It is cruel tool in a culture that was infiltrated by a certain brand of blasé sex positivity long before achieving true gender equality and, by extension, before we’ve decentralized men’s orgasms as the ultimate purpose of sex between a man and a woman.Why is it so hard to understand and say that bad sex is bad?
We pathologize women’s entirely rational reactions of “nah” and “meh” to sex as the result of antiquated values. Often, these reactions are because sex might be perilous to a woman’s well-being – and often, if we’re honest, a physically substandard experience. This attitude wants sex to be a fundamental good so badly that it puts it in a vacuum, and ignores the snares that still surround it....
October 10, 2015
"I am icy, certainly, but I am not uptight."
Writes Alana Massey, complaining about "the troubling ease with which men dismiss women as prudish if they are not immediately open and enthusiastic about sex."
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63 comments:
Meh. Sexbots are right around the corner. You wont have to worry about men actively engaging these delicate lilies too much longer.
blasé sex positivity
I'm so old that I remember when this was the feminist position, not only promoted, but absolutely required among some groups.
"We pathologize women’s entirely rational reactions"
"We"?
Why is it so hard to understand and say that bad sex is bad?
Well, for one, as far as men are concerned, apart from rape, there is no such thing as bad sex, just good sex and better sex. That is one of the differences between men and women that we are told do not exist.
Gee for decades now we've been bombarded with how sex is natural and wonderful and to be taught as such to children in school at a young age. Now you're complaining about the outcome of this message.
And based on this and many other examples women don't want equality. They want deference to their sensibilities at all times from men. Men are free to think of women in whatever way they want. Women have no say so in this.
the troubling ease with which men dismiss women as prudish if they are not immediately open and enthusiastic about sex.
Blame that on your competitors sweety....men are just playing by the new rules of the game....rules enforced as they always have been by women.
And based on this and many other examples women don't want equality. They want deference to their sensibilities at all times from men
...and money, don't forget money.
Wow, just wow. Is that what poses as sophisticated writing in the modern era?
Memo to young men: Stay away from crazy leftwing women - even the good looking ones. You will be thankful in the future.
100% trash. You cannot make any sense out of it.
"Why is it so hard to understand and say that bad sex is bad?"
It's not hard to understand that sex with Alana Massey is bad.
What's wrong with antiquated values? Some of my best values are antiquated.
But the “blah” is an expression of the exasperation felt while living in a social climate that champions women having sex with one side of its mouth and condemns them with the other.
"It puts the lotion on its skin, and the penis on one side of its mouth."
Like pizza, even when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Guardian Readers' Problems — a subset of First World Problems.
SGT Ted,
Good post.
"the troubling ease with which men dismiss women as prudish if they are not immediately open and enthusiastic about sex."
Another epistemology check needed. How does she know this statement is true? From watching scripted human interactions on television programs or reading bad D.H. Lawrence stories? How many times she actually experienced "the troubling ease with which men dismiss women as prudish if they are not immediately open and enthusiastic about sex"?
""the troubling ease with which men dismiss women as prudish if they are not immediately open and enthusiastic about sex."
Mountain out of a mole hill. It doesn't have to be sex immediately, it can just be a simple blow-job in the beginning.
Most men are fine with that.
I am Laslo.
“Questions raced through my mind—does she go wild during sex, does she come easily, does she freak out about oral sex, does she mind a guy coming in her mouth? Then I realized I won’t go to bed with a girl if she won’t do that. I also won’t go to bed with a girl if she can’t or won’t have an orgasm because then, what’s the point? If you can’t make a girl come why even bother? That always seemed to me to be like writing questions in a letter.”
― Bret Easton Ellis, The Rules Of Attraction
"Often, these reactions are because sex might be perilous to a woman’s well-being..."
It's OK, the peril ends when you get the abortion.
I am Laslo.
"Well, for one, as far as men are concerned, apart from rape, there is no such thing as bad sex, just good sex and better sex."
Not all men say that. Some men are very selective. Nearly all men are at least somewhat selective. You're saying something analogous to: Apart from what will kill you or make you violently ill, there's no such thing as bad food, only good food and better food.
If we were fucking, Althouse, and you decided to make it as bad as possible, what would you do? Get fat? Stop washing? Go limp? That will stop some people but not others.
at least the men saying this aren't slut shaming women. They are happy that women are sluts and extolling the virtue of sluttery, in so far as it allows them to stick their penis in the womans vagina.
Not all men say that. Some men are very selective. Nearly all men are at least somewhat selective.
Jesus Christ. Althouse borrowing some of Instapundit's "I've had a lot of sex in my day" swagger, or what?
I've had a lot of conversations.
Is that what you call it?
I'm thinking you've given a lot of speeches.
This idea that men are (or should be) always willing is harmful propaganda. A man shouldn't have to feel that his manhood is on the line if he doesn't take up whatever offers he's given or can see how to extract. And a woman shouldn't get the idea that she can impose herself physically on any man as if his consent is implied.
Perhaps she should focus on developing a relationship, rather than the secular pleasure that follows from instant gratification. She may also want to audit her circle of friends and discover a mature alternative.
Per the statement "Well, for one, as far as men are concerned, apart from rape, there is no such thing as bad sex, just good sex and better sex. . ." That reminds of the the old joke:
"Have I ever told you about the worst blow job I ever received? It was great."
Oh I don't know but I'd do her anyway.
Some men are very selective. Nearly all men are at least somewhat selective. You're saying something analogous to: Apart from what will kill you or make you violently ill, there's no such thing as bad food, only good food and better food.
APPLAUSE!, though clearly there are men who fit the analogy. They tend to be the type of men who can't afford to be selective.
I actually read Alana Massey's article. My wild ass guess/stereotype is that she may be like some of the really nice, cute, fun, smart wonderful girls in high school whom everyone loved -- they could have dated any one -- but they chose to date (were for some reason attracted to) guys who were complete assholes (apparently because they were tall, good looking and starters on the basketball or lacrosse teams). Most women grow out of that phase, but many don't. I know really attractive women in their 30s who can't understand why they can't find a good man, when the guys they keep dating (the only ones they're attracted to) are the now divorced older versions of the assholes described above. JMHO
She has had a bad streak if she has come to think some jerk in an online chat is likely to say or do anything that pleases her. Most men who like you will try very hard to please you. Avoid the ones who do not like you. If this means that you are avoiding nearly all men, consider whether the fault lies in men generally or with you.
"This idea that men are (or should be) always willing is harmful propaganda."
I've never been bugged by it. Also that men desire sex more often than women isn't very controversial.
Some men are very selective.
The statement that men see all sex as at least good has nothing to do with selecting to have sex. I did not state or imply that men will rut at the drop of a hat.
I'm saying something analogous to: All ice cream is great. It doesn't mean I eat ice cream every time I get a chance to.
Yeats was a virgin until he was thirty. He had a much better sex life in his sixties than in his twenties. Not too many men can say that. I'm sure that knowledge was a great comfort to him in his old age.. It definitely made him a better poet......Humanity's great leap forward occurred in the nineteenth century.. Not so coincidentally many of the most accomplished citizens of that era were sexually repressed or neurotic. You have so much more energy for other things if you're not pursuing sex or laying around all day in post orgasmic bliss. Bring back sexual repression. A happy sex life is subversive of humankind's creativity.
I'm a guy and don't do one-night stands.
California weather is like sex. When it is good it is very very good. When it is bad, it is not bad.
Good sex happens with caring, intimacy and communication, not shaming men into taking anatomy lessons. Fucking duh. Big surprise that bedding strangers is going to yield shitty sex. The poor girl must be simple.
Wow, are you saying feminists are just now figuring out that most men's support for feminism was based on the belief that this would mean they'd get laid more often?
"the troubling ease with which men dismiss women as prudish if they are not immediately open and enthusiastic about sex."
Wow, you mean men use teh slogans fo feminists in order to get laid? I'm shocked, shocked!
Actually, I must admit I am kind of shocked at how stupid feminists appear to be. But, then again leftism has long been the religion of choice for people who are desperate to believe they are more intellectually competent than they actually are.
You've slept with girls you haven't been in love with?
Confusing, or maybe just plain confused, article. But she does get off one good line:
[mediocre sex] is sex to which we consented and isn’t harmful unless you think partner-induced orgasms are human rights, which is only true in the Netherlands I think.
It's discussions like this that reinforce the fact that women don't understand men and never will. And they don't understand that either.
"That many of us have developed a politics of ambivalence toward sex in a society that can’t make up its mind should be no surprise"
Someone please tell this poor woman that her lousy sex life is not society's fault, at least not unless she's having bad sex with someone named Society. It it a law or custom that British men can't make up their minds to get their women off when they get a booty call via "dating" website? And what is the "politics of ambivalence toward sex?" Is that part of Hillary's platform or simply the relations she has with Huma when she's had a few too many?
gregq:
The Feminist plank is that women should be taxable commodities, perpetually pregnant, and available for sexual relations (including oral sex). To this end, they support demoting families, promoting abortion, and encouraging instant gratification. The Feminist revolution has left a trail of blood and tears in its wake.
Oh... she's a slut ...er ... 'sex positive' female who treats interacting with large numbers of penises with as much discrimination as pulling through the nearest drive-thru joint when hunger appears and she's surprised that she's not getting much satisfaction?
Maybe this is why married women have better sex. We actually love the guy who is attached to the penis.
Althouse wrote:
This idea that men are (or should be) always willing is harmful propaganda. A man shouldn't have to feel that his manhood is on the line if he doesn't take up whatever offers he's given or can see how to extract. And a woman shouldn't get the idea that she can impose herself physically on any man as if his consent is implied.
The idea that man can't say no is total hogwash. We can say no. We often choose not to. Some guys are more discriminating than others.
God this is a dumb thread. It is like men and women don't understand each other or something.
This idea that men are (or should be) always willing is harmful propaganda. A man shouldn't have to feel that his manhood is on the line if he doesn't take up whatever offers he's given or can see how to extract. And a woman shouldn't get the idea that she can impose herself physically on any man as if his consent is implied.
“If a woman sleeps alone it puts a shame on all men. God has a very big heart, but there is one sin He will not forgive. If a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go.”
― Nikos Kazantzakis, Zorba the Greek
Of course, that was written before the obesity epidemic.
Depends on the age of the man. 19 year old men tend to swing at more pitches than 40 year old men
You're saying something analogous to: Apart from what will kill you or make you violently ill, there's no such thing as bad food, only good food and better food.
I refer you back to the thread on the person who survived near-starvation- they always want food, any food.
Most men have been sexually starved at some point in their lives.
When men HAVE sex, it is good almost every time. We can go without (women REALLY are unable to handle men telling them no) but when we decide to do it, it's not bad.
"I actually believe that the only commendable function of motorcycles is to make aging dads feel the crisp bite of youth again during their midlife crises rather than resorting to age-inappropriate affairs, but I was trying to be pleasant."
Yeah...clearly requires a deliberate effort in her case...while her brain is engulfed by assumptive killjoy.
It is she that equates the guy's term uptight with antiquated.
He probably wanted to call her a bitch..but "was trying to be pleasant".
I wonder what kind of "game" her lucky fellow du noir engaged in..
The CDC says that men, in 2011-2013, reported having 6.6 sexual partners in their lifetime, while women said they had 4.3.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n.htm#numberlifetime
Perhaps Althouse ought to consult with her husband. For most men, bad sex in of itself is only bad if in retrospect masturbation would have been more enjoyable.
"I am icy, certainly... "
Cool! What's yer sign?
When it comes to sex, better than nothing is an incredibly low standard.
Maybe she needs to hook up with the residence manager at UW-Lacrosse who just got some attention for distributing advice to young men to..err..bone up..on how to help women to reach da big O.
(actually, he sent it out to campus women as well..suggesting to some he hoped to bone up as well)
I think that Hitler wouldn't have become such a bad guy if women had been more open to his sexual advances.
There! A new variety of Godwin's Law! Am I a genius, or what?
"Until the day that every “how to please her” article on AskMen.com comes with a realistic anatomy chart and clear instructions that this can take some time, we might get a little closer. And if those guys who keep humming when they go down on me finally cut that shit out like I said, we will be even closer still."
Sounds like she's found her own solution: a few cutting words and the guy's, umm, ego deflates. Or at least something does. And her problem is solved!
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