So, what do you think: Will acting like a nice person go well for you or badly?
April 8, 2015
Feeble contradictions in the sidebar.
Found, just now, at New York Magazine...
So, what do you think: Will acting like a nice person go well for you or badly?
So, what do you think: Will acting like a nice person go well for you or badly?
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37 comments:
Some people would ask if I was feeling all right, or perhaps coming down with something.
Message: If you're a man, shut up and deal with it; if you're a woman, complain.
Well that made me smile. At work.
There's a weird online theme that says Billy Joel is a misanthrope.
That's a common theme surrounding comedians, too.
Maybe the key to success is understanding yourself and then putting on a mask.
When you're smiling, when you're smiling
The whole world smiles with you
When you're laughing, when you're laughing
The sun comes shining through
But when you're crying, you bring on the rain
So stop that sighing, be happy again
When you're smiling, keep on smiling
The whole world smiles with you
Writer(s): Johnny Mandel, Paul Francis Webster
Copyright: WB Music Corp.
faking it works well for actors and politicians.
Acting like a jerk offers more possibilities.
Simile and the world similes with you.
Metaphor and you metaphor alone.
Gahan Wilson had a huge smile-sticker oeuvre.
You could be smiling for real. Then it wouldn't be a fake personality. Or, you could have a disease where you are always laughing or crying uncontrolably.
Just saw a commercial about it.
If laughter is best medicine then these guys should be encouraged to continue laughing.
You have to be able to act like a nice person to get the women in the back of the van.
I am Laslo.
For faking it song lyrics, "Whistle a Happy Tune" is even more apt than "When You're Smiling," because it contains the theory that faking it will cause the feeling you're faking to become your real feeling:
Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect I'm afraid
While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows I'm afraid
The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well
I whistle a happy tune
And every single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I'm not afraid...
Once you have the women in the back of the van you can -- finally, uninhibitedly -- be yourself. The Secrets stay in the Van.
I am Laslo.
If you are in the Van and stopped by Police you need to be nice again and smile.
It is vitally important to self-modulate your smile: there is a discernible difference between the "Good day, Officer" smile and the "I'VE GOT A GIRL HELPLESS IN THE BACK OF MY VAN' smile.
I know, I know. It is hard NOT to have the "I'VE GOT A GIRL HELPLESS IN THE BACK OF MY VAN' smile when you actually have a girl helpless in the back of the van.
You should have prepared better.
I am Laslo.
"Being" nice versus "acting" nice seems like a distinction without a difference.
Laslo (Mr. Spatula),
In Stephen Coonts' novel "Final Flight," an officer of a terrorist regime leads a small group to infiltrate a US naval installation in Europe. Some of them are worried because they don't speak English. He advises them to smile:
"A smile was an American's password, his signal to the world that his heart was pure and his intentions good. Since World War Two Americans had been smiling at people all over the world. Now nomads in the Gobi desert were smiling."
The song lyric that came to my mind was Elvis Costello's anthem to cynicism Pay it Back:
And then they told me I could be somebody
if I didn't let too much get in my way.
And I tried so hard just to be myself,
but I keep on fading away.
Until the lights went out, I didn't know what to do.
If I could fool myself, then maybe I'd fool you too.
Growing up, I was always told that you feel how you act. I learned that to be true. If I acted loving, I felt more love for the person I acted loving to. If I was unhappy, I would smile and sure enough, before long, I was happy.
I'm pretty sure there are studies somewhere that have since proved the theory, but I trust my Dad.
Nice guys finish last.
This is the easiest way to deal with liberal relatives over Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's become so effective that recently they've been agreeing with me more and more, and of even greater importance is that everyone is friendly and genuine as hell when doing it. I don't mind disagreements with family. I long ago became tired of the angry disagreements, of which both sides were guilty.
It is important that you do your homework regarding smiling.
Women are naturally wary of the "I can't wait to get you in the back of my van" smile. Also, this smile tends to make your face sweaty, another warning sign for the female.
However, the happy-go-lucky 'I have a secret' smile pulls on their natural curiosity: women cannot stand to feel that there is a secret that they don't know about.
Of course, once they find out the Secret in the back of the Van you can revert to the "I'VE GOT A GIRL HELPLESS IN THE BACK OF MY VAN' smile: it is safe now.
Practice in the mirror: no one is looking.
I am Laslo.
Do they always illustrate their headlines with photos from the golden white middle-class postwar past? No one cares if black folks smile?
It is human nature, really: women want to know secrets, men want to keep secrets.
These paths intersect in the back of the Van.
I am Laslo.
""Being" nice versus "acting" nice seems like a distinction without a difference."
So you have never been hurt by a superficially nice person who was not benevolent at all?
Or (more likely) you want a narrow definition of the word "nice" that only applies to a person's superficial presentation?
I'm the one that chose the word "nice" to respond to the 2 headlines, and I used it with "acting," so it's apparent that I had a broader meaning to the term.
How about:
I sing because I am happy,
I am happy because I sing.
Just as we can work ourselves into a funk, we can also work ourselves into a state of happiness.
Both states are real. It doesn't matter how you get to happy, it just matters that you do.
Though with Lazlo, I am sometimes concerned about his happiness and the reasons for it. DON'T GET IN THAT VAN!!! You will not be happy if you do.
John Henry
But whatever the word "nice" should mean, you can see that I'm probing into the question of what happens when you behave in a superficially nice way. There are basically 2 theories:
1. A pleasant presentation of oneself will improve your inward sense of yourself.
2. A pleasant presentation of oneself, if it's not consistent with how you really feel, will hurt you.
I smile when I read Lazlo and am sure others do as well. It may be a sign of sickness.
Take his recent joshing about the girl in the van. He is joking about sexual assault. His words may trigger anxiety among the 20% of the women reading these comments who have been victims.
It must be stopped! Ann, you need to censor notes like this or at least make Lazlo put a trigger warning. Think of the children!!!
(Just kidding. Carry on Lazlo. Screw'em if they can't take a joke)
John Henry
It's not an act. I am a nice guy. Really. It's saved me twice when RIFs were looming.
I guess I'm dating myself. I remember RIF as the old Reading Is Fundamental program. I got a lot of books through it.
So, what do you think: Will acting like a nice person go well for you or badly?
When my son started his first professional job I told him "Don't be a dick. Learn people's names. Know the name of the receptionist and the maintenance staff and the guys on the receiving dock and use it when you see them. Because someday you will fuck up. And when you do, they will often be in a position to save you - or to let you hang out there. Be nice. You never know."
"It must be stopped! Ann, you need to censor notes like this or at least make Lazlo put a trigger warning. Think of the children!!!"
I figure the name "Laslo Spatula" itself above my comments probably functions as a trigger warning for many readers.
I am Laslo.
@Texas Annie, the federal government prefers using three-letter acronyms instead of harsh-sounding but accurate words that convey more meaning. Hence Reduction in Force ("RIF") in lieu of "layoffs." Firms doing business with the federal government, especially those who hire former government workers, picked it up.
BTW, I thought dating yourself is what spinsters and bachelors did when they went out alone for dinner.
@RonF, that's the best advice any parent can give any child.
Mike
A free book beats laid off any day of the week. Now if only I could remember where I first heard the expression 'dating myself'. It could have been my great aunt Molly of the eternal hope chest.
I think we all have selfish natures. Some of us nurture them and say it only natural. It may feel right to go with the natural selfishness but it leads to other people thinking your are selfish. That usually leads to a not-very-satisfying life.
Others of us see civilization as a product of NOT following our selfish natures. Some of us call this process "becoming an adult." Once consequence of being civilized is that other people like you. Success in relationships with family, co-workers, and customers depend on people liking you.
It's your choice.
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