December 31, 2014

"If the people who sell the popcorn at the theater would be fired for wearing what you’re wearing to your screening..."

"... then you’re being kind of an asshole movie star, Shailene.  Put your big girl pants on. And a pair of shoes, you savage."

The commentary on the #1 of Tom & Lorenzo's Top 5 Worst Red Carpet Looks of 2014. #1 is bad in a different way from the rest of the top 4. And as for #4, "now we know that nipple white-out is a thing."

29 comments:

sean said...

But aren't they all horrible in different ways? Lena Dunham's dress is horrible because she is, in fact, fat and ugly. Of the other three, one is precious and two are skanky.

Captain Curt said...

They're criticizing what she wore to a private screening? I've been to some of those, and NO ONE gets dressed up for them!

Tank said...

What's wrong with #5?

Bob Boyd said...


There we were, caught in a total nipple white-out.
They air was so full of swirling nipples the wipers could hardly keep up with it. Suddenly, through a plunging vee in the dark fabric of the freak event, I could see that I'd drawn abreast of the runway.
But it wasn't over yet. A flashing light told me the props weren't going to be enough to keep us out of trouble and worse, we were dangerously low on denippler fluid. We were all uncomfortably exposed and running out of time.

Trashhauler said...

I know, let's have a discussion about the relative importance of fashion. ::grin::

mr said...

I dare them to call #1 a "savage."

Kir said...

Honestly? #1 looks like a regular girl going out to watch a movie with her boyfriend.

Divergent may have been a crap movie about a crap society, but at least they appropriately shunned celebrity gossip reporter-types into the Factionless. (given that they lack any particular quality).

Kyzernick said...

Is it just me or do Kim K's breasts seem misaligned? Didn't she deny having any work done on "the girls"? If so, I'd say she lied - those look about the same as the fakes my ex-ex-ex-gf had.

Michael K said...

Thank God I don't know who these people are. Dunham I know from her presence in various scandals but the others are a mystery and shall stay that way.

dbp said...

Shailene does look like she just rolled out of bed and was headed to the beach. She probably payed a small fortune for studiously torn cut-off shorts though. Possibly the designer did too good a job and they look like actual home made cut-offs.

Dunham OTOH looks like a sick pink nightmare.

tim maguire said...

Do any of them have mirrors? Are their wardrobe managers blind?

Some are hideous, some are wildly inappropriate, #5 is merely senseless.

CWJ said...

"Dunham OTOH looks like a sick pink nightmare."

I thought "Ralphie" was the original "pink nightmare."

Christy said...

I like #5 and think it fabulously set off her complexion.

William said...

I give Shailene a pass. She didn't spend a lot of money to look bad. Plus you can easily imagine how good she'd look dressed up. Dunham looks like she spent considerable time, effort, and money to look hideous. That's her thing. Find what. Is ugly in life, nature, and herself and then lecture people on their intolerance for ugliness.

jr565 said...

Kim looks like someone punched her in the tits then quickly applied plastic wrap and squeezed too tight so her tits are all mashed. They look like mangled meat.

Bobber Fleck said...

It took several hours, as horrified bystanders watched silently, but Lena was eventually entirely consumed by the creature. No one present ever forgot her frantic screams or the sounds the creature made while digesting her.

Wishful thinking inspires parody.

JSD said...

They are important dignitaries of the entertainment industrial complex that is so vital to our national interest. I glad that “top men” at the FBI working the studio hacking case. We need to discover who stole the secret formula for nipple whiteout.

jr565 said...

I would say Shailene is dressed like a slob, but only because I'm seeing other stars dressing up for the occasion.

SGT Ted said...

I was wondering where my beaded hippy curtains had gotten to.

CStanley said...

Shailene looks unprofessional but I think I prefer that to the attention whores.

Edmund said...

As for #1, I saw Shailene Woodley on a talk show the other night. She claims to not have a place to live. She stays in hotels and literally lives out of a roll on suitcase. She said she has one pair of jeans and whatever else fits in there.

tola'at sfarim said...

only a gay couple could get away with savaging such feminists!

Mary Beth said...

Dunham always wears things that look like they were put together by a five-year-old. Kardashian looks like she used contouring makeup on her sides to look fitter.Woodley is wearing what young women wear to the movies. It was a private event, so I don't know what the problem was with what she was wearing. When is the employee's dress code a standard for what someone else should wear?

Ann Althouse said...

"Woodley is wearing what young women wear to the movies."

Why would you expose your sensitive thigh skin to the possibly scratchy, possibly dirty fabric of a movie theater seat?!

jr565 said...

Edmund wrote:
As for #1, I saw Shailene Woodley on a talk show the other night. She claims to not have a place to live. She stays in hotels and literally lives out of a roll on suitcase. She said she has one pair of jeans and whatever else fits in there.

How much did they pay her for her movie?

jr565 said...

Althouse wrote:
Why would you expose your sensitive thigh skin to the possibly scratchy, possibly dirty fabric of a movie theater seat?!

Not to mention bed bugs. They're turning up in movie theaters now too. Probably because Shailene is bringing them with her to premieres.

Lucien said...

@Bob Boyd:

You left out the part where the areola borealis apperes.

Anonymous said...

The savage dressed better and looked better than the green drape, the pink bird, boyfriend's pajamas, and the fleeing boobs.

viator said...

Everybody's just jealous of her killer legs.