January 1, 2015

"I wanted a fresh start, looser pants, a boyfriend. I also knew that getting too ambitious would be the end of any progress I might make..."

"... and a juice fast or some 'journaling' was not going to cut it.... I vowed that every day, for 365 days, I would enforce a strict routine of belly laughter and orgasms...."

Enforce, eh?

Yesterday, I wrote about the "self-marriage" trend. Now, it seems, we're confronted with the possibility of self-rape.

20 comments:

The Drill SGT said...

Who needs to work on a relationship and keep an man when you can buy new batteries and a "Jimmyjane Form 6"

CStanley said...

LOL. Shocking that her relationship didn't last. If you can't base a relationship on an obsessive desire for self pleasure, what hope is there?

I laughed at your "self rape" comment too, but really I think rape is like tickling....impossible to do to oneself.

Laslo Spatula said...

A lot of miles on that Orgasm Odometer. She might need to change her oil.

I am Laslo.

sean said...

Masturbating every day? (Sometimes twice a day?) What a pathetic life.

Patrick said...

I'd guess that many people who are unhappy are not happy because they mistake pleasure for happiness.

Oso Negro said...

If she had enforced on herself the discipline of giving her boyfriend a blow job every day she might not be alone now.

holdfast said...

"Masturbating every day? (Sometimes twice a day?) What a pathetic life."

Or just being a male between the ages of 16 and 35.

NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...

"I meant to do that!" - Pee Wee Herman

Scott said...

Can a woman get an orgasm from a belly laugh?

mccullough said...

I thought the belly laugh and orgasm should be simultaneous.

Freeman Hunt said...

Favorite resolutions of teenage boys who wish to ensure they meet their own expectations.

BDNYC said...

Who has to try to laugh every day? How sad.

Bob Boyd said...

This woman is a role model.
I wish more nuts would be content to stay home and play with themselves.

richard mcenroe said...

Self-rape?

Oh, no! I've been drinking! I must get away from me, filthy beast!

richard mcenroe said...

Bob Boyd said... "This woman is a role model. I wish more nuts would be content to stay home and play with themselves."

??? Isn't that what mass transit is for?

EMD said...

I looked up the Jimmyjane form 6. $112.50!

Bob Boyd said...

@EMD

"The gold-plated Yva...The most expensive vibrator in the world has a suggested retail price of $1500, but can be had for as little as $999. It comes with a charger and a finely-crafted wooden box with a satin carrying pouch and 1-year warranty."

http://most-expensive.com/vibrator

walter said...

It's only rape if she's been drinking and regrets it later. I don't think Jimmyjane is capable of consent.

Just Mike said...

What...no cats?

Eric said...

I looked up the Jimmyjane form 6. $112.50!

Holy smokes! No wonder I run into so many women with that perpetual pinched face.