Althouse: At the Onion Café...

May 13, 2017

At the Onion Café...

... you can talk about whatever you like.

29 comments:

ndspinelli said...: The smelt are running.; 5/13/17, 9:25 AM
campy said...: Anyone else remember when onion rings and carrot sticks were a thing on this blog?; 5/13/17, 9:29 AM
Wince said...: The Onion headline:

"Media critics stunned: 'The Onion' lost its edge -- humorless, passé after being acquired by Hillary Clinton's top donor."; 5/13/17, 9:36 AM
Bob Ellison said...: campy, I don't remember that. Was the idea to throw a carrot stick through an onion ring? Sounds like Cornhole.; 5/13/17, 10:00 AM
jacksonjay said...: At the Liberty U commencement, our Comedian-In-Chief just praised a non-hero captured during WWII. Sad!; 5/13/17, 10:02 AM
David Baker said...: Will Trump end the press briefings?

Hint: As entertainment, it's the biggest thing on daytime television.; 5/13/17, 10:13 AM
David Baker said...: ...Maybe "hint" isn't the right word. So replace it with "quandary."; 5/13/17, 10:15 AM
traditionalguy said...: The Liberty University Speech on TV was an historical happening. DJT connects better with his voters than Churchill connected with the English. It was Jacksonian in theme and liberal in social acceptance of all. And he gave it in the center of American culture surrounded by a crowd of his beloved evangelical rednecks.; 5/13/17, 10:18 AM
Bay Area Guy said...: It is a glorious Saturday morning. I walked the dog in the early morning sunny breeze to fetch bagels for the wife and kids. I have started laundry. I will hit the yardwork, soon after my quick Althouse fix. Later in the morn, I will hit the driving range for a little mechanical tweaking of my poor golf swing. And, then I will BBQ at about 5:00 pm.

That is all.; 5/13/17, 10:21 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

I really like Spring. All of the girls are in their Spring Dresses and everything is fresh and clean, not like the fake 'Febreze clean' that my room smells like all Winter. I masturbate a lot, so I use a LOT of Febreze...

When I walk down the street in Spring there are SO MANY girls I see that I'd love to pee on: they're everywhere! Pee Girls! I like when they wear sunglasses, because then we don't make eye contact: it's hard for me to look a girl in the eye, especially one I desperately want to pee on...

When a woman looks me in the eye I can't help but feel like she is reading my mind: it is like my head is a giant chalkboard with "I WANT TO PEE ON YOU" written on it in yellow chalk. It's like those dreams where you're at the grocery store naked, buying toilet paper and Stool Softener...

When I was in high school a teacher called me up to the chalkboard to solve a math problem. Unfortunately, I had been daydreaming about peeing on the cute cheerleader that sat two rows over, and I had to walk up to the front of the room with a hard-on in my pants. For the rest of the year everyone in school called me "Stiffie", and occasionally "Math Cock Boy"...

Sometimes I still think about that cheerleader, and wonder if she has ever been peed on. I don't think she has, she didn't seem Like That Kind Of Girl. After a while you kind of get a sense about the girls who might let you pee on them, but I think they mostly want to be peed on by bigger, better-looking guys than me, with more forceful pee...

Just a guess, butI think Japanese Girls are more open to being peed on: the Japanese seem to like some funny things. And a lot of Japanese Girls act shy, which I am MUCH more comfortable with. Shy is Good: there isn't as much talking. I'm not really good at talking with Girls. But I probably could ask a Japanese Girl if I could pee on her, and -- if she was offended -- I could say she must've misunderstood my English, I didn't say THAT. That could work. I don't like Sushi, though, so maybe it wouldn't work out...

Like no one else thinks these things.

I hope the Girl with the Blue Hair is working at McDonalds today.

I am Laslo.; 5/13/17, 10:34 AM
exiledonmainstreet, green-eyed devil said...: Out for a nice, relaxing, politics-free weekend in Door County. Happy Mother's Day to you Althouse!; 5/13/17, 10:46 AM
Dust Bunny Queen said...: Michelle Obama is all butt hurt that Trump is relaxing the food nazi rules she instituted. Says he wants the kids to eat crap and that the government regulating children's lunches is good parenting... paraphrasing before anyone points that out.

Meanwhile in the real world, my friend who works at the local school district in the cafeteria, preparing and serving lunches and breakfasts says the "lunch ladies" are all celebrating. They can now prepare things the kids will actually eat and not just throw away.

The waste was appalling. Tons of food just tossed in the trash. They weren't even allowed to separate the food trash and give it to some local pig farmers who would have loved to feed all those apples, veggies, spoiled milk to the pigs. Nope...Michelle's rules are it all gets tossed.

Happy days in the cafeteria!!!; 5/13/17, 10:54 AM
madAsHell said...: Here's the headline from the Onion........Amazon Building Homeless Shelter Inside Seattle Headquarters.

Here's the headline from the Seattle Times........Amazon creating a place for hundreds of homeless on its shiny new Seattle campus

I don't know if I should laugh, or cry.; 5/13/17, 10:57 AM
mockturtle said...: DBQ, I remember when Friday was Pizza Day at school. It was the only day I bought, rather than brought, my lunch.; 5/13/17, 11:11 AM
tcrosse said...: I don't know if I should laugh, or cry.

This describes the Muggeridge Effect: eventually reality becomes so ludicrous that satire is useless.; 5/13/17, 11:14 AM
Dust Bunny Queen said...: Friday was Pizza Day at school.

Mockturtle.. Yes. Pizza Friday....I remember that too.

The workers are especially happy about being able to make real spaghetti, without that horrible gluten free pasta (that has an off flavor and texture),to able to add spices, salt etc.so that the stuff has some actual taste. Not only will the kids love it again....the ingredients will be less expensive that the crazy stuff they had to use before.; 5/13/17, 11:17 AM
campy said...: I don't remember that. Was the idea to throw a carrot stick through an onion ring? Sounds like Cornhole.

This 2007 post is the beginning.; 5/13/17, 11:45 AM
FullMoon said...: There is a whimsical sort of Hyundai commercial running. Includes woman kicking man in testicles.; 5/13/17, 11:50 AM
mockturtle said...: There is a whimsical sort of Hyundai commercial running. Includes woman kicking man in testicles.

I've seen it. So empowering. :-\; 5/13/17, 12:00 PM
FullMoon said...: Blogger mockturtle said...

There is a whimsical sort of Hyundai commercial running. Includes woman kicking man in testicles.

I've seen it. So empowering. :-\

Inga absent this morning. Down at Hyundai dealership?; 5/13/17, 12:17 PM
wildswan said...: Studies show that kids eating school lunches are getting ten per cent less protein than before because they refuse to what was there or else they are large football players being given the same amount of protein as less active kids weighing much less. But ... equality. And, of course the slop being served was more nutritious, on paper - just not on the paper plates. The better-off kids went to Subway or brought from home so they weren't much affected. Though Michelle's plan meant poor kids got less protein, she's proud of her Venezuelan-Lite school-lunch reform. And if you aren't proud too, you are a racist.

Yes, Trump is going to get more protein to poor kids. But the left DOES NOT CARE. The Dems would rather that poor kids got less protein than that anyone would implicitly criticize their Beloved Leader (How dare you?!!) by reforming school lunch rules.

School lunch reform, they are taking away everything ...Oh my precious, my precious. Lost! Lost!! Beloved Leader, every night I cry and grind my teeth and talk to rocks and dream you will come back when Trump is impeached by the Republican Senate. Everyone (except half the country, the armed militaristic half that believes nothing in the media anymore and, well, who pays attention to them, the scum) wants you back. Please, please - just, my precious ... just...come back.; 5/13/17, 12:30 PM
walter said...: Hyundai Hybrid ad; 5/13/17, 12:57 PM
Michael K said...: "she's proud of her Venezuelan-Lite school-lunch reform"

Good one.; 5/13/17, 1:23 PM
walter said...: Not to defend the extremes of Michelle-driven reforms, but in the American diet a 10% drops in protein is probably inconsequential in and of itself.
If the recent but pre-reform school lunches were like what I grew up with, they likely could be bettered by less adherence to the disasterous "food pyramid" that's contributed to the prevalence of obesity and increased diabetes.
We seemed to get by ok without soda and candy machines in the schools too.; 5/13/17, 1:33 PM
Dust Bunny Queen said...: American diet a 10% drops in protein is probably inconsequential in and of itself.

Agreed, but this is assuming the children are getting enough outside of the school lunches. Unfortunately, the art of cooking at home has been replaced with fast food and pre prepared meals, so for some kids the only real meals they may get are provided by the schools. Often the parents are too un-involved, drugged out, absent or just too lazy to feed their own kids, make the school lunches we oldsters were sent to school with.

Sad...to quote the President.

If we want the kids to eat the food it must be something palatable and more important recognizable to the kids. It doesn't have to be gourmet, but at least be a step above kapok and not rotten or spoiled.

Leaving the food choices, within some reasonable guidelines, at the local level will not only save money, lessen waste, but also get the kids to eat.

I remember in my little plaid lunch box with thermos the following.
1. Sandwich (tuna, egg salad, Baloney or Ham & Cheese)
2. Fruit (banana, apple, orange, watermelon or whatever was in season
3. Chips or Pretzels. Corn chips were my favorite
4. Maybe a pickle
5. Apple juice or other juice....because milk makes me sick and I wouldn't drink it.
4. Cookies or a piece of cake. (usually homemade) If we were really lucky a Hostess Cupcake or Twinkie. Score!!!!

The school didn't care what we had or force us to eat. It wasn't in their job description. They just wanted us to eat, get back to class or get out on the playground and not kill ourselves.; 5/13/17, 2:00 PM
walter said...: Protein is pretty easy to get in fast food and prepared meals.
The problem is all the damaging stuff that accompanies the protein.; 5/13/17, 2:15 PM
mockturtle said...: I carried my lunch in a brown bag. My mother included a nice sandwich [always diagonally sliced], fruit and cookies. I was never fat even though I often had milkshakes instead of milk. But then we didn't have smart phones and we played outside whenever we could.; 5/13/17, 2:19 PM
wildswan said...: Do not waste your hand when you cut an avocado:

1. Buy an avocado which is darkgreen with light green specks. The end is firm but not hard.

2. Cut a slot in a longitudinal circle around the avocado all the way in to the seed. If it's hard to cut, the avocado is not ripe so stop.

3.Put the knife in the slot and flex it. The avocado will separate.

4. Put a trace of olive oil on spoon and use the spoon to dig out the seed, then another trace to dig out the two sides. The olive oil will cause the seed and the two sides to pop-slide out. Then cut it up on the table.

Then you will not get "avocado hand", a dread condition appearing in sidebars this week. It means you stab through your hand with the blade of a giant chef's knife while trying to get an unripe, very green avocado to yield its fruits.; 5/13/17, 2:34 PM
Guildofcannonballs said...: Trump just won the youth vote (18-26) in 2020 mofos. Bookmark me you cock blocks: taking the food from the mouths of babes does not go unpunished, not on Trump's (and Trump's alone, for now) watch in America. Maybe he is from Mordor: we don't give a fuck.

We are turning your children against you, and you cannot stop us. We have Trump, which is bigger and better than damn quite all the media (mass dominant proggie), the shitholes called higher education, and fucking Hollywood, all down on their knee's, just like the GOP the day Trump walked down and announced tomthe people he had arrived to save us, all of us.

I wanna hear the feminine proggie lamentations, and I know they ain't gonna be letting me down, no way no how.; 5/13/17, 9:44 PM