Althouse: About that roadside memorial.

March 17, 2015

About that roadside memorial.

"Your loved ones are not here. They are with God. Their remains are in the cemetery. And their memories are in your heart. You don’t ruin the scenery with your trash. Donate to a charity instead."

41 comments:

Jimmy said...: Memorials are a common site here in Hawaii, along almost every road.
Most deteriorate over time, but quite a few are tended for years.; 3/17/15, 6:02 PM
Unknown said...: *Golf clap*; 3/17/15, 6:05 PM
Nancy Reyes said...: Snotty, aren't we? The upper class see trash, the rest of us see the heartbreak of a family, and say a short prayer for them (not to mention we slow down because often these are placed in dangerous road areas).

Leaving memorials at the site of a tradgedy is new in the US, but I suspect it is an ancient custom of the heart...; 3/17/15, 6:06 PM
wild chicken said...: I love the plain roadside crosses the American Legion puts up here in Montana. They really do make me think and pay attention on my long late night drives.

But I hate the vulgar plastic flowers and gimcracks the families hang on them.; 3/17/15, 6:15 PM
Michael said...: Down in Costa Rica, many decades ago, I was with a local driver going over the mountains from San Jose to the coast. Night. The driver turned off his lights at ever curve on the mountains the better, he said, to see cars coming from the other direction. Are you the only one who knows this trick, I asked. No, sir, we all do it.

The curves were littered with the little monuments to the dead.; 3/17/15, 6:19 PM
Revenant said...: The upper class see trash, the rest of us see the heartbreak of a family

Family heartbreak should be a family matter, not something flaunted on the roadside.; 3/17/15, 6:25 PM
Big Mike said...: I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, there are the emotions of the family and friends, on the other, well, a lot of these memorials are pretty trashy and mostly just get in the way of the folks who have to do the mowing.

But memorials also warn the rest of us that someone lost his or her life at that spot, so maybe there's something to watch out for. I think in the end that weights it a little on the side of the memorials.; 3/17/15, 6:27 PM
Michael said...: "Leaving memorials at the site of a tradgedy is new in the US, but I suspect it is an ancient custom of the heart…"

We had an ancient custom: cemeteries, and visiting graves. We let that fall out of fashion and become impersonal, dismissed it as Victorian sentiment, and now we're leaving junk and handwritten signs on public property.; 3/17/15, 6:32 PM
tim maguire said...: I have mixed feelings. Memorials like this are a tradition dating back centuries at least. On the other hand, I'm disturbed by disaster porn and indecent public displays of mourning (usually involving stupid amounts of teddy bears).; 3/17/15, 6:48 PM
Browndog said...: Just as I suspected-
By "trash" they mean a "cross".; 3/17/15, 6:50 PM
Beloved Commenter AReasonableMan said...: Althouse has always proven to be surprisingly uncomfortable with death and its various manifestations. I don't have a problem with the memorials. I drive past one everyday. I even vaguely knew the dead guy. Don't drink and drive.; 3/17/15, 6:59 PM
Swifty Quick said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 3/17/15, 7:19 PM
traditionalguy said...: When I see one I always wonder what drunk driver lost control one night.; 3/17/15, 7:26 PM
Birches said...: The proliferation of these roadside memorials is due to the proliferation of Latin Americans in the US.

But memorials also warn the rest of us that someone lost his or her life at that spot, so maybe there's something to watch out for. I think in the end that weights it a little on the side of the memorials.

Agreed.; 3/17/15, 7:33 PM
JackWayne said...: There's something else at work here. I see highways that are being "returned to nature". Road signs are gone, wooded medians are being cut. Highways are becoming sterile and boring. It's why so many people are texting while driving. So get rid of memorials also. Lady Bird Johnson is burning in Hell, I hope!; 3/17/15, 7:39 PM
Alex said...: AReasonableMan said...
Althouse has always proven to be surprisingly uncomfortable with death and its various manifestations.

Roadside memorials, block parties, garage sales.

These things are associated with the working class. You know those riff-raff Ann doesn't like to be near.; 3/17/15, 7:41 PM
Alex said...: The downside is a road-side memorial is one more distraction for drivers. Ironic if a driver got killed reading a road-side memorial huh?; 3/17/15, 7:43 PM
Larry J said...: A few years ago while driving some back roads in Colorado, I saw where official signs were installed marking where fatal accidents occurred. It served the function of memorializing the dead while warning everyone of dangerous parts of the highway. There were many signs.; 3/17/15, 7:44 PM
Birches said...: A few years ago while driving some back roads in Colorado, I saw where official signs were installed marking where fatal accidents occurred. It served the function of memorializing the dead while warning everyone of dangerous parts of the highway. There were many signs.

The Beeline Highway in Arizona is full of these. They are Adopt-a-highway signs, but they are all "In Memory of..." It is now a divided four lane highway...less memorializing going on now.; 3/17/15, 9:14 PM
Beldar said...: "Your memorial is insufficiently thoughtful for my taste. I'm going to get in your face and insult you for feeling bereaved."

Jerk.; 3/17/15, 9:22 PM
Beldar said...: @ Alex: If you can't handle that much distraction, surrender your license.; 3/17/15, 9:23 PM
Beloved Commenter AReasonableMan said...: Revenant said...
Family heartbreak should be a family matter, not something flaunted on the roadside.

Alex said...
These things are associated with the working class. You know those riff-raff Ann doesn't like to be near.

Never thought of this as a class issue before, but there does seem to be some element of this in the aversion to these memorials.; 3/17/15, 9:39 PM
Known Unknown said...: This sounds like a Louis CK routine.; 3/17/15, 9:51 PM
Known Unknown said...: Family heartbreak should be a family matter, not something flaunted on the roadside.

I agree, but I'm a heartless asshole. There are reason tombstones exist, people.; 3/17/15, 9:52 PM
CWJ said...: From the link -

"Things got even worse Monday, when Davids was replacing the memorial and found a derogatory note underneath a rock."

OMG, a note was left! How much worse could it get?

"The note read: 'Your loved ones are not here. They are with God. Their remains are in the cemetery. And their memories are in your heart. You don’t ruin the scenery with your trash. Donate to a charity instead'."

As derogatory goes, this is pretty weak tea. Does Davids think that he us not with God, and not in her heart? Is he really trapped forever by the side of the road?

"Davids said she was shocked and appalled."

The sense of entitlement is strong in this one.

“ 'It’s devastating,' she said."

Look at me look at me. I'm devastated. How dare someone express an opinion that states the obvious while disagreeing with my own personal asthetic.

I have no personal animus with roadside memorials. I can take or leave 'em. But save us from this pseudo Cindy Sheehan higher moral authority.; 3/17/15, 11:33 PM
Freeman Hunt said...: Even if you hate roadside memorials, are you really going to leave a note about them to chastise the mother, father, or children whose child or parent died tragically? On the scales of poor taste, with the memorial on one side and the note on the other, the pan with the cross and silk flowers isn't the one sinking down.

"Get over thyself." - KJV paraphrase; 3/18/15, 12:41 AM
Smilin' Jack said...: These used to make me sad. But I've found that if I just have a few shots and drive faster, they don't bother me nearly as much.; 3/18/15, 1:58 AM
Quaestor said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 3/18/15, 4:11 AM
Quaestor said...: "Things got even worse Monday, when Davids was replacing the memorial and found a derogatory note underneath a rock."

Derogatory? I'd say the note was charitably solipsistic given the likely truths of the matter.; 3/18/15, 4:30 AM
Quaestor said...: But memorials also warn the rest of us that someone lost his or her life at that spot, so maybe there's something to watch out for. I think in the end that weights it a little on the side of the memorials.

The vast majority of fatal road accidents are not related to inherent characteristics of the roadway itself. By far fatalities are caused by negligence -- a driver neglects to heed the local speed limit, or neglects his legal and moral obligation to drive soberly with due attention to the road and traffic. Erecting a roadside memorial does practically nothing to enhance safety. On the contrary, they amount to hazards in and of themselves in that they may distract one's attention away from the surrounding traffic and towards something of no immediate consequence sited on the right-of-way.

A roadside memorial erected on private property is in poor taste, though I'm obliged to respect it. However, the right-of-way belongs to the public, and a private memorial has no right to be there. The fact that they remain is primarily due to a finicky lassitude on the part of law enforcement officers who generally don't wish to be the object of weepy feminine hysteria.

Several years ago I noticed a Wrong Way sign festooned with fake flowers, plastic posies, and a wooden cross. Evidently some poor boob got killed on that off-ramp by either another poor boob's mistake or his own. Feeling my oats I parked nearby, drew my knife, and cut the trespassing decoration from the sign post. Later I dumped the remains in a public trash bin. Within a few weeks the memorial returned, only bigger and more intrusive, so I stopped again and took it down. While I was shoving the debris into a bag a cop pulled up beside asked if I was the person who took the first memorial down. I admitted I was the culprit. "Well," said the trooper, "we don't bother them because we don't want the hassle. We don't interfere with them being put up, and we don't mind when they're taken down."

Shortly after this second take-down the memorial appeared again, this time it was staked to the ground near the Wrong Way sign and not tried to its stanchion. Since it wasn't blocking the sign I decided to leave it alone. However only a few days elapsed before I notice the third memorial had been removed by someone else. It never re-appeared.; 3/18/15, 4:33 AM
Quaestor said...: This topic reminds me of that incident during the first Walker recall campaign involving the statue of Colonel Hans Christain Heg. Someone chalked an anti-Walker screed on the plinth, and Meade went out in the cold with a bucket and sponge to clean that public memorial of the graffiti.

I think this is exactly analogous to the roadside memorial question. The legislation that authorized the erection and maintenance of Col. Heg's statue didn't allow for the plinth to be used as a tablet for partisan political messages. Admittedly the chalking did no permanent harm to the statue, and the person who did the graffiti probably felt strongly about what he had to say. Nevertheless he had no right to appropriate public property to his private purpose, no matter how laudable the cause may seem to some people, and Meade's action in removing the chalk was a civic good.; 3/18/15, 5:06 AM
Rusty said...: Larry J said...
A few years ago while driving some back roads in Colorado, I saw where official signs were installed marking where fatal accidents occurred. It served the function of memorializing the dead while warning everyone of dangerous parts of the highway. There were many signs.

Here in the midwest they're mostly to remind the rest of us that there are bad drivers out there.
Really? A memorial in a 30mph zone in the middle of town?; 3/18/15, 5:43 AM
Aussie Pundit said...: I know someone who died on the road, as a pedestrian. A lovely man, he was mentally disabled. When trying to cross the road he got confused and made an error of judgement.

We family members, when we're going past that stretch of road, occasionally stop and place flower memorials there in his memory. My mother cries when she does so.

It's not about "flaunting" anything.
It's not about creating "disaster porn" for the entertainment of others.
It's not actually about you, dear drivers. Just because you can see it, doesn't mean it's necessarily about you.
Sometimes, things are just what they seem; in this case, a memorial by the grieving for the dead.

As for the letter writer, upon reading it the words "fuck you, bitch" popped into my head and remain my heartfelt reaction and response.; 3/18/15, 6:42 AM
Mrs Whatsit said...: Again? This is your third or fourth post on how declasse the rednecks are who can't seem to learn to grieve the way their betters do. Isn't it at least as declasse to sneer at the bereaved?

We drove across Montana on Route 2, or the "Hi-Line," last summer. There are crosses scattered all along the way, with concentrations around the places where the bars are and -- tragically -- at the borders of the Reservation lands. I hope they're making some people think twice, but you should stay away from there. You'd twist your pearls right off.; 3/18/15, 6:48 AM
ron winkleheimer said...: People die in hospitals, nursing homes, and hospices yet for some odd reason, if those peoples' relatives tried to erect a memorial in those facilities (outside of a designated area) most people would think they were acting inappropriately (at least.)

All societies have customs concerning where and when it is appropriate to mourn the dead. Permanent roadside memorials set up by private citizens on public thoroughfares is not the custom in the US. The custom in the US is to intern the dead in cemeteries where you can put up a permanent marker, place flowers, and otherwise commemorate and mourn your loved one.

This custom exists so that the landscape isn't littered with memorials. People don't just die in auto accidents. Guy has a heart attack while in a bank applying for a loan, set up a permanent memorial right there! Considering how many people die in hospitals and hospices there seems to be a dearth of permanent memorials there. The emergency room alone should be so crowded with them that the doctors and nurses shouldn't be able to get around all the memorials and mourners.

I can emphasize with your grief, I have lost loved ones also. But when my father died in a hospice I didn't try to set up a memorial to him in the hospice room where he died. I made a contribution to the hospice and followed his wishes (cremation with the ashes used to fertilize a rose bush at the family home.) When my wife's father died in the hospital the family didn't try to set up a memorial in the hospital room. They had a viewing and then held a funeral for him in the church he attended all of his life and then buried him in a cemetery where his grave stone is adorned with artificial flowers that are replaced as they start to look worn.

So, while I emphasize with the fact that you have lost a loved one, I don't understand why your loss, due to a traffic accident, is some how more entitled to a memorial in a public area than my loss.; 3/18/15, 8:53 AM
Laura said...: Hot glue the gimcracks together, get a significant signature, and display them in a consequential gallery.

Problem solved. They're now art.; 3/18/15, 9:13 AM
Jason said...: "Don't leave a memorial at the site where your child lost her life in a car wreck."

"Don't wear shorts."

FOR GOD'S SAKE, WOMAN, GET OFF MY BACK!!!; 3/18/15, 9:45 AM
MadisonMan said...: Try to imagine how insufferable the person who left that anonymous note is in real life.

Not a fan of these sites, but I'm not a fan of many things, and I don't go on a crusade to "teach" people something about things I'm not a fan of.

The note-writer needs to get a life.; 3/18/15, 11:27 AM
Fen said...: Funerals aren't for the dead, they are for the living. By the same token, roadside memorials are for those that made them.

Also, please go fuck yourself, you elitist snob.; 3/18/15, 4:58 PM
Fen said...: Rev: Family heartbreak should be a family matter, not something flaunted on the roadside

Not your place to decide.; 3/18/15, 4:59 PM
Bad Lieutenant said...: Yeah, where does the libertarian get off telling others how to think, feel, celebrate, mourn? The fist is nowhere near your face. If you think memorials are crass I don't thi.I they could be half as crass as saggy pants and gold tooth grills. Let's ban those.; 3/19/15, 8:29 AM