Did you have sex with your wife before that first shot of Lupron?
No, we didn’t even want to do it one last time. We wanted to move as quickly as possible.... If anything I feel like more of a man now. I didn’t feel worthy. I was exposing myself to so much risk: I just felt so very bad about myself. I was in a dark, dark place....
Do you worry about her happiness or her sexual fulfillment?
You know I don’t, because she’s a staunch Catholic and she would never leave. The contract of marriage is very high on her morality list. She has filled the sexual void with other things. She owns her own business, she frequently travels. Friday night is still date night for us. Whether we go to dinner, shopping, bowling, or to a movie, it’s a night that we have guarded against using for other things. I think that’s helped.
December 17, 2015
"I was willing to chop my testicles off to save the marriage. I was prepared to do it because it made my wife comfortable."
From "What It’s Like to Be Chemically Castrated."
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I found the link to this bit over at Lem's site and I figured you were writing about Meade!
Imagine my astonishment at discovering you aren't!
From the article:
I would have done anything to stop.
Except, actually, you know, stopping.
I wonder what would happen if they weaned him off the drug now.
The part about the wife occasionally showing the guy that she's satisfied with him apparently dropped out of the contract.
How long has it been, prof since you were in a non-ideological demonstration relationship with anybody, even a child?
How long has it been since you were in a relationship initiated by sheer lust without all the "I'm gonna prove shit to people" fluff?
I looked at the article.
If you are wondering what kind of sex offense it could be, that would have him also interested in sleeping with his wife, and his whfe with him, it was that he was seeing prostitutes. Not even underage prostitutes, or at least it doesn't say.
Somebody send this article to Slick Willy.....
Sounds like the wife had castrated this guy many years prior to him taking Lupron. Might explain why he found relief in the arms of prostitutes.
Catholic here who would be totally hiring a canon lawyer to investigate annulment.
Women should just accept that their husbands are going to prostitutes. It's not adultery, biblically speaking.
When caught sleeping with hookers, this poor dumb bastard claimed it was because of a sex addiction. The next thing he knew, his wife was (figuratively) carrying around his testicles in a velvet bag. It's like the old joke about the guy in the locker room wearing a girdle. He explained that when his wife found it in the glove compartment, he'd had to say it was his.
What?!?!?
Sounds like the wife had castrated this guy many years prior to him taking Lupron. Might explain why he found relief in the arms of prostitutes.
There's a good chance of that. Men don't go to hookers for relationships. They go there for sex alone. If he is doing that, then there is a good chance there is a problem in that area in their relationship.
The Gold Digger brings up a valid point, I doubt this couple discussed this with a Catholic therapist. I was also bemused that a therapist was surprised that this man undergoing this drug regimen wouldn't desire sex and thought this was something that needed treatment in itself.
"I was willing to chop my testicles off to save the marriage. I was prepared to do it because it made my wife comfortable."
Definition of a bridge too far.
I love my wife. I certainly want her to be "comfortable".... but, no. No even chemically.
(And not a drop of issue with the wife's level of sexual activity?)
The Gold Digger brings up a valid point, I doubt this couple discussed this with a Catholic therapist. I was also bemused that a therapist was surprised that this man undergoing this drug regimen wouldn't desire sex and thought this was something that needed treatment in itself.
Ah..so she's a staunch Catholic who goes on the road with rock stars where there is plenty of opportunity. Why did he bother wiping off his genitals if her's was a no go zone?
"I’m a compulsive person, and when I get my mind set on something I just focus on that."
Uh huh..
Its all good. He lost his balls a long time ago.
Sounds like he had OCD. I'm sure there is medication for that, the chemical castration seems 'nuts' so to speak. I do recall reading an article about a man undergoing the hormone therapy for a sex change operation and he said that it was a relief to have a diminished libido. Testosterone seems to be a very powerful hormone, I suppose if one has OCD and/or an addictive personality, an abundance of testosterone might be a drawback, if sex is the addiction or obsession. Poor man.
He still jerks off
I wonder how much the guy would have lost in a divorce. Unless she was ill or otherwise incapable of having sex with him what was her excuse to not have sex with him? That is also part of the marriage. Still if he wants to castrate himself for whatever reason that is his choice as long as it isn't coerced.
Of course there ARE side effects in terms of potential cardiac and blood clot issues.
It sounds like he just needed a better therapist.
In the old days this problem would have been solved with a mistress.
Its no less immoral but a great deal more honorable.
Is lust a sin?
Giving in to lust is a sin.
So is Adultery
And so is messing with the, er, private parts for the purpose of eliminating temptation.
Christianity is a difficult business.
Bubba better hope Hillary! doesn't read this.
The key to a happy marriage is no testicles.
So the lesson here is that the solution to having lust in your heart is to cut out your heart (so to speak)?
I hate to say it as many Catholics I consider very decent people and even great friends but as with the Soviets, they are stuck in a sick system. I'm sure many people in the Soviet Union were wonderful people, as are many Muslims. But these systems are rotten. Not completely, but mostly. So on one hand, if they both really did feel they should remain maritally committed to each other, I think that's a good thing and can thank the church for encouraging that (even though "mandate" is the more accurate word). But why couldn't this guy have worked out his issues with a good shrink? Being lustful shouldn't be a bad thing. Is being affectionate a bad thing? I'm wondering if their convictions prevented the sort of self-reflection that might have done him at least as much good as a eunuch-making drug. People should learn to assimilate their urges, not deny them or reduce them all to an all-or-nothing/binge-or-starve proposition. This guy reminds me of Data in the Star Trek movie when he gets an "emotion chip" and doesn't know how to cope with fear without turning it off. Picard tells him that it's his responsibility to learn how to assimilate emotions, not to be paranoid of them or ruled by them. I wish Catholics had an institution that allowed them the freedom and maturity of that realization also.
Sounds to me that they are working this out in the way that seems right for them. Although extreme, he chose this and seems to feel it is working for him. I suspect that he wouldn't have had to have taken such an extreme step had he engaged honestly in therapy at the earlier stages (or if he'd recognized the moral hazard he entered into right when he started this behavior and turned away from it before it became a habit.)
I guess my reaction is very different from others here (and I think people are making assumptions not necessarily supported by the facts given, like the implied accusations against his wife for frigidity.) I say kudos to these two for taking their marriage vows seriously and wish them well in making more progress toward fully restoring the relationship.
Is lust a sin?
You're trolling me, but no. Lust is not a sin. But, as always, ladies first.
Anything short of that, and it might be rape.
Full disclosure......I like women.
She doesn't have a husband anymore, she has a pet.
I suspect the story is complete bullshit.
I think people are making assumptions not necessarily supported by the facts given, like the implied accusations against his wife for frigidity.
I'm glad someone else said that, because I was thinking it too.
he probably one cheated on her because she was completely witholding sex. The things a guy will do for love. But this is a bridge too far.
If I have to lose my balls then.... I want a divorce.
@Birches- and I'm glad I wasn't the only one noticing it. My assumption though is that:
1. Some guys commenting here actually have had bad relationships due to their partner being unenthusiastic about sex and perhaps having faked interest to get a commitment and then withdrawn from physical relationship after tying the knot. Some women are like that and its unfair to their partners,
2. Others may have had bad relationships in which their partner withdrew physically but it was secondary to the breakdown of other aspects of the relationship, yet the men fail to recognize this and consider these women to be the same as those in example #1. Giving the benefit of the doubt, I assume a lot of men just don't get that they can reverse this during the early stage of unravelling, but a less generous interpretation is that it is easier for men to blame the woman.
In the story linked in this post though, it seems more likely that neither of these was the case because the guy describes a good sexual relationship that soured after he began spending long amounts of time away and indulging in behavior that put himself and his wife at risk of physical harm while also destroying trust and intimacy between them.
Is lust a sin?
President Jimmy thought so....
CStanley, I agree, there's no basis in the story for accusing the wife of frigidity. The only thing I found odd about the wife's behavior is the bit he tossed in toward the end about ample opportunity and spending lots of time with big rock stars.
A lot of the commenters in this thread seem to not understand or believe in addition itself. When you're truly addicted to something, it's NOT just a matter of having the will power to say "no" to the temptation. The addiction has messed with your brain's reward system sufficiently that you need a great deal of help to overcome those compulsions.
That said, there's a root cause of his problems somewhere, and he's just patching the symptoms right now. That's ok for the short term, but his reluctance to participate in group therapy and take other steps recommended by the therapist suggest that he's still resisting treatment, and his addictive urges are likely to find another outlet.
Completely agree, Pat. It sounds as though this is a good first step for them, but certainly not a long term good solution. It's like that with most psychiatric drugs- they can give space and opportunity to work in the retraining of the brain, but if you don't take that opportunity the drug becomes a crutch that can actually impede full recovery. There are exceptions, like the more organic brain disorders such as schizophrenia, where we don't really know how to fix things but can do long term drug treatment.
Good to see you here, BTW!
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