made to be broken, some of the "rules" are unnecessary manipulation, some of the rules are actually feminine cat-fight passive-aggressiveness ("ladies men" are very insecure, like "hot chicks") and the need for situational flexibility. The important thing is to kludge together a strategy that works, assuming it makes sense to make it work. After 30-years, my old lady demanded that I needed to develop new comedic material. It was surprisingly easy and she doesn't always like the new material, but it has been a fun challenge.

Inga said...

You’re right! I finally found the article outside of the paywall. LOL! The end of the article has him kissing her on her mouth.

“Althouse misread the essay (or didn't read it at all): The dark-blond head of the man is not attending to her genitals; he's attempting to unfasten her boots.”
———————————-

“There’s a strap … at the top,” I said, staring at the ceiling.

“Yep. Got it. I’ll get it.” His voice sounded muffled from my side of the bed.

The main show hadn’t started — we were still in pregame warm-ups, which came to a standstill as he worked to release the elaborate snaps and hooks of my tall suede boots.


In “Wild,” Cheryl found her pair of painful, too-small hiking boots — the only defense between her toes and the trail’s snow and rattlesnakes — to be her savior and her nemesis. For the first time, I could identify with her.

“We could, um, leave the boots on,” I offered, feeling a tug on my left leg as he yanked at the zipper.”

Anonymous said...

Ms. Rock writes well, but seems to really be hung up on herself. And its not a good idea to make out with a publishing author (that writes about herself).

I know a song about this sort of thing :

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=587673&songID=6055143

Unknown said...

Why take the boots off?

William Chadwick said...

None of the attractive, intelligent women I know would date Fonzie more than once, and I'm not sure even that. If we were good in bed they might keep him around as their human sex-toy, but even that would fade sooner than later.

mockturtle said...

None of the attractive, intelligent women I know would date Fonzie more than once, and I'm not sure even that. If we were good in bed they might keep him around as their human sex-toy, but even that would fade sooner than later.

Yes. Men should not conflate 'interesting' with 'immature'. Immaturity in men is most unattractive.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

@ DBQ: "Mystery and excitement are overrated.

Perhaps you need to find some different women :-)"

Why? So I could experience being bored each day?

No, I'll pass. Those kinds of girls were among the 30% or so that I dumped. More fish in the sea for the boring guys to scurry after.


Well, bless your heart, you sweet summer child :-)

tcrosse said...

The boots must remain on if spurs are to be used.

Francisco D said...

From Big Mike: "If Blake’s head is between her knees then he’s either conducting a gynecological exam or he’s tying her shoelaces. Unless he has a tongue like s chameleon."

A guy walks into a bar to meet a friend. On the way out are an incredibly hot woman and a nerdy looking guy, arm in arm.

The guy asks his friend how such a nerd can pick up such a hot woman. His friend replies, "I don't know. He sat down next to her, licked his eye brows and they walked out together".

The Toothless Revolutionary said...

And I wonder what we'd think of a divorced man who wrote an essay about his life and began by sharing the thoughts he had as he looked down on the dark-blond head of some woman attending to his genitals.

"Good for him." And other than that, not much. Why should we? Who cares?

You worry about other people's sex lives too much. What's up with that?

Big Mike said...

Why take the boots off?

Reminds of a joke from the Vietnam era (and probably the Korean War, both World Wars, and maybe even the Civil War).

A soldier is being mustered out and a newspaper reporter comes up and asks what he plans to do once he gets home.

Soldier looks at him like he's crazy and says "I'm gonna hump my wife."

"Oh, right. And what's the second thing you're going to do?"

"I'm gonna take off these damned boots."

rhhardin said...

Aspirin held between the knees was recommended in the old days as a contraceptive.

That was a saying among missionaries.

rhhardin said...

Retired hockey player guy learning mixed couples figure skating

"Put my hand where?"

The Cutting Edge (1992)

Derbyshire remarked that nobody ever makes the beast with two fronts.

This would be sort of a giraffe thing. Better beast renditions solicited.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

Why would they keep their vow to women who seem to believe boredom is sufficient to break theirs?

However, more importantly, what is your vow worth if it is dependent on the conduct of others, if it as always contingent not on your will and ability to keep your word, but the randomness of others and lifes circumstance?

For better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health, good times and bad times etc.


Why would you waste your life, or insist that someone you "love" waste hers, grimly toughing out a marriage that brings neither of you joy, and also precludes all other paths to joy for both of you? It cannot be that difficult to grasp why someone would decline to participate in such an exercise.

John Lynch said...

@Thorley

"By 2015, 371 of these people had broken up or gotten divorced." How many divorces? Doesn't say. How many marriages? Doesn't say. Composite response rate for the data set the study was based on is 13%.

Most psychology studies are garabage, most sociology studies are garbage. I'm sure it's possible to actually check court records to see who gets divorced, but that would be work.

I'm open to it being true, but the data isn't there. I don't understand why someone can't just go look at divorce court records in a big city, get a n of thousands, and crunch numbers. Maybe someone has. I haven't seen it.

In lieu of that, I guess ask a divorce attorney.

Kyzernick said...

@ DBQ: "Well, bless your heart, you sweet summer child :-)"

When I hear that, I know that someone's run out of sensible rebuttals and is trying to avoid resorting to crude insults - thus the smarmy emerges. Just one of those things you learn over time. And I'm not even halfway thru my 30's.


@ Mock: "Used to be, back in the day, that boys liked to date 'easy' girls but wanted to marry 'nice' ones. Is that no longer valid?
Yes. Men should not conflate 'interesting' with 'immature'. Immaturity in men is most unattractive. "

Still true to some extent, about "easy" vis-a-vis "nice" girls. Problem is, in the age of Tinder and Snapchat, most girls are fairly easy anyway. The nice ones are mostly either ugly, disgustingly obese, or super religious. Not exactly the ideal pool for most guys.

And one can be both playfully immature and still adult when it counts. For example, I was cracking "yo momma" jokes while my wife watched me give her car a full brake job, including caliper disassembly and service. I also do every home repair and mechanical repair that's needed, and make about twice as much as her at my day job, not counting mention my side hustles. But who wants Serious Sam 24/7? Apparently DBQ and Ingnorant. Anyone else?


@ Howard: "Much of what KYZ says about being "the man" in a relationship is true. I don't agree with all of it because rules are made to be broken, some of the "rules" are unnecessary manipulation, some of the rules are actually feminine cat-fight passive-aggressiveness ("ladies men" are very insecure, like "hot chicks") and the need for situational flexibility."

Yes, I know, and so do they. They just don't like admitting it.

Rules are made to be worked around, but not really broken. "Breaking" the "manly rules" would be more like having crying jags every time you see a Sarah McLAchlin animal shelter commercial and deciding that your true calling is menial housework.

And ladie's men may or may not be any more secure or insecure than the general population. What is is about a man who has had many successes with beautiful and elegant women that makes those who haven't deem them "insecure"? Jealousy? White knight mentality? Fact is, some guys are born to be good with women, and some guys learn it later on their own by watching the naturals. I was the latter - in my private life, away from women, I'm actually fairly nerdy and get excited about things like new exoplanets being discovered and the possibility that neutrinos might boogey around at FTL speeds and going to airshows where the Blue Angels or the Thunderbirds are flying their F/A-18s and F-16s, respectively.

But around women, those topics (at least if you're meeting for the first time) will dry up their panties in a pinch unless you've already warmed them up with other banter and established a masculine presence. If it turns out that they buy strongly into your "frame" (thanks surfed, that chateau place is pretty cool), or happen to also be interested in those things, have at it. Otherwise, keep it to yourself. It's okay to have private interests that don't get discussed in mixed company when sex (or at least a phone number and a warm smile) are the end goal.

Kyzernick said...

Another "manly rule" that should never be broken: lift weights at least once a week. Doesn't matter if you're trying to gain a ton of muscle or just keep and reinforce what you've already got, a man should be lifting weights at least once a week for a minimum of around 30-45 minutes. If you work in a very physical job already, you can ignore this advice, but if you're an office or desk or road-bound worker, you'd be a fool to fail at this. Men's bodies are made to endure this type of stress and growth, and no - cardio is NOT enough.

Don't have to go crazy. Go to WalMart or Play It Again Sports and buy some 20lb and 30lb dumbbells, a pair of each, and either buy or make a workout bench (I made one a long time ago from some free plans, sold it, and my wife bought me one a few Xmases ago). If you make one, use a hardwood, because pine gets warped too easily over time. Yes, bodyweight exercise like pushups and bench dips count just fine, but you'll need weights for curls, french curls, and most shoulder exercises. Don;t bother with supplements unless you want to be jacked, or if your diet doesn't include enough protein.

Or you can get old and be a "cute" old man, which is just girlspeak for "frail and harmless". Your choice.

John Lynch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John Lynch said...

This is like Ron Swanson's Pyramid of Greatness.

james james said...

Kyzernick at 6:59am is on point.

At the bar, the soft guys get the fat girls, if they get a girl at all.

It's like magnets: body types pull in others of the same body type.

The magnet is rarely wrong.

- james james

Jack Sherman said...

If Blake's going down on her and she's thinking about Trump one or both of them are doing it wrong.