August 17, 2015

"From the time I was 11, it was, 'You're a pop star!' That means you have to be blonde, and you have to have long hair..."

"... and you have to put on some glittery tight thing.' Meanwhile, I'm this fragile little girl playing a 16-year-old in a wig and a ton of makeup. It was like Toddlers & Tiaras. I had fucking flippers.... I was told for so long what a girl is supposed to be from being on that show. I was made to look like someone that I wasn't, which probably caused some body dysmorphia because I had been made pretty every day for so long, and then when I wasn't on that show, it was like, Who the fuck am I?

Said Miley Cyrus.

What does "I had fucking flippers" mean? Flippers like people who redo homes and sell them? Flippers like the children with birth defects? Flippers like faster than lightning... a world full of wonder... under the sea?



Hey, I wonder how Luke Halpin is doing. Was he told you're a pop star, that means you have to be blonde, and you have to have long hair and and you have to put on some glittery tight thing?

55 comments:

Ron said...

Was such true during the Althouse childhood? So it would appear! Blonde, sans flippers, and a pop star....

Heartless Aztec said...

She sounds like Chris and Roger complaint about being a rock star. I'm guessing the song never changes \ just the quality of it. The lamentations stay the same. I didn't care in 1966 and I sure don't care now in 2015. Though I'll take Hugh Masekela's horn solo and riffage over a twerked ass any day. Others may differ.

Wince said...

We used to call those thong-type plastic sandals "flippers".

tim in vermont said...

I am trying to remember a time when brunette pop stars existed.

But seriously, why do we keep quoting people when they project their own insecurities onto the nation as a whole as if their insecurities were facts of life.

Jane the Actuary said...

A flipper is a set of "false teeth" meant to obscure crooked teeth, gaps due to baby teeth falling out, etc. Like a toupee hides a bald spot.

Obscure knowledge picked up from watching Toddlers & Tiaras and reading about child beauty pageants.

Ann Althouse said...

The top definition at Urban Dictionary is "A Female who was sex with 2 or more guys in the same setting."

But I think Jane is right.

Laslo Spatula said...

I once did baby-sitting for a seventeen-year-old girl who looked just like Miley Cyrus. .

I am Laslo.

The Bergall said...

And her parents were who?

Michael K said...

Why is anyone interested ?

"Get off my lawn !"

Renee said...

When she took the route she did as anadult, I was sympathetic but didn't endorse the behavior. My daughter was upset, but I think this article will help.

Laslo Spatula said...

""Get off my lawn !"

From some photos I have seen Miley doesn't mow her lawn.


I am Laslo.

SGT Ted said...

It's a hard knocks life for Miley.

David said...

Flippers = false eyelashes.

Thorley Winston said...

I am trying to remember a time when brunette pop stars existed.

Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson come to mind.

tim maguire said...

I was picturing a thalidomide baby I knew in high school.

David said...

What happened to Luke Halpin?

Following an acting career that spanned three decades, Halpin began working as a stuntman, marine coordinator, diver, and speedboat pilot for such feature films as Never Say Never Again, Porky's Revenge!, Flight of the Navigator and Speed 2: Cruise Control as well as for the television series Miami Vice.[8][9] He also continued to make cameo appearances, most notably, on the television series Key West, Miami Vice and in the 1996 feature film remake, Flipper, starring a 15-year-old Elijah Wood as Sandy Ricks.[8][10]

Halpin lives in Rotonda West in Charlotte County on the west coast of Florida with his third wife, Deborah.[11] He has three sons, Kyle Austin Halpin (born October 1980), Blair Luke Halpin (born December 1982), and Courtney Luke Halpin (born April 1990).[8][11]


Good old Wikipedia.

damikesc said...

Poor, poor Miley. I guess acting like a slut in public is her therapy.

Ann Althouse said...

Thanks, David. I had already read that, actually. Found it too boring to put in the post. Did he turn out okay? He's on his third wife, but he's not dead. Unsurprisingly, he didn't have much of a career as an actor.

acm said...

We really need to switch to having cartoons or puppets as the primary children's television, and have child actors appear very rarely as minor parts in TV or movies and commercials. That's basically all I'm getting here. Having real live 11 year olds as pop stars and (so much worse!) role models is just not going to work.

Chris403 said...

She needs to hire back those stylists, because the blond boy haircut has always looked horrible. With her long, dark hair she looked attractive.

jr565 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jr565 said...

Cyrus was/is working in a media controlled business where image is everything. She complains about how her Hannah Montana character was fake, but is her twerking and gyrating on huge disco ball somehow her real self? It also made her rich beyond her wildest dreams. Maybe, don't look the gift horse in the mouth.
So she wasn't really wholesome but instead is a porn star wannabe. Why then doesnt she seek out porn? Where she can be her true authentic self.


jr565 said...

And note, she points out all these flaws in the business and the pressure she was under (which sounds like legitimate gripes) and then continues on in the industry where the whole purpose is to get your face on the cover of a magazine. In a magazine interview designed to give her more publicity.
Greta Garbo walked away. Miley wants to keep making albums and performing. So, then she could actually resign and live her life. Do people really need another Miley Cyrus album? But she instead chooses to continue to be part of the machine thst grinded her out and gave her body identity issues as a girl.

kcom said...

This is slightly confusing because the whole premise of the show (hey, I watched it) was that the blonde popstar alter ego in disguise wasn't real and the brunette with long hair and a brother and a family and friends was real. She maintained the disguise so she could have a real life when she wasn't on stage performing. It seems like she took the exact opposite message from it than she probably should have. I guess playing the role is not the same thing as watching the role.

Char Char Binks, Esq. said...

I'm pretty sure she knew she was ACTING in a TV SHOW. Somebody must have told her.

Carter Wood said...

Even on my favorite table
She can beat my best.
Her disciples lead her in
And she just does the rest.
She's got crazy flipper fingers
Never seen her fall...

hombre said...

The better question for poor, poor Miley is: "Who would I be if it weren't for all that?"

At first glance I thought the photo of Luke was modern Miley, topless.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

I'd like to recommend that Miley dry her tears on some of her millions of dollars and then buy a ranch out somewhere quiet if celebrity is such a burden on her being her real self.

William said...

I'm sure Miley has some legitimate grievances about her upbringing. I'm not at all sure that it's possible to feel sorry for her.....I always felt sorry for Judy Garland. Not because she was so lovable in later life, but because she was so lovable in the Wizard of Oz. Miley will probably ring the same chimes as Judy but never attract a fraction of the sympathy. She needs a memorable, sympathetic role. Maybe Woody can write one for her........Miley is young, good looking, and rich, and she is destined for an unhappy life. Well, I've had a few problems too.

Freeman Hunt said...

Flippers?

"Well, I don't have any swimmin' in my show."

Freeman Hunt said...

Speaking of popstars and flippers.

I promise it is worth it.

Freeman Hunt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tim in vermont said...

Natalie Wood once said that when she was playing the little girl in Miracle on 34th Street, that she genuinely thought she was meeting with Santa Clause every day.

I am not sure what we can make of a child actor's response to their "work."

And why can't we use "they and them" when the sex is undefined in written speech the same way we do in common speech?

Freeman Hunt said...

Unless you think that a popstar expressing the feeling of having gills and being out of the water and then back in the water isn't worth it.

Laura said...

Please advise Ms. Cyrus that it is 15 minutes of fame, and 45 minutes of therapy, and that journalists do not have the proper credentials or training.

Oh, and that Ms. Ciccone's schtick has already been done. However, an abusive spouse does reset the timer on the journalistic clock, and the paparazzi will no doubt flock for a shot gun or g-string wedding, whatever the theme is.

Laura said...

Freeman, Penelope would no doubt stop at her tapestry. Well played.

Laura said...

No pop stars, but pop and flippers and somehow appropo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQKk1nkDa8U.

Ms. Cyrus has not discovered sacred love, just profane.

Anonymous said...

this place is getting to be like People Magazine through the lens of Matt Groening.

The Scythian said...

Tim,

Miley Cyrus was 13 or 14 when the show started.

I think she knew she was acting.

Laslo Spatula said...

I must admit to being somewhat saddened by the harsh responses to Ms. Cyrus -- especially from the women.

Do they not remember their blossoming years? The confusion, the opportunities, the burgeoning new sexual power they now wielded over men?

The evenings spent at the Mall in short colorful skirts, desperately hoping an older male would buy them some cheap necklace and then take them in his Camaro back to his studio apartment and drink cheap beer?

Do they not remember waking up in a stranger's van and not being able to find their clothing?

Do they not nod knowingly at those first feelings of realization that there were indeed Bad Men out there, and some of these Bad Men were friends of their fathers?

The leering looks, the offers of 'free' ice cream?

Like I said: saddened.

I am Laslo.

Char Char Binks, Esq. said...

Ladies, remember your blossoming years? Laslo remembers.

MayBee said...

This is what happens when you don't watch Toddlers and Tiaras. You don't know what flippers are.

Flippers are little false teeth that fit over existing teeth, kind of like a retainer and dentures had a baby. They flip in and flip out and are super white. They have to be molded to the girl's mouth, but aren't strong enough for daily use.

That's why the kids are never missing teeth and have perfectly aligned, white white teeth.

Xmas said...

Maybee,

Thanks for the reference, some YouTube searching and it pops right up.

Laura said...

Those saddened will soon perk up at the pictures from the g-string wedding, which will not reference the musical notes.

Ms. Cyrus will not likely cross her legs for the photos: bad for ratings, bad for business.

Perk up, man, perk up!

Laura said...

Some blondes are born that way.

richard mcenroe said...

Last I heard of Luke Halpin (admittedly years ago) he was still in the business, working as a sound man.

Dan said...

I remember a clip of Drew Barrymore on the Johnny Carson show where she took out a retainer with false teeth on it to hide her missing baby teeth and laid it on his desk... Carson said, oh, you wear a flipper...

exhelodrvr1 said...

She's a pop tart, not a pop star!

Laslo Spatula said...

A wise man once told me that there are two types of women in America: scorn-y or horny.

Okay, I just made that up.

For those women who scorn Ms. Cyrus please keep in mind it is probably not too late for you to ignite the fire in your own secret place.

Maybe not everybody, of course. Or it could indeed be too late, for some; depends on the person, I would think -- I don't want to mislead anyone with false Hope. But it's probably worth a shot, before giving in to the inevitability of freezer-burn.

I am here to help.


I am Laslo.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about flippers, but I went through the Hanna Montana thing via my niece. HM was HUGE and really affected the psychology of little girls.

Hannah was a normal (brunette) girl who was secretly a pop star (blonde). She flipped from one persona and wig to another. I can imagine that would get to you psychologically. Miley, however, even as a kid had a super strong personality, that's one of the things that made her valuable as a role model even though it is now resented. Her strength of personality resembled Jodie Foster's in a way. She should come through fine if she remembers that.

Laura said...

A wise woman told me there were four types of women: horny, scorny, horny-scorny, and scorny-horny.

Who lasts longer on Nero's plate, the courtesan or the whore? Go out in a big blaze of fire, or re-ignite regularly?

Well, he was Nero after all.

Big Mike said...

@Laslo, Miley Cyrus just announced that she used her flipper bridge to f*ck with, and this is the best you can come up with? Must be Monday blahs.

Laslo Spatula said...

Big Mike said...
"@Laslo, Miley Cyrus just announced that she used her flipper bridge to f*ck with..."

No link?

i Cannot be everywhere.

Sadly.


I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

Laura said...
"A wise woman told me there were four types of women.."

There ARE four types of women. The "wise woman" is the fifth.


I am Laslo.

Joe said...

Sounds like someone trying to manufacture outrage and who is ridiculously embarrassed for the very thing that made her famous. I'll all but guarantee that from 11 to 16, she was having a blast, but now that she's "fucking cool" she can't admit to actual having enjoyed being a teenage girl.