Althouse: "What it’s like, lately: He smacks my chest and says something unintelligible with growing urgency."

June 10, 2015

"What it’s like, lately: He smacks my chest and says something unintelligible with growing urgency."

"If I don’t act, he cries a practiced cry of total betrayal, before which I am powerless. He tries to lift up or pull down my shirt, depending. I tug it down, maybe. He screams. I relent, pull out a boob, he lunges toward me with his mouth open wide. He latches onto me and then starts flinging his body from side to side on my lap, doing the dance of the satisfied. He stands up on me with my boob still in his mouth. He claws at my cleavage, pinches my other nipple with his tiny fingernails if I don’t keep it hidden. If I do, he tries to get at it, too, yanking at my shirt and my bra. He likes to pop back and forth between them, to collapse and fling and laugh and grab at my stomach..."

From "Does My Baby Only Like Me for My Boobs?"

25 comments:

Birches said...: Boundaries.

It sounds as if she figured it out and started weaning. My fourth will be a year old in a few weeks, and it's almost as if a switch flipped this week. Milk is not as important to him anymore--yes, he still wants to nurse, but only for about 30 seconds at a time. I have not struggled with what to do---it's time for cow's milk and that's ok. The La Leche Leaguers would have pages and pages of advice on how your child really doesn't want to wean (really) and how you can push through until both of you are ready to wean (a la crazy mom nursing the six year old from a few weeks ago). Balderdash. I've known some extended nursers and their children still, by and large, act like infants, which makes nursing easier. Why nurse if it turns into a giant wrestling match or a war of wills?; 6/10/15, 8:08 PM
Paco Wové said...: It becomes increasingly hard to avoid the conclusion that the mainstream media are just trolling their audiences. Anything, anything at all for clicks. Pleeeeeeeaaaasseee look, if only for a second!; 6/10/15, 8:16 PM
Darrell said...: Baby Laslo.; 6/10/15, 8:17 PM
Mark said...: I'm always amazed by the number of people who would deny that humans are any different from the rest of nature, yet can't comprehend that children (especially babies) are essentially animals that need socialization training.; 6/10/15, 8:21 PM
clint said...: This is much more entertaining to read if you imagine "he" is Tyrion Lannister.; 6/10/15, 8:57 PM
paminwi said...: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Dear God, I am sick of reading about these women and their weird response to breast feeding. I don't want to read about your breast feeding issues - go to a support group and kevetch with other weird women!; 6/10/15, 8:59 PM
Deirdre Mundy said...: Babies are not altruistic. They believe the universe revolves around them. So yes, he only loves you because you are a source of food and comfort. He doesn't care about your mind, your interests, or your sense of humor (beyond your ability to blow raspberries and play peek-a-boo.)

He's a BABY. What do you expect?; 6/10/15, 9:05 PM
Freeman Hunt said...: Don't give the child milk when he acts like that. He'll quit acting like that.; 6/10/15, 9:06 PM
Skeptical Voter said...: Babies maul their mothers looking for milk, or for attention, or for a comforting hug. I'm surprised more mothers don't have bruises.

I've got a two year old granddaughter (turned two just today) and a six month old grandson. The two year old has been on solid food for a long time--but she still paws her mother from time to time. She wants to be held, she wants attention (of course this is all only when she wants it).

And a while back I was passing close to a sheep herd shortly after lambing season. It was kind of interesting watching the little lambs back off and charge and butt their mother--announcing to the ewe, "Hey Mom it's dinner time."; 6/10/15, 9:29 PM
Anonymous said...: Sounds like BIll Clinton.; 6/10/15, 9:37 PM
Interesting,not crazy said...: Reads like a Steven King story; 6/10/15, 9:57 PM
Joe said...: Yes.

Next question.; 6/10/15, 10:10 PM
Ann Althouse said...: If she's able to write that well, why wasn't she able to avoid this predicament?

This is the thing with writers...; 6/10/15, 10:27 PM
traditionalguy said...: Shove a bottle of pumped milk in his precious mouth. If that doesn't work call officer Casebolt to restore order.; 6/10/15, 10:29 PM
William said...: I was told that this deposition in the divorce proceedings would never be made public. I feel duggarized.; 6/10/15, 10:33 PM
augustus said...: For a male child, this will soon be considered sexual assault. The mother is obviously a victim who only gives consent because of emotional manipulation and physical threats. If she regrets it afterwards, it was obviously not consensual. the infant has also committed numerous microaggressions. Down with the infant patriarchy.; 6/10/15, 11:23 PM
Anonymous said...: Agree with @freeman. Do you want to raise an asshole?; 6/11/15, 2:40 AM
averagejoe said...: Darrell said...
Baby Laslo.

6/10/15, 8:17 PM

LOL! I came to this thread specifically expecting to see some Laslo Spatula posts about Scarlett Johannsen or the Nazi Girlfriend. Very disappointed, but you made me laugh, Darrell- thanks!; 6/11/15, 2:51 AM
tim maguire said...: I thought of a few different reactions to this (to your baby, you don't exist except as a vehicle for meeting his needs, I first thought she was talking about her boyfriend, god I'm tired of these idiots treating their babies like disappointing fashion accessories...), but I can't improve on paminwi.

Just shut up.; 6/11/15, 6:30 AM
Robert Cook said...: "It becomes increasingly hard to avoid the conclusion that the internet media are just trolling their audiences. Anything, anything at all for clicks. Pleeeeeeeaaaasseee look, if only for a second!"

Well, of course. This is how they've monetized the internet. Clicking through increases (and quantifies) page views, which drives up ad rates.; 6/11/15, 7:06 AM
damikesc said...: How can allegedly educated women write idiotic nonsense like this?; 6/11/15, 7:54 AM
Jessica said...: I exclusively formula fed both of my young children because I didn't want to breastfeed. Yes, you read that right. I was physically capable. It just filled me with dread and disgust and I didn't want to. And essentially every tale of breastfeeding I read assures me I made the right decision! My kids are happy and healthy and so is their mother. Dad got to participate way more in baby care and feeding. Mom got her sanity (and a few overnights away from baby thanks to a wonderful grandmother). The benefits of breastfeeding are overstated. So glad I didn't!; 6/11/15, 8:13 AM
rhhardin said...: With large breasts, you get nipple tipple ripple.; 6/11/15, 8:27 AM
Peter said...: Your biological role is to nurture your baby: you are mortal, the baby is your replacement. Is anyone truly surprised that parents' love for their children is not always reciprocated?

"Love Is the Plan the Plan Is Death" is a short story by James Tiptree, Jr.; 6/11/15, 9:07 AM
Known Unknown said...: It's almost as if Freeman has done this parenting thing.; 6/11/15, 9:27 AM